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Being Sober is F'ing Terrifying: How Do People Do It?

ChemicallyEnhanced

ChemicallyEnhanced

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Apr 29, 2018
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I'm not even talking about in comparison to being in a serious addiction.
Like with alcohol, I was drinking about a handle of vodka a day so going from THAT kinda intoxicated 24/7 to SOBER was a completely different thing to what I'm talking about now.*

I don't mean like THAT now. I mean like while I am legit prescribed the meds I abuse (codeine, morphine and gabapentin mostly) and I definitely take more than I'm supposed to - sometimes A LOT more - I don't get fucked up or like observably high. But when I run out of something, the anxiety and hopelessness and complete inability to enjoy anything are just hell. And I'm on several mental health meds** that do work so I can't even blame anxiety or depression. And I don't just feel that way when I go into withdrawal, I'm like that just sober-ish.

Just...how can anyone live like that?

*Obviously, I was medically detoxed as an inpatient in hospital then, alcohol withdrawal KILLS.


**Sertraline (Zoloft), Trazodone, Quetiapine (Seroquel) and Thorazine.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
I definitely take more than I'm supposed to - sometimes A LOT more
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ChemicallyEnhanced said:
But when I run out of something, the anxiety and hopelessness and complete inability to enjoy anything are just hell.
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Sounds like one may be going through withdrawals... which is never a walk in the park.
Taking all you meds and running out early will cause the type of issues you seem to be going through.
It takes time for the body/mind to stablize after withdrawals set in. As I like to say: The higher we get the farther we have to come down. Even if we do not notice a lot of psychoactive effects from eating all our meds the chemicals are still there and when we do not have the chemicals anymore we will feel the effects by means of withdrawal(s).
Like I have cut my benzo use basically by 1/3 and it took like a week or so but am feeling the effects of not taking as much as previously. I notice more anxiety and general sleep disruptions but holding where I am with dosage its been a couple weeks since dropping and may possibly wait another week before I drop again.
The only suggestion I have is to not go crazy with meds and take as prescribed to avoid running out (and withdrawing)... putting yourself in this situation again.
Sober to me sucks but am reaching for this myself even though I am currently only taking very low dose of one substance.
There are no free lunches there is always a catch.
Best of luck with this as I know its a pain.
Just gotta look at our actions and be accountable for whatever we choose to do.
<3
 
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6am-64-14m said:
Sounds like one may be going through withdrawals... which is never a walk in the park.
Taking all you meds and running out early will cause the type of issues you seem to be going through.
It takes time for the body/mind to stablize after withdrawals set in. As I like to say: The higher we get the farther we have to come down. Even if we do not notice a lot of psychoactive effects from eating all our meds the chemicals are still there and when we do not have the chemicals anymore we will feel the effects by means of withdrawal(s).
Like I have cut my benzo use basically by 1/3 and it took like a week or so but am feeling the effects of not taking as much as previously. I notice more anxiety and general sleep disruptions but holding where I am with dosage its been a couple weeks since dropping and may possibly wait another week before I drop again.
The only suggestion I have is to not go crazy with meds and take as prescribed to avoid running out (and withdrawing)... putting yourself in this situation again.
Sober to me sucks but am reaching for this myself even though I am currently only taking very low dose of one substance.
There are no free lunches there is always a catch.
Best of luck with this as I know its a pain.
Just gotta look at our actions and be accountable for whatever we choose to do.
<3
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Thanks :)
But I specifically mean NOT withdrawal. Like I've taken enough to not be in withdrawal but not feel any high at all either.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
I'm not even talking about in comparison to being in a serious addiction.
Like with alcohol, I was drinking about a handle of vodka a day so going from THAT kinda intoxicated 24/7 to SOBER was a completely different thing to what I'm talking about now.*

I don't mean like THAT now. I mean like while I am legit prescribed the meds I abuse (codeine, morphine and gabapentin mostly) and I definitely take more than I'm supposed to - sometimes A LOT more - I don't get fucked up or like observably high. But when I run out of something, the anxiety and hopelessness and complete inability to enjoy anything are just hell. And I'm on several mental health meds** that do work so I can't even blame anxiety or depression. And I don't just feel that way when I go into withdrawal, I'm like that just sober-ish.

Just...how can anyone live like that?

*Obviously, I was medically detoxed as an inpatient in hospital then, alcohol withdrawal KILLS.


**Sertraline (Zoloft), Trazodone, Quetiapine (Seroquel) and Thorazine.
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I am sorry that you had to go through all of that. You sound as if you are doing really good and a lot better.
It is good to cut back too and maybe just stick to a little bit of the meds that are really helping you through !!

It will be alright. Should be okay then.

I hope you feel better soon. I just thought that you were doing really good so far too. :)
 
I want to be in the know as well. :rolleyes: ??

I am sure it is fine though. Does sleeping count. =D

Jk. Just be sober. Just do you. And I am still being absorbent and marinating about it at the moment.

*****
I guess I can feel fine if I choose. But it's fun being high ! If ya feel like getting high. :cool:


Sober is completely wonderful and acceptable. For many. Stay well. Stay happy. :)
 
kiely said:
I want to be in the know as well. :rolleyes: ??

I am sure it is fine though. Does sleeping count. =D

Jk. Just be sober. Just do you. And I am still being absorbent and marinating about it at the moment.

*****
I guess I can feel fine if I choose. But it's fun being high ! If ya feel like getting high. :cool:


Sober is completely wonderful and acceptable. For many. Stay well. Stay happy. :)
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Sleeping definitely counts lol! It's my favourite thing to do when I feel shit, either physically or mentally.

Hope you're doing well and stay happy, too!
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
I specifically mean NOT withdrawal
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you are immune from withdrawal?
being completely sober has never really been in my life experience unless we talking by force (behind bars). although these days it has an attraction to me for a few different reasons.
i seem to be more vigilent and notice more bullshit when sober and dont care for it much to be perfectly honest.
i was responding to your words which are quoted.
so how long have ya been sober and what exactly is the worst part of it for you?
ya see i have a problem understanding how one can be on so many substances and still be sober and in the thread title "fucking terrifying"...?

see where im at? what do i respond to in your post? too much this and not that but this.... :shrug: like double negative comes up positive.
 
Another voice here for you experiencing withdrawal, unless you have been drug free for multiple months then you cant count that out.

Get totally drug free (obviously that's no small thing), get physically fit, get some hobbies/interests, engage in social activities that don't include drugs and build healthy connections with other humans, get routine and structure in your life.....if after doing all of these things then you're still experiencing the same symptoms then at that point it will be time to start digging deeper on how to deal with the problem.

I'm not saying that you can't be experiencing mental illness whilst using or that achieving those things will be easy, just that these things are the first port of call and what you are experiencing could be attributed to any one of them being missing.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
I hope the wink meant you were being ironic, lol? Since, ya know, prayer has literally never done anything ever. The weed, hell yes. But being stoned isn't being sober lol.
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Can’t agree with you on the prayer thing. Repeatedly thinking about something or vocalizing something can definitely make it more likely likely to happen….see self-hypnotism/law of attraction.
 
I can't go through life completely sober, I always need at least a little something. I stopped my morphine habit in June this year but soon noticed that my booze consumption was getting out of control. I had tried to replace the morphine with booze, which didn't work as booze is a shit drug compared to lovely morphine. I then baked myself two big trays of potent weed brownies and froze down a ton of the buggers in neat little individual tin foil wrapping. I now consume one weed brownie every evening and drink around a bottle of good red wine (French wine, yummy!!) on top of the weed edible. That works like a charm so far, quite an intense high that is enough for my addict brain. Probably not very heathy but also not terribly bad. Costly habit, though, around 5 USD for the weed and 10-15 USD for the wine, per day...

I can tolerate being sober for most of the day because I know that I can get at least somewhat high in the evening. Also, the weed makes me "happy stupid" even when I am sober, took a few months for that "I don't give a fuck about anything" pot head attitude to come back. I do feel mentally impaired by the weed, but not necessarily in an unpleasant way.
 
You can’t reasonably say that they’re not withdrawal symptoms until you have been clean of said drugs for a couple of months. Even if they’re happening right after using a ‘maintenance’ dose then it’s possible that your tolerance has just increased and what was a maintenance dose beforehand is no longer sufficient to remove them all.
 
I can sympathise with what you have written OP, the anxiety and hopelessness is real. I've not been sober for any prolonged period of time since my late teens so I don't know if that gets better, I am sure and hope it does? I am now in a rehab and have been sober for 6 days and honestly feel exactly how you do - people fucking piss me off, everyone is so chirpy and cheery (fair play and I do appreciate them getting me involved) but I have never been a 'people person' and it was only ever the using drugs and drinking which made me that way. I don't see how this is a long term solution for myself and I can't see the positivity everyone else seems to find in sobriety. I do realise I am very very early in this though, so I will give it time.

It is fucking terrifying. How do people sit with their feelings and emotions and not want to kill them immediately? Psychopaths I reckon.
 
justme6263 said:
I can sympathise with what you have written OP, the anxiety and hopelessness is real. I've not been sober for any prolonged period of time since my late teens so I don't know if that gets better, I am sure and hope it does? I am now in a rehab and have been sober for 6 days and honestly feel exactly how you do - people fucking piss me off, everyone is so chirpy and cheery (fair play and I do appreciate them getting me involved) but I have never been a 'people person' and it was only ever the using drugs and drinking which made me that way. I don't see how this is a long term solution for myself and I can't see the positivity everyone else seems to find in sobriety. I do realise I am very very early in this though, so I will give it time.

It is fucking terrifying. How do people sit with their feelings and emotions and not want to kill them immediately? Psychopaths I reckon.
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Don't feel bad that you're not getting that evangelical sort of positivity, I literally just had this conversation half an hour ago with someone else and they were telling me that exactly this used to really piss them off (and it does me too) when they were in treatment until they realised that it was just people desperately trying to cling on to sobriety through any means they could. That relentless positivity was the only way of expressing themselves they knew outside of misery and it was a desperate attempt to not let the demons back in, rather than a genuine expression of the way they were feeling.

Having it explained to me that way really helped me. Hopefully I will learn compassion for those people now rather than being angry with them.
 
THECATINTHEHAT said:
Don't feel bad that you're not getting that evangelical sort of positivity, I literally just had this conversation half an hour ago with someone else and they were telling me that exactly this used to really piss them off (and it does me too) when they were in treatment until they realised that it was just people desperately trying to cling on to sobriety through any means they could. That relentless positivity was the only way of expressing themselves they knew outside of misery and it was a desperate attempt to not let the demons back in, rather than a genuine expression of the way they were feeling.

Having it explained to me that way really helped me. Hopefully I will learn compassion for those people now rather than being angry with them.
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Cheers man, makes more sense like that. I was chatting to one of the lads last night, who I previously thought was loving life and sobriety because he was so positive and chirpy everyday, and turns out he has been really struggling. I do think that it is possible because some of them said they are genuinely happy, after three months sober and working a programme, they are much happier. We will see how it goes.
 
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