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Opioids As many of you know I have been absent

Mad Dash

Mad Dash

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Sep 27, 2005
Messages
1,309
This is partially due to moving to Virginia and starting a management job. And even more recently going CT from 100 mg of methadone. I really want to die. It sucks even more having 180 8 mg subutex and I still can't use after a full week. I have tried after 7 days and went straight into PW. I honestly feel like suicide is my best option because my clinic stopped seeing me because the VA promised to take over care. so they gave me 1 weeks worth and said that was the extent they were willing to help. So now I can't get help anywhere. How long is this going on? I have some FU Fentanyl on the way from sweden (I think) but with the holidays I have no idea how long that will take.
 
Dash I hear you that is tragic when you are so epically awesome... Can you find poppy seeds for tea anywhere? Helped me get off a month of 30 mg done.
 
I have not been here long enough to know where to find anything unfortunately.
 
I remember you. I'm sorry to hear that you're doing poorly...I haven't shot dope in about a week (IV dope =/= festive) and, while I feel pretty good at the moment, I can definitely relate...I've often felt depressed and uncomfortable with myself, for most of my life actually, and that's a contributing factor to why I've used drugs. However, I don't know how seriously you're considering suicide, but I'd recommend strongly against it during a time period of acute withdrawal or post-acute withdrawal...it's definitely not a time period in which individuals are typically exercising the most reasoned decision-making. Add to that the fact that you've recently changed environments (which always makes me considerably more anxious, personally) & the general time of the year and it's definitely not a good choice IMO.

Life is hard and it often surprises me in just how fucked up it can be, but it also surprises me occasionally with how enjoyable or fulfilling it can be. Opiates dull the pain of life but they also dull the pleasure of it, IMO, outside of the immediate feeling of being high, until you feel like you're sleepwalking through life. I don't know, what's often kept me from putting a shotgun slug through my skull is the knowledge that death means no more pain but it also means no more pleasure.

Things will get better for you. Be well. :)
 
^ I agree but coming off 100 mg of methadone is brutal.
You should try to get some medical assistance.
Don't think of suicide because this is only due to the withdrawals and it's temporary.
You will fell better but you should to be using some medications and follow up with doctors or in a hospital.

Feelings of depression and sadness can be quite intense.
I have been through this and I could not have done it alone by myself.
Seek for medical help that's all I can think of considering this might take a while to pass.
 
I'm sorry to hear all this mad dash. Stay strong.

Please be careful. I know you are in a world of hurt and unimaginable depression but please realize the FU Fentanyl is a horrible idea. It'll offer some short time relief but at great costs to your recovery.

Bluelight is here for you man. Please hang in there.
 
Damn man. You've got to be in bad shape.

I'm not the most familiar with methadone, quite honestly, but I've kicked from pretty much every other opiod out there at some point including some pretty large habits.

I think you can do some quick things to feel a good bit better in a short amount of time. I wouldn't worry about 'extending your withdrawal' at this point...anything you do to counteract your symptoms is going to be milder and way shorter acting then 'done.

I would ask the VA for a script for gabapentin. Say you're in horrible pain, and it's helped in the past. Most doctors hand it out like candy, and while it's not going to totally relieve your symptoms from a 'done jump off that big, it will help. To put things into perspective, 2000-2400mg of gabapentin daily relieved 90% of symptoms from a 300mg/day OC habit for me, and quite a few smaller jump offs over the years. I know that 300mg of OC is maybe...1/3?...the habit of 100mg of 'done, but it should still help.

I'd also order some strong kratom powder (most vendors will do overnight/weekend shipping), and hit the local pharmacy and stock up on generic loperamide and good old tylenol.

Once you have your arsenal in place, I'd dose this every four hours:

-600mg of gabapentin
-6mg of loperamide
-7.5-10 grams of kratom powder
-325 of tylenol

I really think that this combo will help, a lot, without getting you back on 'hard' opiods. You're still going to be dopesick, but I really think it'll help. Give the gabapentin a few hours to work after the first dose, too. I usually don't feel relief until 2-3 hours in. It's onset of action is REALLY slow.

I would avoid the fentanyl - it's going to cause more problems in the long run. The ridiculously short half life means you'll be dosing non-stop, too.
 
I don't know about other opiates, but kratom definitely helps reduce my urge to use heroin...quite dramatically, in fact. I know of at least one other person in "real life" and many other people online who would agree, as well. I'd definitely second that recommendation.
 
Fuck man, i'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.
As others have said - please stay strong, my friend.

PW after 7 days off methdone? Jesus Christ that is some seriously long halflife. Fucking hell, i feel for you dude.
Take care <3
 
I've had friends over the years who were full blown dopesick for two weeks when cut off from 40mg 'done per day. Not in post withdrawal depression or anxiety land, but still puking/crapping/hurting/snotting/etc.

I've heard other stories of people being in full blown withdrawal for up to a month. Not sure how accurate they are, but at higher doses I'm inclined to believe it.

I don't understand the science behind it, but the long half life of methadone extends withdrawal way, way past that of pretty much any other opiod out there.
 
I imagine it is the long halflife combined with the high dose.
But i am surprised the subutex caused precipitated withdrawal after so long, especially in full withdrawal.
That's fucking rough :(
 
yeah bro PAWS, not to mention PW, are some of the worst experiences people in our hobby can have
well your window to suboxone being helpful is not much longer
would second the suggestion against fentanyl rc's, they are just bad news, jack up your tolerance real bad and not worth it
gabapentin, some vistaril, ibuprofen, loperamide, a stiff drink or two, a benzo if you have it, this can make the intolerable more tolerable
due to the extremity of the distress you're undergoing at this particular moment thoguhts of suicide are often enteratined
to go after the cliché, temporary problem, permanent solution
and you're by no means in the right place to judge that
see, if you have the bupe on hand that is a real light and the end of the tunnel
i'm talking a few more days at most
white knuckle it with some ancillaries till then you'll be right as rain
best wishes & prayers
skl
 
Yes that fentanyl would only have been usefull if you used it directly after the methadon reducing the lenght of withdrawals from 2 weeks to a couple of days it´s a classy trick. But first going through methadone withdrawal and getting into a hopeless<financially unfeasible opiate like fentanyl is crap.
 
Wants2Nod said:
I've had friends over the years who were full blown dopesick for two weeks when cut off from 40mg 'done per day. Not in post withdrawal depression or anxiety land, but still puking/crapping/hurting/snotting/etc.

I've heard other stories of people being in full blown withdrawal for up to a month. Not sure how accurate they are, but at higher doses I'm inclined to believe it.

I don't understand the science behind it, but the long half life of methadone extends withdrawal way, way past that of pretty much any other opiod out there.
Click to expand...
I went to prison for 1 month on 60mg methadone maintenance and full wds after a month is not exaggeration. To me methadone wasn't as intense wd as say the first week of heroin wd(not much better) but it lasts forever(seemingly). Your body is covered in a nasty layer of oily sweat even if it's cold,no sleeping at all,and the feeling of your soul being sucked from your body. It's horrible and I am so sorry to see a person I truly respect an admire going through this.
MD I hope things get better for you soon. I'm sure you already know this but will state it anyway,your BP can get dangerously high or if your not keeping hydrated(when I was had methadone wds didn't want to drink anything) it can get dangerously low. Go to a clinic or local doctors office and get some clonidine it will make you feel somewhat better but it could also save you from stroking out(due to BP).
You are a tough dude MD don't you forget that and draw from that inner strength that I know you have and have seen shine through while you were helping others!
 
(((HUGS))) my cyber brotha...I'm sorry you're in a world of hurt right now!

You're a true warrior. You can beat this thing. I worried about you when your dad/doctor forced you onto Methadone for PM. I am heartsick that you are suffering even more now. I certainly understand the thoughts of "FUCK THIS...I WANT IT TO BE OVER".

We all have a "black dog" and a "white dog" inside us, constantly fighting the good thoughts vs. bad. Which dog wins? The one we feed the most. Right now you're black dog is wailing and gnashing his teeth, while you're white dog has cowered in the corner, pissing itself.

I know. I'm in the same place, for different reasons, with decades of pain for which I cannot tolerate opiates. The physical pain, emotional pain, battle fatigue just feed that black dog making it STRONGER. The holidays open the gate, rip off the chains and let that fucker go rogue.

Choke that beast down and make it submit to the GOOD that is within you.

Then reach for your white dog and hold on tight! Be kind and gentle to it, feed and hydrate, plenty of rest. Use the methods ^^above^^ to comfort yourself and ride this out. Your white dog will grow stronger, as you do...and YOU WILL!!!

You have much to offer this world, MD. We ALL care for you.
 
MDPV_Psychosis said:
I'm sorry to hear all this mad dash. Stay strong.

Please be careful. I know you are in a world of hurt and unimaginable depression but please realize the FU Fentanyl is a horrible idea. It'll offer some short time relief but at great costs to your recovery.

Bluelight is here for you man. Please hang in there.
Click to expand...

This! Please dash, don't get involved with fent rc's. It's a one way ticket back into hell and deep addiction. Go shopping in the markets for bulk poppy seeds, or maybe try to find a pod vendor online. I hope you are okay.
 
Wants2Nod said:
I've had friends over the years who were full blown dopesick for two weeks when cut off from 40mg 'done per day. Not in post withdrawal depression or anxiety land, but still puking/crapping/hurting/snotting/etc.

I've heard other stories of people being in full blown withdrawal for up to a month. Not sure how accurate they are, but at higher doses I'm inclined to believe it.

I don't understand the science behind it, but the long half life of methadone extends withdrawal way, way past that of pretty much any other opiod out there.
Click to expand...

I think methadone also is fat soluble so the withdrawal can actually extend past the ridiculous half life as it slowly detoxes out of your system as it comes out of the fat. This is probably why the suboxone is still precipritating withdrawal after a week cold turkey. For this reason i honestly think no one should ever go on methadone unless they plan to quickly taper because it leaves you so deeply and longly dependent on the opiates.
 
Mad Dash the wealth of info you have provided is insane please man dont do anything crazy i was depressed today and still am. i know i am gonna use tomorrow when i promised myself i wouldnt break my dosing schedule. my excuse a long car ride. this depression and WD is temporary and you are stronger than it. please stay with us brother i am tired of seeing people i care about (even if i have never met them) pass. THIS IS TEMPORARY you survived the war YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THIS. oh and i am going through fentanyl hell please dont touch it.
 
Ffs Dash, let us know you're ok man, that really is a brutal situation and experience. I'll have to re-read why you're having to do this, I realise you are trying to get onto bupe and you're trying to avoid PWD but is there anyway you can take other opiates with a shorter half life and then go from that to subs? I suppose you have to give clean samples to get bupe but fuck man, this is far from ideal (as you're aware of course). Stay strong Dash, you've got plenty of support from your BL family.
 
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