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Anyone ever had a bad experience with BDSM?

It happens that two of the three women I've known who were, I guess, assertive, are bisexual. However, I only know that because we did things, so that just shows who's into me, specifically, lol.
 
Yeah i think kinks and gender preference probably are not correlated. Being bi myself i guess there's a bit of confirmation bias!
 
MrsGamp said:
Whoa. What a son of a prick!
So care to share how you "made him your bitch"? Sounds like an interesting tale...
Sorry about Ramirez comment, didn't mean to offend.
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I made him suck my cock and fucked his ass-safely with condoms-as much as I could. I came in his beard and made the bitch eat it. I also would spank and paddle his ass in public on the street, or in front of house guests or strangers. I would pin him down on the bed and fuck his ass as hard, rough, and as fast as I could. This was all done with consent. I also would piss on him in the shower like before or while we were showering. I liked to fuck that tight ass doggy style and then spank his ass until it was red. I should have bought a large dildo and put that up his ass and made it gape.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
I made him suck my cock and fucked his ass-safely with condoms-as much as I could. I came in his beard and made the bitch eat it. I also would spank and paddle his ass in public on the street, or in front of house guests or strangers. I would pin him down on the bed and fuck his ass as hard, rough, and as fast as I could. This was all done with consent. I also would piss on him in the shower like before or while we were showering. I liked to fuck that tight ass doggy style and then spank his ass until it was red. I should have bought a large dildo and put that up his ass and made it gape.
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Wow. Well,that’s the most far out thing I’ve read all night. Nice one.
 
** BDSM - Torture Trigger Warning **

I read this really sad story of a girl being in a LTR and her partner kept pushing more BDSM- like sex. She kept "compromising" (I HATE "COMPROMISING" IN A RELATIONSHIP because the other people just gets more and more what they want over time -- hardly a win-win). It got to the point where she was completely tied up and he was inflicting a lot of pain. She used her safe word repeatedly and then finally passed out from the pain. (I know this is heartbreaking). Afterwards, he was completely unapologetic and had more of a finally attitude that you are doing what I wanted. Original post was on reddit. :(
 
MrsGamp said:
I'm never going anywhere near formalized BDSM again. Women is almost inevitably losers in the lame wanky BDSM thing. Tis just another excuse for men to be pigs, with built in clause that women are going to kiss ass not despite, but BECAUSE we're getting bad ugly sex.
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This is just you getting low quality men.
The fact that you give it up "just to make them go away" tells a lot about a woman herself. I think no men sees promiscuity attractive, unless they're looking to be humiliated and get turned on by it.
You aren't meeting the great quality men, who don't want sex on a first date, who can respect boundaries and you, because you simply don't fit their standards.
The partner we get represents our quality too. Yes, you can make some mistakes choosing a partner young but you're in your 40's so you should know how to act in red flag situations etc.
Maybe BDSM not your cup of tea, but you judging entire community is obnoxious.
It's not even my cup of tea, but i get where it comes from.
 
Abuse isn't BDSM. BDSM is a false excuse for an abuser. No different than using religion or some such to try to justify it.
Kinky sex doesn't always equal BDSM.
Almost zero of my BDSM play sessions involve sex.
(I've had the same partner for 4 years and it's a mutual monogamy arrangement.)
I've had 3 sex partners in my life (long term relationships) so I'm picky as hell and would like to think I'm not the image portrayed here.
An ethical Sadist may swat me with a crop with full consent but apologize profusely if accidentally steps on my toes.
Ethical Sadism is a whole different ballpark than Sadistic Personality Disorder.

Many Doms and Tops are female. (Doms are longer term, Tops are for a session.)

There is so much misinformation on the subject it really takes a deep interest to study up on fact vs fiction or misinformation.

As for Fetlife, you get what you seek there.
The search bar will search locals, organizations, group meet ups (such as public lunch gatherings or private play spaces with security) and the groups are a hit/miss on activity but there are many with content to read.
Once the navigation is down, it's easy.

Best wishes to all.
 
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Yacking said:
Abuse isn't BDSM. BDSM is a false excuse for an abuser. No different than using religion or some such to try to justify it.
Kinky sex doesn't always equal BDSM.
Almost zero of my BDSM play sessions involve sex.
(I've had the same partner for 4 years and it's a mutual monogamy arrangement.)
I've had 3 sex partners in my life (long term relationships) so I'm picky as hell and would like to think I'm not the image portrayed here.
An ethical Sadist may swat me with a crop with full consent but apologize profusely if accidentally steps on my toes.
Ethical Sadism is a whole different ballpark than Sadistic Personality Disorder.

Many Doms and Tops are female. (Doms are longer term, Tops are for a session.)

There is so much misinformation on the subject it really takes a deep interest to study up on fact vs fiction or misinformation.

As for Fetlife, you get what you seek there.
The search bar will search locals, organizations, group meet ups (such as public lunch gatherings or private play spaces with security) and the groups are a hit/miss on activity but there are many with content to read.
Once the navigation is down, it's easy.

Best wishes to all.
Click to expand...
Quality postin'. Some people having bad experiences doesn't equate all men being pigss,
Good luck!
 
Update - the girl is actually a dom she told me buuuuut she’s just getting out of a relationship apparently and when I asked her out she got kind of upset since she thought I just wanted to be friends so yeah now going to work when she’s there will be a nice uncomfortable time :/
 
My daughter's mother used to like me to choke her and slap her in the face while we fucked sometimes, it was terrible. I'm just not into hitting woman at all even if they want me to made feel super fucked up. I remember one time she was riding me and then slapped the fuck outta me hard and I got pissed and said dont ever do that shit again. She would want to choke her hard and be like dont be a pussy if I wasn't being forceful enough, it was a real mindfuck.

Thank goodness I got away from that woman and I'm with the one I have now. We just have regular vanilla sorta sex and I like it that way and so does she. I mean if your into BDSM that's fine and I dont judge but you can never try and force a person to do stuff like that. My ex is pretty much gone off the deep end these days and likes getting double teamed every night. She tried to get me Involved a couple months back when we were sniffing Cocaine but I kindly declined.
 
My boyfriend and I hadn’t had any experience with BDSM, but it was something I have always been interested in. As things progressed with us, he got on board. Since we were both new to that sort of thing, we learned our likes/dislikes and our boundaries together. I’m so fucking happy we started together because I completely trust him, and I think trust must be an important part of it. I don’t know that I could’ve gotten into it any other way, I don’t think I could’ve given myself over completely to someone who was already a Dom. But hey, that’s just me. What do I know? I think I’m just super lucky it worked out the way it did.
 
took some 2CB-FLY and did BDSM, never see anyone as happy as my chick with a collar on ^^ was like seeing someone coming out , in fact it was ^^ now i'm the happiest man on earth ^^
 
MrsGamp said:
As above -be it merely comical or actively scary..

I'm asking partly because I'm a bit traumatised by having around with being a "sub" with my very violent ex. One thing I've learned the hard way is that BDSM and is unlikely to be "play" if the other person actually bullies/beats you in non-sexual contexts. So would be interesting to hear from anyone who's been there ...anyway here is some context:


Before my life sort of went to shit for various reasons, I was a university lecturer/scholar in literature and cultural studies.

In 2009, shortly before a total nervous breakdown, I published one little paper about men who love Real Dolls, which led to me being briefly being positioned as a sort of "leading expert" on the phenomenon of men falling in love with latex lumps.

In a small way, this was a brush with fame ... and ordinarily I would've been delighted. But at the time I was too addled by divorce/anxiety/boozing to even answer my phone or check my emails ...so I missed out on hot-shit experiences like going on breakfast television etc ....

Two years later, I was flat-arse broke, but still getting occasional phone calls from journalists and radio shows about doll fuckers. Clearly there was a demand for pseudo academic opinions about such loud and proud Internet "perverts", so I spent some months trying to write a book on this subject.

As soon as I was doing quite well with this, I got involved with my (now ex-) partner. Now that it's over, I'm depressingly persuaded of every cliche going about "malignant narcissists"...but of course (in accordance with said cliches) initially I was utterly charmed.

Which brings me to my "personal" interest in BDSM bloops/horror stories. He persuaded me to explore BDSM first hand - while making it bloody hard, incidentally, to continue with my "pervert book" project...there wasn't time for anything except the spurious "intensity" of The Relationship ...congratulating ourselves on how special we were ... how much we LOVED each other...how much we DESPISED each other ... LAST WORDS, AVOWALS, WEEPING, TALKING BEATING, COPS and LOVE again ... all of it very much in capital letters, which left no time for writing or even sleeping.

I'll reserve the details of how it all BDSM went very wrong for me for whomever might want to reply to this post, but my general gist is this:

A "Dom" who is also a genuine sadist is incapable of erotic, "playful" deployment of sadomasochostic/ BDSM dynamics. I believe my ex cultivated my harmless little masochistic kinks in order to indulge his own far-from-harmless sadism.

Anyone have a similar experience? I'd be interested in a (very discreet and private and respectful) conversation.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry to hear about your not so great BDSM experience! As someone who is relatively new to this (first time experiencing it a few months ago) I too was scared to try it and sometimes can get borderline over the top. There definitely is a thin line between pain & pleasure but what it really boils down to is communication & setting clear limits with your partner (some even have a bdsm contract where you state what you are willing to give/receive).

As a control freak it was hard for me to give up control and become a sub but at the same time it gave me a totally new experience that I actually loved. One thing that helped me get started was educating myself on all the DDLG concepts. Not too judge but based on what you shared, I think you're better off with another partner who you should get to know more first. Best of luck!
 
I believe that most people into BDSM do it responsibly, but like any group of human beings, there are individuals who intend to abuse a system. I'm positive that there's a lot of guys who just want to beat on or even rape a woman and claim it's BDSM, it sounds obviously true to me as I type it.

I've always been into that kinda stuff though and I've had plenty of sex with varying degrees of BDSM involved, some of it being what some would consider higher tier shit. That was after a lot of getting to know someone and many hypothetical conversations about what they'd be into though. I'm not talking like full-on consent forms, but it was discussed in a way that left spontaneity on the table.
 
MrsGamp said:
As above -be it merely comical or actively scary..

I'm asking partly because I'm a bit traumatised by having around with being a "sub" with my very violent ex. One thing I've learned the hard way is that BDSM and is unlikely to be "play" if the other person actually bullies/beats you in non-sexual contexts. So would be interesting to hear from anyone who's been there ...anyway here is some context:


Before my life sort of went to shit for various reasons, I was a university lecturer/scholar in literature and cultural studies.

In 2009, shortly before a total nervous breakdown, I published one little paper about men who love Real Dolls, which led to me being briefly being positioned as a sort of "leading expert" on the phenomenon of men falling in love with latex lumps.

In a small way, this was a brush with fame ... and ordinarily I would've been delighted. But at the time I was too addled by divorce/anxiety/boozing to even answer my phone or check my emails ...so I missed out on hot-shit experiences like going on breakfast television etc ....

Two years later, I was flat-arse broke, but still getting occasional phone calls from journalists and radio shows about doll fuckers. Clearly there was a demand for pseudo academic opinions about such loud and proud Internet "perverts", so I spent some months trying to write a book on this subject.

As soon as I was doing quite well with this, I got involved with my (now ex-) partner. Now that it's over, I'm depressingly persuaded of every cliche going about "malignant narcissists"...but of course (in accordance with said cliches) initially I was utterly charmed.

Which brings me to my "personal" interest in BDSM bloops/horror stories. He persuaded me to explore BDSM first hand - while making it bloody hard, incidentally, to continue with my "pervert book" project...there wasn't time for anything except the spurious "intensity" of The Relationship ...congratulating ourselves on how special we were ... how much we LOVED each other...how much we DESPISED each other ... LAST WORDS, AVOWALS, WEEPING, TALKING BEATING, COPS and LOVE again ... all of it very much in capital letters, which left no time for writing or even sleeping.

I'll reserve the details of how it all BDSM went very wrong for me for whomever might want to reply to this post, but my general gist is this:

A "Dom" who is also a genuine sadist is incapable of erotic, "playful" deployment of sadomasochostic/ BDSM dynamics. I believe my ex cultivated my harmless little masochistic kinks in order to indulge his own far-from-harmless sadism.

Anyone have a similar experience? I'd be interested in a (very discreet and private and respectful) conversation.
Click to expand...
I think in order to be bdsm it has to be conceptual other wise it's rape
 
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