eandfriends
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2019
- Messages
- 1
Hello everyone, as a preface, I tried MDMA (although it wasn't tested) for the first time last month. I took half a pill while my friends took 1 pill each (I am about 45kg). I have a family history of anxiety disorders (but never had to take medication, everything is manageable so far). This is the first ever 'hard drug' I tried (besides weed; that wasn't too intense and more of just chill).
COME UP:
First 15 mins. I didn't feel anything but after 20 mins. or so, it hit me so hard. Music was blasting where we were (in a small private 'EDM' room we rented) and the sound seemed to change in pitch and became more pronounced, and I also got a bit of feeling I was losing control (for a while). Visually, there's very mild distortion like my hands and lower body looked weird (also lasted for a few mins. only), and heart was beating so fast, like ever in my life, started to grind my teeth, and suddenly got a headache (behind my head / upper neck area). I didn't feel cold though (I was actually very warm to touch), just some tingly sensation at the beginning. My friends were also coming up at the same time as me so it didn't help that there was nothing to ground me. Although a good friend somehow stabilised and was able to reassure me to just let go and accept the sensations. And it's not like we're going to hallucinate.
ROLLING:
Anyway, after that harsh come-up, I sat for a few moments to ground myself and accept this new way of seeing things. Well, it felt great (I had a headache but didn't bother me)! After a while, I tried dancing and after that, I couldn't stop. And the music, god, it was wonderful. Every sound was like coming from within me. I had no visuals though. Just maybe a 'dreamy' filter to everything. The feeling to me is like being super high on alcohol without the tiredness / sleepiness / and clumsiness that comes with it. Touching felt really nice. Not like mind-blowing to me, but, there's something extra that I can't describe. I got also very empathetic, like, I was hugging my friends and holding their hands (and they're like that to me also). I took another quarter of a pill (or even smaller) when I felt that the high is coming down and it lasted me for another 3 hours. I didn't feel a come-up with that, just sort of energised me again and sustained my high.
COME DOWN:
Come down the day after wasn't so bad. I felt very tired and there's some numbness all over my body. Felt like throwing up when I tried eating something. Not too hungry. But not depressed and all that. It was the following days that was quite hard for me. I felt quite anxious, mildly depressed and experienced derealisation. Felt that I was still in a "high" state or my brain sort of latched to that feeling and haven't come down to 'normal'. Thought it would last forever, however, I am back to maybe 98% normal after a 3 weeks. But it was very scary and I had to struggle in those weeks to keep myself calm and remind myself of how it feels to be normal. Part of the war that's happening in my mind is that the rolling felt so good but having to go through all these negative emotions (before and after) makes me want to avoid it in the future.
TLDR:
Really enjoyed rolling (even just for the way the music sounded so heavenly and how I felt so energetic) but going through 6 hours of 'euphoria' seems not worth it if I would experience all the come-up anxiety and come-down deralisation/anxiety/mild depression. I don't mind the physical come down (tiredness, nausea, etc.). More on the mental come down that concerns me.
So I'd like to ask, is there any alternative to MDMA that has a smoother come-up and no come-down but kind of close to the vibe you get from it? If none, then is there a way to make:
1) The come up smoother, as if like drinking alcohol? At least with alcohol, I am gradually getting higher. This one is like, here you go, you're 10/10 high and that's it. I don't have the option to just stay at level 5 high, then later maybe go to 6, 7. Feel like I am more in control this way. I am also quite a sensitive person so half a pill's stimulation was an overload (at the beginning).
2) Is my feeling of derealisation due to having experienced it for the first time? Like, my brain got shocked since it has never experienced this before. Maybe next time, I'd have a knowledge that it will pass so I can recover faster?
Any advise? Thanks!
COME UP:
First 15 mins. I didn't feel anything but after 20 mins. or so, it hit me so hard. Music was blasting where we were (in a small private 'EDM' room we rented) and the sound seemed to change in pitch and became more pronounced, and I also got a bit of feeling I was losing control (for a while). Visually, there's very mild distortion like my hands and lower body looked weird (also lasted for a few mins. only), and heart was beating so fast, like ever in my life, started to grind my teeth, and suddenly got a headache (behind my head / upper neck area). I didn't feel cold though (I was actually very warm to touch), just some tingly sensation at the beginning. My friends were also coming up at the same time as me so it didn't help that there was nothing to ground me. Although a good friend somehow stabilised and was able to reassure me to just let go and accept the sensations. And it's not like we're going to hallucinate.
ROLLING:
Anyway, after that harsh come-up, I sat for a few moments to ground myself and accept this new way of seeing things. Well, it felt great (I had a headache but didn't bother me)! After a while, I tried dancing and after that, I couldn't stop. And the music, god, it was wonderful. Every sound was like coming from within me. I had no visuals though. Just maybe a 'dreamy' filter to everything. The feeling to me is like being super high on alcohol without the tiredness / sleepiness / and clumsiness that comes with it. Touching felt really nice. Not like mind-blowing to me, but, there's something extra that I can't describe. I got also very empathetic, like, I was hugging my friends and holding their hands (and they're like that to me also). I took another quarter of a pill (or even smaller) when I felt that the high is coming down and it lasted me for another 3 hours. I didn't feel a come-up with that, just sort of energised me again and sustained my high.
COME DOWN:
Come down the day after wasn't so bad. I felt very tired and there's some numbness all over my body. Felt like throwing up when I tried eating something. Not too hungry. But not depressed and all that. It was the following days that was quite hard for me. I felt quite anxious, mildly depressed and experienced derealisation. Felt that I was still in a "high" state or my brain sort of latched to that feeling and haven't come down to 'normal'. Thought it would last forever, however, I am back to maybe 98% normal after a 3 weeks. But it was very scary and I had to struggle in those weeks to keep myself calm and remind myself of how it feels to be normal. Part of the war that's happening in my mind is that the rolling felt so good but having to go through all these negative emotions (before and after) makes me want to avoid it in the future.
TLDR:
Really enjoyed rolling (even just for the way the music sounded so heavenly and how I felt so energetic) but going through 6 hours of 'euphoria' seems not worth it if I would experience all the come-up anxiety and come-down deralisation/anxiety/mild depression. I don't mind the physical come down (tiredness, nausea, etc.). More on the mental come down that concerns me.
So I'd like to ask, is there any alternative to MDMA that has a smoother come-up and no come-down but kind of close to the vibe you get from it? If none, then is there a way to make:
1) The come up smoother, as if like drinking alcohol? At least with alcohol, I am gradually getting higher. This one is like, here you go, you're 10/10 high and that's it. I don't have the option to just stay at level 5 high, then later maybe go to 6, 7. Feel like I am more in control this way. I am also quite a sensitive person so half a pill's stimulation was an overload (at the beginning).
2) Is my feeling of derealisation due to having experienced it for the first time? Like, my brain got shocked since it has never experienced this before. Maybe next time, I'd have a knowledge that it will pass so I can recover faster?
Any advise? Thanks!