HazelCloud
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2013
- Messages
- 41
Hello PD forum,
Recently I've been having mental/emotional issues that I suspect have to do with psychedelic drug use. This use was primarily of the 25x-NBOMe compounds and the JWH-018 & 5F-UR-144 cannabinoids, also cannabis & alcohol (I have tried DXM many times, LSD once, and MDMA twice, which I think are unrelated). I'm fairly new to the research chemical scene, as I just started using them around a half a year ago. I abused 25C and 25B-NBOMe my first month of use, dosing every 1-2 weeks and in increasingly large doses as tolerance built rapidly. I also have social anxiety disorder and ADD, and consider myself a maladaptive perfectionist. Anxiety runs in my family but no other mental disorders that I know of.
Anyways, it all started after I foolishly took 2mg of 25I along with 2-3mg of JWH-018 a couple months ago and had a classic psychedelic crisis; I had no issues prior to that incident other than hallucinating when smoking cannabis which I found positive. The trip was very overwhelming, I experienced heavy time distortion bordering on infinity, paranoia, delusions, ego loss, confusion, and sensory overload. I was in a comfortable environment and admittedly uneasy before dosing. It wasn't *that* bad looking back and I was actually able to pull myself out of the negative thought loop(something is wrong!) 3 hours into the trip with the help of my friend. However, this experience tainted all of my trips thereafter. Even with good set and setting, I found myself experiencing panic and flashbacks on the come up of every trip. This happened every time without fail, and eventually every time around 2-3 hours in I would relax and come to some insights about my anxiety. These insights never successfully carried over into my future trips however. My last NBOMe trip, about 7 weeks ago, I decided that I needed a break from tripping due to previously mentioned mental issues. I kept using synthetic cannabinoids and weed though, about 3-4 days per week, smoking most of the day, sometimes combining them with alcohol.
Previously to this I greatly enjoyed the benefits I got out of my psychedelic use: I suddenly became very creative and able to visualize well, I seemed to process information at a quick rate, I thought very deeply about life and philosophy, and to my surprise my social anxiety reduced drastically. This may be attributable to my very introverted nature, and not the effects of the drug. But I felt that I was definitely gaining something positive out of tripping - particularly spiritually.
Gradually I noticed myself becoming anxious about things I normally wouldn't, for example compulsively checking locks and excessively worrying about my dog's health. My social anxiety remained lowered, but symptoms of OCD and general anxiety began to present themselves which I found odd. To my horror, I found that I was able to make myself hallucinate, at any given moment, by simply thinking about it. This progressed into psychedelic-like hallucinations and a feeling of "unrealism" becoming constantly present. These feelings don't interfere with everyday life but they are annoying and a major source of anxiety for me. They include but aren't limited to: a static overlay over my vision, random bright starbursts and floaters in peripheral vision, light and color trails, slight patterning/morphing, a vague dissociated/anxious feeling, and impaired concentration. I actually remember seeing closed-eye visuals while sober occasionally a few days after my earlier trips, but nothing on the scale of what I have now. This prompted me to quit all cannabinoid consumption which was a little less than 2 weeks ago (I have been a frequent cannabis and cannabinoid user for 3 years, not stopping for more than a week or two). The withdrawal symptoms are insomnia, decreased appetite, depression and anxiety, so it is hard to determine whether my symptoms are a result of cannabinoids or something else since I haven't been off of it long enough. Unfortunately, the anxiety also includes a negative association with drugs, and has impaired my ability to enjoy any drugs at all which is deeply disheartening to me. Even anxiolytic drugs like opiods and alcohol cause me pre-trip anxiety before they kick in which I believe stems from a fear of loss of control.
So my question is, how do I reduce or get rid of these symptoms so I am able to continue tripping again? I've never had any problems with drugs ever like this, especially psychedelic drugs. I used to view them as a sacrament, and would never even consider the possibility of a negative experience before the trip. I'm deeply nostalgic about the times when I was able to enjoy them without issues. My own opinion on the issue is that my anxiety is functioning as some sort of positive feedback loop, looking for negative symptoms and confirming their presence prematurely which causes me to look for them etc. I've long been dependant on cannabinoids in order to reduce stress but I am ready to give them up if necessary. It's the inability to enjoy the occasional spiritual trip that devastates me. I try to think logically about drugs and realize I'd never actually lose control permanently, but the anxious side of my brain seems to overwhelm my rationality every time.
Recently I've been having mental/emotional issues that I suspect have to do with psychedelic drug use. This use was primarily of the 25x-NBOMe compounds and the JWH-018 & 5F-UR-144 cannabinoids, also cannabis & alcohol (I have tried DXM many times, LSD once, and MDMA twice, which I think are unrelated). I'm fairly new to the research chemical scene, as I just started using them around a half a year ago. I abused 25C and 25B-NBOMe my first month of use, dosing every 1-2 weeks and in increasingly large doses as tolerance built rapidly. I also have social anxiety disorder and ADD, and consider myself a maladaptive perfectionist. Anxiety runs in my family but no other mental disorders that I know of.
Anyways, it all started after I foolishly took 2mg of 25I along with 2-3mg of JWH-018 a couple months ago and had a classic psychedelic crisis; I had no issues prior to that incident other than hallucinating when smoking cannabis which I found positive. The trip was very overwhelming, I experienced heavy time distortion bordering on infinity, paranoia, delusions, ego loss, confusion, and sensory overload. I was in a comfortable environment and admittedly uneasy before dosing. It wasn't *that* bad looking back and I was actually able to pull myself out of the negative thought loop(something is wrong!) 3 hours into the trip with the help of my friend. However, this experience tainted all of my trips thereafter. Even with good set and setting, I found myself experiencing panic and flashbacks on the come up of every trip. This happened every time without fail, and eventually every time around 2-3 hours in I would relax and come to some insights about my anxiety. These insights never successfully carried over into my future trips however. My last NBOMe trip, about 7 weeks ago, I decided that I needed a break from tripping due to previously mentioned mental issues. I kept using synthetic cannabinoids and weed though, about 3-4 days per week, smoking most of the day, sometimes combining them with alcohol.
Previously to this I greatly enjoyed the benefits I got out of my psychedelic use: I suddenly became very creative and able to visualize well, I seemed to process information at a quick rate, I thought very deeply about life and philosophy, and to my surprise my social anxiety reduced drastically. This may be attributable to my very introverted nature, and not the effects of the drug. But I felt that I was definitely gaining something positive out of tripping - particularly spiritually.
Gradually I noticed myself becoming anxious about things I normally wouldn't, for example compulsively checking locks and excessively worrying about my dog's health. My social anxiety remained lowered, but symptoms of OCD and general anxiety began to present themselves which I found odd. To my horror, I found that I was able to make myself hallucinate, at any given moment, by simply thinking about it. This progressed into psychedelic-like hallucinations and a feeling of "unrealism" becoming constantly present. These feelings don't interfere with everyday life but they are annoying and a major source of anxiety for me. They include but aren't limited to: a static overlay over my vision, random bright starbursts and floaters in peripheral vision, light and color trails, slight patterning/morphing, a vague dissociated/anxious feeling, and impaired concentration. I actually remember seeing closed-eye visuals while sober occasionally a few days after my earlier trips, but nothing on the scale of what I have now. This prompted me to quit all cannabinoid consumption which was a little less than 2 weeks ago (I have been a frequent cannabis and cannabinoid user for 3 years, not stopping for more than a week or two). The withdrawal symptoms are insomnia, decreased appetite, depression and anxiety, so it is hard to determine whether my symptoms are a result of cannabinoids or something else since I haven't been off of it long enough. Unfortunately, the anxiety also includes a negative association with drugs, and has impaired my ability to enjoy any drugs at all which is deeply disheartening to me. Even anxiolytic drugs like opiods and alcohol cause me pre-trip anxiety before they kick in which I believe stems from a fear of loss of control.
So my question is, how do I reduce or get rid of these symptoms so I am able to continue tripping again? I've never had any problems with drugs ever like this, especially psychedelic drugs. I used to view them as a sacrament, and would never even consider the possibility of a negative experience before the trip. I'm deeply nostalgic about the times when I was able to enjoy them without issues. My own opinion on the issue is that my anxiety is functioning as some sort of positive feedback loop, looking for negative symptoms and confirming their presence prematurely which causes me to look for them etc. I've long been dependant on cannabinoids in order to reduce stress but I am ready to give them up if necessary. It's the inability to enjoy the occasional spiritual trip that devastates me. I try to think logically about drugs and realize I'd never actually lose control permanently, but the anxious side of my brain seems to overwhelm my rationality every time.
