Anorexia, Bulimia, or maybe not.

[funki]

When i was getting better before i fucked up hardcore. I was told by my doctor to eat lots of carbohydrates and fibre, you dont necessarily have to hoe into the fatty foods at all.
Big breakfasts well creal and 1 bit of toast and all other stuff like that
Youll really be amazed how much helthy food you can eat and not gain weight at all, after being fair waisted for quite a wile it took me ages to gain weight.
-funki-

 

[dovesmajik]

Look peoples its not gunna do us ne good telling *CRANK* to go n see a doctor because he/she wont even admit the problem at hand. Yeah sure *CRANK* said he/she was gunna try n eat better but to me that sounds the same asa addict saying hes gunna cut back. After all eating disorders are in fact an addiction.
Directed at Crank..
Twas strange of me to come across this thread because just yesterday my bestest friend in the WHOLE entire world decided to check her self into an inpatient program for her anorexia and purging
tendencies. She *was* just like yoo in that up until just recently she straight DENIED the fact she hadda problem. She even claimed that her diet of a few baby carrots a day to be healthy. Even tho I *as her friend* confronted her on several ocassions about it, told her mother, and even told her doctor she STILL decided to keep her secret hush. At the time she HATED me for doing these things but now she has actually thanked me for doing it.
With her it got to tha point that I feared for her life. She has landed herself in the ICU cardiac unit twice due to dangerously low potassium levels. In case yoo didnt know potassium
isa vitamin that your body RELYS on to aide your heart in beating. Basically her levels dropped due to her anorexia and abuse of laxatives and her heart went whacko'. She is actually lucky to be alive. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for her once unborn child. My friend was pregnant at the time and ended up misscarrying.
Yoo had mentioned that yoo ride hunter jumpers and help run a barn? IRONIC, cuz my friend also owns a horse and *used* to show HJS. I say *used* to because she is unfortunately now too weak to do so. She has lost so much muscle mass due to her eating disorder that she very rarely even rides any more. She just doesnt have the strength to. I too *used* to own two horses and show cross country, so im fairly familiar with your hobby. I remember that quite a few people that I used to ride with had some kinda issue with food. It is my personal belief that eating disorders go hand n hand with any equestrian sport. Think bout this a sec. In order to place well inna show yoo must look gracefull and polished on your horse right? I believe that many people who compete *think* that ONLY the skinny and frail can hold the above qualities and that the heavy or fat cannot. Make sense kinda? My friend right now is atta point in her therapy where she is trying to find out the roots of her problem. It would not surprise me at all if she was to find out that her history in showing was one of them. Maybe the same can be said for yoo?
Last thing. PLEASE PLEASE realize that other people in your life are effected by YOUR actions. I remember sitting in tha hospital with my friend BAWLING my head off BEGGING her to seek help and she STILL would not comply. I also remember how GUILTY I felt when she misscarried. I felt as though I coulda/shoulda done more to help save her unborn child. I remember whuta SHITTY friend I felt like when I decided to tell her mom and doctor about her problem and risk loosing our friendship. I remember how DEPRESSING it was to watch her wither away to nothing. Imagine having to prepare yourself mentally for the untimely death of your BESTEST friend in the whole WORLD. I have learned to accept the FACT that my friend is going to die if she doesnt succeed in her therapy. Trust me this is NOTTA easy thing to come to grips with. I feel sorie for your FRIENDS and FAMILY members who are concerned about your destructive behavior. Yoo are ultimately putting them through HELL. Dont think for one SECOND that yoo are not affecting others, cuz yoo are.
Nuff Said!
TAH
[ 26 June 2002: Message edited by: IRIE ]
[ 26 June 2002: Message edited by: IRIE ]

 

[CrankItUp077420]

^^^^ thanx but uhh one question: I know you loose muscle mass when you don't eat right but what if you continue to ride and use your muscles. push yourself to ride and use yoru energy. Wouldn't you think that your muscles wouldn't go away even if you weeren't eating healhy?

 

[funki]

they will go
your body has nothing to feed itself with no energy.
Your body runs on 3 fuels
- carbos
- fats
- protein.
When you eat carbohydrates they release energy into your muscles and body called Glycogen, Glycogen is also stored in the liver
When you do not feed your body enough carbos, you become wasted, and the body looks for other ways to get energy by eating up the muscles. It also causes great stress on your liver.
The plams of my hands, soles of my feet my arms and stomach had all gone yellow before it scared the shit out of me. And everyday i ate 1,100 CAlories no more, and exercised an hour each day.
-funki-

 

[quale]

I think the earlier posters have made a strong case that your (evident) obsession with calories is in and of itself a very dangerous sign (not to mention the fact that even the people who advocate extremely low calorie diets and are quite careful to get the right nutritional balance are eating way more than this).
With your name though I have to ask how much role is speed playing in this scenario? Are you taking more stims over the period of time you have reduced your food intake to these dangerously low levels?
Also I wanted to second the comments of the poster who urged you to get help now because this is addictive type behaviour. Certainly it is psychologically addictive but there is also evidence that endrogenous opiate peptides can be released by self starvation so in some sense you can become chemically addicted to this behavior. As, for reasons already described, this would be very bad/impossible to keep up in the long term I seriously suggest you change things now.
Finally what is the purpose of this dieting? Certainly thinness isn't an end in and of itself? Take a look at your ultimate goal and think about whether this will really accomplish it. This sort of excessive dieting will neither make people think better of you (just the opposite you will start hiding your eating habits) nor make you more attractive (and this sure as hell interferes with dating).

 

[dovesmajik]

**CRANK** To answer yer question. Just as your body RELYS on potassium to aide your heart in beating, your body also RELYS on iron and protiens
to allow your muscles to thrive. Subtract these nutrients from your diet n your going to end up losing muscle. It does NOT matter how much yoo ride. It does NOT matter how much yoo work out either. If yoo continue to throw up and starve yourself yoo are going to eventually loose muscle mass REGUARDLESS!
[ 27 June 2002: Message edited by: IRIE ]
[ 27 June 2002: Message edited by: IRIE ]

 

[*chaoscat*]

I know you loose muscle mass when you don't eat right but what if you continue to ride and use your muscles. push yourself to ride and use yoru energy.
Where does your body get it's energy from?
From the food you eat. You are not eating enough food to create enough energy for your body to function without doing any exercise! So when you push yourself and exercise you will be burning up your muscle. If you eat well (at least the bare minimum recommended by a professional), you can exercise without destroying your muscle.
It's clear that you haven't looked into the basic way that bodies function otherwise you wouldn't be hurting yourself this way. At least visit a nutritionist or someone and find out how you can achieve the weight you want to be without destroying yourself.
What are your reasons for doing this (as quale asked)? Will what you are doing get you the results you want? Lots of people in this thread have experience with people who have done what you are doing and they are ALL telling you it is not worth it. Why risk death when you could achieve the same goal without the same risks? You can choose to ignore the facts, but you can't avoid the consequences when they happen.

 

[CrankItUp077420]

Well the reason I think I am doing this isb/c i wanna become thin. I hate beign overweight!! All the guys hate me and I have no friends. I am always being made fun of because I am fat. I just can't fucking take it anymore and besides I like the skeleton look anyways. No I odn't use crank a lot just on acasians(sp) like maybey 1 time every 2 weeks or somthing liek that so i don't think that is playing a role in what I am doing.

 

[dovesmajik]

I'd just like to add something. Chances are *CRANK* is not going to be able to pull a valid reason outa his/her ass for his behavior. This is where therapy would come into play. Anorexia and bulimia are often accompanied by deep underlying psychological issues. Some of which the person would be completely oblivious to. Eating disorders
are MORE than just a *I look fat* disease. There are SO many different factors involved that even with therapy it can take months, sometimes years to figure out the root of the problem.
My friend isa bout two months into her treatment and is still struggling to find out why she is the way she is. Unfortunately, until this question
is answered she will be fighting this disease blindly. However, once it is answered, it will make it a hell of alot easier for her therapist to adress tha issue at hand.
Nuff said

 

[sparklr]

this disease sucks.
it's not as much as a disease than a response, you know?
how old are you. If I may ask.

 

[dovesmajik]

I have a question too..
**CRANK** Have yoo ever heard of something called body image distortion?

 

[fairnymph]

First of all, I want to say THANK YOU! to everyone who has contributed to this thread and offered such excellent, compassionate and wise advise. I feel like a proud mother towards this forum when you all behave like this.
CRANK said:

I would just rather not eat and I am constently weighing myself.
I suffer from obessive-compulsive disorder (an anxiety disorder that is VERY linked to anorexia and eating disorders) and while I have never suffered from any physical effects of anorexia, I was extremely close to starving myself during my sophomore year in high school. I probably didn't eat quite enough, but I did eat, and I was not unhealthy physically, as I said. But I came damn close...
It's been six years since then, but I am still struggling psychologically with my body image. Although I am not anorexic technically, sometimes I feel *mentally* anorexic. Certainly, I understand the mindset...
Feeling fat all the time, feeling guilty every time you eat, even if it's healthy food and you don't eat alot....then binging, eating a goodie of some sort and feeling absolutely awful, like a total failure for being a glutton and eating so much. Rewarding yourself and feeling temporarily alright because you managed to not eat all day. Thinking that everyone thinks you are fat, worrying that everyone is looking at you when you wear certain clothing items, or have to appear before a group of people.
And of course, that underlying thought and goal that drives it all -- "If only I were thin, I would have more friends, I would be more attractive to the opposite sex, I would have a better life, I would be a better person, etc. If only I were thin..."
I hate these thoughts, I hate how they have plagued me for years since I was an *only slightly* pudgy 10 year old. And more and more, I've been thinking -- do I want to live my life like this?
You know the trauma and constant psychological torture of these thoughts about your body and weight. You think that they will go away when/if you are thin, I bet. Well, they won't -- even if you starved yourself to DEATH you would not stop feeling this way. In fact, the further you let this go without seeking help and treatment, the WORSE it will get.
Ask yourself: Do you want to feel like this for the rest of your life? Do you want to always have these horrible nagging thoughts and feelings of self-hatred?
Or do you want to be HAPPY (and no, thin DOES NOT = happy, happy=happy!)? Do you want to feel GOOD about yourself, do you want to ENJOY food and eating? There are so many ways to strive to improve yourself -- ways to be more productive, a better friend and family member, a happier person overall. Being thin should NOT be your primary goal in life -- unless you want to be unhappy.
Girl, I wish you so much luck...TALK to people about this, TELL your family, your friends, counselors...or whomever you can trust. Talking about this and working through your problems and your thoughts will be the first step in getting better and living your life more happily.

 

[dovesmajik]

Very well said **FAIR**. But I must add something again. Yoo had suggested that **CRANK** talk to her family friends or even a counselor about her struggle with food. May I remind yoo that *CRANK* has yet to admit that she hasa problem? She had even stated that she likes the skeleton look and that shes happy with they way shes eating. If shes
content with and sees no harm in her distructive lifestyle then why would she share this with others? PLUS, admitting to having an eating disorder as well as any other addiction is notta easy thing to do. Theres alot of embarrassment and shame involved when a person decides to come clean about their problem. Even tho my friend has finally admitted to having an eating disorder, she still cannot bring herself to say the words bulimic and anorexic. She is simply too ashamed and embarrased about it to do so.
I HOPE that *CRANK* can git to the point to share with others. This way, maybe a friend, family member or counselor could intervene with her distructive behavior. Just as I did with my friend. Intervention SUX I know but unfortunately right now it seems as though thats the only out that she could possibly be given. After all, its OBVIOUS that she is NOT gunna seek help on her own. Iunno'..
Nuff said for now..

 

[CrankItUp077420]

omg Fairnymph! you so described the way I feel and think about myself! in the below quote. to answer one persons question: I am a 15 year old female. To let everyone know I have been eating better I have not told anyone about this habbit of mine. on;y you guys so you should feel special lol but i do eat at least one good meal a day instead of eating 1 grape for supper and banana and strawberyys for lunch with a Luna bar for breakfast. I am working on it but the self guilt kills me when I eat anything and I think I have a tummy ulcer b/c i ate a veggie buritto the other day and my tummy hurt so bad I had to puke and this time I didn't have to make myself do it. Like it oculd be the smallest thing and still my yummy would hurt. Everyone here as been so nice to me. I thought people would be mean like they are in the drug forums but ya'll have been really great and it means a lot to me cause I don't have anyone in my family who actually cares.
Fairnymph:

Feeling fat all the time, feeling guilty every time you eat, even if it's healthy food and you don't eat alot....then binging, eating a goodie of some sort and feeling absolutely awful, like a total failure for being a glutton and eating so much. Rewarding yourself and feeling temporarily alright because you managed to not eat all day. Thinking that everyone thinks you are fat, worrying that everyone is looking at you when you wear certain clothing items, or have to appear before a group of people.

 

[quale]

While I have never had an eating disorder (males usually get their image problems in differnt ways ) I have gone through breif periods of time when I have eaten very little and longer periods of time when I was essentially eating only one meal per day.
This is really a result of being *that* lazy. Speaking of which it is time for me to break down and go to the supermarket.
In both these instances I noticed eating a reasonably sized meal would upset my stomach...just not used to that much food I guess. I found if I spread out eating it...or just took a damn long time eating...it was much better. This may not be related to the nasuea you feel but just thought I would throw in my (admitedly unrelated) experience in case it helps.

 

[Burna_chick]

what is a healthy weight? becasue i am 63kg and 173cm tall. this is alright yeah?
[ 02 July 2002: Message edited by: Burna_chick ]

 

[superbabydoc]

^^Yes it is in the healthy weight range. Just do a search at yahoo on "healthy weight range" of "body mass index" and you will find a formula to calculate whether you are in the healthy range.

 

[life]

Hi there guys,
Well what can I say - I am new to bluelight - just joined thro recommnedation from a friend, and I have spent the last 4 hours at work just reading and reading, and when I came across this topic - it really hit me hard.
I was horribly anorexic, and spent a year in and out of hospital, having been admitted when I was close to death (I am a tall 6ft1, big boned girl and went down to just under 50kg). It was hell. I was modelling and they actualy told me I couldn't work anymore, and I told them to go to hell!! It all started at about the age of 14 when I will admit very very very fat (94kg!!!!!!!) and I started loosing weight healthily - did really well, and then it just went overboard - got to the stage where I was eating 1 or 2 carrots a day, and spendong 6 hours a day in the gym. I know its very fucked up.
Anyway was in hospital etc. and things sort of came right - though it sis take a long time - I was forced to go up to 60kg before I could come oversead. Now many years later I have put on a lot more weight - but to be honest - things are not going well at the moment.
I have been on anti-depressants fro the last 3 months, and although as a person i am so very much better - I know that I am starting to fuck with my food again - and am throwing up, taking laxatives and excercising like mad. I also seem to have a tendency to drink far too much - almost like an escape.
I know this all sounds really stupid and pathetic, and I know it is. But to be honest this is the first time I have expressed anything for so long that it feels great actually just to get it out.
Not really sure how this whole bluelight thing works - but just great to get things off my chest.

 

[CrankItUp077420]

^^^ I am really sorry. Yeah I have begun to like bluelight though some of the people on here can be real assholes. no one in this thread though but I have had some nasty replys in some of my others. well to keep you guys up to date on whats gping on wiht me.........I have now lost 45 lbs and I now weigh 150lbs. i am still way too fat but I am trying to eat betetr thouygh but tis real hard.

 

[funki]

Life.............. welcome to my world too
((((hugs))))