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TDS Am I an addict?

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Sir_psycho

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 12, 2015
Messages
51
Let's start........

It's been 3 days since my last drink (i decided t take a break because of my high tolerance) and I keep on feeling the urge to drink to drink just to make the world more "bearable'. Alcohol is pretty much the only thing that matters to me these days, it's the only thing that I can think about while walking around people on the campus. I get really excited/euphoric when I'm on my way back home because on my "drinking days"

I'm willing to take ANYTHING as long as it makes me happy, I don't care about the consequences.... Hell, I've even been thinking about trying meth while my tolerance to alcohol drops. It's almost as I need to be high/drunk in order to survive, I just can't face life sober.

Note: I don't drink everyday and I don't have physical dependance to ethanol.
 
If that is truly how you feel you should get into cannabis because everything else on a daily basis will hurt you and ruin you rather quick.

I attribute cannabis as the reason I'm still here, if I drank like I smoked, I would have wet brain 10x's over.
 
Do you believe seeing yourself as an addict will help? Perhaps a part of you already feels like what we are told addicts are supposed to be like (people who controlled more than others by their substance use, essentially)? This sounds more like it would be either a bit of self criticism (on the way to self loathing/hatred) more than anything larger minded or constructive though.

I'd be asking the question, how does my substance use affect my life? And go from there, avoiding the "but is this who I really am," issue entirely. Who you are will always be up to you OP, it's just a matter of making yourself into that person, a matter of discovering what authenticity feels like in your life to you - and then striving to accomplish goals based on that. Generally speaking the lifestyle most of us associate with addiction feel contrived, isolating and alienating, and a far cry from reflecting what is authentically you.
 
Yes, you are addicted. Awareness of a problem is the first step towards fixing it. I've been addicted to meth for a very long time (have not used in over a year) so I have some knowledge here. I hope you recover. Anything in specific you'd like to ask or talk about?
 
Perhaps a question could be for the OP (and all of us):

Is this addiction?​
 
Go to my very first post I made here a few weeks back. I asked the same question with exactly the same thread title. lol

I personally feel if you have to ask that question then deep down you already know the answer: Your use is either problematic or an addiction. Write down or reflect what problems it is causing you in your life and if you are honest with yourself you will know intuitively.

Either way, feeling like you cannot face life sober (believe me I know what that feels like) is something inside you you need to address. You could do this in a number of ways. I'd go see a doctor, a psychologist or try self-help techniques like meditation. Nip it in the bud before it potentially gets worse.
 
Weed is really bad for your lung though and I don't really like it.... It just gives me anxiety.
 
It can't really get worst at this point. I did go to a psychologist today, he prescribed me Lexapro and xanax, hopefully it will "fix'm me
 
Really terrible idea taking Xanax in particular.

I have been through Heroin, Oxy, fentanyl and Dihydrocodeine WD's about 5 or 6 times, and I can tell you that they were horrific but laughably easy compared to Benzo withdrawal. There is just no comparison. Everyone goes on and on about the fentanyl and oxy epidemic sweeping the western world, but benzos are the real epidemic causing more long-term suffering in more people than is ever reported in the media....Xanax is particularly nasty in withdrawal too. I have been trying to get off benzos now for just over a year. You cannot cold turkey them or you could end up having grand mal seziures that are fatal, psychosis (that could have you sent to a psychiatric hospital) and if you survive those you could still well end up with PAWS - lingering withdrawal symptoms that last up to 6 months+. I am not trying to scaremonger or lecture you, because honestly this is the reality. I'd actually be happier for someone to be taking higher doses of codeine or dihydrocodeine twice a week for anxiety and insomnia etc. than Xanax, but that can very easily lead to a world of hurt too, especially if you have access to harder opiates as you will likely climb the ladder to heroin, fent and oxy once the weaker opiates "lose their magic".

I cannot believe how your psychologist would just dish this out to you without even discussing CBT first, or the numerous other therapies on offer first. Well, actually I can, but this is why I think the whole GP/Doctor system is still completely fucked when it comes to anything to do with mental health or substance misuse. Thankfully attitudes and the system is changing (slowly) in the UK (because you know, universal healthcare and all that can provide funding to mental health and substance misuse problems) but I know it is fucked still in North America (I am originally from the UK but my wife and my in-laws are Canadian so I have seen both systems at work).

I hope to god he only gave you a week or two's worth of Xanax - anything over that and you will be in the danger zone for physical addiction and a benzo addiction. If you can, just take them sporadically.

Drugs are not going to fix your problem IMO.

I wish you all the best and I pray that none of the above happens to you. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Take care of yourself

F'loki
 
Ohh don't worry about that... Xanax justs puts me to sleep, it doesn't even make happy. There's no way on earth i could even think about using it by myself. Alcohol just feels so much better compared to benzos

Well I was shaking really badly when I was talking to him... That's why he prescribed the xanax.

He have me a month worth of xanax... But he told me to come back adter 2 weeks.

I only. 25mg every night... Is there a chance that I develop physical dependence in 2 weeks time?

Thanks.
 
My Psychiatrist decided that drugs will fix my problems so who am I to disagree? I mean people Always told me to get professional help and I did.
 
Regardless of addictive potential, it is still a drug you are taking into your body. You are diminishing your vibration and taking more of yourself away each time you take drugs into your body (the exceptions being psychedelics and weed). Unfortunately, the professionals of this culture are often times idiots. Please do not trust the white man's medicine.
 
Yeah sorry but you don't get it and i think you need some tough love now: It doesn't have to be "fun" or recreational to get you addicted. Read into benzos and you'll quickly find out how a physical dependence can grab a hold of you. In North America your doctors and psychologists throw around oxy and xanax like fucking candy, and I personally think you went in there drug-seeking (even if you wont admit it). If that offends, then sorry, but you've already admitted "you'll take anything to get high/makes you happy". That fits the model of drug seeking behaviour and you have a problem.

Yeah good for you for getting help and taking the advice but you have a choice, it's your body, you could've said I want therapy instead of just taking the drugs he offered you.

I started taking RC Benzos self-medicating insomnia (and it turns out, depression and anxiety it seems according to CBT psychologist's tests), etizolam, then the hardcore ones like clonazolam. Twice a week max quite rapidly turned into any benzo I could get my hands on 5 times a week, and then that "fuck it" moment happens in your mind and before you know it it's every day (same with opiates tbh - but that has the recreational pull - but benzos are worse for people who have underlying problems). That started over a year ago and I got help almost exactly 12 months ago and on the Ashton Taper with diazepam. I have relapsed and had the bright idea that opiates could substitute benzos if I rotated lol What an idiot I was. I paid for it with a dual-opiate/benzo addiction, probably the worst dual-addiction you could ever get into, snorting heroin and fentanyl and oxy and nearly killing myself.

But honestly, I can tell everyone here is wasting our time with you. You have decided to not listen to yourself and are bullshitting you, us and everyone. If you want to go and get hooked on benzos and meth then it's your choice. No one is going to talk you out of it. Such a waste of a young person's life tbh, but good luck to you, because you are going to need it.

Not wasting any more time enabling in this thread. If mods or the OP thinks I am being overly harsh and unfair please PM me and we can discuss it. But you know I am doing him/her a favour.

F'loki
 
Tbh, I didn't really didn't to there to get drugs. I even had my mom come with me, I was just planning on getting an antidepressant and therapy maybe.

The guy told me to take these two meds (i didn't even know that he prescribed xanax) and exercise/meditate a little and I'll be fixed in no time. I didn't even have time to explain anything properly and he told me to come back in 2 weeks time.

If I wanted to use benzos I would simply go out and buy them.... I wouldn't have told my mom that I was suicidal just for a few shitty pills (it was fucking hard btw, took me 2 years to tell her) so yeah, i didn't just go there to get drugs.

Thanks to him though, I've been able to walk around people without trembling and panicking after 2 fucking years...

You don't have to answer or anything but I just wanted to let you know that I didn't go through a that shit just to get fucking benzos....
 
I get what you're saying and thanks for trying to help... Like seriously thank you...

But psychedelics didn't do anything for me. They just took me to a weird, distorted place every single time that I tried them...They were probably the least helpful things that I ever tried in my life.
 
Sir_psycho said:
Tbh, I didn't really didn't to there to get drugs. I even had my mom come with me, I was just planning on getting an antidepressant and therapy maybe.

The guy told me to take these two meds (i didn't even know that he prescribed xanax) and exercise/meditate a little and I'll be fixed in no time. I didn't even have time to explain anything properly and he told me to come back in 2 weeks time.

If I wanted to use benzos I would simply go out and buy them.... I wouldn't have told my mom that I was suicidal just for a few shitty pills (it was fucking hard btw, took me 2 years to tell her) so yeah, i didn't just go there to get drugs.

Thanks to him though, I've been able to walk around people without trembling and panicking after 2 fucking years...

You don't have to answer or anything but I just wanted to let you know that I didn't go through a that shit just to get fucking benzos....
Click to expand...


Fair enough mate :) I am really sorry for getting the wrong impression and jumping the gun with you. It was just sounding like you were drug seeking with your first two posts, don't you agree?
Well, regardless, if I had known you were suicidal and you told us that your doctor also told you to meditate and get more exercise (these two really are important, as stupid as they may sound when you are a real mess inside) I probably wouldn't have been judgmental and thought that.

On the contrary I think you telling your mum that took real courage, and going to see a doctor and asking for help is really hard for most of us to do (no one likes to admit we need some help). So huge respect to you for that buddy and you should feel good about yourself for that.

Sounds like the doc was rushed and overworked and just threw pills at you and gave some basic advice: Unfortunately this a problem all over the world at the moment. Overworked GPs can seem like assholes (check my journal and you'll see how i've had this problem recently and how it's affected me quite badly too) or uncaring. Maybe next time at your next appointment you can explain to him you find xanax too addictive and want to be referred to a psychologist instead because you know the pills aren't addressing the root cause of your problems? I think it's very likely he'll refer you then (especially if he is over worked: He'll be glad to pawn you off onto someone else lol) and you can try some CBT or something. Give the meditation a real go too and don't be scared of counseling/psychology sessions: I used to be scared to go (it is scary the first time, but is awesome when you get used to it) and put it off years but now I like it and work with it and it's amazing how good you feel after with new perspectives.
Just talking to someone who has time face to face who genuinely cares makes you feel better.

Well, glad you are feeling better. :) Apologies again for judging you (someone just did the same thing to me on another forum and it's not a great feeling is it? :() without knowing the full story. It's great you are dealing with this with courage being relatively young still: Unfortunately I am in my mid-30's and just dealing with my mental health problems and have still got an addiction to fight through. :) So kudos to you.

Just be careful with that xanax: Try not to take it everyday if you can. Try the meditation - it really helps a lot of people. Insist on seeing a therapist. That's my best advice I can give.

Best of luck to you and I wish you all the best. :) Keep us updated if you can forgive me?

F'loki
 
Addiction shows (and disguises) itself in many different forms. The first stage is to come to the realisation & acceptance that you have some manifestation of an addiction. Once you have accepted that and all that goes with it, you then need to seek help / support / guidance in how to overcome it before it overpowers you.
Small but significant steps are required and take each day as it comes your way. 3 days without a drink is positive and you should feel good about that.
Keep on battling
Brad??
 
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