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Am I a Bad Person

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CookieJoe221

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 24, 2019
Messages
49
In my mid 20s I used to hook up with this girl every weekend. It went on a few years . We never hung out sober it was usually just a weekend late night thing but I admittedly let it go on too long and she developed serious feelings for me. I told her that I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with her however she never seems to accept that .and other than a couple slip ups over a couple years (drunk sexting) its been over 2 years since we slept together, I have her deleted on everything except Instagram and she always posts private stories that I can see because she's trying to get a reaction out of me which I never comment on them and try my best not to even look at them.

Well i was out of town last weekend and me and some friends went out drinking. I get home at like midnight and she had posted a private story and I looked at it and it was a nude and so I ended up commenting which then led to sexting. She admitted to me she purposely posts the private IG story for only me to see to try to get my attention.

Obviously the next day I ended up regretting it. I feel guilty as hell, I realize she may be partially to blame to because she intentionally did it but I feel like shit because I should know better. It was by far the longest we've gone without talking to each other and I feel like this screwed it up. We're better off not talking to each other cus I don't want to give her the wrong impression. Idk I just feel like a shit person. Like I ruined the progress . Feel like an awful person
 
From what I can decipher, you've been honest. Jesus, you've exercised self-control most can't.
She "seduced" you, sending you nudes. You can only do your part.

CookieJoe221 said:
I feel like shit because I should know better.
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No, man, don't go down that path. You can't control what she does, only how you react.
You were drunk, a chic sent you nudes, you replied (like a gentleman) and you sexted some.
Did you send nudes? Or ask for them? No?
Then you should relax man. If anything, feel proud for your high morality. But don't let that same moral stomp you down.

If this is your definition of an awful person, you must truly be a great person.
Don't bash on yourself.
 
pulverstaden said:
From what I can decipher, you've been honest. Jesus, you've exercised self-control most can't.
She "seduced" you, sending you nudes. You can only do your part.


No, man, don't go down that path. You can't control what she does, only how you react.
You were drunk, a chic sent you nudes, you replied (like a gentleman) and you sexted some.
Did you send nudes? Or ask for them? No?
Then you should relax man. If anything, feel proud for your high morality. But don't let that same moral stomp you down.

If this is your definition of an awful person, you must truly be a great person.
Don't bash on yourself.
Click to expand...
She didn't technically send them to me, she posted them on an private Instagram story (which she later told me only I can see I guess) bc she wanted to get a response or reaction out of me.
 
CookieJoe221 said:
She didn't technically send them to me, she posted them on an private Instagram story (which she later told me only I can see I guess) bc she wanted to get a response or reaction out of me.
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So even after you've made it perfectly clear to her you don't want any kind of relationship and then didn't have contact for 2 years, she STILL is pursuing you like this? What did you do to her?! Lol jk, but seriously she sounds a bit obsessed. Never good.
 
CookieJoe221 said:
She didn't technically send them to me, she posted them on an private Instagram story (which she later told me only I can see I guess) bc she wanted to get a response or reaction out of me.
Click to expand...

I know the feelin' of wanting to dig a hole a lie down in it, but dude - read what you just wrote.
Who's the instigator? Her, posting a private, nude instagram story (damn, why that shit never happens to me?) for your eyes only.
Easy on yourself man. How old are you?


I knew this chick was in love with me. She was my ex's best friend, so not only did I tear their life-long friendship into shreds, because of my petty need for revenge and me being the definition of a fuckboy, I strung her along for a total of 8 years.
So, tell me friend, are you still an asshole?
 
pulverstaden said:
I know the feelin' of wanting to dig a hole a lie down in it, but dude - read what you just wrote.
Who's the instigator? Her, posting a private, nude instagram story (damn, why that shit never happens to me?) for your eyes only.
Easy on yourself man. How old are you?


I knew this chick was in love with me. She was my ex's best friend, so not only did I tear their life-long friendship into shreds, because of my petty need for revenge and me being the definition of a fuckboy, I strung her along for a total of 8 years.
So, tell me friend, are you still an asshole?
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Early 30s. I have anxiety so I tend to be one of those ppl who feels guilt or apologizes first even if I feel I'm right or even if it's 50/50
 
Same age here. I used to be a really apologetic person, for shit I didn't even do.
Then something happened. I can't tell you do kill this trait in your persona, but I can tell you life is easier when you don't make yourself the bad guy.
Just remember as self-centered as you are in your own thoughts, so are other people.
Try not to give into the temptation of being too agreeable - be kind, be compassionate, but don't forget to direct those emotions at yourself aswell.

I say this with nothing but love - appreciate yourself more. You're not shanking people down or date-raping anyone.
You're obviously a very sympathetic person, looking out for others. Who's looking out for your own best?

Sometimes, being selfish is not only not bad, it virtuous. It's a strength.

If I say that you have a problem saying no even though you want to most times, to not disappoint others, would you say this is a correct assessment or am I sniffing my own ass here?
 
pulverstaden said:
Same age here. I used to be a really apologetic person, for shit I didn't even do.
Then something happened. I can't tell you do kill this trait in your persona, but I can tell you life is easier when you don't make yourself the bad guy.
Just remember as self-centered as you are in your own thoughts, so are other people.
Try not to give into the temptation of being too agreeable - be kind, be compassionate, but don't forget to direct those emotions at yourself aswell.

I say this with nothing but love - appreciate yourself more. You're not shanking people down or date-raping anyone.
You're obviously a very sympathetic person, looking out for others. Who's looking out for your own best?

Sometimes, being selfish is not only not bad, it virtuous. It's a strength.

If I say that you have a problem saying no even though you want to most times, to not disappoint others, would you say this is a correct assessment or am I sniffing my own ass here?
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Yes your final paragraph hits the nail right on the head. Just hard to shut down the voice in my head sometimes.
 
CookieJoe221 said:
Yes your final paragraph hits the nail right on the head. Just hard to shut down the voice in my head sometimes.
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Ohman, do I get it. If it doesn't come natural, being assertive is a bitch.

You need to learn to say NO.
In most cases it's a lack of self-confidence that keeps us from it. We are vain creatures - sleep, eat and exercise. This will do wonders for you.
If you have the slightest interest, martial arts. It's Viagra for your self-esteem.

Practice speaking slowly and getting a good posture
This establishes authority. And a good posture will make you feel more secure, which will radiate to others.

Start with changing small habits, such as daily meditation. Start with 5-10 minutes. Everybody has that time to sit down.

These things, I promise you, will boost your sense of self, which will make conflict-resolution easier.

You need to accept that you can't control how people respond to you. Saying no creates conflict. Conflict is not pleasant.
But plowing through the first awkward steps of saying it beats the hell out of being a doormat (not calling you one, but that's how I felt.)



Sorry for playing Dr. Phil. I just wish someone would've told me this shit instead of me having to stagger around and trying to find solid ground.

Bottom line, my friend;
Stop giving a fuck about other peoples opinions.
EVERYBODY is caught up in themselves.
 
It would be a bit more thoughtful to her feelings if you just said you have no feelings for her relationship wise, enjoyed the hook ups but you're not interested.

People like attention and like to be wanted but its not from someone you're mutual with so just say you were drunk, liked the pics but that's all, goodbye.

Maybe its not just you she says this to anyway, there are plenty of men out there so won't be a big deal
 
He just came across it.

Right?

Or is she one of those work out instawhores - might have found her as a suggested friend?
 
^ dude, read teh post, he csn see her private installation.

To be a devils advocate, maybe she is totally over you and was just horny or bored, between boyfriends, whatever.

Who knows about social media shit, since its been a couple of years do you know who else she might have met?
What's your romantic life like, have you had many partners or stayed solo?
 
No you are not a bad person. She wanted to contact you and she did. At least due to the covid pandemic you did not meet up in person.

But since you know this woman personally, and know why you should not contact her, then maybe in the future limit or cut off all contact?
 
CookieJoe221 said:
Early 30s. I have anxiety so I tend to be one of those ppl who feels guilt or apologizes first even if I feel I'm right or even if it's 50/50
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I have a social anxiety disorder myself and I beat myself up over things i've done mercilessly. I've learned it's best to go easy on yourself. You've made it clear you don't want a relationship and she still does these things. It's ok if you slip up dude. You were drunk and a heterosexual man. Go easy.
 
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