Morning Guys
I havnt posted much on here recently as following my 'experiment' I walked into the most difficult couple of weeks Ive had in a while. Following my last trip, I decided to go to my my local pub the following saturday. I normally avoid the place like the plague due to the trouble in there from all the coked up pissed up chavies that insist on causing a ruckass every weekend. However, the landlord is a personal friend, and as he was giving up the pub after a 25 year tenancy he decided to throw a leaving party which I decided to attend as I never go out anymore.
I lasted about 90mins - 2 hours when I was ordered to leave by one of the male patrons, as he stated I was making him feel uncomfortable and in his words 'i wasnt doing anyone at the party any favours and was making people feel uncomfortable (????) so he ordered me to put my drink down and leave, which I did promptly. A I left the pub I was unaware that the man was following me, and as I got outside I was met by 5 other lads who, along with the original guy, proceeded to give me my first kicking in 20 years.
To say Ive been at rock bottom is an understatement. Ive kept myself going by continuing a maths course Im currently doing at a local education centre, but its taken me 3 weeks for my mood to improve to the degree that I can start communicating with other humans again (training course aside).
I do have other interests outside of drugs, I just dont have any friends or social life. I spend most of my free time smoking cannabis while watching films on my dads 3d home cinema as Im a total film buff and avid blu-ray collecter. Ive brought a Playstation 4 which has kept me entertained and I continue to read about subjects currently interesting me, most notably physics and cosmology and the Wars of the 20th century. Im on methadone maintainance (70mg / 24) so regardless of what changes I personally make regarding my substance intake I will never feel 'clean' untill Im methadone free. As the methadone blocks most of the effects of any heroin I take, I can only use street gear on a weekend where I can skip my take home dose (im supervised Monday - Friday). So, I have plenty of non drug interests to keep my occupied, I just dont have any friends or anyone to share my life with.
Even before the nightmare at the pub I was feeling very lonely, and with no chance of making any friends on the horizon, the original rationale to conduct my 1-P LSD 'experiment' was to see if I could expose myself to an intense psychedelic experience with the knowledge of how alone I really am, and whether or not the trip would compound these feelings or offer me an experience where I could shed the need for human contact and have a positive experience within my own innerspace.
Its been a long few weeks but with the thread being bumped I can try and compose a trip report if anyone is still interested (the last few posts Ive made have been thoroughly ignored so Ive hung back as Im not sure my contributions are welcome or of any use to the bluelight community
Stee