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Tryptamines Alone in the Universe - A Mushroom Tale

to the OP-

I think we're in pretty similar boats. I have a bunch of grams of mushrooms just waiting for me in my room here. And we share a lot of the same fears. I don't want to screw up and get paranoid and go permanently crazy. (Which of course, is not going to happen. You're more sane than you realize.)

Though I don't have much psychedelic experience, I have a few mental tips for you.

It's perfectly okay to be afraid. A common mistake is to try to eliminate, push away or avoid the fear. Instead, feel the fear, accept that you're afraid. Nothing else has to be done. Sit with the fear. You're afraid like a small animal is afraid. That's kinda cute. ;)

Personally I get waves of energy (sober) when I accept my own fear internally. Embrace it, it's pretty fun... possibly exhilarating.

Oh, and I would agree that MDMA is a sweet place to start. It might center/ground you. Just, yeah, get the pure stuff.

Something to think about: What does it matter if your crazy if you embody consciousness and love?
 
because i fear loss - I dont know what the embodiment of consciousness and love will be like and i know the only way to know is to trip.. but so many questions formulate.. will i still be in my body? will i still breathe? will i face all of my inner fears?

My cannabis experiences really left a horrible taste in my mouth.. i couldnt do anything without feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.. it was a vicious cycle "government, death, poverty, war, religion, government, death, poverty, war, religion, etc....."

As my philosophy of life has advanced and I better understand the world around me I feel myself slipping further and further away.. mentally.. I hardly care about anything anymore, most of my friends/family hardly recognize me. I don't watch TV or follow the news, i think organized religion is a form of mind control, and i feel governments are evil empires who dont give a shit about anything but maintaining its own power (especially america). But being "sober" I have control of those thoughts and I hardly care about it anymore, I have an existential point of view. But I just feel that there are aspects of life that I don't know and which I'm curious about because I know there is "more" but I am just too chicken shit to travel further down the rabbit hole.. the last time I did I scared the shit out of myself and looked for comfort and solace in those around me. So, i just don't know what to do now...
 
Marijuana is a lot different from mushrooms. Marijuana tends to be quite "muddy", whereas mushrooms are very clear and lucid, Marijuana is notorious for producing anxiety. Mushrooms are as well, but if you can push past that initial anxiety it will fall away into beauty. Marijuana can remain an anxious state the entire time.

Also, your setting has a whole lot to do with it. Where were you when you smoked marijuana?
 
driving around in a car or with my idiots friends.. 1 time i smoked after i drank opium tea out in a large field.. at first it was really pleasant to just relax but then my brother (who i was smoking with) is a very deep person and started philosophizing which started my deep thought process.. at first I thought the sky was going to open up like a huge alien space ship and abduct me.. then I thought my brother was jesus trying to save me from the pits of hell.. then I thought I was on an inter-galactic TV show (which was pretty amusing) and then I went to bed. LOL, yes I know I am nuts in most regards.. but my thought process comes from understanding that everything I've believed and learned is mostly bullshit so I have this "anything is possible" mentality and I constantly think and search for what "could be"..

I guess that is the best way to explain it... the other times I was with idiot friends AKA bad company whos intellect can be matched to that of a cotton ball.

Sometimes I would just sit in my car and stare at the sun and think... sometimes it was beautiful.. other times I felt like I wasnt worthy to even look at its glory.
 
Well that makes sense then... you were in situations that made you uncomfortable. Definitely if you eat mushrooms, be in a safe, controlled environment. To be honest, my favorite setting is outside in nature, especially a forest, away from other people. Be with a person or people you trust, or alone (probably not alone for the first time, although I always find tripping alone to be the easiest to deal with because you don't have to deal with social interactions).

Like I said though, marijuana is a cloudy psychedelic... it's thought-provoking but kind of muddy and unclear. Mushrooms have a much more forceful message and can produce a state of intense clarity and insight. They're much more powerful but also much more cleansing by far, or at least they have the potential to be.
 
I really appreciate the info... perhaps i will try mdma first to get a feel for it again.
 
thanks man... its nice to know I am not alone in the universe. I will keep you guys up to date for those who care on my psych adventures if those days ever come which I foresee it just may. I will also stick around on the forums and give advice when needed. If anyone has any input or advice at anytime please feel free to continue to post. Thanks again.

Peace and Love.
 
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