Need4speed
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2011
- Messages
- 440
i have not had a girlfriend in 5 years. not really sure what to do or think... im stuck in a rut
yep my apartment is a complete mess everything is on the floor
as far as tackling it im just tired.....ive been "tackling" it all my life sometimes going in strong with gym and diet routine then eventually fizzle out in a few months
ive bee thinking about my age alot latley and am getting anxious beacuse i dont own my own home ( renting a basement apartment)
i have no desire to do anything
Being single and being lonely is the cause of depression for many. The depression can snowball and ruin your life. It is worse for men than women, studies have shown.
It kills people. Suicide. If loneliness is the cause of your depression , find somebody. That is the only cure.
I don't know how to make the distinction. People have tried to explain it to me. Is it possible that different people have different needs? I recently spend a year in the desert 100 km from the nearest town. I had very little social contact but never felt lonely or depressed. Now I live in a very large city, go to parties once or twice a week, have a few friends taht I spend time with several times a week, but feel lonely. The gf I had here recently left the country because of her job. it's not all about intimacy either. Prostitutes don't help. It's kind of depressing. The difference is that I had a gf in the desert. She didn't live there, but we still spoke once every few weeks. Here, I have no gf and no true love.Think it would be better to make the distinction between loneliness and lack of intimacy/love. Lack of social contact definitely can cause depression.. lack of love is a self-inflicted depressive pattern though. We don't actually need it, though nature is pretty good at convincing us we do. You don't go mad without love.. but you definitely go mad without any social contact.
I don't know how to make the distinction. People have tried to explain it to me. Is it possible that different people have different needs? I recently spend a year in the desert 100 km from the nearest town. I had very little social contact but never felt lonely or depressed. Now I live in a very large city, go to parties once or twice a week, have a few friends taht I spend time with several times a week, but feel lonely. The gf I had here recently left the country because of her job. it's not all about intimacy either. Prostitutes don't help. It's kind of depressing. The difference is that I had a gf in the desert. She didn't live there, but we still spoke once every few weeks. Here, I have no gf and no true love.
I spend time at book clubs and writing workshops and have made a few friends there, but that doesn't help. Casual dating doesn't fix it either. I go on plenty of dates. It's always been the lack of a romantic partner that I am really into that does it.It's possible that you're overwhelmed by the change in your environment.
To quote Bon Jovi "Tonight I won't be alone but you know that don't mean I'm not lonely". You could have 100 people around you and still feel isolated. I know how it feels because I was in that place too.
There is no quick fix, I'm afraid. It took me a long time to figure out what worked for me. It's not the people, it's their personalities. If you aren't compatible on some level, they won't make you feel any better. Look for groups that share common interests. For me it was a book club and a small bar that was always quiet but showed nothing but sports. I could sit there with a book. The readers would join me or the sports fans would.
Don't look for love.... You'll never find it. It's something that just happens when you don't expect it.
I agree. With a compatible partner, you don't feel lonely. They truly cure the loneliness if it is a good relationship. You grow together and make each others lives better. It is easier to get through life's obstacles and cope with existential dilemmas. You are happier. There is nothing temporary about it if it is a life-long relationship. I have no wish to live my life as a monk. How ironic that I work in a monk's cell in a former ancient monastery.^ doesn't sound like you've been in love, or you wouldn't describe a partner as a 'temporary distraction' or something to 'maintain.' in fact having a partner can enrich your life in so many ways, and u can battle that existential crisis together.
^
I would try and face the underlying issue first before you find yourself a partner. You could spend 10 glorious years together and then she may get taken from you by illness or other circumstances.. which would not bode well for your state of mind.
We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone. - Orson Welles
Actually, married men live several years longer, on average, than non-married men. Scientists have looked at the causes of their (single men) earlier deaths and found higher rates of death by alcohol abuse, cancer, and suicide. Psychologists have found that a significant proportion report more loneliness, depression, and despair which they believe contribute to this. There has been a lot of serious research done on this topic, and it has been the case for decades; it's not some fad/pop psychology headline to attract attention.You don't die without a partner, it's not a requirement for life. I feel happy, energetic and warm when I have someone, and a bit miserable when I'm without a partner.. but at the end of the day it's all in the head.