Alcoholism Thread v. A sober life is a good life <3

[n3ophy7e]

shower time, haven't done *That in a few days, and I prolly should (and I know you'll read this Shower_Police*stalk*mod - HA *pokes in ribs* ya, that's right, I saw you read that, what now =p)

Yes, I see you there with your non-showering shenanigans, don't make me come over there!

But seriously, man you have to be really really careful with where you're at right now. It's good that you're aware of the effect the Wellbutrin is having on your psychological state, and believe me I know what it's like to have those types/intensity of suicidal thoughts, and to know that you shouldn't act on them, but the thoughts override your logical instincts. You really need to keep communications up with your loved ones, keep telling them exactly how you're feeling, you know these suicidal thoughts will subside once this first phase of the Wellbutrin has settled down so there is absolutely no reason for you to indulge the suicidal thoughts while they're present. Please just push them aside as best you can.
Can you also make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible to just have a chat about the side effects you're having? The more you touch base with everyone, the less-difficult it will be to get through this

Please please PM me or any of the mods or other members in TDS if you need to talk to someone immediately. We are all here for you okay? Take care dude

Hang in there n3o. We all, well I make excuses all the time, and have for years, with alcohol and benzos. I went on basically a week of a fuckload of extra benzos (not perscribed) along with what I can remember a crapload of alcohol, and all i've done, and posted on ere I think, is blame it all on my antidepressant evening out, cos I know I actually make myself beleive stuff like that is totally true and totally disregard the week of shit I went on. Haha, just tying it makes me think how fucken stupid that is. Anyways, you'll get thru it m8, look after yurself

Thank you so much flf, you take care of yourself too k?? How you doing? How's your nan?

 

[fivelinefury]

^Haven't actually heard anything m8, think she has to get more different scans or something. Yeah i'm a heap better right now compared to a few days ago (not going thru any benzo withdrawals). A couple of weeks ago I've just worked out, I went thru 680mg diazepam, 250mg temazepam, sniffed a heap of bupe, drank like a fish every arvo/night for a week or maybe 10 days, and got told yesterday by a mate that I dropped an E while I was out, which I now remember, and I blamed all that on my antidepressant haha. Think I actually forgot wtf I actually did. And lol to me having a biccie. I've been over them for a while now, so that shows how I musta been going at the time haha.

Had 5 drinks tonight, along with 180mg codeine 8) and am leaving it at that before bed time.

 

[Dragynfyr]

Yes, I see you there with your non-showering shenanigans, don't make me come over there!

haha you're not my stalk-mod =p It's one of you I brought to this board. But thank you


I'm going to bail out tomorrow. I can't take this, I'm gonna fucking die. I've been on the wellbutrin a week now and it is building fast, I can hardly drink enough to fend off the pounding heart and anxiety. It wasn't too bad at first, but it's really bad now, I have to be like DRUNK to even be "normal", and it is quickly becoming obvious "normal" is becoming unobtainable. I'm gonna stroke out of have a seizure or heart attack or something.

***************OPINIONS FROM ALL PLEASE!!!!!!**************

I'm going to go to the school health clinic tomorrow and tell them the truth. I HAD a plan to get a supply of xanax to break this cycle but it is like a week from coming to fruition and the wellbutrin is raising my blood pressure a lot faster than that. (recap->) I was denied treatment for anxiety and depression back in the beginning of July because I admitted I was drinking every day. So, I lied last week to get help, said I wasn't drinking. They threw me on welbutrin, and there is a label on that bottle warning you to not stop drinking or taking benzos if you do regularly because it lowers you seizure threshold and you can die.. I've been drinking daily essentially for over 5 years. More like 7-8. I'm about to go in there and tell the doc the truth. Do you guys think this will put me in danger of getting the cops called on me and locked up mental health style? I don't know wtf to do now, but drinking myself to death isn't even an option for much longer, I can't do it fast enough, My hands start shaking and I can't think or talk straight when my BAC is in the legal range. I stop 'sleeping' every night/ morning when my alcohol level drops too low.

...babbling on..

so here's the paln..

What do you guys think will happen if I go in and tell her the truth. Straight up. "I lied to you because you guys refused me treatment, and I needed help. I thought I could handle getting adjusted to the Wellbutrin, but I can't do it. I've made it a week, and if I stop drinking, I'm going to fucking DIE. I have a photocopy of the script you wrote me in my pocket and if I drop dead, and I probably will soon because I'm out of money for a liter of vodka every day, they WILL find your signature on the death warrant you wrote me. I don't want to drink anymore, but I'm in trouble if I stop. What can you do for me"


The clinic at my school USED to write scripts for benzos, and those could save my ass right now, but that doctor retired and (my stalk-mod will back me up here, she got her benzos cut off after a year of successful use by these nazi fucks) since then, no good fucking meds for anyone. I'm in VERY legitimate medical need for help here, I was BEFORE I got on the wellbutrin, I couldn't go more than 24 hours without my body caving in on itself, these pills have made it WAY worse than it has ever been before. I don't know if telling the truth will hurt me though, the bitch could fear for her license and call 911 and commit my ass, and wtf then, whoever locked me up wouldn't get me meds fast enough and then what, I seize out in custody?? I don't know wtf to do... I'm thinking call up from a phone that isn't mine and as a 'theoretical' question, and take it from there maybe.. fucking bullshit bureaucracy. All I need is a short term supply of k-pins to keep me ALIVE while I break this stuff, and I don't know if my school is even allowed to provide that, and I cant afford a fucking real doctor.

I've babbled way too much, I'm sure I got my point across. What would you guys do, i dont know anymore

 

[Dragynfyr]

so ya.. it's like a few hours later, I got enough booze in me to relax and I feel like a dumbass for freaking out so much earlier. It's weird reading it now even.

That freak-out mind set will come back when my BAC drops though and I know it. Really should talk to the doc tomorrow and see if they can do anything or not. Really don't want to drink anymore

 

[Lolie]

so ya.. it's like a few hours later, I got enough booze in me to relax and I feel like a dumbass for freaking out so much earlier. It's weird reading it now even.

That freak-out mind set will come back when my BAC drops though and I know it. Really should talk to the doc tomorrow and see if they can do anything or not. Really don't want to drink anymore

Glad to see you're feeling better. And definitely talk to the doctor tomorrow.

 

[Dragynfyr]

Didn't take the wellbutrin today. Woke up and drank the last 3-4 shots of vodka in yesterdays half-day liter haha. Cutting off completely. Taking advantage of the weekend and my nutty-neighbor-friend's excess supply of Seroquil. Not even gonna try to talk to the doc, I don't see it helping or going anywhere. Can handle it myself.

Started with 25-50mg about 20 minutes ago, gonna wait n hour and see how it's going. Friend had a huge tolerance apparently because he gave me 200 and 300 mg pills lol trying to break / eyeball small pieces isn't the easiest task. Wonder if I should crush one up and make a solution of some kind to dose it better.. 100mg is great for sleep and seemed to kill wds completely, but I'd like to find a 'functional' dose if at all possible. whaatever, I can blow a weekend off and hopefully be in a much better position come class monday.

 

[Lolie]

Didn't take the wellbutrin today. Woke up and drank the last 3-4 shots of vodka in yesterdays half-day liter haha. Cutting off completely. Taking advantage of the weekend and my nutty-neighbor-friend's excess supply of Seroquil. Not even gonna try to talk to the doc, I don't see it helping or going anywhere. Can handle it myself.

Started with 25-50mg about 20 minutes ago, gonna wait n hour and see how it's going. Friend had a huge tolerance apparently because he gave me 200 and 300 mg pills lol trying to break / eyeball small pieces isn't the easiest task. Wonder if I should crush one up and make a solution of some kind to dose it better.. 100mg is great for sleep and seemed to kill wds completely, but I'd like to find a 'functional' dose if at all possible. whaatever, I can blow a weekend off and hopefully be in a much better position come class monday.

Seroquel works better for sleep at lower doses - it acts as an antihistamine at low doses. You should definitely notice the effect within about an hour if you're taking the instant release version.

Even at low doses it will probably make you feel groggy and sluggish until your body gets used to it. I kind of liked the cotton wool head effect because it tends to make your problems seem a bit distant - like you're looking at them from the outside rather than enmeshed in them.

If you're using the IR version you need to remember that Seroquel has a short half-life (about 6 hours) - you'd want to dose three times a day if you're using it to keep you level throughout the day rather than just for sleep. You're probably best taking 25-50mg for your two daytime doses and then double that at night.

As a reference point, Seroquel has not been trialled at doses of over 800mg per day and side effects are dose related.

 

[PallMall]

Fuck, I just had a half pint of vodka after 67 days of sobriety. I know I should feel like an ass but I feel so fucking good. I forgot how much I love this feeling. But I know my love for this feeling will put me right back on the fast track to hell. All I want to do now is drink more but sadly (or maybe happily) I'm all out of money.

 

[blahman8000]

Being broke, I've cut down my drinking to about a 40oz per day.

 

[blahman8000]

How's everyone doing with their drinking? I had cut down a few days ago (as you can see by the above post) but I've been getting paid for a couple of odd jobs and I'm back in shit river, because all that money's going to cheap bottles.

I hope everyone else is doing OK.

 

[fivelinefury]

I've been back on the beers and cask wine the past couple of nights, along with valium and codeine. Been drinking for a few hours now, since my back is screwed and been stressing over money.

 

[theotherside]

It is becoming obvious to me now that when I quit opiates about 2 months ago, I traded it for a daily alcohol problem. First it was just one or two beers after work, and although I haven't "graduated" to anything harder, my beer consumption has increased to the point where every work night this week I have had at least 6. I never was a drinker in the past except when going out, but I need to keep an eye on my drinking just to be sure.

 

[fivelinefury]

^Yeah I hear that man. I'm not working now, but when I was last year, I was drinking at least 6 beers every night after work (quite often alot more) and going to work hungover probably 3 days a week. But that was cos I wasn't happy in my job in the end, eventhough I thought I was at the time. And I am still yet to quit drinking after 9 years 8)

 

[Captain.Heroin]

^Yeah I hear that man. I'm not working now, but when I was last year, I was drinking at least 6 beers every night after work (quite often alot more) and going to work hungover probably 3 days a week. But that was cos I wasn't happy in my job in the end, eventhough I thought I was at the time. And I am still yet to quit drinking after 9 years 8)

You can still quit though! You do have the power to do so. I don't advise you do so suddenly, since I have personally witnessed someone go through delirium tremens, but I do think that you are able to quit whenever you are ready and willing to.

It may not be easy, it may even be the hardest thing you've ever done in life, I can't say for you, but I know that it IS possible and you CAN do this.

I know how impossible it can seem when you are still using, and I know when I was still addicted (to heroin) that someone telling me this would have meant the world to me.

Never give up hope in your ability to choose to create a better today for yourself.

It is becoming obvious to me now that when I quit opiates about 2 months ago, I traded it for a daily alcohol problem. First it was just one or two beers after work, and although I haven't "graduated" to anything harder, my beer consumption has increased to the point where every work night this week I have had at least 6. I never was a drinker in the past except when going out, but I need to keep an eye on my drinking just to be sure.

As long as you can cut back on the drinking when you are ready, I think you are still in a successful recovery though.

It is really important not to switch one habit for the other, but I am thinking that you can get past this.

I am also really glad that you have quit opiates successfully, knowing how difficult it is first hand! Congratulations in that in and of itself.

 

[Dragynfyr]

Today I went to student health and was told off the record to try to get benzos off the street to get off the booze


i hate our system so much

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Today I went to student health and was told off the record to try to get benzos off the street to get off the booze


i hate our system so much

What??? Wouldn't it be smarter for them just to prescribe you benzos, or advise you seek a doctor who is willing to prescribe you benzos to get off of alcohol? Diazepam tapers are practiced widely across different patients/situations, I don't see why they would tell you such a thing!

I hate our system too so you're not alone there.

There are actually better (in my opinion) drugs to use to get off of alcohol than benzodiazepines (all GABAergics have the same problem really), but this isn't the forum to delve into that.

I just wish you the best in finding a compassionate and caring doctor who helps you get off of alcohol. I can't understand why someone would tell you (even if it was off the record) to try to score anything off the streets.

 

[Asclepius]

It is becoming obvious to me now that when I quit opiates about 2 months ago, I traded it for a daily alcohol problem. First it was just one or two beers after work, and although I haven't "graduated" to anything harder, my beer consumption has increased to the point where every work night this week I have had at least 6. I never was a drinker in the past except when going out, but I need to keep an eye on my drinking just to be sure.

^Yeah I hear that man. I'm not working now, but when I was last year, I was drinking at least 6 beers every night after work (quite often alot more) and going to work hungover probably 3 days a week. But that was cos I wasn't happy in my job in the end, eventhough I thought I was at the time. And I am still yet to quit drinking after 9 years

Can relate to this, have a low boredom threshold and my last job was brain meltingly unchallenging, I also had alot of Anxiety around people I worked with. The only thing I looked forward to in the evenings was food a movie and Alcohol(Ironically I was living with a chronic Alcoholic as well and trying to support him and he wasnt able to give me the Emotional support I was looking for-strange the way the mind Sabotages?!!) I also have an ED so one day binge on food and the next on booze. Being hungover at work seemed to make things more challenging. I never want to let myself be stuck in that kind of enviroment again, I actually became complacent about staying there, am unemployed at the mo but am feeling alot better, guess I needed to get away from it but didnt have the Awareness or self- belief to broaden my horizons(Alcohol abuse helps perpetuate complacency which helps perpetuate Alcohol dependancy).

 

[oliphill]

I can't understand why someone would tell you (even if it was off the record) to try to score anything off the streets.

I was once told in a methadone clinic, off the record, when I was on a discharge to score heroin off the streets, couldn't believe it.

 

[blahman8000]

Jesus, last night I made a total fucking idiot of myself. I've gotta cut down on this shit NOW.

One of the biggest reasons I don't want to quit alcohol completely is because I'm gonna miss having really good beer, yet I never buy good beer because I want to make as much out of my money as possible, so I just buy cheap vodka. So my plan to cut down is to actually spend my money on good beer, so I'll be drinking less and I'll actually enjoy it. I think I've tried and failed this before, but now I know that I need to get into the habit of not drinking until night time.

 

[n3ophy7e]

It is becoming obvious to me now that when I quit opiates about 2 months ago, I traded it for a daily alcohol problem. First it was just one or two beers after work, and although I haven't "graduated" to anything harder, my beer consumption has increased to the point where every work night this week I have had at least 6. I never was a drinker in the past except when going out, but I need to keep an eye on my drinking just to be sure.

I've probably said this elsewhere on BL but congrats for quitting opiates man I think it's pretty common for people to trade one addiction for another. How do you feel about having 6 beers a night? Are you able to skip the beers for any night of the week, or do you need them? If it's the latter, could you perhaps just try to go for one whole day without any beer and see how you go? It's good that you're aware that it could potentially become a much bigger problem, but for now it sounds like you've got it in check.

Today I went to student health and was told off the record to try to get benzos off the street to get off the booze

WHAT?!?! That is absolutely outrageous

I was once told in a methadone clinic, off the record, when I was on a discharge to score heroin off the streets, couldn't believe it.

^^ That too!!

Crazy...

I've been back on the beers and cask wine the past couple of nights, along with valium and codeine. Been drinking for a few hours now, since my back is screwed and been stressing over money.

Mate I hear ya. I've been doing all I can to resist going back to cask wine. But it's so cheap!!.
Is it possible that drinking is making your back worse?? Sometimes when I've been drinking heaps I'll fall asleep in a really weird position and wake up and my back will be fucked. Same goes for general aches and pains, if I've been drinking a lot, pretty much all my joints will hurt. Do you think there might be a correlation with your back pain and how much you're drinking??


As for me, I didn't drink a drop of alcohol yesterday because I went swimming with my sister after work then back to her place for dinner. Got home at about 11pm and just went to bed instead of drinking the 5 beers I have in my fridge.
FUCK did I have some crazy dreams last night!!!! I feel like I didn't sleep at all. I was just stuck in REM sleep all night, never actually made it to that proper deep sleep

But hey, feels better than being hungover.

I figured out that was my first alcohol-free day in about 6 weeks.