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Alcoholism Thread v. A sober life is a good life <3

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^Yeah I can certainly relate noonoo. Since I had quite a bad gambling problem in the past, ever since, just every now and then i've had to go back for a "little gamble" when i've been drunk, just because i've had the money. So then when the money is gone as usual, more alcohol is then drank because of how much of a fuckhead I feel.

Just found out earlier that my nan has lung cancer (from smoking all her life). So of course drinking right now.
 
yeah, flf, so sorry to hear about your nan :-( my grandpapa had it 4 yrs before it killed him. so hard to see such a strong man get so sick. he didn't even smoke cigs. he was a fire marshall back when they used asbestos in construction.

i'm sober again. 2nd day. couldn't handle the idea of a long taper, so i just bit the bullet and sweated it out. still feel a little yucky, but not nearly as bad as i'd feared. kombucha and milk thistle are amazing!

i really appreciate this forum, and this thread. i didn't really want to talk to anyone in real life about losing another pregnancy, but i wanted to talk to someone. so thanks for listening. you're doing good work here.
 
noonoo said:
The intention was to do uni assignments today and then the thought of having a drink entered my mind. I opted to eat first and see if anything changed, well it did I didn't feel like drinking yet the impulse dragged me to the store and off I went to my favourite lake with a notepad and pen, some beers and cigarettes. I started writing up some ideas based on a class competition I won at uni. Any how this part I didn't mind.

Then a friend called asking if I wanted to meet up for some beers, so off I go and visit him. Any how I leave him and go to the pub and put in $300, I win $1050 . Something to that amount within the first 4 minutes of being there. I then leave and question myself for even daringly done that. Yeah I won but i've had a gambling problem in the past. This always seems to happen, I save up some money and then something gets me to get reckless, to not grow up. This usally stems from booze though, the booze works as the fuse and the explosion is everything else that comes with it, drink driving, gambling my money, suffering from severe depression / anxiety, trying to regain my compuse to lifes daily activities.

I seem like a sob here but this problem has gone on for too long. I get better and then knock myself down. Surely we can all relate but when does this crap stop? Or are we missing something and maybe it doesn't need to?
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The crap stops when you decide it's going to stop. I went through a period of gambling to escape my problems - just ended up with a shitload more problems and loathing myself even more. I can actually gamble normally now - put $20 in and walk away when it's gone or pull it out when I get a reasonable win - but my excesses were very much tied to my mania.

Sometimes recklessness and irresponsibility is just about immaturity, but sometimes there's a bigger underlying problem. In someone who suffers from depression but also has problems with impulsive, reckless behaviour, you'd definitely want to exclude bipolar disorder. The reason why it often remains undiagnosed is because it's depression which takes people to the doctor. No-one goes to the doctor when they're feeling on top of the fucking world.

I'd definitely seek out a good psychologist both to have more certainty about your diagnosis and also to learn some strategies for coping with life's daily ups and downs.
 
Fuck fuck fuck. Really got myself back in deep this time. I don't even know how it started. But I've been drinking every day, in increasing amounts, for the last 4 or 5 weeks (can't really remember). Now I'm craving when I wake up, having hand tremors and body twitches all day, worse anxiety than I've ever had in my whole life. This whole time I've been thinking "It's cool, I can stop any time I want", but somehow forgot that I'm a fucking alcoholic for gods sake!! Couldn't even make it through one day without drinking yesterday, even though I tried. I had to race down to the bottle shop before they closed. I was on the very edge of a panic attack for most of the day at work, and hardly slept a wink last night.

So yeah, here we go again 8)
Fuck! I hate this so much!! :!
 
woke up today at 7 am, blood on the floor, no idea what happened. There was a small amount left in the fifth of whisky I had bought yesterday afternoon. Drank that already. The blood, I had found out I threw a plate at my visiting mother... How nice of me, dont remember any of it. I'm done. Im not going to continue this stupid habbit. Im sorry Jack, but you and me are friends no longer.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Fuck fuck fuck. Really got myself back in deep this time. I don't even know how it started. But I've been drinking every day, in increasing amounts, for the last 4 or 5 weeks (can't really remember). Now I'm craving when I wake up, having hand tremors and body twitches all day, worse anxiety than I've ever had in my whole life. This whole time I've been thinking "It's cool, I can stop any time I want", but somehow forgot that I'm a fucking alcoholic for gods sake!! Couldn't even make it through one day without drinking yesterday, even though I tried. I had to race down to the bottle shop before they closed. I was on the very edge of a panic attack for most of the day at work, and hardly slept a wink last night.

So yeah, here we go again 8)
Fuck! I hate this so much!! :!
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The withdrawals feel like a bitch for the first couple of days after a lengthy binge even though they're pretty much just a turbo charged hangover. I usually found that even thought I couldn't sleep of a night, I could usually manage to grab a nap during the day and I'd feel at least a bit better after even a small amount of sleep - but there's still nothing fun about being sweaty, hot and cold, and physically and mentally restless.

It's funny how the physical and mental discomfort we're prepared to tolerate in order to keep drinking - I have friends who literally vomit and shit blood every single morning due to alcohol - seems unbearable when we want to stop.



Be as kind to your body as you can. Small amounts of food help, even if you don't feel like it.
 
fivelinefury said:
^Yeah I can certainly relate noonoo. Since I had quite a bad gambling problem in the past, ever since, just every now and then i've had to go back for a "little gamble" when i've been drunk, just because i've had the money. So then when the money is gone as usual, more alcohol is then drank because of how much of a fuckhead I feel.

Just found out earlier that my nan has lung cancer (from smoking all her life). So of course drinking right now.
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Sorry to hear about your nan. Be kind to yourself.
 
Back to my 2-a-day beer limit (after a weekend of drugs/no booze). Pretty sure this is the equivalent of Feniks methadone .. keeps me straight off everything else, and I don't want to drink more. But can't let it rest completely.
 
Thanks Lolie <3
Just went and stocked up on some magnesium and calcium supplements to help with my aching muscles and this unrelenting twitching that's going on :X
The problem is that there are 5 beers sitting in my fridge, I can't stop thinking about them. I know I'll probably drink them as soon as I get home, then I don't have to work until Monday so it's going to be too hard to not buy more booze over the weekend. Why am I fucking making excuses for this?! :!
 
it was a year ago that i quit drinking. been at least a month since i even had a beer.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Fuck fuck fuck. Really got myself back in deep this time. I don't even know how it started. But I've been drinking every day, in increasing amounts, for the last 4 or 5 weeks (can't really remember). Now I'm craving when I wake up, having hand tremors and body twitches all day, worse anxiety than I've ever had in my whole life. This whole time I've been thinking "It's cool, I can stop any time I want", but somehow forgot that I'm a fucking alcoholic for gods sake!! Couldn't even make it through one day without drinking yesterday, even though I tried. I had to race down to the bottle shop before they closed. I was on the very edge of a panic attack for most of the day at work, and hardly slept a wink last night.

So yeah, here we go again 8)
Fuck! I hate this so much!! :!
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I know you can pull through this n3o! You are a really intelligent, gifted person, and I know that this will pass in due time.

I know that feeling of "I hate this so much" - that always summed up how I felt when I was coming down, which is eventually what drove me away from using heroin all together.

For what it's worth, I believe in you n3o!
 
^^ Thank you C.H, really <3 <3 <3

michael said:
dump 'em. 5 beers is just gonna make you want a 6th, and so it goes.
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Man I kinda wish I'd seen this before...
Would I have actually done it?? Not sure. But it would've made me think that there was possibly an alternative to drinking them.

Then again, I needed to get rid of these fucking shakes man, seriously, ridiculous.

Thank you though <3
 
I can relate loads to the gambling. Had a massive problem with it. I've lost tens of thousands of pounds. Worst time, I had worked for months as a potwash and saved up £4000 to go travelling with. Went to town to get some foreign currency and lost the whole lot in about an hour. I ended up getting a £500 overdraft then won it back. But I've got so many ridiculous gambling stories. Like I would be dopesick and spend all day scraping together £20 to score with, then meet the dealer in the bookies, but gamble away the money before he arrived. One addiction competing against the other!

One thing I massively advise against is taking anti anxiety meds and gambling. I was taking a lot of xanax at one point and gambling on that stuff is ridiculous, you literally have no fear of losing! Lost 1000's on that stuff!
 
Thanks guys. Was sorta one of those unfortuneatly half expected things with my nan. Theres quite a big history of smokers in my family. I quit being a pack a day smoker for 3 years about 3 months ago. It took me probably 10 times and have had the odd one since, but am not gunna end up like other ppl I know have with smoking.

n3ophy7e said:
Thanks Lolie <3
Just went and stocked up on some magnesium and calcium supplements to help with my aching muscles and this unrelenting twitching that's going on :X
The problem is that there are 5 beers sitting in my fridge, I can't stop thinking about them. I know I'll probably drink them as soon as I get home, then I don't have to work until Monday so it's going to be too hard to not buy more booze over the weekend. Why am I fucking making excuses for this?! :!
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Hang in there n3o. We all, well I make excuses all the time, and have for years, with alcohol and benzos. I went on basically a week of a fuckload of extra benzos (not perscribed) along with what I can remember a crapload of alcohol, and all i've done, and posted on ere I think, is blame it all on my antidepressant evening out, cos I know I actually make myself beleive stuff like that is totally true and totally disregard the week of shit I went on. Haha, just tying it makes me think how fucken stupid that is. Anyways, you'll get thru it m8, look after yurself <3
 
oliphill said:
I can relate loads to the gambling. Had a massive problem with it. I've lost tens of thousands of pounds. Worst time, I had worked for months as a potwash and saved up £4000 to go travelling with. Went to town to get some foreign currency and lost the whole lot in about an hour. I ended up getting a £500 overdraft then won it back. But I've got so many ridiculous gambling stories. Like I would be dopesick and spend all day scraping together £20 to score with, then meet the dealer in the bookies, but gamble away the money before he arrived. One addiction competing against the other!

One thing I massively advise against is taking anti anxiety meds and gambling. I was taking a lot of xanax at one point and gambling on that stuff is ridiculous, you literally have no fear of losing! Lost 1000's on that stuff!
Click to expand...

Yeah, I can totally relate man, especially on the last part. The last part is, or was now the story of my life. All I did was work, drink shitloads with shitloads of benzos every day/night and gamble on the pokies 3-5 nights a week (some weeks it was every day or night), and sometimes for hours and hours. The loss of 10s of thousands over about 6 and a half years, just has to be put behind me nowadays. I'm 25 and was always earning good money when I was working and would have lost owning a house basically.
 
I've been failing like a mother fucker since that '36 hours with one beer' day. Failing hard.

drinking like a liter of vodka every 24 hours just trying to keep myself from bugging out on this wellbutrin crap.. seems to be leveling out after a week now, but the casual nature of the suicidal tendencies and and thoughts that seep out of these pills is disturbing, very disturbing. No wonder so many kids end up offing themselves on this, if you don't KNOW what to expect.. like my god, to be accepting the thoughts this stuff puts into your head as fact is a death warrant. You casually start taking doses of stuff that you know puts you on the borderline of death but you don't really think about it, you just act. Great, my ADD symptoms have subsided to a degree because of the extra dopamine-speedesq-confidence, I can make faster decisions than I normally would which led to me being late, but at the same time you can make poor snap decisions when it comes to things like taking an extra 150mg of a drug which could end your life when in combination with a liter of vodka. You don't really think, you just act.

I am not satisfied at all with these 'cures'. At least the current meds are giving me this new energy to do something about it, despite the anxiety which has more often turned to violent rage. (I've gone from having a panic attack at school when I see something that reminds me of past betrayals, to just plain being reminded that I want to rip that back stabbing mother fuckers throat out with my teeth the next time I see him.)


shower time, haven't done *That in a few days, and I prolly should (and I know you'll read this Shower_Police*stalk*mod - HA *pokes in ribs* ya, that's right, I saw you read that, what now =p)
 
^Take alot of care if yur getting suicidal thoughts man. I got them bad from meds in the past and know I coulda been not ere now. I know you already would know, but make sure you can talk to someone if needed and take care.
 
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