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Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 6.0

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I am struggling with this season. I have given up the life of an alcoholic a year ago. I don't follow aa nor believe in many of their principles. I have found myself becoming antsy. I don't necessarily want to drink, but I do. I have encountered kindling in the past. I find myself researching ibogaine and wondering what everyones thoughts on that subject would be .
 
It's been an age since I posted about my alcoholism. Been drinking roughly 4litres of 5% cider a night for the last 2 months almost, and sneaking out again at odd hours to get a top up. And it's cheap nasty cider. But it does the trick. Anyways, decided to try sobriety again.

My family have said before look you cant even hold your hand in front of you without it shaking, thought ive never had a steady hand anways. Final straw was when my mum took my house keys off me for being drunk at hers.

It's day 2 and my head feels so foggy, almost like when im in the midst of a depressive episode. Got hold of some benzos to help me get to sleep for this first week. The alcohol service i went to ran by my local authority was rubbish too.
 
DrinksWithEvil said:
Hey
I'm In the same place and ugh I'm jealous that he has a women like you to be by his side

Mine has left
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Sorry to hear that. Spoke with him yesterday. He won't go. He thinks he can do it on his own. He says he likes drinking and doesn't want to give it up. Followed by "I can stop for a week if I want to"..

He did finally agree to 'consider' the detox program if the withdrawal is too much to bare when this 'week of sobriety' happens.
All these compromises don't seem to fit in with my tough love approach.

Anyway,
I hope you find a way through and that you find yourself a good woman to be by your side when the moment strikes right.
 
I think his chances of getting more serious about things will grow when you stop purchasing him beer.

eboal
 
Alcohol is bad. I have seen it ruin families and marriages. It sucks.

Doing it with friends, once in a while is actually fine. But if you let it become a habit, then it will destroy you, slowly. Stay safe, people.
 
balea said:
Alcohol is bad. I have seen it ruin families and marriages. It sucks.

Doing it with friends, once in a while is actually fine. But if you let it become a habit, then it will destroy you, slowly. Stay safe, people.
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Of course... but for me when I drink it becomes a habit and I am unable to just do it once in awhile. If I could, I wouldn't be here :)
 
x2theC said:
It's been an age since I posted about my alcoholism. Been drinking roughly 4litres of 5% cider a night for the last 2 months almost, and sneaking out again at odd hours to get a top up. And it's cheap nasty cider. But it does the trick. Anyways, decided to try sobriety again.

My family have said before look you cant even hold your hand in front of you without it shaking, thought ive never had a steady hand anways. Final straw was when my mum took my house keys off me for being drunk at hers.

It's day 2 and my head feels so foggy, almost like when im in the midst of a depressive episode. Got hold of some benzos to help me get to sleep for this first week. The alcohol service i went to ran by my local authority was rubbish too.
Click to expand...


You mean they have a delivery service? That surely doesn't help.
So, you made it to sobriety before but for past several weeks have been at the cider? dang man. That's allot of effort to go back on now. Really hope you get through this. Hope you have good support system and if your flying solo here, may you find the strength you'll need . I wish you every success regarding such
 
@Phactor

You have been very honest and forthright with your experiences and insights into this kind of monster. May I say, I know my sweetheart is lying to himself. The grip on him is severe. He has not had beer for the past 2 days and I can see the physical effects; he is putting on such a brave face and learning much of his own fragile state.
He truly believes he does not need any help. None. But as the hours pass and the withdrawal seizes him, I believe clarity is coming; meaning, he's starting to understand just how intergrained the booze is in his system.
I told him it is unsafe to go cold turkey; I plead with him to fully disclose info to his Dr. so his Dr. could help him; he refuses.

Either he's got a stash somewhere or he's really strong.
I love him so much. I know that's what people say and the levels are variable i'm sure but in our case, he's it for me. I'm not going anywhere without him.

Anyway, that's been our week. We'll see how his body goes. I wish he wasn't so stubborn about the full disclosure thing regarding his Dr. anyway, we'll see....
Phactor, your doing well; I think it's great you made it through and you helping some others too. Right flippin on.
 
Damn. Sober about a week now. It hasn't been a bad day, I even wrote my first song in quite a while just now, and suddenly I reach behind my bed towards the floor because I dropped my pen, and find a 3/4 full bottle of wine I must have dropped down there when passing out on one of my drunks. What a cruel joke. I have not sipped out of it at all but I can't budge to dump it out. I already poured my vodka out but now I've got this "safety net" again and that initial charisma for sobriety is teetering. I'd feel so ashamed admitting to a relapse (I've found that if I'm not honest with the people that are supposed to help me, there is no sense in seeking their help), as I was told specifically that my plan might fail because I'm here at home instead of agreeing to go straight from detox to aftercare. I may be standing corrected after all. This is a tough one. I wish I'd found it when I got home yesterday and just tossed it when I had the integrity.

This familiar sense of euphoria associated with discovering random alcohol washed over me. I couldn't identify it at first. I almost forgot and thought, "What is this? What is this rush of expectation?" Then I remembered. Along with it is this fear and apprehension. It's like being two people.
 
I think leaving somebody because of their addiction and calling it "Tough Love", is complete bullshit. Let's call it exactly what it is "ABANDONMENT". If the guy is having an issue quiting drinking, what makes anybody think that in the face of this new situation(feeling abandoned), a miracle would occur and he would consider getting drunk less. Quite the opposite. Set limits on buying him beer and that's it. Tell him you are only willing to go to that extent. Once that beer is gone, that's it. Be firm.
...Pack your bags and leave...Pff...Worst idea ever! To me it sounds like you love him(so you would be back) and what would happen, is you would come back to a much bigger mess.
My opininion.
 
I have seen men stop drinking because there women took off ! but there needs to be a real connection with himself wanting to stop ! or the girl has to want to not watch there loved ones kill himself slowly ! and it takes a lot of love to love yourself more ! but from what i have read IMO it will have to get to a rock bottom for junegreenjeans not the boyfriend or husband or whatever ! your way to concerned about how he feels on a detox program ! that he cant just stop with that much so ill buy him beer ! keep up ur shenanigans and it will end in a domestic problem with cops ! your to addicted to him and not addicted enough to loving yourself ! and he knows what he can get away with and you let him ! how long have you been posting this same old story about "your love" ! if you love him then you would have taken action long ago ! your addicted to the drama and ongoing problem ! and the attention you get from posting about it ! good luck and love yourself !
 
Haha yep. Because you have learned something sober... same thing happened to me. I can never have a normal drink again.
 
"I have seen men stop drinking because there women took off !" Either that or start drinking more. The latter one is usually more probable. Asking an active addict the old question "It's either me or the substance", the answer will almost always be the substance. Also, that question sounds more like an ultimatum and ultimatums do wonders for relationships. JGJ, you have to be very clear with yourself at least, on how much bullshit you will tolerate. If he's not able/willing to stop for himself, what makes anybody think that he'll quit for someone else? lol. Reminds me of times when I used to go to NA/AA meetings and there were people there b/c their mommy made them go.
Don't threaten to leave him, b/c from the sound of it, you can't. Even if you left temporarely, you will convey a message that you are abandoning him in his time of need. That will create resentment and put more strain on what already sounds like a strained relationship. That old, regurgitated adage of "leave him and let him hit rock bottom" is bullshit. For some people bottom is death. I'm not sure how you would feel about your "sweetheart" if he was dead. Set limits on how much you will be a co-conspirator you are willing to be and tell him "Look. I'm only going to buy you[x] amount of beer and when that's gone...oh well..."
This is coming from someone that has been through this type of case scenario, more times than I can count.
Leave him or deal with the bullshit. That's the bottom line but if you leave him(which I don't think you can)plan on being gone. He will not stop just for you or because you left. He has to WANT to stop for HIMSELF.
Sorry for the harsh words but not all truth is sweet.
I usually don't post in this thread but had to counter all that NA/AA propaganda.

BTW, Merry Christmas to all you drunks, ex-drunks, wannabe drunks, wannabe ex-drunks. And people that are stuck in the struggle.
Wish you and yours peace and success in all of your future endeavors.
Take care folks.
 
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^thank you. I get it. Your right, I cannot leave. I still have allot left. Yah, I don't think the ol ultimatum would work with him or me for that matter. It is indeed a tricky situation. Your words aren't harsh, no worries there. The other day when I told him, I didn't think I had what it takes to handle the beer and he must make a choice. He knew full well I couldn't leave. So did I. I don't think that's the path two of us can take. The love is too 'grippy' to let anything come in between.

I will carry on. I won't keep breaking the bank but i'm not going to be all, oppressor or dictator either. It's not who I am naturally and goes against grain.
Do I get scared sometimes? Oh yeah. Do I wonder if full on 'tough' love would work? I wonder but something tells me, 'supportive' love is the remedy here. He must come to his decision on his own. I cannot abandon. Does it hurt when some say I'm killing him by buying his beer? of course.
but do I think he'd drink more if I left? Yes, he would find a way. So in this particular case, leaving would do very little good for him or me.

Appreciate the words itchyscratchy.

You too, take care. Again, thanks for the insight.
 
silas GUY said:
I have seen men stop drinking because there women took off ! but there needs to be a real connection with himself wanting to stop ! or the girl has to want to not watch there loved ones kill himself slowly ! and it takes a lot of love to love yourself more ! but from what i have read IMO it will have to get to a rock bottom for junegreenjeans not the boyfriend or husband or whatever ! your way to concerned about how he feels on a detox program ! that he cant just stop with that much so ill buy him beer ! keep up ur shenanigans and it will end in a domestic problem with cops ! your to addicted to him and not addicted enough to loving yourself ! and he knows what he can get away with and you let him ! how long have you been posting this same old story about "your love" ! if you love him then you would have taken action long ago ! your addicted to the drama and ongoing problem ! and the attention you get from posting about it ! good luck and love yourself !
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"addicted to the attention you get from posting about it"? REally? Well, pardon me for saying this next bit but are you fucking serious? I come here anonymously to seek others insights into this situation. Believe me, there are other things to get attention from and I don't need any of it. You think I'm telling the same ol story and forgive me if i'm misinterpret your words but what the f__ man. This has been going on for years now so forgive me if I didn't take the action many of you thought I should have within months of my first post but I don't work that fast and walking away isn't an option.

I am not addicted to this fucking drama. Pardon my words but i'm pissed off a little here. Struck a cord? Yeah, you did. Why may you ask? Because this is my life. I'm not going to walk away from the kindest, most compassionate wonderful man I've ever had the honor of meeting just because he's a bit of a drunk. I love myself full well. Full well.

I apologize for my blunt rudeness in my reply to your post. I appreciate the whole, JGJ must love herself and I assure you, I do. But I do not come here for attentions. I came here for fucking help. No one knows who any of us are. It is anonymous. That is why I came here but if you think I come for attention; sharing our personal details with strangers for attention? well that's enough to put me off coming back, almost. But you are one person and your opinion is yours, though the whole, 'she's doing it for attention' truly hurts my feelings. good f ing grief.
interesting though. So I guess for you, asking strangers for help is seeking attention? Well I guess it is then.
Anyway, thank you for making me feel like shmuck who's using the love of her life's sickness for outside attentions of strangers. By Golly, I must be a horrible person to do such a thing.
thank you
again, apologies if I misinterpreted but again I say, what the hell man
 
@JGJ: I know, right? I love the part about "if you love him you would have done something long ago" LOL! And what exactly were you supposed to do according to these high n mighty know it all parroting fools? Gotta love the people that have been indoctrinated into this NA/AA theology and dont have the slightest idea of how to deal with nor advise on the situation they have not even the slightest idea of how to grasp. No, you are not a shmuck. You are just absorbing the brunt of other people's "better than you" reflectivity. You have to remember that you are on a public forum and are subject to weak ass criticism. My advice comes from experience, not heresay or parroting other blind mens mantras. But I guess in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king. I wasn't talking about you being a nazi, I was talking about you drawing some firm lines in the sand, JGJ. Leaving someone until they get better seldom works. I'm sorry you are fighting against the outdated NA/AA current. If that "tough love" shit worked for them, that's fine. But it's not a universal solution. I'm glad you stood up to the idiocy. ...And that's why I don't post in this thread. Too many people with high and mighty attitudes that don't know shit about real life.
You want to talk realistically, without being judged, I'm here. Like I said, I have been through every angle of that rubiks cube.
Later.
 
junegreenjeans said:
"addicted to the attention you get from posting about it"? REally? Well, pardon me for saying this next bit but are you fucking serious? I come here anonymously to seek others insights into this situation. Believe me, there are other things to get attention from and I don't need any of it. You think I'm telling the same ol story and forgive me if i'm misinterpret your words but what the f__ man. This has been going on for years now so forgive me if I didn't take the action many of you thought I should have within months of my first post but I don't work that fast and walking away isn't an option.

I am not addicted to this fucking drama. Pardon my words but i'm pissed off a little here. Struck a cord? Yeah, you did. Why may you ask? Because this is my life. I'm not going to walk away from the kindest, most compassionate wonderful man I've ever had the honor of meeting just because he's a bit of a drunk. I love myself full well. Full well.

I apologize for my blunt rudeness in my reply to your post. I appreciate the whole, JGJ must love herself and I assure you, I do. But I do not come here for attentions. I came here for fucking help. No one knows who any of us are. It is anonymous. That is why I came here but if you think I come for attention; sharing our personal details with strangers for attention? well that's enough to put me off coming back, almost. But you are one person and your opinion is yours, though the whole, 'she's doing it for attention' truly hurts my feelings. good f ing grief.
interesting though. So I guess for you, asking strangers for help is seeking attention? Well I guess it is then.
Anyway, thank you for making me feel like shmuck who's using the love of her life's sickness for outside attentions of strangers. By Golly, I must be a horrible person to do such a thing.
thank you
again, apologies if I misinterpreted but again I say, what the hell man
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no i deserve all of it and apologize to you ! was just wasted
 
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