Is there any chance you could get a transplant? I also found alcohol incredibly euphoric especially when I first started abusing it. I remember reading Allen Carr's the easy way to stop drinking and he absurdly tried to argue that we only think alcohol is euphoric because we associate it with joyous circumstances like weddings, vacations, parties, hanging out with friends and the like. In my experience however, I'd often find myself alone, depressed, anxious and on the brink of despair only to feel this incredible happiness coming upon me after drinking a few beers. It was so euphoric, the only drug I would rank above it in terms of euphoria is crack but with crack you get ridiculous peaks and valleys between hits whereas with alcohol you can get a more sustained euphoric feeling.
They (the doctors) said to me I could get on the donor list back in December 2015 if I drove to Detroit to some place and pissed in a cup everyday for 6 months.( to make sure I wasn't drinking) They said I had a year to live without one. At the time I was on Medicaid and now I am not and am stuck on shitty insurance that I have to buy. Medicaid would have paid for it.
But now I could end up with a hugh bill that would really hurt my financial situation. Besides I am not really looking to live a real long life anyways.
I am not suicidal, and in not an option as far as I am concerned. I out lived my parents and my only sibling( my little sister). I have some family but they are far away. I am alone and can survive for a while and besides: I destroyed my liver. Also my pancreas is giving me trouble also. However, things have stayed the same and I am greatful that I am allergic to alcohol. If I had a new,( new to me) liver I would be stuck on certain anti transplant rejection drugs.
Besides, I will die when the Lord says it is time. Also, there may be someone else who could get the liver, that didn't destroy theirs and needs It because of another reason other than abusing their body the way I did for 20+ years. According to the doctors, I should have been dead 7 years ago,( like I said I will die when ALMIGHTY GOD says it is time).
The worst part is that I would just turn back into a raging alcoholic and would probably not have access to the benzos and opiods I would need to fight alcohol withdrawal when the times when I need to be sober, In order to get things done.
I am now in my later 40's and probably went through alcohol withdrawal 100's of times. The last time was the worst, and I had my father to take me to the hospital and now if I were to be able to drink again, I don't believe that I could stay sober. Now that I am on my own, being sober is the only way that I can remain semi- functional.
If I were to get get a transplant I would just turn back into a drunken mess and would probably not be able to survive the withdrawals the way I could when I was younger. Even then I was hospitalized many times. The older I got the worse( granted they only last for 5 days) the psychological aspect was horrible, I couldn't eat for usually 5 days and at time I couldn't keep liquids down, and sometimes I could barely move.
But at least then, I had my dad who would buy me a pint of vodka or a 40 or 2 of malt liquor to help me ease off the withdrawals some. Now it would be a disaster if I could drink.
You are absolutely right about the sustained Euphoria. The idea that it is euphoric because we associate it with happy occasions actually made me laugh. You are right that it mood elevator that brings sustained euphoria and the idea that we only think it is euphoric because of some happy memories is beyond ridiculous. I too know all too well what being on the brink of despair and then chugging some malt liquor and then, bye bye despair: Hello some hours of euphoric happiness.
Anyways thank you for the reply, and it is nice too hear from someone who understands, the temporary, very euphoric effects, even while extremely depressed that alcohol can bring. Unfortunately their is a price to pay for that temporarily fix. Best of luck.
