hahaha i know that feeling, at least a good lie is good game, shit lies are a sign to me of an idiot. i dont lie in my life like i used to when in the closet but sometimes i see people trying to hookwink me and its so bad its like a play at school. it enrages me that they think that shit passes. so see through. yes i can understand the fascination as at work i had interactions with a socipath and i found them hilarious and their lies were very good like an oscar worthy performance and kind of outlandish and supernatural. it was very interesting. okay so you do a lot of antisocial behaviours like ripping people off and the only woman who is down with that is one without a conscience.
maybe if you become better behaved then the appeal will start to wane. because borderline with naughty behaviours to me has potentially hope for a more balanced life to develop, sociopathy, naaahhhhh.
what do you want when you are old? a user who can feign real feelings but when your back is turned keeps robbing your shit OR someone who maybe isn't that well behaved but actually does give a shit about you within reason?
i think here she is just a symptom of you and your lifestyle and you will only get the girl you deserve when you live a life less parasitic. as a psych student i'm sure you know what they say about narcissism and parasitic lifestyles. plus if you feed off others you really dont give a shit about them through your actions
Nahhh I don't really rip off a lot of people... I'm now in my late forties & wayyyy too old for that type of crap. My adoptive father was always a shitnasty abusive drunk (READ: most borderlines are made, not born this way) -- so I never had any qualms about ripping that asshole off. And royally -- going to read as REALLY arrogant, but I always figured the guy fucking
owed me.
But he's like 80 years old now & I pretty much leave it alone. Still a damn prick, though. Maybe even worse. When I was younger I might've scammed a few women into being a "sugar mama" for stretches like (typically) no more than a year at a time -- so without getting into detail, I'll leave it to say that my darling princess has had a few, ah, indiscretions -- and they were ones that are what makes me (all one needs to do is to know her a little bit) NOT paranoid in thinking maybe at some point she & her pdoc had a little "oration" or discussion about entomology & ornithology...
(Meaning, "the bees & the jays")
I've lived with BPD my whole life, pretty much - probably really spiked, or "hit me" when I was around seventeen, I don't know... I got diagnosed in my thirties & I ummmm -- knew all about that shit from a scholarly position, so it was kinda like,
"Oh, fuuuck. How could I not have known this?"
I'm in a LOT of treatment, still. I haven't "calmed down" as most people (particularly men) are supposed to have done awhile ago by my age - one damn BIT. Probably my wife (aaaaand yeah, there's that. Now I let that one out) has a LOT to do with this.
Shit, to her credit, the only "cheating" she's ever done - barring one incident early on in our marriage, during which she was rolling on molly & I heard from a third party (fuck-king Facebook. Never assume someone you brag about conquests to won't FUCKING KNOW SOMEONE WHO SHOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT THEM), and this merely consisted of "two hot chicks grinding on each other whilst [kinda dumpy-looking raver/wannabe DJ dude] jerked off.
Being that that milady really isn't into women, I wasn't all that bothered & never once brought up I know about it. Plus ecstasy aside, these two "hot chicks" were only pulling theatrics for more free drugs. The only thing ever came out of me was little birdie told little birdie told dumpy little DJ Facebook "friend" to enjoy it to his fucking self, and that way we don't have a problem.
She he never heard from that weird little raver dude again. Don't fucking care about the girl. So that said "hmmm.... Princess has some really flexible morals when it comes to substances. Soooo any allegations I'd think to make against her shrink - yeah, not completely unrealistic.
The only other infidelity weirdness were "emotional affairs" (cyber & phone sex) that went on for YEARS preceding "me" & didn't happen very often far as I knew, but I saw that shit accidentally when she left her phone open whilst passed out on OxyContin & morphine sulfate -- course I knew all about this dude & their past relationship... Seems she used to be a (his words, not mine) "fucktoy" of his when they were like, FUCKING NINETEEN YEARS OLD & THIS MEMORY LANE
MORON NEVER GOT OVER HAVING BEEN HER FUCKING BDSM CREEPLORD.
I politely contacted the dude & he backed off... but some near-year later, he relocated from long distance to VERY CLOSE & once again -- phone left face up open to racy sex-text, suggesting a rendezvous. (Hm. Wonder maybe princess might've
wanted husband to see this fuckery?)
Ohhhh but THAT was when the real FUN began. I contacted the guy & shot got UGLY, UGLY, UGLY.
Basically that's where I actually DID blackmail someone... butttttt if anyone were to ever read this little tellie-tale, I'll maintain it all to be made-up tripe with my dying breaths.
So, yesyesyes... sociopaths don't foster a lot of, ah, "stability" in relationships -- but they ARE fun to play with.
Of of course I do love my lady (at least, I think I do) very much. Just, um... I've had lives before, and I've a teenage daughter who's likely the only woman I've REALLY ever loved unconditionally... and rest-a-god damn-sured, although she ADORES her stepmother,
i keep that that child as far away from her as possible.