Adderall GF

[Scuzzy]

You have no proof that she ever slept with her doctor. Her dosage is not that extreme, and it's not the doctor's fault that she's abusing her meds. Stop doing what you call "dickish things." Seriously bro, this was actually painful to read. You're dipping the straws she snorts with in vaseline? And putting tumeric in the pills that she steals from you? You couldn't think of anything more constructive?

And I don't believe that your doctor is going to help you perpetrate fraud against her doctor. You could both get in a lot of trouble that.

It sounds like you can't stand each other, so why are you trying to make this relationship work? It's hopeless! End it and start over.

 

[professoracid]

You have no proof that she ever slept with her doctor. Her dosage is not that extreme, and it's not the doctor's fault that she's abusing her meds. Stop doing what you call "dickish things." Seriously bro, this was actually painful to read. You're dipping the straws she snorts with in vaseline? And putting tumeric in the pills that she steals from you? You couldn't think of anything more constructive?

And I don't believe that your doctor is going to help you perpetrate fraud against her doctor. You could both get in a lot of trouble that.

It sounds like you can't stand each other, so why are you trying to make this relationship work? It's hopeless! End it and start over.

Nobody's 'perpetuating fraud'. Plus (edit here), my shrink isn't doing anything instrumental, save for assistance with wording -- JUST IN CASE I DO DECIDE TO GO THERE... Read: doc isn't going to put his name on this TENTATIVE report even if it does happen -- dude's not stupid. That said, his only purpose there would be that "If feel that this is something necessary, don't get [myself] into trouble over it."

Nobody is going ANYWHERE NEAR sex allegations. Why? Because my shrink thinks it's fucking absurd, even if I do not. And there are good god damn reasons as to why I don't.

Look: no disrespect meant; I do appreciate it -- but the bottom line is I'm watching this woman destroy herself with this particular med.

Plus, I'm sorry again, but 60mg p/d of IR IS an excessive dose for general fatigue & rest assured, my dude, she's taking wayyy more than her prescribed amount.

NO ONE is out to, nor going to ruin anyone with a simple report of this ilk -- happens all the time.

If pdoc's able to justify it, fine.

It goes away, simple as that... Aaaand insofar as the "coating straws w/ Vaseline" CRAP goes -- that's actually good for her VERY DAMAGED nasal cavity.

And the tumeric? Pfft. PLEASE, dude.

I put some orange capsules into a bottle that lives in my personal space w other of my PERSONAL THINGS.

If my gf decided to pinch a few of those that's her deal -- and IMHO not a very cool thing to pull over on someone you've been close to for six years almost.

SOOO also, as said before,

She has NO REASON TO LIE ABOUT THIS SHIT, DUDE.

I've GIVEN HER ER capsules -- very recently, too. And why???

BECAUSE. SHE. ASKED. ME. FOR. SOME.


(edit) tumeric comes as orange capsules & BTW, she did not fall for that shit. Nor, for that matter, the "Vaseline trick" -- they were MESSAGES & nothing more. As in, "please don't lie to me, K?"


Look, again: we most certainly do not hate each other -- we simply have lost some of our ability to communicate effectively with each other.

ALSO: it's not like I'm a prude, vanilla, or not a BLOODY ADDICT MYSELF.


(So sorry bout the caps bullshit dude.)

Insofar as the delusionary parasitosis, I’m sure that I know of what I speak:


As said, I have ADD, and pretty hardcore – I remember what it was like not to be medicated & I'd NEVER want to go back to that, ever. There was a point when I was in college that I didn't have any insurance & let me tell you, ER Adderall is bloody expensive.


I fucked around with doses, bought pills as little as 5-7 count, as they were prorated – and finally I broke down & went IR. They're less than half the price out of pocket. Also had this neighbor who was giving me her 20mg tabs, plus some IR Wellbutrin that she didn't need – fuck, that was a bad combo… I was convinced for a little while that I was the mortal incarnation or some avatar of Osiris… And BUGS?


Damn, yes, I had the coke bugs myself – only what were first suspected as ‘bedbugs’ became MINIATURE FUCKING SCARABS because of the Egyptian god bullshit. Wanna know what they were?


Fucking. Sugar ants. That's all. I'd taken to snorting all of my pills & staying awake for days at a time & when I finally crashed, I slept for days on the dirty wood flooring. And yeah, apparently sugar ants do bite. So this was back when Shire was just about to lose their patent, and I went online & tried to scam a patient assistance voucher (nononono with that drug), and some nice person from Shire called me & said “Okay. We don't do vouchers for Adderall, but I can give you a couple of 30 count coupons for whatever dose you're prescribed. They'll be totally free.”


Uhhh – again, just about to lose the patent, so generosity was apparently looked upon either permissively or no one god damn cared & this FUCKING ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL WOMAN SENT ME FUCKING SEVEN OF THEM.


Aaaaand what do you suppose happened to “Mighty Osiris” once I got back on my accustomed, 30mg ER p/d script? He was pretty goddamn silly after that – and REALLY fucking embarrassing: there were these two chicks I hung out with at the time – one of whom was an occasional fuck, the other I'd been pining for for like, three years… I put both of them off me for one hell of a long time’s worth of radio silence because while delusional I wasn't sure which of them was Isis… my sometime F-buddy was hardcore addicted to heroin at the time (still is), and my ‘intended’ is antisocial/schizotypal personality disorder & a pretty heavy cocaine user, so both of these ladies simply did NOT need anymore craziness in their lives.


I've told the GF a little about that shit – but I don't ever take it all the way, because you never, ever want to call out or suggest to a person that they might be hallucinating unless you are qualified to do that – and a BA in psychology & another in a related discipline most assuredly doesn't mean that. Especially if one's fucking crazy oneself.


This is where her pdoc is wicked, wicked dropping the ball with her – TBK I don't really CARE if there was ever any sort of misconduct – like I also said her appointments simply aren't long enough to accommodate that type of stuff. But they used to be not too long ago. Realistically that kind of shit only happens in the movies, so I ground myself in that & figure maybe my pdoc is correct -- it's absurd. Tell you what though, it's not absurd that he didn't even pause to think, “OMG this might be stimulant-related stuff.” Because any fool can tell she's tweaking within five minutes of talking to her. And I mean all the freaking time – or at very least until she's blown through her script, and if I've got nothing to take she's either doing diet pills or she just goes through a “crash period” for a couple of days & once she's awake, feeling better, and sober she's a god damn GODDESS. And that makes it totally worth it – lack of emotions aside, she can be kinda hella cool once she's got her head on straight.


BTW, when she's in the midst of one of her particularly horrible crashes I do my very best to just be there for & help with whatever she may need. Matter of fact she's fairly well crashing presently.
Which means that she's likely polished off for the month & I'm afraid I've nothing to give her, and certainly nothing left for her to steal… I use the Vyvanse because I need it for fucking focus – not for tripping ballz or staying awake for days.


No lockbox, no stash spot; that shit is living on my person at ALL TIMES.


Tough love, yeah, but love.

 

[pofacedhoe]

OP- sounds very unhealthy

if you think you are in a relationship with a sociopath what do you get out of it? i'm intrigued

are you similar? hiding her drugs, playing weird little mind games like the vaseline and the tumeric (ha ha i'm on to you- hint hint). everything is always a game

it seems weird, most people would run a mile yet you stay and want to blame her psych when she is probably able to present the exact right image to him to convince him to give her the shit she wants. it couldn't be her fault, why cant she go back to being spaced out on a more chill drug...

sounds more like she is annoying you and you want that to change than you are worried about her amphetamine addictions effect on her health

dunno, i have to question your motives and behaviours too. so iffy and doesn't make sense

 

[professoracid]

sounds very unhealthy if you think you are in a relationship with a sociopath what do you get out of it? i'm intrigued are you similar? hiding her drugs, playing weird little mind games like the vaseline and the tumeric (ha ha i'm on to you- hint hint) it seems weird, most people would run a mile yet you stay and want to blame her psych when she is probably able to present the exact right image to him to convince him to give her the shit she wants.
dunno, i have to question your motives and behaviours too

DAYUM. Straight up called out by a mod.


Zoot Alours. I have arrived.


Okay, yes – very appropriately called out. What do I get out of it? Welll for one thing, I'm fairly sure I truly do love her; else I think I'd not have stayed so long. Aaaaand there's that --- “Yay! I get to be a fuck-king MARTYR!!!”


Pretty sick, yes… but at least I'm willing to own it.


Other than that, once again: former psych student… she's textbook, and it's abso-fucking-lutely FASCINATING: it's kinda like when you're watching some thriller movie & there's this psycho killer who's typically all cold & emotionless, but suddenly snaps into this psychotic torrent of emotion. Yeah, she does that. Absolutely fucking terrifying, at times… but also fascinating.


Then there's the fact that, yeah… absolutely right to question me: I'm also affected by a cluster B personality disorder (borderline) & a lot of really valid research supports that we should attract each other like magnets:


When I am severely “off my game” my emotions are HUGE. And it's kind of like – well, from my perspective, anyway – she wants them soooo badly that she almost literally siphons them from me, mirrors them, and then angrily spits them right back at me because she simply cannot handle feeling them at all.

You aren't the first mod to ask - I've been having a little tête-à-tête with @apriesttheycalledhim, because he invited me to PM, and has given me some fantastic, sound advice (which I'm sure I'm going to blow off even though it was great advice) and he actually wanted me to post a lot of the stuff I told him in the thread. I suppose now I kind of am, although I said I wouldn't.

Yes, yes, yes; I'm no innocent by any means & maybe that's just another reason to stay... I'm a (only recently self admitted) god damned con artist, and a pretty good one at that... but I'm also now like, old & stuff, so settling down is really something I'd very much like to do. Always, always have lived by this self-branded credo of, "never steal from, or lie to, family, friends, nor for that matter, ANYONE you wouldst proclaim to respect" -- unless of course, that person is a world-class fucking asshole.

-- Which is pretty much why I ever mess with her in the first place. Not to be mean -- nononono - it's because she herself lies constantly to me & right to my face. And as said previously, very poorly. There's where the whole "B cluster overlap" comes in:

I guess I've got more than a few narcissistic features kicking around my skull, and my attitude is that, "If you're going to lie to me, you could AT VERY LEAST MAKE IT A GOOD ONE" because that, I could actually respect. It would mean that you're smarter than me. HOWEVER: If one can't even do me the justice of TRYING, I sort of feel like it's an insult to my intelligence.

On one hand with her, its paradoxical -- I'm letting her get away with it even though she's being so very obvious about it.

On the other hand... NO. Just... FUCKING "NO." BabybabyBABY - you please aren't to fuck with me? Right??

This is SO CLEARLY MY JOB.

 

[professoracid]

Quick addendum: acts of pure, unselfish altruism are actually (hehheh) the most egotistical, self-centered ones to perform:

As I said above, the altruist gets to be a martyr.

That said, if one's doing something which benefits another, no matter HOW BLOODY SELFISH THAT MAY BE, it doesn't really matter what the damn motivation is -- after all, ALL human behavior is reward-based/reward-expected... ultimately, we all expect a damn cookie for good behavior.

 

[pofacedhoe]

I guess I've got more than a few narcissistic features kicking around my skull, and my attitude is that, "If you're going to lie to me, you could AT VERY LEAST MAKE IT A GOOD ONE" because that, I could actually respect. It would mean that you're smarter than me. HOWEVER: If one can't even do me the justice of TRYING, I sort of feel like it's an insult to my intelligence.

On one hand with her, its paradoxical -- I'm letting her get away with it even though she's being so very obvious about it.

hahaha i know that feeling, at least a good lie is good game, shit lies are a sign to me of an idiot. i dont lie in my life like i used to when in the closet but sometimes i see people trying to hookwink me and its so bad its like a play at school. it enrages me that they think that shit passes. so see through.

yes i can understand the fascination as at work i had interactions with a socipath and i found them hilarious and their lies were very good like an oscar worthy performance and kind of outlandish and supernatural. it was very interesting

okay so you do a lot of antisocial behaviours like ripping people off and the only woman who is down with that is one without a conscience.

maybe if you become better behaved then the appeal will start to wane. because borderline with naughty behaviours to me has potentially hope for a more balanced life to develop, sociopathy, naaahhhhh.

what do you want when you are old? a user who can feign real feelings but when your back is turned keeps robbing your shit OR someone who maybe isn't that well behaved but actually does give a shit about you within reason?

i think here she is just a symptom of you and your lifestyle and you will only get the girl you deserve when you live a life less parasitic. as a psych student i'm sure you know what they say about narcissism and parasitic lifestyles. plus if you feed off others you really dont give a shit about them through your actions

 

[professoracid]

hahaha i know that feeling, at least a good lie is good game, shit lies are a sign to me of an idiot. i dont lie in my life like i used to when in the closet but sometimes i see people trying to hookwink me and its so bad its like a play at school. it enrages me that they think that shit passes. so see through. yes i can understand the fascination as at work i had interactions with a socipath and i found them hilarious and their lies were very good like an oscar worthy performance and kind of outlandish and supernatural. it was very interesting. okay so you do a lot of antisocial behaviours like ripping people off and the only woman who is down with that is one without a conscience.
maybe if you become better behaved then the appeal will start to wane. because borderline with naughty behaviours to me has potentially hope for a more balanced life to develop, sociopathy, naaahhhhh.
what do you want when you are old? a user who can feign real feelings but when your back is turned keeps robbing your shit OR someone who maybe isn't that well behaved but actually does give a shit about you within reason?
i think here she is just a symptom of you and your lifestyle and you will only get the girl you deserve when you live a life less parasitic. as a psych student i'm sure you know what they say about narcissism and parasitic lifestyles. plus if you feed off others you really dont give a shit about them through your actions

Nahhh I don't really rip off a lot of people... I'm now in my late forties & wayyyy too old for that type of crap. My adoptive father was always a shitnasty abusive drunk (READ: most borderlines are made, not born this way) -- so I never had any qualms about ripping that asshole off. And royally -- going to read as REALLY arrogant, but I always figured the guy fucking owed me.

But he's like 80 years old now & I pretty much leave it alone. Still a damn prick, though. Maybe even worse. When I was younger I might've scammed a few women into being a "sugar mama" for stretches like (typically) no more than a year at a time -- so without getting into detail, I'll leave it to say that my darling princess has had a few, ah, indiscretions -- and they were ones that are what makes me (all one needs to do is to know her a little bit) NOT paranoid in thinking maybe at some point she & her pdoc had a little "oration" or discussion about entomology & ornithology...

(Meaning, "the bees & the jays")

I've lived with BPD my whole life, pretty much - probably really spiked, or "hit me" when I was around seventeen, I don't know... I got diagnosed in my thirties & I ummmm -- knew all about that shit from a scholarly position, so it was kinda like, "Oh, fuuuck. How could I not have known this?"

I'm in a LOT of treatment, still. I haven't "calmed down" as most people (particularly men) are supposed to have done awhile ago by my age - one damn BIT. Probably my wife (aaaaand yeah, there's that. Now I let that one out) has a LOT to do with this.
Shit, to her credit, the only "cheating" she's ever done - barring one incident early on in our marriage, during which she was rolling on molly & I heard from a third party (fuck-king Facebook. Never assume someone you brag about conquests to won't FUCKING KNOW SOMEONE WHO SHOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT THEM), and this merely consisted of "two hot chicks grinding on each other whilst [kinda dumpy-looking raver/wannabe DJ dude] jerked off.

Being that that milady really isn't into women, I wasn't all that bothered & never once brought up I know about it. Plus ecstasy aside, these two "hot chicks" were only pulling theatrics for more free drugs. The only thing ever came out of me was little birdie told little birdie told dumpy little DJ Facebook "friend" to enjoy it to his fucking self, and that way we don't have a problem.

She he never heard from that weird little raver dude again. Don't fucking care about the girl. So that said "hmmm.... Princess has some really flexible morals when it comes to substances. Soooo any allegations I'd think to make against her shrink - yeah, not completely unrealistic.

The only other infidelity weirdness were "emotional affairs" (cyber & phone sex) that went on for YEARS preceding "me" & didn't happen very often far as I knew, but I saw that shit accidentally when she left her phone open whilst passed out on OxyContin & morphine sulfate -- course I knew all about this dude & their past relationship... Seems she used to be a (his words, not mine) "fucktoy" of his when they were like, FUCKING NINETEEN YEARS OLD & THIS MEMORY LANE MORON NEVER GOT OVER HAVING BEEN HER FUCKING BDSM CREEPLORD.

I politely contacted the dude & he backed off... but some near-year later, he relocated from long distance to VERY CLOSE & once again -- phone left face up open to racy sex-text, suggesting a rendezvous. (Hm. Wonder maybe princess might've wanted husband to see this fuckery?)

Ohhhh but THAT was when the real FUN began. I contacted the guy & shot got UGLY, UGLY, UGLY.

Basically that's where I actually DID blackmail someone... butttttt if anyone were to ever read this little tellie-tale, I'll maintain it all to be made-up tripe with my dying breaths.

So, yesyesyes... sociopaths don't foster a lot of, ah, "stability" in relationships -- but they ARE fun to play with.

Of of course I do love my lady (at least, I think I do) very much. Just, um... I've had lives before, and I've a teenage daughter who's likely the only woman I've REALLY ever loved unconditionally... and rest-a-god damn-sured, although she ADORES her stepmother,

i keep that that child as far away from her as possible.

 

[professoracid]

Ah, this post is only here because I accidentally double-posted that long fricking diatribe & didn't see a "delete" option. (Edit): oh, I forgot: "cyber/phone sex guy" might've actually been able to score princess some opiates. And after she's been off them for YEARS, of course still misses that particular high.

(And really, who wouldn't, I suppose.)

Sooo again I'll sing her praises on this one:
I did NOT trust that asshole to leave her alone so I got into some kind of snakelike, sleazy monitoring of certain things of hers I normally wouldn't want nor care to (really didn't care about the 'virtual sex' until dude wanted for realsies). So I read some shit, and I'm proud to say that she had many an opportunity to have had an afternoon delight session & passed on it.

Of course this guy -- again, the B cluster clusterfuck manipulation-attraction, dude is a freaking narcissistic personality case if ever I saw one; showed up again & my darling, darling girl told me he was bothering her.

So I had to have another "blackmail threat" session with him.

THAT was some really messed up shit, right there... apparently his pride had been REALLY hurt from our previous little "understanding" & decided he had nothing to lose.

Blahblahblahblah neanderthal crap, eventually I emerged victorious -- if only because I allowed a ferocious barrage of insults sounding as if coming from a 13 year old boy, at best & simply ignored him until he - I guess - got too exhausted, bored, or frustrated, and just let it die.

 

[Scuzzy]

I enjoy reading the adventures of other borderlines. You sound a lot like me in my 20s, even though you're about a decade older than me. The main difference between me now and then is that my BPD is self-medicated very successfully at last.

That being said, I totally relate about phone sex cheating can be so aggravating. Oh God, I hate that corny half-ass cheating BS! I got into it with a girl over that once, and ended up getting stabbed twice, roundhouse-kicked and left a bloody mess (I was falling-down drunk and couldn't defend myself worth a damn). Then I bailed her out of jail the next day. LOL, good times, nothing but good times

 

[professoracid]

Oh shit! My dude never got violent - although the both of us threatened violence, restraining orders, blahblahblah.

Basically the first time we got into it I threatened to drop a lot of "saved" email, texts & FB PMs (totally lied - I read them, sure -- but I never saved any) on his LT girlfriend, who's his meal ticket.

When he came back at me, God, he had grown some balls & a spine from HELL.

I loosely alleged I was just going to go ahead & contact his girl & he whipped back at me with, "snooping through your spouse's email, etc., is illegal...

Yes, yes it most assuredly is that -- however I - once again - will deny it with my dying breath IF I ever did that.

(All I'll say/said about that is/was "All I did was happen to see a couple of FB messages when her phone was left face up & open to them. And dude, I've gotta say, the shit you sent to my wife reads like Penthouse Forum letters written by a retard."

The guy went from pretty composed, intelligent insults to lobbing hateful comments about me AND her that might as well have been written by a middle school bully. Diction, spelling & grammar -- even the QUALITY of the insults - just down the toilet the angrier he got.

I left it at "yeah, cyber-snooping" is some pretty deep shit - in some US states even a felony - BUT & once again, not saying I EVER did that... in ours it's a misdemeanor. 90 days & a fine. I can do that.

But this is a blue law state & one of a few in which adultery IS a felony -- and if one were to get a real good attorney & maybe just the right judge, it COULD BE (hasn't been pursued in a loooong time) something that'd yield a two to three year sentence.

That's for the adulteress AND the lover.

"Dipshit. That law was overturned in like 2012."


AHAHAHAHA I MADE YOU LOOK IT UP THOUGH.

"Fuck you. I wouldn't fuck her with YOUR d**k anyway."

Eh, never heard from him again.

EDIT: I've never gotten stabbed, but I sure have gotten the shit kicked out of me a whole lot.

 

[professoracid]

EPILOGUE...

(Ahahaha -- Just being dramatic.)

Talked to my own pdoc a bit more & he brought me down to earth. Apparently, the max dose for Adderall IR is 90mg, not 60mg like I'd always thought, so don't really think there's any mad pimping or anything going down.

Ditto to @Scuzzy:

Reading/hearing from other borderline patients is pretty cool, particularly other guys affected (we aren't as rare as the climate STILL seems to believe, despite the past decade plus' literature stating otherwise).

Most people in DBT, inpatient, and other situations I've encountered have been women -- which is likewise cool, but I usually just end up wanting to have sex with them.