I am a heroin addict. I have been to jail and rehab because of this in past. Now with Suboxone i am maintaining and still doing dope as well . I have been going to NA meetings long time and have had some clean time in past but I still go now even when im using and i refuse to let anyone know im not clean . Maybe its my pride i dont know. I just see no point in hearing them preach to me . I know usings bad and i know i should get clean but i love dope too much . Now I dont know why i still go to meetings when im not ready to be honest or get clean . I think i just go because i have nothing better to do honestly . Anyway i usually end up sitting there thinking how annoying all these people are and how all the program stuff is BS . i dont know if this is "just my addiction talking to me " as theyd say but i do believe it is possible to maintain an addiction and that its not always "jails institutions and death " any opinons ?
I used to do heroin too. I started doing heroin at 16. My mom currently does heroin too. I used to attend smart recovery meetings (online and you dont have to talk, all kinds of different groups, all kinds of ages if you are interested) but i dont anymore. I stopped attending it because i thought it was boring and i had been clean for some time then and deicided i didnt need to hear all that shit.
But being in meetings can be helpful. Maybe you need to try smart recovery meetings. Na meetings, Aa meetings are based on a higher power. With smart recovery its about your mental health. You dont have to talk. You can just listen. And i truly hope one day you hear something that will change your life in a positive way.
Im not going to tell you to not do heroin. Im not going to tell you to not attend meetings or not talk at meetings. Im not going to preach to you. But i do wish the best for you.
Im sure that deep down apart of you cares about yourself and thats why you are still attending those meetings.
I hope i can give you some motivation. I started drinking at 13, smoking cigarettes at 13, smoking weed at 13, doing dxm at 13, doing hydrocodone at 13, doing dip at 13, doing shrooms at 15, doing heroin at 16. At 13 i drank three times a day one of which was during lunch at school. I drank after being sexually assaulted by my sisters friend then later i got drunk and my stepbrother did shit to me while i was drunk. I did dxm so much i cant get high off it anymore. Ive smoked butts off the ground a shit ton of times. Ive stolen cigarettes from people. Ive asked for cigarettes from strangers.
Ive carpetfarmed for weed, ive stolen peoples weed and edibles, ive stolen money for weed, cigarettes, and heroin. Ive almost sold my families stuff for heroin.
Ive been in seven acute mental hospitals, one residential mental hospital, and a group home. Ive been on house arrest. Im clean now. I dont do anything anymore not even cigarettes.
Its possible to be clean. And hell i dont miss heroin anymore. I did at first. But life feels better without it. You save money, you live longer, you live healthier, you stay away from crazy shit, your mind is so much clearer when your away from heroin.
I do believe in the term functioning addict, however i do believe actions have consequences. I hope this message helped you. If not ignore it. I hope this message helps someone. Your not alone.
