AA /NA meetings make me nuts

[b4rd]

I feel like they are trying to brainwash me , i feel like they are fake , then in back of my mind i keep thinking "what if im the one who is wrong and im just in denial "

Thats the cult tricking you!

 

[mymindisgoo]

at first i was like yay na, and now i'm like, fuck that noise. everyone who goes to meetings should watch the episode "bloody mary" from south park

 

[xxkcxx]

oh really now?

 

[jake99]

whats goin on here ? this is a old thread

 

[MLBx503xTAT]

I feel like they are trying to brainwash me , i feel like they are fake , then in back of my mind i keep thinking "what if im the one who is wrong and im just in denial "

i feel you!!! 100% this is what goes thru my mind when im in meetings its very disheartening

 

[jgwire]

a belly full of pills and a headful of NA or AA --ICKY

I am a heroin addict. I have been to jail and rehab because of this in past. Now with Suboxone i am maintaining and still doing dope as well . I have been going to NA meetings long time and have had some clean time in past but I still go now even when im using and i refuse to let anyone know im not clean . Maybe its my pride i dont know. I just see no point in hearing them preach to me . I know usings bad and i know i should get clean but i love dope too much . Now I dont know why i still go to meetings when im not ready to be honest or get clean . I think i just go because i have nothing better to do honestly . Anyway i usually end up sitting there thinking how annoying all these people are and how all the program stuff is BS . i dont know if this is "just my addiction talking to me " as theyd say but i do believe it is possible to maintain an addiction and that its not always "jails institutions and death " any opinons ?

I know how you feel. I was going to AA -- I just like AA better tho i'm a junkie --when I was addicted to methadone and xanax - and not on a clinic....I went to the meetings for the same reason you did -- I wanted to stop and I DID stop through AA for 8 years...but going to a 12 step meeting high or on dope make me feel WORSE -- not better -- after the meeting.. I do NOT feel "apart of" but rather "outside looking in" and alone again because all these people are at least trying to get clean and many are and I'm full of dope and sitting there with them trying to act honest and being completely dishonest.
They say:"There's nothing worse than a belly full of beer and a head full of AA." Apply that to gear or whatever....I just felt SO guilty and shamed after these meetings -- and I got back on dope because I was suffering Chronic Pain after having to go on disability because a fourth back surgery left me unable to sit or walk and in pain 24/7 -- you think these guys cared about that? Pray about it -- right...anyone ever PRAYED pain away? Nerve pain?
Gimme a break...Finally they all knew I was on methadone and Xanax -- so I was ignored..and ran off. And this was my former HOME group -- the one I got sober in the first time...NO pity for me --But I thought the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop using or drinking -- I certainly have that.But after literally being ignored and told not to speak -- I finally got the message that I was not welcome at my home group anymore....I still have a lot of respect for AA and I know those were the best years of my life...But how many times can ytou do a fourth step? I was sober from 1990-97 -- I'm afraid my 12 step days are behind me....I would rather live a shorter life with less pain than a sober life in which I can not leave the bed to even attend an AA meeting....

 

[jgwire]

it's not always jails instituations and death -- most times it's just a shitty life filled with drama, poverty and sleazy people...and you feel like shit 90 percent of the time. No, sometimes we just become old addicts -- it IS possible if you are careful.

 

[jake99]

well i hope i can get off this clinic with the suboxones i got today . got 5.................

 

[dragonix]

It took more than five years going off and on by my own choice (in and out of the rooms for over ten years before that through the prompting of rehabs and the courts) to come to the conclusion they are saner in the meetings than I have been being not attending any.

 

[dragonix]

it's not always jails instituations and death -- most times it's just a shitty life filled with drama, poverty and sleazy people...and you feel like shit 90 percent of the time. No, sometimes we just become old addicts -- it IS possible if you are careful.

Whoa. I guess that is a new way to see it for me but I feel it is jails, institutions, and early painful death for the likes of me shared the well worn phrasing in a AA meeting last week a guy in a court there by his own will gotta hand him that just brought it out of me.

What am I living like even after studying doctors specializing in addiction is atrociously uncalled for. I can see I can keep trying to figure this out alone or just fake it in meetings until I feel so good I don't want to stop.

 

[Robi]

NA is hard core in my town

 

[dragonix]

NA is hard core in my town

NA is mostly African American in my town.

I have no reason not to go other than I don't really enjoy the neighborhoods they have the meetings in.

I should go again perhaps. Look at the places I frequented using drugs.

Also the way many raise their voice in NA meetings here is like a sermon at one of the inner city churches I hate to be judgmental but they make me nuts due to this or I should take a look in the mirror I am already off the bonkers perhaps I could be a gentle white pilgrim who shows them love and doesn't yell in meetings?

But I scream on my bike around town going on drug runs

They make me nuts maybe I might go though just because how far down the scale I have gone.

Thinking of going to two AA meetings today is making me feel wholesome not nutty.

Funny now I feel a bit nutty thinking of going to NA in between...but I admit I am already batshit.

Different strokes for different folks. I will go give out hugs not drugs report back if I felt nuttier before or after NA today.

 

[Robi]

NA is mostly African American in my town.

I have no reason not to go other than I don't really enjoy the neighborhoods they have the meetings in.

I should go again perhaps. Look at the places I frequented using drugs.

Also the way many raise their voice in NA meetings here is like a sermon at one of the inner city churches I hate to be judgmental here but they make me nuts due to this or I should take a look in the mirror I am already off the bonkers perhaps I could be a gentle white pilgrim who shows them love and doesn't yell in meetings?

They make me nuts I might go though just because how far down the scale I have gone.

Thinking of going to two AA meetings today is making me feel wholesome not nutty.

Funny now I feel a bit nutty thinking of going to NA in between...

Different strokes for different folks. I will go give out hugs not drugs report back if I felt nuttier before or after NA today.

thats certain for me too, a lifesaver for so many, but i checked out this meeting, and 90 percent were getting slips signed or sumpin, i know they were forced to go to them, all good i suppose but whoaaaaaaaaaaaaa, so many were high, and grunting and groaning, i cant explain, but whoa nelly

 

[Robi]

i remember the days of hugs,,,,,i think~ elbow bumps yah

 

[dragonix]

I spoke too soon with bias from past experiences.

They have a tiny amount of NA meetings here in suburban areas I find the city makes me nutty riding around so call me a country boy or forest elf since I was told I looked like the Keebler elf one time on acid we love woods, rolling hills of vibrant colors, and pure waterways not trashy city ones.

So having the week off I will proceed to ride like a bat out of hell to a NA meeting in an area I am a thinking isn't dominated by inner city sermon voice level speakers.

I rather relax in the hammock in my living room and try to connect more fully and personally here I know it isn't a screen I am talking to the words might carry gravity I don't get and a suffering human might be looking for support here I am not sharing fairly but since when I use I go hard 24/7 I don't think a third meeting is out of line today especially since I need to reduce screentime and I developed a YouTube video sharing habit I want to break on this need a break to do that probly

 

[dragonix]

i remember the days of hugs,,,,,i think~ elbow bumps yah

Ya what I am thinking new COVID restrictions certainly no hugging haha

 

[dragonix]

Final update then I should listen stop talking until some Spirit or Force out there in the great cosmic beyond starts curing my drug induced insanity (no clinical underlying issues been tested multiple times).

I just rode to a NA meeting very near to my parents home beautiful quaint town.

I was a bit late impulsive choice but I wanna go again when the weather is nice to ride in at least.

I didn't walk in as I saw one vehicle in front so wanted to check I was at the right address. Two younger folk were walking out back in the parking lot towards a hoop.

I rode up and asked if they worked at the church. They said no we are here for a meeting. I was like I am too. The younger guy (urban punk vibe or emo wigger style not sure the correct verbiage/vernacular/Ebonics not to label him based on his style) said to me he walked inside there was a room with people but he felt they looked at him funny he thought he looked like a drug addict so he walked out with his lady friend instead of ask if it was NA. I told him you don't look like a drug addict you just look young.

I feel saner for going as I challenged my laziness and isolation. Also challenged my reservation against NA it isn't fair to let poor urban planning distort my vision and certainly everyone's culture isn't for you sometimes meetings have a certain flavor of culture you just cannot swallow that's why there are so many flavors?

I think I should focus on finding support through building a phone number list at local meetings rather than rely on typing this much. Texting is typing too I should practice calling I am thinking good speech practice valuable skill.

 

[Sidban]

Tusnau meetings. Secular meetings. Try them.

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

I am a heroin addict. I have been to jail and rehab because of this in past. Now with Suboxone i am maintaining and still doing dope as well . I have been going to NA meetings long time and have had some clean time in past but I still go now even when im using and i refuse to let anyone know im not clean . Maybe its my pride i dont know. I just see no point in hearing them preach to me . I know usings bad and i know i should get clean but i love dope too much . Now I dont know why i still go to meetings when im not ready to be honest or get clean . I think i just go because i have nothing better to do honestly . Anyway i usually end up sitting there thinking how annoying all these people are and how all the program stuff is BS . i dont know if this is "just my addiction talking to me " as theyd say but i do believe it is possible to maintain an addiction and that its not always "jails institutions and death " any opinons ?

I went to one once. Never again. All that "higher power" B.S. and everyone chanting the same mantras etc. Bit too culty for my tastes.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I went to one once. Never again. All that "higher power" B.S. and everyone chanting the same mantras etc. Bit too culty for my tastes.

I was in a crazy rehab when I was really young that deprived us of our civil rights and was based on a cult called synnanon
I was only14 and had next to no drug use history and they brainwashed us using 12 step. Brainwashed us to the point where I still have the steps memorized and can’t remember shit from college and my life but still have that in here. I know now that things you learn under extreme duress get in there and don’t leave.
The mind is truly fascinating. As is the human capacity for both kindness and evil.
For a long time I couldn’t do the meeting thing. Even when I needed help badly and went to an eda meeting because I was off my parents insurance and couldn’t afford treatment it was as the kids say; triggering. I have been able to over time release myself from that and sometimes lurk in eda meetings (zoom with the camera off) because I can relate so much to the stories and get a lot out of it. It took ages through truly.
I used to be so militaristically anti 12step that I called it stepcraft and if someone said they went to meetings my mind just checked out and I disregarded everything they said afterwards even though it was probably valid.
All that to say this. I feel you; shit is very culty.
still I use program stuff in my life know. If you would have told me that 20yrs ago I would never have believed it. I would have gone to the mattresses over that one. now I use it. I stay honest, I keep myself humble, I do moral inventories.

if it’s the higher power thing your higher power can be a rock, a dead relative, the freedom you feel when you are clean, the beauty of nature it doesn’t have to be God as in God

positivity and hope for you