• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Recovery A new me.

I understand that Rio, but when I've had something work and then it start to not, it makes me wonder if i'm at the right dose. It's not like it never worked and I keep ramping up to make it work. It works..then as I adjust, it stops being as effective. I just want a dose to be as effective as I've seen methadone be for me.

Also, falling asleep could be a number of things not related to methadone (which is what the nurse prac. thinks is going on) i'm thin and i eat like shit, there's probably some anemia going on, not to mention I wake up at 5:30am everyday, being exhausted at 9 or 10pm isn't that insane.

You know, I'll tell the, you know, trained professional, the truth about how i feel and what's going on and let him make his educated guess. He has lots of experience, that's for sure.
 
I understand that Rio, but when I've had something work and then it start to not, it makes me wonder if i'm at the right dose. It's not like it never worked and I keep ramping up to make it work. It works..then as I adjust, it stops being as effective. I just want a dose to be as effective as I've seen methadone be for me.

Also, falling asleep could be a number of things not related to methadone (which is what the nurse prac. thinks is going on) i'm thin and i eat like shit, there's probably some anemia going on, not to mention I wake up at 5:30am everyday, being exhausted at 9 or 10pm isn't that insane.

You know, I'll tell the, you know, trained professional, the truth about how i feel and what's going on and let him make his educated guess. He has lots of experience, that's for sure.

Yes, asking a professional is definitely a good idea. Pharmacologically speaking your situation doesn't make sense unless the change occurred after using heroin again, since if a dose of a drug holds you then your tolerance shouldn't increase independently of you changing the dose - i.e. if you spent a couple days using more methadone (or a full agonist like heroin) then your tolerance increasing to the point methadone no longer holds you would make sense, but it happening randomly is a head-scratcher, which made me agree with your guess it might be psychosomatic. The amount of methadone in your blood should only be stabilising if not rising and certainly not decreasing with continued treatment, so it's indeed a mystery why it would hold you for a certain period of time and then apropos of nothing suddenly stop. I hope you get it figured out soon - makes me thankful that I have such an easy time adjusting & stabilising on subs.

btw i love your 'location'!
 
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Thanks, lol, and sorry if I sounded bitchy. I was in a mood and, to be fair, you can be a bit of an asshole ;)

I bumped up to 70 today. Doc thinks I needed to go up. Yeah, I don't understand it either and that's why I think some of it is def psychosomatic...but diarrhea shouldn't be happening at all to someone on the appropriate dose, apparently, so he suggested bumping to 70. He said if it felt like too much I could always go down. Fortunately, the clinic i'm at doesn't seem like they're trying to get people on high doses and keep them there, in fact my clinic is well known for being the clinic that allows dose increases at the slowest rate in the metro area...a lot of google reviews complaining that hardcore users can't get comfortable for a long time and have to "supplement outside the clinic" (i want to say to them all "or..ya know, you could not supplement and deal with some minor wd for a couple of days and then be fine and save a lot of fucking money"...but I've been there, I get it. Logic isn't exactly something opiate use promotes). I also picked up a bottle of Vitadone at the clinic today. I saw someone mention it in another forum, so I looked it up on Amazon, and the product has some amazing reviews. It was $25 a bottle on Amazon, so I didn't purchase, but my clinic had it for $15 so I decided to try it out. It's supposed to help with fatigue, sugar cravings, sweats (fortunately not an issue for me, yet anyways), and regularity (also, not a problem for me). The ingredient list on the bottle is hefty..it has fucking 1200% of the daily recommended dose of fucking b12 for christ's sake....but it looks like it has all the things I've heard many of you recommend...magnese, high dose vitamin c, high dose b-complex, tumeric, etc. It's a fucking horse pill and I have to take it 3 times a day, so we'll see if I can keep up with that...I could barely remember to take my chewy multivitamin each morning and I actually enjoyed taking that. Will report back for any readers on the 'done (I don't think we have any active mmt patients posting on here besides myself, but maybe I'm incorrect about that)/

Everything is going swimmingly otherwise. Work's beating me to death, per the usual, and I've been dealing with some car repairs that have been beating my wallet to death..but that's life, right? I'm just thankful I have the money to pay for those kind of things now. Anytime my car had an issue while I was in active addiction, I never had money to fix it and usually had to resort to begging and pleading with one of my enablers (my mom and my boyfriend) to fix it for me. No more. I'm a fucking adult who can pay for her own shit again and it feels good!

Love yall hope everyone's week is going well!
 
Thanks, lol, and sorry if I sounded bitchy. I was in a mood and, to be fair, you can be a bit of an asshole ;)

What the fuck is this supposed to mean? Just "a bit"?!

I know what you mean as well about the novelty of dealing with problems like a functional adult. It's certainly a refreshing change, and cause for a little pride!
 
HA...yeah, only a bit. A full-blown asshole wouldn't even be able to hang in a forum like this.

I like people with asshole tendencies. My boyfriend is a bit of an asshole too...one of those people who likes to get into arguments with people at bars over dumb shit, and always "wins" (he just won't back down from his point ever...and usually the other person eventually decides the argument is no longer worth it making him the winner by default). We met on Tinder and he called me a cunt in our first conversation. Love, I tell ya.
 
I took used to take a B complex (since just switched to a regular multivitamin) and it had so much thiamine and riboflavin in it that my pee would be an unnatural shade of fluorescent yellow. It had over 6,000% the daily recommended allowance of thiamine, over 1,100% riboflavin and over 1,500% B12. But I had a rehab therapist tell me high doses of thiamine are supposed to help with anxiety. I'm also dealing with the sugar cravings. I bought a big bag of brownie brittle at Costco and I had eaten a quarter of the bag before I knew it. I only buy ice cream one pint at a time to make me exercise restraint. I've been on the portly side several times in my life and I don't want to return to that.
 
I used to drink pretty regularly and what most ppl would consider pretty heavily for most of my 20s, but when i started cutting back in my late 20s, I developed a sweet tooth..guess my body repressed it bc I was giving it so much sugar via beer. Opiates made it worse and methadone is making it insane. As I stated before...6 cupcakes..6 fucking cupcakes! And I would've eaten all 8 but I knew I'd hate myself for it
 
I m fortune to have good genes and come from thin ppl..but I can put on some chunk from time to time. It's not the sexy, curvy, ahh she thick kinda chunk either..my weight distributes very disproportionately and I gain a ton in my face, stomach, and breasts and virtually none in my arms, legs, hips, butt giving the illusion of pregnancy. So, yeah, it's time to exercise...for sure.
 
I grew up in Tenn. and we do love our sweets in the south. I passed on a family recipe for peach cobbler to a friend in Chicago who balked at the amount of sugar in it. The irony is I didn't think the amount of sugar was all that excessive compared to our family recipes for pecan pie and pound cake. The great aunt who also gave me those recipes lived until she was 96. I had another great aunt on my mother's side who made it past 100 and she smoked like a chimney into her 90s, so my family is either blessed (or cursed, maybe?) with longevity. Even my GP was surprised at how quickly my liver function returns to normal when I make it 30+ days without a drink. He told me I'm blessed with a strong constitution, but it will catch up with me sooner or later and I don't doubt him. I remember the morning weather guy on the NBC station in Nashville would interview people who were either turning 100 or people who had made it beyond 100 and he asked one lady, "Do you have any secrets? What do you eat?" And she just said (in a thick drawl), "Whatever I want." Every time I head up to the mountains I have to make the obligatory stop at Mary Mac's Tea Room. It's really difficult to come by that kind of food in Orlando anymore.
 
You're fortunate. I'm lucky that drinking has never been my *thing* (i did it plenty, esp. being a bartender for so long, but it has never been my DOC) because I already have the very very very beginning stages of liver stress (my liver was creating bile, but enzyme levels were all normal, which means it was the absolute beginning of damage when they took the test back in Feb.) but they attributed that mainly to taking so many percocets, hydrocodone pills, etc. in the early part of my opiate addiction that were loaded with acetaminophen that I didn't do a CWE on, in addition to adding a few beers on top of those usually as well. If I didn't loathe liquor so much and if I were a more functional drunk, my body would be in a lot worse shape. I def don't have the kind of genes where I would be able to drink like a fish for 50+ years and be fine. My step dad, on the other hand (notice I said step, no blood relation), is almost 70 and a hardcore alcoholic (still) and smoked (but quit 4 years ago) for nearly 50 years and. while having had the very earliest stages of COPD which have improved beyond needing much treatment at all since quitting smoking, he is in amazing health. If he manages to escape ever getting cancer, the Dr.s said heart failure in his 90's-100's (or some kind of freak accident) would likely be what finally took him down. my mom was actually hoping he'd be told something like: "If you don't quit drinking, you'll die!" from his drs, but after hearing quite the opposite, he intends on changing nothing about his drinking behaviors. Some people have all the luck...

Ya know, I often wonder...I'm a bad drunk, like I get sloppy...Nothing crazy, like I'm not someone you need to call the cops on, and I don't do things that will make me end up on a viral video or anything, it's just written all over my face (cross-eyed), I slur my words...basically, it isn't cute. Having been a bartender for years and built up a tolerance, in addition to the fact that my choice of alcoholic beverage is almost always beer..I don't get there quickly (or thankfully very often these days), but when I do...look out! On the other hand, my best friend is the complete opposite. She can drink and drink and drink and get to a point where she doesn't remember the next day what she did, but hanging out with her, you'd never guess she was more than just a bit buzzed. She claims to never get hangovers, while I get hangovers that put me out of commission for entire days, sometimes multiple days (not every time I drink, but definitely every time I reach that sloppy drunk stage). Having this reaction to alcohol is one of the reasons I took to opiates...I could take them and feel good and maintain composure (and stick to a drink or two and be satisfied) and feel fine the next day (until the addiction began, then I would've traded a hangover for the wd i was feeling any day). What I'm wondering is....this best friend of mine, do you think she would be more likely, once she gets into her 50's and beyond, to not have sustained liver damage compared to myself if I, say, hadn't cut back my drinking several years ago and was still drinking (and continued to drink) like I did in my younger years? The reason I'm wondering is because people I've known who are older alcoholics who have not sustained liver damage from their many years of drinking, like my step dad, are not the kind of drunks who tend to get sloppy and tend to get hangovers. They tend to be the kind of drunks you can't really tell are drunk...the ones who can drink places like work without anyone noticing, or can out drink most of their friends without even needing an ibuprofen the next morning while everyone else is vomiting their faces off. Is there a relation between the two? I know certain ethniticies handle alcohol differently than others...native americans, for example, have a shorter cultural history with alcohol than, say, people (like myself) with anglo-saxon history, so our bodies would handle alcohol completely differently...but are there other factors at play that I'm NOT aware of? This stuff is interesting to me.
 
Also, I am a thin woman, but I process alcohol very slowly and i wonder why. How do i know this? WELL funny you should (not really) ask, (lol): I got a 2nd DUI within 10 years when I was 22 (first one was at 17 while still in high school, both occurred while under less than 4 units of alcohol, but the first one i was underage and the second I was unsure of how intoxicated I was, and didn't blow)..and the state forced me to get a breathalyzer ignition interlock in my car for 6 months. Now, drinking and driving...I stopped that shit years before they had put that thing in my car (took the state 6.5 years to finally prosecute me for that 2nd DUI...but that's a long story...)..but, a problem I didn't expect, was that I often had troubles with the damn thing THE NEXT FUCKING MORNING. It wasn't like I was having some kind of crazy 10+ drinks in a night or anything, maybe 6 or 7 IPAs or a few beers and a couple of shots, and I tried to stop early enough to sober up through the night..but every now and then I would STILL fail the next morning and have to (shamefully) ask my then boyfriend (who didn't even drink, btw) to take me the 30+ min one direction commute to work. There was one time when I had gone HARD the night before and had the day off the next day. i spent the night with a girlfriend and spent most of the morning, early afternoon running errands with her and getting lunch and whatnot. now, I was hungover, but I didn't think I'd still be drunk...especially like 15 hours after I had last had a drink..but sure enough... We came back to my car on the hour every single hour to try and start it and it took 5 more hours before I finally was clear to take it home. Ridiculous. (also, in case anyone was wondering...those things wont let you drive with ANY alcohol on you..not just if you're over the limit...but it doesn't tell you what your BAC is, just if you pass or fail so you have no idea if you're only an hour or so away from complete sobriety..or 6 hours away...)
 
I'm pretty sure I was born alcoholic (it runs in the family on my father's side) as I absolutely adored my first drink at age 12. From the beginning, I always wanted MORE and could handle it much better than my peers. In my teens, 20's, and 30's, I was the guy who drank before the party, outdrank everyone at the party, was the last to pass out and the first to wake up...craving a drink as soon as I opened my eyes. My hangovers were relatively mild. I had blackouts after which people said "you seemed okay." When I went into treatments my liver enzymes always measured in the normal range.

BUT years of alcohol and multi-drug abuse eventually took their toll. By age 45 I was a quiet, gloomy drunk and preferred to drink alone. Hangovers hurt more and lasted longer. I felt tired and sick all the time. I could still hold a lot of booze, but there was no joy or comfort in it whatsoever. I drank constantly just to keep from shaking and going into seizures. After any lengthy period of sobriety I would have a drink and be back in that same misery within days.

I don't miss that.

Peace&Love,
jasper
 
Regarding tolerance, about 7-8 years ago, my tolerance got to the point where I wasn't waking up hungover, I was waking up still wasted. I could drink so much my liver couldn't break it all down before I woke up. I've gone to the hospital multiple times with BACs over .4, the highest being .55. The doctor couldn't believe that I was conscious, let alone able to kinda communicate with him. In hindsight I think I thought I was a lot better at concealing my drunkenness than I really was, but I had a shitty attitude about drunk driving. I used to joke with my drinking buddies that I was better at drunk driving than they were at anything, especially after I was pulled over for speeding by a Massachusetts State Cop for speeding while wasted and he didn't give me a field sobriety test. He didn't even write me a speeding ticket - let me off with a warning. When the inevitable happened and I did get a DUI I was lucky it was in Tennessee and not Florida. Because I was an out of state driver, I didn't have to deal with probation or interlock or any of that stuff. Just paid my fine and did my 48 hours in the hoosegow. I did get a letter from Tennessee telling me I had to file whatever that piece of paper is that proves you have adequate insurance coverage, but my agent told me if she requests that form my rates would automatically skyrocket whether the DUI shows up on my Florida record or not, so I blew it off. Worst case scenario I'll just avoid driving in Tenn. I plead out because I could have been charged with aggravated because of my BAC and the fact that I had benzos in my system (the county I got pulled over in doesn't breathalyze, they take blood).

That's a good question about your friend. It's a genetic luck of the draw. Just like there are some people like my great aunt who smoked for 80+ years and there are others who never smoked a day in their life and die of lung cancer at 40. It would be prudent for her to have her liver enzymes tested a few times a year, though. It is usually part of a routine blood panel.
 
I wish I could drink like I used to when I was younger. Now the hangovers are just too rough. A few vodka/cranberry/pineapple/OJ's are about all I can handle nowadays. The hangovers are just too debilitating the next day now . I used to have my pain pills the next morning to cushion the hangovers, but those days are memories now. My friends couldn't believe I'd be up early fiddling around while they were still hung over. I guess it's good that we can sit back and laugh at our old selves instead of feeling embarrassed or guilty for having a good time .
 
My hangovers make drinking not really worth it to me, these days. Well...heavy drinking that is. I love beer...not your shitty bud lite or anything but I'm a big stout. porter, ipa, sour, pretty much anything non-lager (which I'll drink, and can appreciate, don't get me wrong...I just prefer more flavor in my beer...but it has it's time and place...like a corona on a hot summer day at the beach and I like a few European styles like Carlsberg and Stella at times). When I was younger, a 6 pack was just getting started but these days I rarely can finish one. Don't get me wrong...it I'm on a camping trip, or having a day on the lake, or what have you I can polish off about 9 or 10 over the course of the entire day, if I include breaks and a good amount of food and water in addition to beer..but generally I stick to 3 and under. I learned long ago that liquor is not my friend and the only time I generally do a shot these days is if I haven't had much else to drink that night and I plan on going home soon. Waking up with the shame in addition to a rocking hangover was something I got really sick of. It still happens on occasion, about 2-3 times a year at most now, but not like I used to. That used to just be life. I worked for so long in the bar industry that my drinking paled in comparison to so many of my peers, even when it was much more severe than it is now, I always felt like I wasn't that bad.

A, how long did it take for you to finally get that DUI? Just curious because...I have another one of my best friends, a male this time, who is a severe alcoholic (and knows it). He wakes up shaking, sick kind of alcoholic...he wakes up each morning and promptly goes to the liquor store and purchases 3 flask sized bottles of evan williams, keeping one in his pocket at all times throughout the rest of the day, and usually a 6er of beer to sip on as well. He is a delivery driver and has never gotten so much as a speeding ticket in his entire life, and he's 33 so it's not like he hasn' been on the road long. I will admit that he is a better driver drunk than most people are sober, but I warn him that eventually his luck WILL run out...even if he drives perfectly, someone will hit him one day and he won't be able to get out of it. He drives WASTED af too....and doesn't pull it off well..I know if he were to be pulled over like that there's no way a police offer wouldn't suspect anything. I'm just curious how long it took for your luck to run out so that the next time I'm nagging him about his drinking and driving, I can use you as an example ;)

See, I'm the opposite of you A. I'm one of those people who hardly ever drank and drove, but got 2 duis anyways. As I said in my previous post, during both of them I was NOT overly intoxicated...I was under the limit during one (but underaged) and unsure about the second, but I wasn't way over limit even if I was (I had had 4 beers over 3 hours but refused to blow). I used to be the queen of crashing on people's couches but I'll tell you what, getting those duis stopped me driving even after like 2-3 beers. I refuse to drive unless I've literally had one or less or until at least many many hours have passed. Uber has truly been a godsend.
 
Also....ahem, tomorrow makes ONE WHOLE MONTH on methadone and I definitely think it's been a good month. My counselor and everyone at my clinic says I've done a complete 180..idk about all of that but I'm definitely doing better. I'm sticking to the 'done and not supplementing elsewhere, which is big for me. It was tough at first..sometimes I don't even know how much of the actual dope high I was dependent on and how much was just knowing I had it and I had it in my system...psychological ya know. Bc I def didn't feel the dope nearly as strong while on the subs...sometimes not even at all if I had taken the subs less than 6 hours prior...but I just felt comfort having that bag in my pocket. The brain is a crazy organ. I remember being in deep wd and feeling instantly better as soon as my dope dealer picked up/called back and said "yeah, come through". I would find myself singing songs in the car on the way...with zero dope in my system...just knowing I would have it in my system too was enough to make the wd seem to go away. Not having dope was strange at first. After work, going straight home seemed to give me all this free time which made me feel restless. And restlessness is a big trigger for me...I just had to tell myself abstaining from dope use would be worth it.

I want to relapse sometimes...I really do. I want to be able to chip. I want to be able to use opiates the way I did for the prior decade to developing a massive addiction to them...but...I know that I can't. Even when I wasn't yet physically dependent on opiates, the morning after using I would still wake up and the first thought on my mind would be "I want more of those pills". The reason it took so long for my addiction to develop was that when I had those thoughts in the morning, they stayed there...as thoughts. I never had a steady connection for opiates, just kind of got a few here and there every few months..ya know, the occasional leftovers from a dental surgery, the random half full bottle found in dad's bathroom from his back surgery 3 years ago, etc. It's not like that anymore...I know at least 5 seperate people who have regular prescriptions to hydrocodone, oxycodone, Oxycontin, morphine er, percocet, roxicodone, dilaudid, etc etc you name it (obviously all 5 don't have scrips to all of these, but between the 5, all if these drugs listed are available to me for purchase) and at least 4 different people who sell heroin. Deleting numbers would be useless...I'm friends with several of these people via social media and I could find a way to reach out to someone if I really tried. I'm a great networker, it's a gift and a curse. Moving away from dealers isn't an option either...it would work well for about 2 months and then my junkie ass WOULD find a connection..like I said, I am a great networker. Nope, I just gotta learn to say no on my own. I've always felt like I have absolutely zero self control and this is definitely and exercise in it...the first true test i've ever had to face, actually. I've never successfully quit anything in my entire life...I've been smoking since I was 14....and any other drug I've "quit" i never really liked very much to begin with. I know if I contacted any of these people and purchased any drugs that it would only be a very very short amount of time before I was a full fledged junkie again...and this time, I might not be as lucky as last time. Last time I managed to keep my job, home, non-felon legal status, and eventually regained my relationship that I lost...next time I could lose a lot more. So, alas, I don't chip and I hope that I can remain strong on that end. Trying to "play the tape the whole way through" and whatnot.

Alright, back to work. I spent too much time on here yesterday and now I"m behind on my weekly deadlines. Meh. Love yall
 
Phew, I probably have a drunk driving history going back at least 25 years before I was caught. Some of the stuff I did makes my skin crawl now. I went to the University of the South in Sewanee, Tennessee for a couple of summers and getting trashed and stoned and then driving up and down the mountain with those hairpin curves was a frequent pastime. There was another time when I was still splitting my time between Florida and Ohio, and my flight got into Columbus around 10:30pm. Alcohol sales would likely be cut off by the time I got back to Athens, OH over an hour away, so I stopped at a grocery store in Columbus and got a 12 pack for the road. I stayed on back roads as not to get caught driving drunk and with an open container. Unbeknownst to me, the road hadn't been salted thoroughly and I skidded out on a patch of ice and started to spin and I really thought, "Well, this is it. You're going to die." When I stopped spinning, my truck was in the right lane pointed in the direction I was driving. You'd think that would have been a wake up call. Nope. A few years later, I drove drunk and without my glasses from Tampa back to Orlando (about 85 miles). To put it in perspective, I'm legally blind without corrective lenses. Then there was the time I was coming back from Jacksonville from planning my dad's funeral. By the time I was on the outskirts of Orlando, I was so wasted I was driving and covering one eye because of the double vision. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that the universe was more than generous in keeping me out of trouble had I chosen to heed the message.

When you say your friend is a delivery driver, I hope he's not a commercial driver. The threshold for DUI is much lower and the penalties much stiffer for driving a commercial vehicle with a CDL.

I used to be a real beer snob. When I had a house in Southern Vermont, I used to brew my own beer since I had a root cellar which was cool enough for lagering. There was a natural spring on the side of a hill not too far away where I would get my water. It was too much trouble to brew in Florida. The water tends to be hard and because of the semi-tropical climate, there's just too many contaminants flying around in the air. Carlsberg is good stuff. I spent a summer teaching in the Czech Republic in 2006 and it is the closest thing I've had in the US to those yummy Czech pilsners I was drinking. Even the imported Czech beers like Pilsner Urquell I've gotten here don't do it for me. They taste stale and skunked compared to the fresh out of the brewery taste you have there.

I once asked my psychiatrist why the gratification from alcohol is instant for me and he said long before you even take a swig of liquor, just having it and the anticipation sets off a cascade of dopamine in the brain. And after taking a swig, the burn in the throat and stomach strengthens that cascade, providing feelings of gratification before the alcohol even hits the brain.
 
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I once asked my psychiatrist why the gratification from alcohol is instant for me and he said long before you even take a swig of liquor, just having it and the anticipation sets off a cascade of dopamine in the brain. And after taking a swig, the burn in the throat and stomach strengthens that cascade, providing feelings of gratification before the alcohol even hits the brain.

This is true, but believe it or not it goes even deeper. The brain is an amazing pattern-recognition biological machine, and obviously (to our detriment as addicts) it very quickly picks up on the patterns - visual, auditory & general sensory cues - that occur before we take drugs and then directly alter our brains neurotransmission. Natural selection has crafted it for exactly this, but drugs being extraordinary stimuli ramp up the brain's natural process to 11, and so the brain becomes hyper-alert in identifying all that goes on before it gets the reward of the drug intake. In response to this after some habituation, the brain will actually begin to mimic the effect of the drug *before we have even taken it*. This is why withdrawals seem to dissipate once we know we are about to get drugs, why if drinkers are given non-alcoholic booze without their knowledge they will begin acting tipsy etc.

It goes even further, as well, in that when the brain begins to develop a tolerance to drugs, it will simultaneously begin producing the effect of the drug before it is taken and the counter-measures to ensure homeostasis. So, before you have even sipped that alcohol or took that line of heroin, provided you are using in the same environment as you usually do with some regularity, your brain will already be both producing the effect of the drug and correspondingly down-regulating the relevant neurotransmitters in anticipation of the increase that the drug is about to cause. Due to this phenomena, if, for example, a heroin addict uses the same dose of heroin in the same environment every day at the same time, their brain will begin down-regulating their endorphins just before their use, but if they were to then use in a different environment (even just a different room!) their chance of ODing will suddenly spike, since the brain hasn't preparatorily down-regulated since the patterns its registering before the use are different. The brain is indeed a fascinating organ!
 
Wow, that's really interesting! I mean, I knew our using habits definitely affected the stimulation of our reward centers and chemical production. I didn't realize just how much, though...the junkie OD'ing in the different room I mean...crazy, but it makes sense. I know I've definitely felt it, as I said above. In the beginning of my addiction, when I had a bit more self control, I would often wait until the very latest I could to take the "dose" I had purchased because I found the excitement of getting to eventually take it would be enough to keep me feeling good all day...and for free...no extra drugs needed! And then I'd get to get high after! it was great! Until, I couldn't wait anymore...then I just ate pills all day...till I couldn't afford it...we all know the rest...
 
Wow, that's really interesting! I mean, I knew our using habits definitely affected the stimulation of our reward centers and chemical production. I didn't realize just how much, though...the junkie OD'ing in the different room I mean...crazy, but it makes sense. I know I've definitely felt it, as I said above. In the beginning of my addiction, when I had a bit more self control, I would often wait until the very latest I could to take the "dose" I had purchased because I found the excitement of getting to eventually take it would be enough to keep me feeling good all day...and for free...no extra drugs needed! And then I'd get to get high after! it was great! Until, I couldn't wait anymore...then I just ate pills all day...till I couldn't afford it...we all know the rest...

oh god, I can relate so much. when I first started using heroin before addiction I would plan my use for weeks, and despite the almost unbearable anticipation, for a fortnight leading up to using I'd get more and more excited planning out every second of the day of using. that period didn't last long till addiction reared its ugly head, but god damn was it good while it lasted.
 
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