I don't even know how to message people on this is feel so fucked up aswell ???Please message me, im going through similar shit, i need help
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MDMA &
Empathogenic
Drugs
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MDMA Moderators:
2 Months After MDMA, still feeling messed up...
- Thread starter drizzydrake
- Start date
mulholland602
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2014
- Messages
- 31
I think the current position taken by certain 'Experts' (David Nutt) for example is highly misleading and irresponsible....There seems to be this narrative that MDMA is relatively safe and that any damage 'Dissapears' after a time of abstinence when in fact many studies don't support this.....The number of people that think MDMA is 'Clean' and 'Safe' is ridiculous it can and will damage your brain faster than any other drug...Even the BBC and Daily Mail have engaged in these fallacys claiming that there is initial memory impairment but (If I remember correctly) "This goes back to normal after a while"....I see it on this forum as well the vilification of alcohol it's just irresponsible and unfair to the uninformed.
Last edited:
Hi all,
Just wanted to share my experience. I have recently gone through this. I had panic attacks, anxiety, dizziness, spaced out, depersonalisation. You name it, I had it. The first thing I want to say is, you WILL get back to normal. After lots of research I've learnt that there's more than one thing that cause the feelings listed above and I'm going to try explain the cause and the fixes below.
Causes:
1) Serotonin can sometimes take longer than a couple of weeks to replenish. Do this may be why your still feeling down after.
2) Depending on your genetic make up you may always have had anxiety in you. This might just be the trigger event.
3) If your feeling depressed, this can be caused by the physical symptoms and worrying that your not getting better.
How to get better:
1) Dont think that because you have this your life is over, you will get over it and it will be the best accomplishment.
2) A big factor in this is anxiety. I recommend highly going to a doctor, even if you know what it is and telling them everything. They will probably recommend you go away for a few weeks. Read some books on anxiety and then book another appointment. Depending on how bad your feeling they may refer yout to a counseler (don't feel embarrised about this!) FYI - anxiety for dumbies is a great book.
3) You will learn to have a better outlook on life. Don't worry about the small things.
4) Try not to pay attention to the little things. Physical symptoms, most of these are brought on by anxiety, once the anxiety is cured so will the physical symptoms. A big thing to note is that feeling spaced out/depersonalisation is in fact because of anxiety.
5) Dont spend your whole time on Google worrying looking for cures. It won't make you any better.
6) Take up new hobbies, sports, reading etc..
7) Finally, FACE YOUR FEARS. If your scared of drinking coffee cause you think it might trip you out, start drinking coffee, not quickly but gradually re introduce it. (I couldn't drink coffee cause it made me feel weired). This goes for fears you had before your "comedown", whether it be spiders or heights. Try and face them.
Quick starting tips:
1) once you've read this, make a vowel to your self not to read anything else on the internet. It will confuse you and it's not worth it.
2) diary time once or twice a day where you write down your feelings and thoughts. Try and reduce how often your journalling gradually.
3) get addicted to something else, nutrition, guitar, hobbies hobbies hobbies. Anything to take your mind of it. You will gradually be ok spending time alone.
4) if it's taking up all your thoughts even when yor socialising. See a doctor. They will help you. Don't be worried, sometimes you need an extra budge in the right direction.
Guys I hope this makes you feel better. I was desperate to find all this information when I first started going through this.
Just remember a lot of you will just be experiencing anxiety (confirm with a doctor and don't take my word for it) and it is scary at first but you will get there.
Also, don't try and pin a date when you want to be better. It will just keep your mind focused on it. You just need to move on. You'll notice week by week everything eill start to fit into place
Don't hesitate to message me if you want a chat.
Best of luck everyone.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. YOU CAN DO IT!!
Your pal, jack.
Just wanted to share my experience. I have recently gone through this. I had panic attacks, anxiety, dizziness, spaced out, depersonalisation. You name it, I had it. The first thing I want to say is, you WILL get back to normal. After lots of research I've learnt that there's more than one thing that cause the feelings listed above and I'm going to try explain the cause and the fixes below.
Causes:
1) Serotonin can sometimes take longer than a couple of weeks to replenish. Do this may be why your still feeling down after.
2) Depending on your genetic make up you may always have had anxiety in you. This might just be the trigger event.
3) If your feeling depressed, this can be caused by the physical symptoms and worrying that your not getting better.
How to get better:
1) Dont think that because you have this your life is over, you will get over it and it will be the best accomplishment.
2) A big factor in this is anxiety. I recommend highly going to a doctor, even if you know what it is and telling them everything. They will probably recommend you go away for a few weeks. Read some books on anxiety and then book another appointment. Depending on how bad your feeling they may refer yout to a counseler (don't feel embarrised about this!) FYI - anxiety for dumbies is a great book.
3) You will learn to have a better outlook on life. Don't worry about the small things.
4) Try not to pay attention to the little things. Physical symptoms, most of these are brought on by anxiety, once the anxiety is cured so will the physical symptoms. A big thing to note is that feeling spaced out/depersonalisation is in fact because of anxiety.
5) Dont spend your whole time on Google worrying looking for cures. It won't make you any better.
6) Take up new hobbies, sports, reading etc..
7) Finally, FACE YOUR FEARS. If your scared of drinking coffee cause you think it might trip you out, start drinking coffee, not quickly but gradually re introduce it. (I couldn't drink coffee cause it made me feel weired). This goes for fears you had before your "comedown", whether it be spiders or heights. Try and face them.
Quick starting tips:
1) once you've read this, make a vowel to your self not to read anything else on the internet. It will confuse you and it's not worth it.
2) diary time once or twice a day where you write down your feelings and thoughts. Try and reduce how often your journalling gradually.
3) get addicted to something else, nutrition, guitar, hobbies hobbies hobbies. Anything to take your mind of it. You will gradually be ok spending time alone.
4) if it's taking up all your thoughts even when yor socialising. See a doctor. They will help you. Don't be worried, sometimes you need an extra budge in the right direction.
Guys I hope this makes you feel better. I was desperate to find all this information when I first started going through this.
Just remember a lot of you will just be experiencing anxiety (confirm with a doctor and don't take my word for it) and it is scary at first but you will get there.
Also, don't try and pin a date when you want to be better. It will just keep your mind focused on it. You just need to move on. You'll notice week by week everything eill start to fit into place
Don't hesitate to message me if you want a chat.
Best of luck everyone.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. YOU CAN DO IT!!
Your pal, jack.
Hey Jack,
I just came across your comment and it was really really helpful and reassuring. I've noticed that every time I google what I'm going through I only walk away feeling more anxious so I'm going to take your advice and ban myself from google starting now haha. I copied your comment in to my phone just to look at for positive affirmations. It's nice to know that someone else has gone through what I'm going through and have come out on the other side feeling better and defeating their anxiety. If you still check your account, I'd love to talk with you more. You are awesome and thanks for your post, it helped more than expected.
First of all - check your thyroid level.
Chance you may have hyper thyroid (graves disease) - that is making you anxious
Second- Molly could really fuck up your chemical inbalance in your brain. Western Doctors cannot help you with this.
2 months is a long time to feeling this way- go seek Eastern Medicine. Go find your self a good Acupuncture (prefferably chinese).
They will stick couple needles in your temple and give you some eastern medicine to drink (taste like shit).
Go find yourself an Eastern Medicine Acupuncture Dr. - They will know your exact problem by reading your pulse (which involves your nerve).
You will feel much better.
I know exactly how you feel- i've been there.
Chance you may have hyper thyroid (graves disease) - that is making you anxious
Second- Molly could really fuck up your chemical inbalance in your brain. Western Doctors cannot help you with this.
2 months is a long time to feeling this way- go seek Eastern Medicine. Go find your self a good Acupuncture (prefferably chinese).
They will stick couple needles in your temple and give you some eastern medicine to drink (taste like shit).
Go find yourself an Eastern Medicine Acupuncture Dr. - They will know your exact problem by reading your pulse (which involves your nerve).
You will feel much better.
I know exactly how you feel- i've been there.
I looked at this post after a heavy dose a few years ago and I had the same symptoms. I became infatuated with looking at forums seeking people with the same issue. We are all obviously different chemically on how we can deal with the "episode" hangover comedown. I have friends that take it like a champ and no side effects. However, my comedown took a bit longer. But honestly, all it is, ... is time. All of it goes away, eventually, whatever the imbalance was, balances.
I don't believe that we have different chemicaly one each other.we are all humans,the brains are the same but there some differences.doctor prescribe antibiotics to a patient when he found the reason of ill,he don't exam the chemicals of the brain...you know why?
Because we are the same
I have see people which took 500mg+redoses+tones of alcochol many times and not suffer LTC.
Don't tell me that he-she have the special defence mechanisms?
This is strange
Some people fked up with low doses like 1 pill
I can imagine bad pills or but powder which can pass the pure test
But there are many stories which are 5 friends rolling pure and only 1 of them had LTC...
So wtf is going on :-(
Maybe it opens chakras and demons come inside the body and fk all the system?
Or at least we can say that is a Russian roulette even if you take low dose or even if you take large one you had put the bullet at the gun...
Because we are the same
I have see people which took 500mg+redoses+tones of alcochol many times and not suffer LTC.
Don't tell me that he-she have the special defence mechanisms?
This is strange
Some people fked up with low doses like 1 pill
I can imagine bad pills or but powder which can pass the pure test
But there are many stories which are 5 friends rolling pure and only 1 of them had LTC...
So wtf is going on :-(
Maybe it opens chakras and demons come inside the body and fk all the system?
Or at least we can say that is a Russian roulette even if you take low dose or even if you take large one you had put the bullet at the gun...
today is my 8th day . muscle cramp gone. feeling anxiety and heart feeling strange. took some honey and cod liver oil to calm myself before i go to bed nightly. also melatonin helps alot...mine finished , getting new stock . i have read almost all the pages. well i conclude, belows :
going to doc helps but self therapy is more helpful. i have not seen a doc as the drug laws in my country are very strict, well i mean one of the worst in the world. briefly intro , i took plenty of E ,once a month to once per week, . the withdrawal isnt dependent on how many e you take , but the combination of components inside the pill you are taking which you do not always know. once i took an e , 1/2 then 1/2 i almost die, seller must have added alot of insecticide init . other occasion i took 4 but still very much in control. also had alot of erimin 5 over the years , like daily intake . so i do have 2 withdrawal , one from ecstasy ,the other from erimin 5 or happy 5. this sums up first point , you must be in-control and stop your mind from thinking about it.
going to doc helps but self therapy is more helpful. i have not seen a doc as the drug laws in my country are very strict, well i mean one of the worst in the world. briefly intro , i took plenty of E ,once a month to once per week, . the withdrawal isnt dependent on how many e you take , but the combination of components inside the pill you are taking which you do not always know. once i took an e , 1/2 then 1/2 i almost die, seller must have added alot of insecticide init . other occasion i took 4 but still very much in control. also had alot of erimin 5 over the years , like daily intake . so i do have 2 withdrawal , one from ecstasy ,the other from erimin 5 or happy 5. this sums up first point , you must be in-control and stop your mind from thinking about it.
also know your pills, eat those your friends tried. my incident once couldnt handle the high , until morning on just one pill alone. never had such experience before. so secondly know the seller well too.
thirdly , get ready , good things come to an end hells gates await. standby for the withdrawal with vits , melatonion , honey, any calming device you can get hold of is good.
thirdly , get ready , good things come to an end hells gates await. standby for the withdrawal with vits , melatonion , honey, any calming device you can get hold of is good.
also remember this is mind altering drugs , which may or may not change you for the better . but you never be the same again after fully ridden from all the stuffs. steve jobs does it , obama does it. hell yeah, there are many great men who did them before too , stay positive.
watch youtube , search poverty , sad man , make yourself more self worthy.
watch youtube , search poverty , sad man , make yourself more self worthy.
Dude steve jobs and them took LSD. We're talking about MDMA which is much more recent.
Also I doubt Obama has rolled. And if he ever did, I fucking doubt he's doing it in the white house now. That idea is laughable.
"Yo Michelle, wanna take some rolls w/ me and listen to skrillex?"
Also I doubt Obama has rolled. And if he ever did, I fucking doubt he's doing it in the white house now. That idea is laughable.
"Yo Michelle, wanna take some rolls w/ me and listen to skrillex?"
yeah obama did got high.
Dude how dumb are you. Honestly you sound like an 11 year old.
Yes, Obama smoked weed, this is known. He also did cocaine.
What we are talking about in this thread is MDMA aka Molly or Ecstasy. I don't think there's any evidence Obama has taken ecstasy.
Honestly the only reason I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt is because it's obvious English is not your first language and I don't want to be an asshole to someone who is still learning.
Yes, Obama smoked weed, this is known. He also did cocaine.
What we are talking about in this thread is MDMA aka Molly or Ecstasy. I don't think there's any evidence Obama has taken ecstasy.
Honestly the only reason I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt is because it's obvious English is not your first language and I don't want to be an asshole to someone who is still learning.
intheseaofstars
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2015
- Messages
- 4
this is a long outdated response, but if you still have trouble,
try lithium orotate! i love it and it helps me immensely w anxiety. you can google it, it's the simple salt form of the lithium used in lithium carbonate (which is prescribed) but it's OTC and even though I'm extremely sensitive to stuff, I started taking a few a day at 10 mg and it's very tame.
wish you the best!
try lithium orotate! i love it and it helps me immensely w anxiety. you can google it, it's the simple salt form of the lithium used in lithium carbonate (which is prescribed) but it's OTC and even though I'm extremely sensitive to stuff, I started taking a few a day at 10 mg and it's very tame.
wish you the best!
intheseaofstars
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2015
- Messages
- 4
*Also, i relate to the depersonalization and derealization... those were brought on multiple times by WEED.
Guess Im pretty sensitive to stuff
Guess Im pretty sensitive to stuff
Not sure if this will help anyone but I had this symptom in December of 2015. I was very drunk after a party and took an unknown quantity of MDMA (or MDA, test kit inconclusive). I went to sleep at approximately 10 AM the next day.
For the next two months, I had periods of blurred vision and dizziness through out the day. It would be worse as the day progressed. I also had three nights of severe anxiety that inhibited my sleep. Obviously it was very unpleasant.
However as of February 2016 (2-3 months later), I felt great. I do not think I have any lingering symptoms. It was a scary period but manageable, so hang in there if you have a similar experience. I have since used the drug in responsible quantities and not under the influence of other drugs (alcohol), and it was fine. Be safe and stay strong!
For the next two months, I had periods of blurred vision and dizziness through out the day. It would be worse as the day progressed. I also had three nights of severe anxiety that inhibited my sleep. Obviously it was very unpleasant.
However as of February 2016 (2-3 months later), I felt great. I do not think I have any lingering symptoms. It was a scary period but manageable, so hang in there if you have a similar experience. I have since used the drug in responsible quantities and not under the influence of other drugs (alcohol), and it was fine. Be safe and stay strong!
hawkkiller50
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2017
- Messages
- 1
the best way i can describe it and ive had it ever since i did it one time 2 years ago which was my only time, is that my vision kind of lags and i guess is blurry which isnt the best way to describe it. and also sometimes my concentration is bad.
please contact me drizzy drake, i would like to speak with you... i developed the same things about 7 to 8 years ago and id just like to speak with you please.... my email is [email protected].... i dont know if youll ever be back on here but id really like to chat to see where you are at in life and tell you about whats going on with me.... thank you
I've been experiencing a lot of this for the past 5 months, since taking MDMA.
About Me
Just turned 30. Great job. Incredible fiancee. Financially stable. No drama in my life. Things are objectively, great. Recent years have been the best of my life. Do partner-dancing 1-2 times a week.
Previous Drug Experience
Only had alcohol/marijuana until I was 28.
Shrooms: 4 times. 3 of them were pretty mild experiences, just giggly/silly/childish/happy. 1 was a great trip I had at home that was pretty mind-altering.
MDMA: 1 time before this event (of which I'm writing this about), 6-7 months prior. Uncertain of the dosage, estimated ~100mg based on sight.
Acid: 2 months prior to this MDMA event. Had an absolutely terrifying experience. Was at a hippie-dance type camping trip in the woods, late at night. I don't think I've ever been so scared. Couldn't remember anything except for a 5-10second window prior to any given moment, including who I was, where I was, how I got there, etc. Was hazy/disoriented a bit for the the next week, but after that I felt fully-recovered.
My MDMA Event
Had about 20 of my closest friends over for a cuddle/mdma party on my 30th birthday. There were 10+ people that took the same batch, and they experienced no negative side effects. The night was great. Surrounded by friends, lovers, my partner (now fiancee) at home. I took ~100mg at 10pm. Bumped with 40-50mg (140-150mg total) around 1am. The night was phenomenal. Around 6am, everyone started falling asleep, and I recall having the thought "this was one of the best nights of my life, I'm not sure it will ever get any better than this. I wish it would last forever", but went to bed/sleep about 30minutes later.
The next day was fine, but somewhere around 48 hours, I went into a complete panic attack. I was certain that my death or my partner's death was right around the corner. I couldn't handle the thought of anything in the future because it was poisoned with fears of death and early mental decline. Other symptoms included: very depressed with feelings of hopelessness, extreme anxiety, memory loss such that I was having a hard time remembering what I did with my day at the end of the day (probably anxiety-induced), dysphoria when thinking about anything in the future, derealizatoin, depersonalization, vision blurry and having the effect of a video with really low frame-rate, feeling very floaty as if i had just "stood up too quickly" but was felt constantly, having loopy thoughts, difficulty reading, my face (especially my smile) felt really heavy, easily distracted and feeling mentally slow. I was basically having an ever-present panic attack that would last for the next 2-3 weeks. Thoughout that time I freaked myself out even more by reading things on the internet (like this forum), stressed myself and my partner out a LOT, and contemplated suicide every day (assuming that current mental state would not end). TONS of irrational fears and dysphoria regarding my relationships, work, future, etc.
After 10 days had passed, and the symptoms hadn't lessened, so I went to the ER with my partner. I told them everything I've told you so far. They were unable to prescribe me anything or help in any way. They attributed most of my symptoms to my anxiety. Around day 20, I was able to see a primary-care doctor who told me to give it more time to pass. At 1 the one month mark, he prescribed me Sertraline/Zoloft to try to "get me over this hump". After 1 month of no positive benefits and negative sexual-performance, he switched me to Wellbutrin/Bupropion @200mg/day. Also started psychotherapy at the same time, which was about 2.3months since the MDMA. Started to feel a little bit better in therapy, but not significantly. Increased wellbutrin to 300mg/day. After 3 weeks of that not being helpful, we switched to Duloxetine. Stopped that after about a week because it was giving me sexual side effects and making it very hard to get the energy to get out of bed.
I am writing this now at the 5 month mark, not feeling much difference between the 1 month mark and now. Just learning/relearning how to cope with my thoughts and mental state. Currently have been free of anti-depressants for a week, and at least my sex life is back to normal.
My Current State
I'm doing okay. Life is manageable. I organized a surprise proposal for my now-fiancee, work is decent, I'm learning how to manage my thoughts a bit more with Mindfulness Meditation. I feel a bit floaty, and about once a day I'll have an event where I feel very light-headed, and my thought process basically just freezes/resets, and I have to regather myself. Still more prone to anxiety than usual. Talking about how I feel actually amplifies those negative symptoms, so I try not to talk about it a whole lot. Life is still pretty great overall, the only symptom that's still unmanageable is derealization/dysphoria when thinking about the future and the value in life (my brain keeps telling me that there is none).
My Assessment Of Myself
I don't really have any solid answers as to what happened. Multiple doctors seem to think that the MDMA by itself shouldn't have effected me this much. They think it may have been some other mild mental disorder that I was perhaps prone to, which the weeks-long panic attack triggered. There's also thoughts that the acid 2 months prior could have been a factor since it was so terrifying for me. It's also possible that I've been having a sort-of midlife crisis, given that it happened on my 30th birthday. There's also the possibility that my mental state isn't actually much different, but that that traumatic experience made me more aware of who I've always been. Most of my friends, including my partner, didn't notice much of a difference in me, other than what I verbally communicated to them what I was feeling.
Recommendations For Anyone Going Through The Same Thing
Stop reading up on the internet about things that are going to scare you which may or may not even be true (some of the things I came across: brain damage, strokes, early parkinsons). The likelyhood of these things being your case are slim to none. That is a rational thought. Being convinced otherwise without an outside (doctor) source telling you that it is true is an irrational thought. Accept that pain, and trauma comes in various forms in life. This is no different. Learn how to manage your emotions and thoughts through whatever means works best for you (meditation, therapy, medicine if need-be). Fake it 'til you make it: pretend to be happier. Pretend that you're not so effected by what's going on, show that in your thoughts and body language. It's not lying to yourself, it's just setting yourself up for success and letting your brain rewire itself to the state that you want to be. You can trick your mind and body into being in states that you want it to be, the same as when you trick your mind into dysphoric thoughts because of your anxiety. It will improve, even if you don't get back to "normal", and you will learn to adapt, be happy, and go on with your life. Force those optimistic thoughts into your mind.
About Me
Just turned 30. Great job. Incredible fiancee. Financially stable. No drama in my life. Things are objectively, great. Recent years have been the best of my life. Do partner-dancing 1-2 times a week.
Previous Drug Experience
Only had alcohol/marijuana until I was 28.
Shrooms: 4 times. 3 of them were pretty mild experiences, just giggly/silly/childish/happy. 1 was a great trip I had at home that was pretty mind-altering.
MDMA: 1 time before this event (of which I'm writing this about), 6-7 months prior. Uncertain of the dosage, estimated ~100mg based on sight.
Acid: 2 months prior to this MDMA event. Had an absolutely terrifying experience. Was at a hippie-dance type camping trip in the woods, late at night. I don't think I've ever been so scared. Couldn't remember anything except for a 5-10second window prior to any given moment, including who I was, where I was, how I got there, etc. Was hazy/disoriented a bit for the the next week, but after that I felt fully-recovered.
My MDMA Event
Had about 20 of my closest friends over for a cuddle/mdma party on my 30th birthday. There were 10+ people that took the same batch, and they experienced no negative side effects. The night was great. Surrounded by friends, lovers, my partner (now fiancee) at home. I took ~100mg at 10pm. Bumped with 40-50mg (140-150mg total) around 1am. The night was phenomenal. Around 6am, everyone started falling asleep, and I recall having the thought "this was one of the best nights of my life, I'm not sure it will ever get any better than this. I wish it would last forever", but went to bed/sleep about 30minutes later.
The next day was fine, but somewhere around 48 hours, I went into a complete panic attack. I was certain that my death or my partner's death was right around the corner. I couldn't handle the thought of anything in the future because it was poisoned with fears of death and early mental decline. Other symptoms included: very depressed with feelings of hopelessness, extreme anxiety, memory loss such that I was having a hard time remembering what I did with my day at the end of the day (probably anxiety-induced), dysphoria when thinking about anything in the future, derealizatoin, depersonalization, vision blurry and having the effect of a video with really low frame-rate, feeling very floaty as if i had just "stood up too quickly" but was felt constantly, having loopy thoughts, difficulty reading, my face (especially my smile) felt really heavy, easily distracted and feeling mentally slow. I was basically having an ever-present panic attack that would last for the next 2-3 weeks. Thoughout that time I freaked myself out even more by reading things on the internet (like this forum), stressed myself and my partner out a LOT, and contemplated suicide every day (assuming that current mental state would not end). TONS of irrational fears and dysphoria regarding my relationships, work, future, etc.
After 10 days had passed, and the symptoms hadn't lessened, so I went to the ER with my partner. I told them everything I've told you so far. They were unable to prescribe me anything or help in any way. They attributed most of my symptoms to my anxiety. Around day 20, I was able to see a primary-care doctor who told me to give it more time to pass. At 1 the one month mark, he prescribed me Sertraline/Zoloft to try to "get me over this hump". After 1 month of no positive benefits and negative sexual-performance, he switched me to Wellbutrin/Bupropion @200mg/day. Also started psychotherapy at the same time, which was about 2.3months since the MDMA. Started to feel a little bit better in therapy, but not significantly. Increased wellbutrin to 300mg/day. After 3 weeks of that not being helpful, we switched to Duloxetine. Stopped that after about a week because it was giving me sexual side effects and making it very hard to get the energy to get out of bed.
I am writing this now at the 5 month mark, not feeling much difference between the 1 month mark and now. Just learning/relearning how to cope with my thoughts and mental state. Currently have been free of anti-depressants for a week, and at least my sex life is back to normal.
My Current State
I'm doing okay. Life is manageable. I organized a surprise proposal for my now-fiancee, work is decent, I'm learning how to manage my thoughts a bit more with Mindfulness Meditation. I feel a bit floaty, and about once a day I'll have an event where I feel very light-headed, and my thought process basically just freezes/resets, and I have to regather myself. Still more prone to anxiety than usual. Talking about how I feel actually amplifies those negative symptoms, so I try not to talk about it a whole lot. Life is still pretty great overall, the only symptom that's still unmanageable is derealization/dysphoria when thinking about the future and the value in life (my brain keeps telling me that there is none).
My Assessment Of Myself
I don't really have any solid answers as to what happened. Multiple doctors seem to think that the MDMA by itself shouldn't have effected me this much. They think it may have been some other mild mental disorder that I was perhaps prone to, which the weeks-long panic attack triggered. There's also thoughts that the acid 2 months prior could have been a factor since it was so terrifying for me. It's also possible that I've been having a sort-of midlife crisis, given that it happened on my 30th birthday. There's also the possibility that my mental state isn't actually much different, but that that traumatic experience made me more aware of who I've always been. Most of my friends, including my partner, didn't notice much of a difference in me, other than what I verbally communicated to them what I was feeling.
Recommendations For Anyone Going Through The Same Thing
Stop reading up on the internet about things that are going to scare you which may or may not even be true (some of the things I came across: brain damage, strokes, early parkinsons). The likelyhood of these things being your case are slim to none. That is a rational thought. Being convinced otherwise without an outside (doctor) source telling you that it is true is an irrational thought. Accept that pain, and trauma comes in various forms in life. This is no different. Learn how to manage your emotions and thoughts through whatever means works best for you (meditation, therapy, medicine if need-be). Fake it 'til you make it: pretend to be happier. Pretend that you're not so effected by what's going on, show that in your thoughts and body language. It's not lying to yourself, it's just setting yourself up for success and letting your brain rewire itself to the state that you want to be. You can trick your mind and body into being in states that you want it to be, the same as when you trick your mind into dysphoric thoughts because of your anxiety. It will improve, even if you don't get back to "normal", and you will learn to adapt, be happy, and go on with your life. Force those optimistic thoughts into your mind.
This is a long shot because this post was from 7 years ago, but do you still feel this way ? I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's like a bad weed high or to me feels like someone else is controlling my body and I'm kind of sitting back watching. Some days are worse than others. I've had this for 11 years now. I got this way after the first time I ever did drugs in my life. Which was extacy.