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2 Months After MDMA, still feeling messed up...

Had to post on this can't believe how similar alot of these experiences are to my own.....And to think I thought I was the only one stupid enough to take things to an extreme....Been going through this for nearly 5 Months now after a HEAVY Mephedrone binge....Been through something similar once before with MD that lasted maybe 3 weeks but nothing like this....?I have trouble reading,writing,communicating...Feel like a different person its evil worst thing I've ever been through....Feel scuicidal had a CT scan and blooods all negative so...No obvious brain damage only hope I recover soon...And I was under the impression after my last experience that Meph. Was better for you than MD.
 
First and foremost there is hope and things will get better all it takes is time. I'm going to stress this because it is the hardest part but try not to think about it. Worrying just make you feel worse. The next thing to aid recovery is eat healthy exercise get lots of sunlight and a good night's sleep every night. Feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk too.
 
Pls help!

Join DateNov 2014Posts1

Yesterday 23:10
Hey guys I need help, in August about 3.5 months ago I took two hits of Molly on a weekend then followed by a pill of white domino the next day, so Molly on Saturday then a white domino on Sunday. That was my first time doing any drug of the sort. Comedown was terrible but after a month I was almost back to Normal and two months in I was 95%! I began drinking on weekends again after abstaining for a month then randomly a couple days ago it's like all the comedown affects came back to me after months! I woke up randomly on Thursday feeling depressed and anxiety was back too. Is this Normal what do I do? Pls help​


 
Guys / Girls, i just wanted to add to this thread to hopefully give some others hope.. All these symptoms, I've had, Whether you want to call it DP, or anxiety or HCCP... who knows, what they'd diagnose it as.... I don't like thinking about it, so will probably not be back here, but just wanted to share. I've been exactly thru this. Back in '93 i took lsd, ecstasy and smoked a joint at the end of the night.. I was back then, just a kid, someone who like most kids wanted to party a little. Raves were big back in the day, life was really good and I'd probably been to maybe 8 of them prior to that one night. Maybe taken 15 ecstasy prior to that night over a 12month period and was a moderate smoker of weed. ALWAYS coming out fine the next day. Anyway, something very different happened to me that night during our typical after rave chill outs.. My mind started racing really bad, everything went into hyperdrive... It scared the absolute crap out of me. but that was just the beginning. The next day, i knew things were not right.. Visually everything seemed off, anxiety levels were off the chart. It was as if i was still on a mild trip and it just did not go away. It was the worst yr, maybe 18months of my life. Sure enough i went into a depression over it.. It was ALL i ever thought about. I was a complete mess. I broke down to my mum in tears, i tried speaking to friends, not ever knowing where i was going to end up because of all of this.. I thought i'd possibly end up breaking down and going mad. I didn't have the internet back then, so couldn't research.. I went to a doc and he gave me a sedative of some sort, but that did nothing. HOWEVER, i managed to pull myself out of that mess. and this is the hope you need to know, but keep in the back of your mind don't keep analyzing waiting to get better. Not exactly sure how myself, & i think it was just getting on with life... Meeting girls, going on vacation, finding love.. but i somehow managed to stop thinking about it COMPLETELY and then 99% of my symptoms went away... Maybe symptoms may have even still been there. But it got to a stage, where it really didn't matter it became the norm, and my life (up until recently was excellent again) It may have become a passing thought once every few of months. I started a business, moved over to America, with my wife, had two kids, and generally have been living an excellent life.. Every now and again, I'd think back to how horrible it was during that 93-94 period. If you've been thru this, you'll never touch another mind altering drug ever again.. That's for sure.... So that's the good news for you all.. It will go-away.. Eventually.. sorry that you're going to go thru hell and back, but your life will be normal one day again. That's the good news.

Unfortunately for me though, now that I'm in my 40's i had a very stressful incident that triggered the anxiety back.(part of the reason i'm on this site).. Nothing drug related, but a very bad tenant in my rental home triggered some anxiety. Anxiety for me was something that went away 'almost completely' for 20yrs. I think I've made it worse by the remembering how bad it was back in 93.... After all this time living a completely normal life, i'm now back to analyzing thinking I'm seeing colors more vividly, being anxious and that spaced out feeling. I've bought it all on myself. Not from doing drugs, but allowing anxiety to take hold of me once again... I'm married, and have a very supportive wife... I may go and see the doctor and try out some SRRI's and see if they help.. I managed to 'completely' pull myself out last time... So hopeful i will this time, which i will, once i can damn well stop thinking about it.. its been going on for me now for 9months... From experience, i will say its probably anxiety giving you/me most of the visual symptoms and the fact that you're constantly thinking about it making it 100x worse and spaced out, for me. The good news is that as far as my symptoms today it goes away completely when I'm socializing or doing a hobby of some sort.. Keeping myself busy... Its just when i'm bored, quiet at work, or alone i allow my mind to start tormenting me a little, questioning everything, such as, are those colors brighter than they're supposed to be.. Does that look trippy? You're feeling a lot more spaced out than you should... It's become a kinda OCD obsession once again as it was back in 93... BUT I must stress, that I did get rid of this for 20yrs COMPLETELY. 20yrs is a long time.... so my don't let my relapse scare you.. Had I not had this extremely stressful situation 9months ago, i would have probably never relapsed.

So here i am again today.. A little wiser to it all, but it ain't easy. It's currently consuming all my thoughts, UNLESS i'm out socializing, having a boost of confidence or keeping myself busy... Something that's hard to maintain. Again, please do not take my situation to heart, thinking you'll relapse yourself again. We're all different. But the main thing was I did pull myself out of the complete nightmare i was living. If i can get myself out of it this time, and get back to the life i had before 93, and the one between 94ish and 2014, then it still equates to a very good life....

Good luck to you all, and please please please kids, do not ever take mdma, esctasy and LSD. I think its far more dangerous than what you probably think it is... I was a dumb kid and learned the HARD WAY, and well look, its even come to bite me 20yrs later. I know as a indestructible kid, you'll just think it won't happen to you, but rest assured, it can ! I also want to say that i did not have any weird mental things going on as a kid... just a normal kid probably even happier than most, and it got me !
 
Bluelight2014, I appreciate your post and think it’s really important for the community to hear about these types of experiences. It is clear that these unfortunate types of responses do occur in a certain percentage of users and good to see that there can be light at the end of the tunnel. As an experimental person myself, yours are the type of posts I constantly seek to provide a frame of reference for my own use. However, I want to add that in my own experience, I have nothing but deep respect and appreciation for the LSD/MDMA combo. This combination has provided me with some of the deepest experiences I have ever had – in one instance culminating in a moment of bliss so deep and pure that no description can do it justice, and to this day I still feel a sense of complete wonder and awe when I reflect back on it. I used to think that a good drug high was artificial in the sense that it had less meaning and less true or lasting emotional value than some of the major feats and ‘natural highs’ that made me feel the same way, such as summitting a major peak. And yet I find myself unable to dismiss the experience so easily because it seems to have the same profoundly positive effect on my psyche, but from an entirely unique perspective. On the other hand, maybe I’m deluding myself having had nothing but positive experiences with drugs thus far and am on the verge of an abyss that I just can’t foresee.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are a couple of key factors in how this plays out. I suspect that a certain percentage of the population will take drugs like these and it will bring out adverse physical reactions or mental health issues regardless of circumstance – call it genetics. The other key factor is abuse. And what may be abuse to one person’s body may be tolerable to another. It’s a very complex mix of circumstances and no two people are the same. All this got me thinking about some rules of thumb to help me navigate my way through the drug minefield and so I’ve developed a few cardinal rules of harm reduction for myself that I thought I’d share. None of these are new, but I follow them and I can attest that they’ve worked for me so far:


  • Research extensively anything I’m considering putting in my body. If it hasn’t been around for long, I’m happy to wait and see it stand the test of time and trip reports before putting it down the hatch.
  • Be as sure as possible about the purity of the product I’m ingesting. Know my sources. Reagent test my product.
  • Start with a small dose. Make sure I have no adverse reactions to a substance before jumping in with both feet. Apply this even if I’ve used it before but now have a new source.
  • Limit my trips to once a month max, often longer. It makes them special events that I appreciate ever more. I can think of many adventurous things I’ve done that blew my mind the first few times but became quite routine over time. Why would drugs be any different?
  • Rotate substances. I cycle through my faves so that I do the same one even less than once a month, maybe even just once or twice a year.
  • I never re-dose/boost half way into a trip, I just believe this has to be hard on the body. Maybe I’d get away with it for an extended period but I feel it might catch up with me down the road.
  • Strive for live balance. Not just eating healthy and getting lots of exercise and sleep, but finding other passions in life and striving to become skilled at them.
  • Heed the warning signs that my body may give me, whether that’s physical or mental. Respect my body. If I find myself obsessing over the next trip (very easy to do after a spectacular trip), that’s my sign to pull back and focus on other things. The trip will always be there waiting for when the time and setting is right.
  • And finally, respect the ones I love and don’t jeopardize those relationships through my actions because ultimately, they are the most important thing of all in my life.

Sorry if I’m rambling or stating the obvious. I’m enjoying a nice scotch at the moment and just felt like sharing…..
 
The next day, i knew things were not right.. Visually everything seemed off, anxiety levels were off the chart. It was as if i was still on a mild trip and it just did not go away. It was the worst yr, maybe 18months of my life. Sure enough i went into a depression over it.. It was ALL i ever thought about. I was a complete mess. I broke down to my mum in tears, i tried speaking to friends, not ever knowing where i was going to end up because of all of this.. I thought i'd possibly end up breaking down and going mad. I didn't have the internet back then, so couldn't research.. I went to a doc and he gave me a sedative of some sort, but that did nothing. HOWEVER, i managed to pull myself out of that mess. and this is the hope you need to know,
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I can relate to this 100% ^^ Everything seems like you are fucked big time. I had a similar experience approximately 2 years of hell from a nasty dose of MDMA and RCs (i think BZP) but...

I can assure everyone going through this horrible experience you are not. the reason all the scans, doc assessments etc are coming up normal is because you are okay. You dont feel it as anxiety as off the chart and your mind is playing tricks with you but I assure you everything comes good in the end.

Who the fuck is this guy I hear you saying what do you know? Well I have taken maybe 5-600 pills, I had two attempts at suicide, had HPPD, anxiety depression, shaking, blurred vision, got sectioned in mental hospital for 7 weeks you name it it was there. I thought I was fucked. The answer is i was fucked for in the relativity of my life a short time. Dont get me wrong I am not saying "oh have a cup of tea come on chin up" as I know the hell people are going through but my point is this..

you will come good.. it just takes time and its going to be one of the toughest rides of your life.

good luck everyone who is experiencing these horrible times. I know exactly how you feel..
 
Go to a psychiatrist tell him/her everything. Nothing could put me to sleep I was so anxious, now on seroquil I sleep like a rock
 
Hi LonE1, I'm interested to hear your recovery story from MDMA because after doing so much of it myself i feel like I have caused considerable damage to my mental health and intelligence. and i feel like a shell of who I used to be.

I have decided to quit it after taking it for 4 years because I have started to feel incredibly stupid.. I am unable to think, have no short term memory, been feeling sociably awkward and it's as if I look but I don't see .. (I struggle to read now!) and I can't even hold a conversation anymore because I get mental blocks and it's been making me feel so depressed. My intelligence used to be better than average but now I feel the same of a 10year old.

When em will I ever feel better?
 
  • Heed the warning signs that my body may give me, whether that’s physical or mental. Respect my body. If I find myself obsessing over the next trip (very easy to do after a spectacular trip), that’s my sign to pull back and focus on other things. The trip will always be there waiting for when the time and setting is right.

Great advice Auronova
 
eLW said:
Ok, nice i think its in your head you should see a doctor SSRIs help with that.
sounds like derealization.
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was your memory bad before you started ssris ? What about your vision and how many mgs of Zoloft where you on
 
Hello everyone, I registered here especially because of this problem. It seems like I am having it myself as well. 9 days ago I abused X was too much. I took about 8 pills (yellow supermans if that helps) The night of high was awesome, but the nightmare started the day after. It's just as same as everyone above mentioned, blurred vision, feeling of being disconnected from the world, bad weed high. I am not feeling any depression tho, I feel a bit desperate yes but I wouldn't call that a depression. The problem that concerns me is that I can feel my veins pulsing on my back and in my head, and my heart is beating a bit differently and I can really feel it. The question is if that's my mind and myself playing tricks on my body or is it something really important? I've read a lot about people having aneurysm after their ecstasy abuse, and my symptoms do fit. ( Not all but quite a lot ). Right now I feel a headache at the back of my skull and im not sure if its something that needs to be checked or not. I haven't been to the doctor but I am considering going there tomorrow, but I'm also not sure what exactly should I tell.
Those 9 days were a living nightmare to me, I hope someone is still here to help me out or give some advices.
 
Nerfiel said:
Those 9 days were a living nightmare to me, I hope someone is still here to help me out or give some advices.
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You need to be patient, you have abused the substance and your brain is recovering. The only thing that you need is the one we don't want to give, which is TIME. Stay away from any substance (even weed and/or alcohol), eat healthy, do exercise and enjoy the run, all those things really help. Another thing you can try is to take 5-HTP for a couple of days, IF you are not suffering any brain zaps, otherwise, stay away from it.

Good luck, don't worry, you will be fine in time. And stay away from MDMA at least a year, if not more.
 
nightElf said:
You need to be patient, you have abused the substance and your brain is recovering. The only thing that you need is the one we don't want to give, which is TIME. Stay away from any substance (even weed and/or alcohol), eat healthy, do exercise and enjoy the run, all those things really help. Another thing you can try is to take 5-HTP for a couple of days, IF you are not suffering any brain zaps, otherwise, stay away from it.

Good luck, don't worry, you will be fine in time. And stay away from MDMA at least a year, if not more.
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Thank you for a quick response. Yes that is exactly what I am doing right now and I even quit smoking for this time as I dont want any bonus pressure on my heart. I dont have constant brain zaps, they are occuring maybe 5 times a day at the top. And no I dont want to taking anything chemical (5-htp that you are talking about). Right now yes I am exercising a bit, eating healthy and staying positive.
Quick question tho, have you been through this as well?

Also, tomorrow im gonna go to the doctor and check my back pain, as I've read a lot about people having aneurysm after ecastasy and I am afraid I am having that as well, as the pain there is just killing me sometimes.
 
Nerfiel said:
Thank you for a quick response. Yes that is exactly what I am doing right now and I even quit smoking for this time as I dont want any bonus pressure on my heart. I dont have constant brain zaps, they are occuring maybe 5 times a day at the top. And no I dont want to taking anything chemical (5-htp that you are talking about). Right now yes I am exercising a bit, eating healthy and staying positive.
Quick question tho, have you been through this as well?

Also, tomorrow im gonna go to the doctor and check my back pain, as I've read a lot about people having aneurysm after ecastasy and I am afraid I am having that as well, as the pain there is just killing me sometimes.
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Yep, I know what you are feeling :) Here's my story, if you want to read about it: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...Support-2)?p=12974429&viewfull=1#post12974429 -- Still recovering, haven't had a brain zap in a couple of days, which is great :) I only get the jumps, specially when I'm going to sleep.

5-HTP is not "chemical" per se, is herbal, but I agree with you: it's better for your brain if you let the time heal. Check this thread as well, has lots of information with symptoms similar to mine http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...hes-1-month-after-really-strong-MDMA-crystals

The most important thing to keep in mind is that the brain is an incredible machine, and you will be better if you give yourself time to heal. But respect the time, do not consume again, trust me. Be safe :)
 
In going through the same thing doc has put me on Zoloft 50mgs my vision and memory is all messed up hope this helps
 
F1n1shed said:
Although it is stress and anxiety caused by the MDMA you guys can't just say it is anxiety, ignore it and it will go away. Many people have tried that and obviously it doesn't go away. How can you just ignore your vision changed and things having a different look/vibe to it. It does go away, so have faith but it may take some time. Serotonin plays a large role in your perception as well as the many other functions it has in your brain. So when your forcing most of your serotonin out in one night , your gonna view things differently while it slowly comes back. That's why the visuals look so vivid and nice while rolling. Anyways if anyone wants to PM me about this feel free, i've been through it all with my rolling days. Had every symptom you guys have explained, i would search up psychological disorders and such every single day and self diagnose. Best thing to do is to stop reading about it, as you are in a confused state you may take things wrong. Even though life seems different try your best to just live it, things will go back to normal trustttt me.
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Hey can you pm me please
 
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