17th Issue General Heroin Discussion v. Perfect Day

[shimazu]

I guess I just am really good at convincing people of stuff and that includes myself so I never thought of rehab as something I would benefit from because I'll lie to someone's face if I know they will never see eye to eye with me about something yet SOMEHOW were granted the power to make it more difficult to go do what I want.

Can't legislate morality, unless you got a signed document from God Himself

I just don't see how the Bible fits that criteria....

 

[smokemctoke420]

random question here: how old is everyone in this discussion? talking about THIS ONE, not board in general, so no need to start a new post. just wondering how long people been in the junk scene for and age.

31 here. been in the game since 16 selling E, K, etc. Then moved to 80's around 20/21 - dope later 20's. birthday was past november. last OD was August. 5 months clean and the 2 slips ups this past month but been clean another 9 days. started on 24MG bupe 6 months back in a psych ward after coming off that OD. down to 4-6MG daily (at 4MG now but if not feeling great will take 2MG at night). going to see the Dr. today; he still has me scripted as if I am talking 16MG daily; today we are moving down to 12MG's but reality is I'm at 4MG's. I like to be far ahead in this case; never know how things change; although, I do PLAN on things be "normal". ha.

nice to meet you guys. it's already been 6 months. on this board, jesus.

Im 24 and will be 25 in august.

the assholes at the outpatient i go to didnt give me my subs last week so im withdrawing since sunday. they couldnt even give me a strip just because i missed a half hour counseling session cuz i had no ride and its 45 mins away. i went there that night for a piss test and told them why i didnt show up and i had a new counselor and the mofo put me as noncompliant. fucking assholes. im allowed to get my subs tommorrow but its supposed to snow 3-5 inches and they might not be open or they might only be open for an hour for meds pickup. im gonna be so pissed if they close tommorrow. im definetly allowed to get it this week then next wednesday is my shot and i take subs for another week to stay out of withdraw and then im off these stupid subs. fuck these things.

Just ordered some etizolam and i cant wait to try that shit.

 

[LSDiesel]

I already mentioned this, but I'm 29. I've really been trying hard to quit the dope. I got my using down ALOT, but I still feel "broken", even with my 2mg of bupe in the morning. Sometimes I redose 2mg later in the day. If I dont redose, I often will score dope.

It's just been SO INGRAINED in my life that I feel like... incomplete without it.

It really is hell dealing with it and sorting out the bullshit from fact whenever discussing your addiction with anyone, be it family member, police, doctors.

I always felt like NO ONE got it, even the AA/NA people. Unless you were in AA for the social aspect of it, and got into making coffee and shit... It really sucks for the reasons listed by RedLeader.

I spent years of my life seeking out the best, cheapest heroin, and it took my years to get the connections I have now.

The curse of that is.. that its hard to walk away from it now that I made SO MANY connections and for so cheap, all around me.

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

Im 24 and will be 25 in august.

the assholes at the outpatient i go to didnt give me my subs last week so im withdrawing since sunday. they couldnt even give me a strip just because i missed a half hour counseling session cuz i had no ride and its 45 mins away. i went there that night for a piss test and told them why i didnt show up and i had a new counselor and the mofo put me as noncompliant. fucking assholes. im allowed to get my subs tommorrow but its supposed to snow 3-5 inches and they might not be open or they might only be open for an hour for meds pickup. im gonna be so pissed if they close tommorrow. im definetly allowed to get it this week then next wednesday is my shot and i take subs for another week to stay out of withdraw and then im off these stupid subs. fuck these things.

Just ordered some etizolam and i cant wait to try that shit.

Yeah etizolam will help a lot when you finally make the jump of suboxone for good.

 

[smokemctoke420]

ill have it by friday, hopefully but by then ill have my subs and wont be illing anymore. and when i get the shot next wednesday and then take subs for a week i wont have any withdraw. i could use the etizolam now but whatever. im not gonna use it for withdraw tho, im just trying to feel good and anxiety free.

 

[BlueHues]

I already mentioned this, but I'm 29. I've really been trying hard to quit the dope. I got my using down ALOT, but I still feel "broken", even with my 2mg of bupe in the morning. Sometimes I redose 2mg later in the day. If I dont redose, I often will score dope.

It's just been SO INGRAINED in my life that I feel like... incomplete without it.

It really is hell dealing with it and sorting out the bullshit from fact whenever discussing your addiction with anyone, be it family member, police, doctors.

I always felt like NO ONE got it, even the AA/NA people. Unless you were in AA for the social aspect of it, and got into making coffee and shit... It really sucks for the reasons listed by RedLeader.

I spent years of my life seeking out the best, cheapest heroin, and it took my years to get the connections I have now.

The curse of that is.. that its hard to walk away from it now that I made SO MANY connections and for so cheap, all around me.

Yeah, I understand how you feel, it just becomes such a part of who you are....When I was 29 I was coming off a horrible habit, I had only started again right after turning 28 sometime back in '05, but within a year I was fully involved...I quit right before I turned 30 and swore that I just couldn't do it anymore! Right after turning 31 though, I had a good job and things were going well for me, so I ended up right back on dope, took my 19 year old girlfriend with me, and that habit lasted 4 years! So, I don't think it's really something you just "outgrow"....

I remember the bullshit I used to go through copping in the late '90s when I started....There was lots of dope around, but the whole thing was disorganized and crazy...Some people used phones, but it was mostly a matter of just showing up at certain spots...and these spots had all kinds of other people waiting, people looking to rip you off....The dealer's back then didn't really want you to know who they were, so who was even the dealer was hard to figure out sometimes! I got ripped of more in the first few years than at any point after that....

I used to always dream of having quick and easy connections with no hassle, and when then finally happened is when I just was able to dig a huge hole for myself....just me, my phone and running back and forth getting dope every day....that's what still feels normal to me...

I had a dream last night about copping dope...In the dream I buy a gram of this dope, it's beige...I put it in my pocket and I'm just rubbing in my hand thinking, "Wow, this a big one, it feels like at least 1.2! I opened the knot on the bag, I was driving the same car I had 4 years ago...I dumped out a big pile, and then I woke up like, "Man, I wanna get high!"

 

[Jabberwocky]

.

Lift heavy weights, have threesomes with attractive females, smoke weed, eat mushrooms, travel, listen to death metal at 6am...this is how you live without fear. Not sitting in meetings and clapping when people get chips and hugging when people saw God in a sign along the highway that morning.

Again, this is all just my opinion, and I'll likely relapse within the next year (ugh, but just being honest...it has me by the testicles too). But I like to at least enjoy the times away from it just as much.

aside from lifting heavy weights, I legit thought you were talking about my life. ha. well, not too much on the shrooms but replace that with weed and a few beers when out w/ the boys and I am living a REGULAR life w/ my OWN RULES set. there is for fear of upsetting the sponsor or higher power; there is no worry of LET DOWN because there is NO ONE I CAN LET DOWN aside from myself, and even then, its ME who takes it as being let down.. and its ME who accepts the "let down".

It's all based on YOUR OWN DECISIONS! always felt/said this. we are the shot callers; no one else. same reason why I barely listen to the Dr. and I am far ahead of schedule w/ bupe and the rest of this recovery shit.

but yes, when I use I use cuz I made a bad decision; not cuz the addiction creeped on me. I used cuz I wanted to get high, get a nod, get whatever. I used cuz I wanted to, was my own fault, no one else (hate people who point fingers). sure, go home and delete numbers, friends, whatever.. but its YOU, man! its YOU making those calls, setting up those meets, etc.

not here to go on and on but just letting it out since I did see the Dr. today and did hear the usual recovery BS; took my drug test and told him upfront its a failure for weed as usual; he's cool w/ that so all is good. he does want me to come in NEXT WEEK AGAIN and take ANOTHER TEST since I keep failing (he's letting me fail for the weed) but his boss is now saying I have to "calm it or cut it". how the fuck do I "calm it" w/ the weed? get lost. rather just get off bupe.

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

Yeah, I understand how you feel, it just becomes such a part of who you are....When I was 29 I was coming off a horrible habit, I had only started again right after turning 28 sometime back in '05, but within a year I was fully involved...I quit right before I turned 30 and swore that I just couldn't do it anymore! Right after turning 31 though, I had a good job and things were going well for me, so I ended up right back on dope, took my 19 year old girlfriend with me, and that habit lasted 4 years! So, I don't think it's really something you just "outgrow"....

I remember the bullshit I used to go through copping in the late '90s when I started....There was lots of dope around, but the whole thing was disorganized and crazy...Some people used phones, but it was mostly a matter of just showing up at certain spots...and these spots had all kinds of other people waiting, people looking to rip you off....The dealer's back then didn't really want you to know who they were, so who was even the dealer was hard to figure out sometimes! I got ripped of more in the first few years than at any point after that....

I used to always dream of having quick and easy connections with no hassle, and when then finally happened is when I just was able to dig a huge hole for myself....just me, my phone and running back and forth getting dope every day....that's what still feels normal to me...

I had a dream last night about copping dope...In the dream I buy a gram of this dope, it's beige...I put it in my pocket and I'm just rubbing in my hand thinking, "Wow, this a big one, it feels like at least 1.2! I opened the knot on the bag, I was driving the same car I had 4 years ago...I dumped out a big pile, and then I woke up like, "Man, I wanna get high!"

Yeah before you actually have good connects, that's all you wish for. Then when you finally do, you regret it later on because all it did was give you the opportunity to totally ruin your life. Ha.

And I've had some super realistic drug dreams too. They suck.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I still have shit connects; once had great but people fall off; my best was 3G's for <snip> was always a deal and a half there! loved that dude and dope was top notch! my others sold top dollars and dope was EH! my connect nowadays sucks and I go through ANOTHER user to get to HER GUY but his dope is GOOD; it's the dope I last used and it def. had me NODDING after only shooting .5 or .75 of the first G. ended up using a 1.5G's that day but was fun! again, not my connect but good. pricing was not the greatest but she delivered and drove and picked up, so for the hundo it cost it wasnt too bad. but she def. gets 2 G's for <snip>. def money being save on her side and spent on mine. either way, it only happened TWICE, so it's fine by me.

 

[Jabberwocky]

any of you guy shoot your hands often? I am noticing more and more the veins in my hands are POPPPPPPPPPPPING lately but it was never a place I hit often. but as of late all veins been on the jump for whatever reason (not using) so has my mind thinking but still no worries to be had, I am a CLEANNNNNNNNNNNNN MAN! well, at least for the next hour or two. ha. nah, I am fine but just bringing up the old vein talk.

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

^^

My hands are really the only place I have good veins left. I've been fixing there for a couple years now.

 

[Jabberwocky]

only shot them once or twice but just seeing them rage right now. seems like I wouldnt/couldnt miss even if I tried. seems you gotta get pretty flat w/ the pin tho to hit these, right? I feel a lot of bones as well so not sure how easy it would be; although, like I said, I've shot before but it was one of my OFF days and prob had to black and blues on the reg veins.

Scag - hands are only place left? some peeps prefer to shoot hands I've heard many times. are those your LAST option for you? where do you think best shot spot is? I always went w/ the usual but would also use forearm often.

 

[Jabberwocky]

sick thing to remember but I remember using the hand because I had nothing to tie off w/ so I just went for something already popping. even when tied off my veins were shit on the forearms and between joints. I still somehow shot and hit/missed, whatever. I just blasted away until them became junk. they are fully healed nowadays; always covered in tats so you could never notice how bad it actually got.

 

[95Land]

any of you guy shoot your hands often? I am noticing more and more the veins in my hands are POPPPPPPPPPPPING lately but it was never a place I hit often. but as of late all veins been on the jump for whatever reason (not using) so has my mind thinking but still no worries to be had, I am a CLEANNNNNNNNNNNNN MAN! well, at least for the next hour or two. ha. nah, I am fine but just bringing up the old vein talk.

I get tempted by my hands but then I remember the 10 or so times I gave in to temptation, shot in my hand, hit or missed a little and still ended up with a swollen, reddened hand. Mine roll so easy and there's all those nerves.
I was hitting in the vein that runs down the mid part of the meat of my thumb. It was always painful and it makes me cringe to think about. Was a last resort thing when all my regular go to veins were hiding due to overuse. Still, horrible to think about.

 

[brimz]

About 12 years now, something like that. I started very young on account of very negative friendships with older people, and the fact that I thought I was just too cool for school. I had a very glamorized view on H and made the biggest mistake of my life ever trying it.

Did you seek it out? Or did it just find its way to you?

Yo Blue you been using 17 yrs ? Who's the vet . in this thread?

Me since 1994/5 fwiw

 

[Jabberwocky]

well, 94/95 what are you considering for using? 96 I was a freshman in highschool and thats where it all started; but the time I graduated in 2000 I was heavy in the party scene and drugs; using E, K, G and Crystal Meth - all cuz I was living in NY and going to a club SOUND FACTORY which was OUT OF THIS FUCKING WORLD! just read about the parties that once went on and they threw; was one of the most popular places to be at the time. by 04 I was in jail for trafficking but I pleaded and got dropped for distribution of opiates - under cover buy of 300 (271 to be exact) of 80's. the 80 game started in 00/01 and I was selling to make big cash and buy other drugs; by 02 I was doing 80s along w/ my other drugs and had quite the life; money, drugs, sex, nothing mattered. I didnt have a problem buying cuz I was selling so I was LOST in the drug scene; never had the issue of worrying about money cuz I was moving so much product and just had enough to do daily; finally had to hit rehab because I eventually passed out which was just a basic drug overdose but due to ALL DRUGS not just a certain drug; I was just so fucking junked out I dropped.

after my arrest I spent 1 week in a rehab, 30 days house arrest, 6 months inpatient program and then sentenced to 3 years Fed time. after a year and a half fed laws changed and I went back infront of judge and was let loose. stayed clean (drank, did G and also Phenibut) because I was on release but had a drug patch on and did weekly/daily testing. toward the end the let me off the patch and I had the least called number so I started to get back into the 80 scene; that became the 30/dope scene quick and went on a 3 year RIPPING run; living true junked out life; strung out, no cash, health problems, GF problems, lies, ODs, seizures, etc.

I dont consider myself a vet because my dope has only been heavy for 3-4 years; opiates heavy for 7 years total roughly but broken up w/ a 4 year lay off inbetween but used EVERY OTHER DRUG IMAGINABLE during all of this.

I remember always thinking I would never had ONE drug problem but MANY drug problems; then dope was the ONE problem, but no worries cuz I brought xanny in w/ it to make it TWO drug problems, ha. anyway, I kicked all and now on bupe - 4MG daily. I went 5 months clean and slipped and sniffed. then shot a week later cuz sniff was a waste. that was 10 days ago now and I've been back on bupe and 4MG.

so question to all -- DO YOU CONSIDER ME A VET!? or a somewhat yougin' when it comes to the drug but a VET when it comes to the "SCENE" in general. I didnt just run youre typical dope lifestyle till later years; although when using heavy early on I had CASH cuz I was moving weight; so although I was a junkie it wasnt effecting me financially but functionally and health wise I was in fucking hell! addiction to 80's, G, doing crystal meth every weekend, dropping E here and there and sniffing K after just shooting an 80 or sniffing an 80. very werid junked out back then but over the last 3-4 years I was your "typical" junkie.

so, again.. VET or NO VET!?

 

[BlueHues]

^I tried it in '94 now that i really think about it....but didn't start using it really until '97, IV '98

 

[BlueHues]

^Sorry to double post, but BBT can you make it through one day without bragging, being a complete douchebag and stirring shit?

Half the posts on BL for the last month are you bragging about how long and how hard you went with drugs....It wasn't a question directed at you, believe me nobody cares!

 

[brimz]

I 1st started H in 94 but had a long honeymoon n i wasn;t or didn't notice sickness till 97 .

Veterans is a odd term but for instance we had a poster in his 60s wo was 1 of the last Diamorphine maintenance patients in the uk . That is a vet !

I am still under 40 so i would not class myself as one

 

[cj]

I am 25 and I started using at 18. Had a few breaks but its been a rough 4 years all said and done. 1 rehab trip 1 detox trip and a lot of fucked up friendships.


@Redleader that was one of the best series of posts I have ever read on bluelight. You put into words everything I felt about rehab.