Harm Reduction ⫸Personal Accounts of Addiction: What's YOUR Story?⫷

[ComedownsSuck]

Over the past 3-4 years I have been struggling with the whole idea of staying sober. At the age of 14 I started dabbling with marijuana. I had smoked weed before even drinking Alchohol, and it didn't take long for drugs to totally consume my life. By the age of 16 I was very familiar with most perscription pills and how they personally affected my body, aswell as many other substances including psychedelics such as LSD, Psilosybin, and MDMA, and many of the research chemicals such as the 2-cx family and the 2-5x family. I was addicted to stimulants for a while and quit them cold turkey a while back, and was also very addicted to opiate painkillers for a while. When I realized this I also quit them cold turkey. The withdrawls were hell, but nothing could prepare me for what I would have experianced more recently.

About 2 months ago, I found a very solid connection for 2mg xanax bars. I had tried xanax before finding this connection, but it was always very hard for me to get, and often I would take .5mgs and pass out. I never really looked for it because of this, and didn't really understand what all the hype was about over it. Shortly after finding this new connection, my world was turned upside-down in a matter of 24 hours. My best friend was declared a missing person, and nobody knew where he was, not even his parents. Around the same time as this I was robbed for $850 and someone was out to get me because I owed that money to someone else, and I was also having problems with a girl I had been seeing about 2 years. The stress of these 3 events all happening at once caused me to search for an escape. I found this escape in xanax. For about the first week of taking xanax, I was taking 15-20 2mg bars a day (30-40mg) in attempt to escape from what I considered to be a hell of a reality. This went on for about a week until one morning I woke up violently shaking. This had never happened to me before with any substance, and I had heard horror stories from other people about benzodiazepine withdrawl and how dangerous it was, so I instantly had a feeling that I may have become dependent on the xanax. I was right. I didn't see myself checking into an impatient rehab program, so at first I tried to taper myself down. I started my taper plan at 10mg's spread throughout the day. Over about a 4 week period I was able to taper myself down to 7mgs/ day. Once here, I found myself unable to taper any lower without the withdrawls being too bad to handle. At this point I didn't really get any sort of "high" from the xanax, and considered this my "functioning dose". I somehow managed to keep a job, continue going to college, and carry on what I thought to be a somewhat "normal" life. I was stuck on this 7mg/day dose for about 2-3 weeks when finally I realized that I needed more help. I knew that the risk of seizures/severity of benzo withdrawls weren't anything to mess around with, so I checked myself into a rehab/detox facility. After a week of pure hell in there, I was finally released to go home. Today marks my 10th day of complete sobriety, 7 of which were in rehab, the other 3 have been back at home. Withdrawing from the xanax was nothing I could've ever prepared myself for, and the withdrawls were far worse then any stimulant or opiate withdrawl I have ever experianced, and I would never like to experiance them again, and pray that nobody else has to ever go through them.

Looking back on my past experiance with xanax, I am very thankful that I am still alive as I would often mix bars with Alchohol or other drugs. Taking just that amount of xanax alone, and considering the amounts of time I would literally be blacked out for, I can't believe that I am still walking the face of this earth. From what othe people tell me, I also made some very poor descisions while intoxicated by xanax, and my mind is blown as to how I didn't end up in jail either.

If anyone else is struggling with xanax addiction, I would STRONGLY reccommend a detox facility. There they can moniter you through a safe withdrawl, and in the place I went even provided other drugs/vitamins such as lorezapam (Ativan) to help take the edge off the withdrawl, and made it much safer for me to come off of. Most detox facilities can have you in and out within a week long period, and they really do provide a safe environment to detox in, with doctors and nurses ready to go incase anything were to happen. I didn't even have 1 seizure detoxing off this crazy high of a dose of xanax, because they knew what they were doing there.

I am very thankful to be alive and a free man right now. If anyone is struggling with benzos, I would reccommend getting the help you need to make it past. I wish I would've done this when I first realized I had a problem with the xanax.

 

[ZacherySwan]

@ComedownsSuck
I wrote you a long reply, but it for some reason did not go thru. does Bluelight have a timer?
I was also informed by Bluelight, that my private messages were full at 5 messages

 

[Mackrul]

What actually makes people want to try it? Personally in Ireland it is seen as a horrible, disgusting drug.

If anybody ever comes to Ireland seeing somebody addicted would put you off it for life. They will do ANYTHING to make enough for a hit.

That's just my experience from seeing so much in the city centre

Sorry if I offended anybody, I know sometimes it may not be by choice

I've also never used, and am not a big fan of downers imo

 

[ComedownsSuck]

@ZacherySwan Not entirely sure how the whole bluelight system works. I would be interested to see what your response says! Feel free to post it on here, or send me a private message.

If anyone is trying to get off benzos and isnt really sure where to start, or just needs some words of encouragement, you can always PM me aswell! I was once in your shoes and can try to help out as best I can!

 

[tyler5]

I found out from a friend that a casual acquaintance from my fentanyl (3-methylfentanyl, to be exact) days wrote an account of me and how I am now a slave to methadone and pretty much fucked. From one angle it was a good story but I wish it had been written by someone who truly knew/knows me, no someone who I met a handful times to get my DoC. It's because an acquintance will never know the real facts like one of your friends does and the story he wrote was on a site that is pretty popular in my country.
No real names were used, of course, but it still bothers me a little although I am all for free speech and the site in general (nihilist.fm) is not an anti-drug website. it's just a place where people who have seen addiction whether it is gambling, strip clubs, drugs etc. up close and decide to put it out there for others to read. Since drugs are new in our country (we were behind the Iron Curtain until '91 although we were the westernmost and most-western country of the USSR - blue jeans and rubber ducks from USA, hell yeah lmao).

I'm blabbering because I am pretty stoned (not a frequent smoker) and therefore my mind rambles a bit
The point of the message was - I will write my own Account of Addiction, here, on this forum instead, and it will be straight from the person who witnessed most of it (I also used a video cam during these days so the days when I used 15mg+ xanax and 1g of 3-MF (i dont even know what to compare it with but i'd say AT LEAST 700mg of methadone?), of course I don't remember them clearly, but I have footage from it and can therefore but together an accurate picture.
I also disliked that he used the old lie that methadone makes you gain weight. In reality it was an anti-psychotic named olanzapine. since then ive dropped all the weight. he made me look out to be a dead man walking when in reality my life is going uphil and has been ever since
I quit the illicity fentanyl and stopped wasting my money (methadone maint. is free over here). I now can use my own money to buy things I like not beg for my parents or loan it.

He also said that my skin was slowly coming off etc. like I was using fcuking Krokodil (the infamous Russian compote of codeine and gasoline or something equally disgusting. it basically makes You rot from the outside and You have sores so you look like a crocodile, therefore the name).
In conclusion, there were many errors in his story although it wasn't badly written and I agreed in general with some of his text. But I will always prefer places like Bluelight where real users are talking about real usage in a real setting in real life. None of that SWIM and 'My friend does this and that and therefore those things have happened...ewww, disgusting'. Thats just childish.

I guess I'll just edit this post in the future and put my Personal Account of Addiction here. Not this year, though.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to You all! %)

 

[Ra_in_Human_Form]

What really is addiction?

Minor uppers addiction resulted in two suicide attempts. Feels like I'm still seeking speed all the time, in some form or another.
I hear ibogaine is a perfect drug addiction solution, but it is not formally reachable in most westernized countries.
I wonder if being completely "sober" is even worth it whereas I'd just rather indulge in psychedelics.
Really, I wonder if drug addiction is even something that exists or if its just a combination of words to make excuses for things we find really fun and some of us get a little too obsessed with.
Either way, I don't think drugs that are easily to become addicted to have much merit unless you're doing something actually fun with your "high times."

 

[Bomb319]

The best advice I can give is that if you're heavily addicted to opiates and know you won't be able to stop using, go on methaone - the sooner, the better. Yes, it maintains your addiction. But it works, and is likely the ONLY thing that WILL work for you, other than using. It will not hurt your body (altough make sure you exercise a lot and brush your teeth) and at the very least, it will allow you to terminate your destructive relationships with your dealers, friends who continue to use, etc. and removes you from that lifestyle for once after many long, arduous years. Once your brain shifts back, you will have your old personality back, and are able to view many of your issues objectively for the first time in ages without the nagging compulsion of using clinging to you. At that point, you can decide what you want in life, and decide to taper or maintain while rebuilding your life.

 

[Bomb319]

Minor uppers addiction resulted in two suicide attempts. Feels like I'm still seeking speed all the time, in some form or another.
I hear ibogaine is a perfect drug addiction solution, but it is not formally reachable in most westernized countries.
I wonder if being completely "sober" is even worth it whereas I'd just rather indulge in psychedelics.
Really, I wonder if drug addiction is even something that exists or if its just a combination of words to make excuses for things we find really fun and some of us get a little too obsessed with.
Either way, I don't think drugs that are easily to become addicted to have much merit unless you're doing something actually fun with your "high times."

Um, obviously drugs can be and are addictive. What you just said is really a hard slap in the face to those of us who have suffered intensely over the years. Just because you personally can't decide whether you have a true addiction or not, doesn't mean the rest of us haven't legitimately struggled and suffered.

I'm hoping that what you actually meant to propose is that you aren't sure whether addiction should be classified as a DISEASE or not. Either way, it absolutely is a real and incredibly pervasive hellish reality, and more often than not has NOTHING to do with will power. I hope that you can see how badly your post offends everybody who has lost their lives due to addiction, as well as their families.

 

[AgonyAndEcstasy781]

I had a horrible experience with methadone personally. Just recently got off after years on it. It made me a lazy sack of shit, i gained weight, and it blunted my personality, basically making me a smug, sedentary, sack of lard, even worse than poppy-based opiates did. My years on methadone were some of the darkest of my life.

I seem to have had a particularly bad reaction to it, for some people it works, for many people its a trap thats harder to quit than heroin. I was terrified of getting off but I'm glad I am. Plus you have to schedule your life according to clinic hours and policies, unless you manage to get take-homes. Nothing more depressing then spending time in that place. You can smell the broken dreams and xanax bars from a mile away.

 

[Euphorogenesis]

Really, I wonder if drug addiction is even something that exists or if its just a combination of words to make excuses for things we find really fun and some of us get a little too obsessed with.

Get a healthy heroin habit and come talk to me again how it's 'just a bunch of words to make excuses for things you find really fun'.

 

[Katastropheskase]

(I want to follow the posting rules for this thread so here's a short summary of my story)

Background-

I've been in love with the idea of love all of my life. Kinda nerdy growing up mixed with a really bad habit of freaking out when more then one person had any sort of attention directed to me made it so I read books through most of high school and dreamed of romance. My first one night stand was alcohol when I was 15. Tobacco followed soon after but I didn't start smoking habitually until I turned 18 or so. Drinking became a bi weekly or tri weekly thing until I turned 17 and smoked weed.

And it was like I was in love for the first time. Partying, drinking, smoking... The only thing better then getting invited to be one of the cool kids because I had the money for drugs was the high and the euphoria I would get from the substances themselves. I'd struggled with depression for years before and even downers would make me feel happy. I binged: drank, smoked, popped pills. Repeat. Sober up just long enough to figure out how to fake sobriety. Repeat. I was addicted to being addicted and well on my way to being a raging alcoholic by 18.

But, all first loves end at some point, and I stopped smoking pot when I broke up with her for adderal. And I had found it. I was head over heals in love with addy and wanted her in my life for the rest of time. I couldn't even tell you how much money I spent on adderal between 18 and 19. I was working three jobs, supporting a deadbeat boyfriend and feeding a habit.

Addy turned to hydros, hydros turned to whatever the fuck I could get my hands on. Benadryl, hydroxines, bars, anything and everything. I would binge out so hard that I've lost entire months of my life. Coke followed swiftly after and I spent most of everything I had on it, Molly, MDMA, LSD... Whatever I could snort up my nose. It was like I invited a different girl to my bed every night one of my friends pulled a new bag out of a pocket and introduced me.

The worst day of my life was when I realized I was never going to forget the night I met crystal.

She was beautiful. Like a vision in alabaster that I had been reading about for years in my books and my stories and my fantasies of love.

I loved her with all of my heart. And it didn't matter that I hadn't found a person to fill that void in my life that had festered from years of being left alone with no one to turn to. No one who cared. They never judged me, and I fell deeper and deeper in love, chasing them and courting them while playing a game with friends and family to see how long I could keep the charade of "I'm fine" going.

Substances-

Alcohol, Tobacco, Benadryl, Weed, Hydros, Adderal, Cocaine, Bars, Molly, MDMA, LSD, Roxi, Crystal meth

Duration of addiction-

I'm going on five years of being an alcoholic, and to this day I itch if someone touches me with meth on their hands, or if I can smell it on their breath.

Adverse/ lasting effects-

My eye twitches, my hands shake if I'm sober for two long, dealing with anyone becomes unbearable if I don't have something in my system. I'm sick all the time. IVE LOST MONTHS AND MONTHS OF MY LIFE because my memory for days and weeks is so foggy. I've lost family, I've lost friends and my reputation in my hometown is all but shot. I don't sleep well anymore and I slur over my words even when I'm sober.

I've OD'ed a few times and permanently damaged parts of my brain because I didn't have anyone to call 911. To be honest, it's a miracle I'm still here.

Warnings and advice-

It doesn't let you escape. It doesn't make you friends. It won't kill or dull emotional, physical or spiritual pain. I tried to do all of those things by just "finding the right combination" and I would rather share my story then have someone else go through what I've suffered. I wake up every morning and have to look in the mirror and think about the person I've become. I'm not at rock bottom anymore, but the things I do remember still shame me to this day.

Don't let anyone pressure you. Ever.

"I'll only do it once" is the biggest lie you've ever told yourself. Especially if you end up enjoying it.

Don't try to hide it like I did. The people around you always find out and you're not as good at keeping yourself together as you think you are.

Misc.-

If anyone ever wants to message me or needs someone to talk to they're more then welcome. I've gotten through the worst of it and for the most part I've been able to keep my usage to recreational instead of all consuming. I'm not going to say "don't try this" or "don't do that" because I saw how well it worked when people said that to me. Just be safe guys. Waking up from passing out and realizing that you're covered in sweat and vomit, strung out with work in 30 minutes is no way to live. Trust me.

 

[will Smith]

I've been taking MDMA/ecstasy for the last 4 years on and off but now its reached a point where I take about 2 grams a week. I just can't stop.I'm 22 years old and I've never been more confused in my life I'm embarrassed to tell my best friend how bad it's got. I never thought I'd be that guy to fall hard for drugs. Its a lonely feeling. I think this is the first time I've admitted my addiction.

 

[Euphorogenesis]

I've been taking MDMA/ecstasy for the last 4 years on and off but now its reached a point where I take about 2 grams a week. I just can't stop.I'm 22 years old and I've never been more confused in my life I'm embarrassed to tell my best friend how bad it's got. I never thought I'd be that guy to fall hard for drugs. Its a lonely feeling. I think this is the first time I've admitted my addiction.

Just stop taking it. Trust me i've taken enough MDMA/Ecstacy/Amphetamines to know what it's like to be into a substance such as that, at some point i was taking around the same amount as you describe every weekend for a while. But seriously, just stop taking the shit if you think it's that bad, you don't get any physical withdrawels from stimulants unlike opiates...

 

[Branggen]

Brief Background:

I originally started smoking weed at the age of 15 out of boredom, this went on for about a year until I began experimenting with every known substance I could acquire.

Substance(s):

I will try and put these in order...(Only thing I could really say Ive abused would be the oxycodone)
Marijuana>Alcohol>MDMA>Shrooms>Ketamine>Cocaine>Salvia>2C-b>LSD>(Many Rx Stimulants)>Meth>Heroin>Oxycodone

Duration of Addiction/Dependence:

Well I actually started taking the OC 80's just a couple months ago and i'm still taking them. I also liked to smoke weed every day pretty much since I started.

Adverse Effects:

School grades were definitely dropping but ive kind of attributed that to a changing view of the world as I used drugs. Probably a lot less healthy than I once was.

Warnings and Advice:

The only warning I can give is that opiates really do get you quietly and when you don't expect it. Got to be careful if you are planning any kind of continuous dose.

 

[opiateman23]

Well. I started with tobacco at 12. Copenhagen fine cut. Always come back to it. I smoked some weed. I joined the Army at 18. Almost got killed and got fentynal suckers. Woke up in Mannhiem Germany... hooked up to morphine drip. Got Med seperated. Ended up shooting heroin in NYC. Went to VA hospital in Manhattan and Bronx. I went to college in the city so dope was prevalent. I moved down south after grad school. I loved stims when I was in the service. Found a quack to write me for adderall. Fun times. Met my wife she got scripted SOMA and xannies. The VA scripted me baby norcos for years. Been off and on drugs for a long time.

 

[Inkedbelle]

Brief Background:
I can't blame my addiction on a shitty childhood or terrible parents....I was raised in a upper middle class family where i had two loving and supportive parents. However we have a long history of knocking heads and seeing not even close to eye to eye so when I was 17 and knew it all I moved out. I smoked some pot, probably less then 10 times, partied my ass off and drank like a fish until I joined the military.

At 22 I got out and went into Law Enforcement as a reserve police officer. My only goal in life was to breath and become full time certified eventually going into narcotics. Even I drown in the irony of this. At 23 I moved to Cali for the guy I was with at the time, giving up my spot at the department. Long story short Cali ended in flames and I moved back home two months later. All kinds of fucked in the head, hating life and pretty much everyone around me.

A guy that I was friends with started talking to me for hours and during this I found out he did meth...totally shocked because I was used to dealing with these terrible gross meth addicts with the police dept. There is a brutal stigma that surrounds meth where I come from and rightfully so. It's rampant and the people that get busted keep the stereotype of the meth head alive and kicking.

Anyways, my friend talked to me about his use of it like 12 years worth and the way he presented it made it seem 100% different then how I had seen it. Made it seem appealing and shit. I was so fucked in the head at the time from what had happened in Cali I didn't even give a fuck...told him to come over one night and bring some because I wanted to get high.

He shows up and starts setting things up and I saw needles. Woah. I asked him what the fuck. Like needle users I always looked down on because the police view that as the lowest and worst form of drug users and they are just the definition of addict at that point. My friend told me it's the cleanest and best way to get high and then said "I want to show you my world" I can see him and where we were in my house when he told me that. And for my first time ever, he shot me up with meth.

Absolutely nothing like what I expected and I didn't hate it or love it, it was just meh. Had a nasty comedown because I refused to take the Xanax he left me. That snowballed into doing it again a week later out of boredom and then I swear I just blinked because the next thing I knew, we were bringing it back from the city every other day.

I learned how to cook it and we became known as the best people to buy the shit from because the shit we sold was cleaner and more pure then any where around. And then when we were so wide open, tweaking the fuck out and just living with out a care or thought in the world.

Our apartment got busted and raided. We had got set up by my homeboy and I was home when the raid happened. They broke the front door down and before I really processed what happened, I had 4 little red dots on my chest and all I could think was holy fuck I'm supposed to be doing that with them, this isn't me. What the fuck. They searched the apartment and I was so scared and fucked up I could barely speak. We had just re upped everything to sell and they hit the variety jackpot of the year. Paraphernalia, Xanax, pot, coke, ghb, meth and heroin.

My boy was at work and they got him there. First thing he told them was he would cooperate just don't fuck with me, I knew nothing. I was already pleading stupid but my boy could have walked away 100% free and clear and let me take the fall but he stood up and took every single charge.

To make a long story short, he told the police he would narc out some big fish, he strung the DTF and Dea along for two months and then when time ran out, we bounced out of the state and essentially ran. I figured it was the least I could do to help him and really I was worried about how I was going to keep getting meth because at that point I was so paranoid, hallucinating and dependent on him I could barely function.

Moral of that story is don't waste your money and run, they will always find you! Haha A month later they damn sure did. My parents amazing as always listened to everything I told them about what had happened and helped me with out question, got my boy a insanely good lawyer and gave me enough money to get a place so I could start to get my shit together. And here I am, a year after all this passed, 6 hours after shooting some great dope and I can say while I'm not clean, I have a great job, a nice car and friends that have stuck by me thru all this.

This dope is nasty shit and if I could go back I would never ever gone near it, but I can only change the future so I'm hoping each month that passes it gets a little easier to pass up banging this shit. Im almost 25 and have gone from shooting a gram a day to now maybe three tenths every once in a blue moon. It's all mental and I know it, I just need to beable to let go of that first rush after you shoot it and I've never yet been fully able to do that. I keep telling my self one of these days I'm gonna be done with it but it always seems to be a next week thing. This drugs a horrible life ruining motherfucker and I absolutely love it.

Substances:
I used everything, pills pot ghb heroin, even shot coke but my every day was Ice and Xanax

Duration:
Ohhhh about a year tweaked out of my mind addicted to Ice.....now it's going on almost two years of having ice in my life...everything else I could care less about and I totally stopped doing

Adverse Effects:
I overdosed on GHB to where I should have been dead, it took me three days to even become fully coherent and to stop blacking out. Over dosed on shooting over a half gram of mdma cut meth about a month after I tried ice for the first time. I lost a stupid unhealthy amount of weight in three months, I went from 180lbs (im 5 10) to 115lbs. I got bad panic attacks when I would have to drive thru the city where all of our connections were in after my boy got sent to prison. Crazy paranoia and hallucinations. 14 day binges with no sleep and little food. And my vision is still pretty fucked up, I have a bitch of a time driving at night, all the lights and shiny things have these annoying ass halos and I just can't see shit with out rocking highbeams every where.

Warnings and Advice:
To those of you who already use ice and have never tried the needle and who want to? DONT. Please for the love of god don't. You will not be the exception that doesn't get hooked on the needle. Trust me I thought that as well and here we are. Enjoy rolling the bowl and doing dope more socially acceptably. The rush of the needle is not a feeling worth finding out about. That shit will fuck your life up, take everything away from you all while holding you close and making you feel like your life getting destroyed right before your eyes is perfectly ok. And to the ones that are on this site going wow ice sounds amazing, I want to do it, it sounds so cool. Just don't. 90% of the people that write about or talk about how great and amazing dope is are either so far addicted they believe it's a good thing or are so miserable locked in their addiction, drawing people in and watching them get hooked and then fucked up like them, is the only way they feel better in their addicted bubble. This shit isn't fucking good, it's not cool or awesome or anything else remotely positive. Dope is life ruining evil in a pretty little shard and once it has you, good luck getting away from it unscathed for good. But if your reading this your probably hard headed and thinking it won't happen to you or I'm just a weak ass pussy that's still an addict because I like it...if your one of those people, best of luck. Your the ones where this shit will take you before you even have a chance to notice what happened.

 

[ThePharmacist4925]

I'll keep this brief and simply account the basics of every experience with addiction I've ever had.

Substance: Marijuana
Type Of Addiction: Habitual/Mental
Total Time Addicted: 3 years

Whether or not marijuana is addictive is up for debate, but to clarify I would definitely classify my addiction a habitual/mental as opposed to physical/chemical. I started using marijuana in high school as means to cope with stress and within a month of trying it, I was using marijuana every day. Back then selling pot helped pay for my habit and I would smoke as much as eight times a day. I was high all the time for most of several years and this really pissed off my folks. My friends changed because of this habit and I even almost sacrificed a great relationship for it. It did not seem harmful at the time and in retrospect out of everything I've ever done it really wasn't that harmful except for introducing me to other drugs.

Substance: Benzodiazepines
Type of Addiction: Chemical/Physical
Total Time Addicted: 3 months

Benzodiazepines was a short lived relationship that pulled my interests away from marijuana and towards prescription pills. I started post high school when a friend of mine sold me a massive quantity for dirt cheap. I immediately started taking them everyday and being someone who legitimately has multiple anxiety disorders I felt free for the first time in my life. I didn't realize how hard I was going to crash when my stash ran out in a new place that I had just moved where prices for pills were through the roof. I tried to keep my addiction going for a little while, but I couldn't afford it and somehow I tapered quickly off of them without too much of withdrawals. I had only been using the pills for a few months, so I imagine that is why I was able to get off them so easily. I have used them on a few occasions in the years since then and have been able to be casual avoiding physical dependence or reckless usage.

Substance: Amphetamines
Type Of Addiction: Physical/Chemical
Total Time Addicted: 4 months or 3 years (I'll explain)

I used to take address recreationally when I was living at home post high school. It started with taking them as prescribed but after a short time I didn't get the initial effect I had gotten the first time I had taken them from my regular dose so I began increasing and when I ran out I would go down to the local college and buy more in bulk. I would stay up for three days straight and then sleep a whole day and do it over again. I wasn't particularly productive during this time, just very moody and focused on useless things. Coming off of it was such a bitch. I emotionally crashed and got so depressed that I just wanted to die. I could not control myself with the immediate release version of this substance and I built up tolerance to the point where it didn't even makes sense to take address very quickly. In recent years I've been prescribed Vyvanse and have for the most part taken it as prescribed, only doubling my dose on a few occasions when I really needed to focus. I still take it almost always exactly as prescribed and I have no issue with that. It doesn't bother me to take a day off here and there either. Immediate release amphetamines really mess with my head, but the extended release ones don't seem to phase me at all.

Substance: Opiates
Type Of Addiction: Physical/Chemical
Total Time Addicted: 6 months

I first tried oxycodone in high school and it didn't really do much for me so I left it alone for a few years until my second attempt at college. A friend introduced me to the 30's and next thing I new I wanted at least half of one a day. Not much of an addiction but I worked hard to sell stuff in order to afford that habit and others since I was on a super limited budget having no job. I crashed emotionally for a couple of days after that first couple month stint. After moving home from wilderness rehabilitation a friend had begun to sell a variety of opiate pills and the damned opana's were $13 for a 40 which I could snort and get super high on. I was hooked after two pills, I needed the stuff and really fucked myself up for a few months until I used Vicodin to come off of it. What a mess and I had just gotten out of rehabilitation. Later I went back to the same person looking for Opana and found they only had 80's which were still super cheap and I started taking up to twelve of those a day for awhile and really screwed myself over. I used alcohol and tapering to get out of that one but I was so sick it was unbelievable. FML. That was the last time I messed around with serious opiates. Lesson Learned.

Substance: Seroquel
Type Of Addiction: Physical
Total Time Addicted: 3 years

Say what you want. It's a manageable addiction to a medication I'm prescribed, but try to get off of it and I go through Hell. Mania results from discontinuation among other negative side effects. Shakes, mood swings, hot cold sweats, getting off this stuff sucks and then I'm in such a bad place off of it that they put me right back on it so it's a vicious cycle. Idk this stuff is addictive just like every other fuckin anti-depressant, anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety pill they claim is safer than drug use. Try getting off any variety of prescription pills and you'll find it's very similar to drug withdrawal. Just a sincere warning about medication. Take what you have to but don't believe it's all super safe, they're just trying to delude you.

Substance: Nicotine
Type Of Addiction: Physical/Chemical
Time Addicted: 6 years

Through everything I've been addicted to cigarettes. Started casually smoking in high school and never stopped. I've never really tried to stop on my own either. I had to stop for wilderness rehabilitation and it blew, simply put. If I could go back and not start this shit, I would. Too late now, when I finish writing this I'm going to have a smoke. Point is if you start smoking don't expect to stop without a major fight and you'll end up going through some hell anyway. I wish people would steer clear of this one because it's been the hardest for me to stop.

Anyways that cover the very basics of most if not all of the addiction I've had, so try be careful and best of luck to everyone.

 

[Mia.Carlson66]

Tell me your addiction story

Hi, I would like to hear peoples stories about their addiction. I have question written down and I will answer these questions as well. I hope this is the right place for this (if not delete), I would just like to see if someone has a similar addiction to mine and if so how did you quit and how it affected you.

What medication are you addicted to? Percocet 10/325

When and why did you start? I started because my friend gave me one and I really liked the way it made me feel.

How old were you? 18

how long have you been addicted for? about a year


What dose did you start out at? like 20mg a day if that

What's the dose you are at currently or were at when you decided to quit? I'm taking between 80mg-100mg a day.

Are they prescribed to you or no? I get prescribed 90/month. the rest I get from friends/off the street

Are you happy with taking them or do you not like your life anymore? The problem is, is yes I love the high. the other problem is, is I feel like it has consumed me. I have two daughter and no im not a bad mom but I feel like I could be better if I didn't take these pills. The other problem is I have chronic pain due to inflammation around my spine and sclerosis, so im kind of between a rock and a hard place.

have you quit or do you want to quit? yes and no, I do for my health and mental health and for my children but the high is what gets me, I have horrible anxiety and it helps so much with that, it also helps me with the horrible pain in my back in the mornings and through out the day.

If you have quit how did you go about? I have not quit yet or attempted.

 

[bvx996h]

What medication are you addicted to? Heroin, afghan brown powder

When and why did you start? I started in high school, because I was a straight-A student and had never been in any trouble before, and I wanted to feel adventure or something different/risky in my life, and I saw the general risky behavior people take in high school (alcohol, marijuana) as uninteresting and overrated. I got offered by a friend, who later moves onto meth.

How old were you? 16

how long have you been addicted for? For about one and a half years.


What dose did you start out at? I snort the powder, so I started off at about one paperclip sized line/day.

What's the dose you are at currently or were at when you decided to quit? Right now I'm at about 5-7 lines/day.

Are they prescribed to you or no? Nope. I wish!

Are you happy with taking them or do you not like your life anymore? I love the high, and it makes it all worth it, but I hate having to sneak around because of it and lie because of it, especially to my family. I'm still a good student, even now that I'm in college, but it's slowly taking its toll on me, messing up my sleeping schedule and causing me to skip classes.

have you quit or do you want to quit? I have no desire to quit, but I would like to cut down or better plan when I decide to use.

If you have quit how did you go about? At one point, I quit because I had to (I ran out and was waiting for more to come in). I lasted all of ten days of miserable hell and as soon as I came, I went right back to using as I normally would. Those ten days were terrible. I felt empty, raw, depressed and sick. I never want to go through that again, especially not when the alternative is an amazing high.


Hopefully that helps you see that there are others out there with addictions.

 

[mrsnowygrainius]

medication- east coast powder heroin

when/ why start- at my first job some kid was snorting a tannish powder i didn't know what it was and he let me try some. i was pretty much hooked from there

how old was i- 18

how long have you been addicted for- going on 5 years now

dose started out- the first time i ever tried dope believe it or not we would put it on the end of our ciggs, then i tried snorting it and did that for a while, then of course moved on to IV

dose currently on- whatever i can afford, sometimes i have no money and have to scrape empty bags for something, other times i do up to a bun a day

is heroin prescribed to me- lol no

am i happy with my life- fuck no i hate having this shit control my life i can't even leave my hometown can't travel or do anything b/c I'm a slave to dope. dope takes priority over everything in my life

quitting- i want to quit so badly but i can't. I've tried it al, suboxone for 2 years, NA meetings, God, nothing works for me