EADD Heroin thread v.XXV -- a quarter centuary of threads if not yet a full decade since the 'drought'...

[elgoucho9]

I think like ZB said if your getting involved in the brown & white you have to be prepared for what comes with it. Don't get me wrong i've had alot of really euphric blissful moments on both. But like the comedown after a heavy crack bender when you run out and no ones answering, your looking around the floor for bits of rock. Or the 3-5 days of pain withdrawing from heroin. It is not fun and it is super naive to think anyone should have a habit in these drugs and won't experience trying times, and times of downright misery and pain even. I know when i CT'd off my IV heroin/speedball habit i felt soo shit for like 5-7 days, i looked a mess and my whole life was in a horrid predictament. However if you are determined like some of the people in this thread are, past that 5-7 days one step at a time it get's better and you can easily beat the withdrawls. I am not strong and i did it. There are others in this thread far greater and more clued up than I am.

The difficult part is not stopping the habit and beating the withdrawals for me. It is staying away permanently. However since i took that nasty beating my nose is broken and cheek bones both sides. It makes most drug taking uncomfortable and i get headaches. Which i guess in a way they did me a favour. I don't see myself succumbing to the brown and white again anytime soon. Got to a point i just don't enjoy that life style or what i'm surrounded by anymore. I have seen it for what it is. surrounded by drug aquitances and low lives who would fuck you over in a heartbeat. There is no loyalty and morals in that world.

 

[BK38]

This reminds me of the brilliant film "Ray" about Ray Charles. Highly recommended viewing.

During the peak of his success, he becomes heavily addicted to heroin for some time, this concerns the people in the music industry that manage him etc, but he then suddenly decides to quit due to something his mother says, IIRC.

He goes completely cold turkey with no remedies, despite the best / most expensive Drs calling in on him and telling him that they can help make things a lot easier for him, he sends them away. And he goes through it the hard way.

The worst of the physical issues seems to be over in about 5 days, but then if you get struck with PAWS afterwards then that's a different story.

All of this is why long term use of heavy opiates is not for me, I know that I can't deal well with the the physical and mental roller coaster ride that using and then having to go through WDs at some point involves.

It's always the PAWS that are the killer with opiates in particular, at least for me. I took Tramadol hcl at high doses from age 14-19, then heroin from 19-22ish.

It's the soul crushing depression and spikes in anxiety that seem to come in waves over a protracted period of time that's really unbearable. A week to 2ish weeks of acute WDs is horrible, but nothing like the psychological side of things and the neuro-chemical imbalance that comes with PAWS. I know I've easily experienced symptoms of PAWs for 6+ months after heavy use; it's absolute self-induced torture.

 

[axe battler]

It's always the PAWS that are the killer with opiates in particular, at least for me. I took Tramadol hcl at high doses from age 14-19, then heroin from 19-22ish.

It's the soul crushing depression and spikes in anxiety that seem to come in waves over a protracted period of time that's really unbearable. A week to 2ish weeks of acute WDs is horrible, but nothing like the psychological side of things and the neuro-chemical imbalance that comes with PAWS. I know I've easily experienced symptoms of PAWs for 6+ months after heavy use; it's absolute self-induced torture.

Yeah, id love to get off methadone, but ive a loooong road ahead.
They probably won't even let me start reducing right now due to relapses.

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

It's always the PAWS that are the killer with opiates in particular, at least for me. I took Tramadol hcl at high doses from age 14-19, then heroin from 19-22ish.

It's the soul crushing depression and spikes in anxiety that seem to come in waves over a protracted period of time that's really unbearable. A week to 2ish weeks of acute WDs is horrible, but nothing like the psychological side of things and the neuro-chemical imbalance that comes with PAWS. I know I've easily experienced symptoms of PAWs for 6+ months after heavy use; it's absolute self-induced torture.

It's began with me today.

Went to bed at 10pm & was WIDE AWAKE at 3am & that's the best I've had in days. I was sitting there watching some shite on BBC News 24 about the Russian Vote & a "Wave" of Crushing Depression swept over me, the kinda feeling that makes you wanna go chew the end of a 12 Gauge loaded with Lead .00 Buckshot.

Time for my Big-boy Pants to be put on I think.

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

Yeah, id love to get off methadone, but ive a loooong road ahead.
They probably won't even let me start reducing right now due to relapses.

They won't let you off as they get kickbacks from The State.

I Stand FIRM on this, Methadone is WORSE for you than Heroin & the withdrawl is so much longer, if we had anyone with any Logic Legal Heroin would be able to be got on a Script from Boots like it used to be in the 1960's over here.

I've NEVER come across a drug worker I Trust & the addicts who work in these places but seem to have let slip what the Junk life actually is like are the worst in my view, I piss on their Grave.

I'd be the best drug worker or NHS Doctor ever as I understand, Heroin isn't just "a drug" it gives you lessons from The University of Life you can't get anywhere else.

If you really want off methadone do it yourself IMHO.
I've never been on a script for that stuff & I NEVER would, I find most addicts WEAK & they wanna cry all the time, well Tough Shit you Cunt, Welcome to Life & send me a Postcard.

The Lion Man of Cradley Heath used to offer a Heroin withdrawl service in a local town to where I live, he CHAINED people to the sink for 5 days & they had a bucket to piss, shit & vomit into. NO Pre-Gabs, No Benzo, No Nothing. I can kind of agree with his methods tbh.

Feel free to Google him btw & you'll see.

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

They probably won't even let me start reducing

If you really want off it & they say anything to you tell them "It's MY Body, It's MY LIfe and I want OFF this Legal Poison, you can go Fuck yourself"

Simple as that, if I can get off the gear with nothing I am sure you can too!!!!!

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

“I have learned the cellular stoicism that junk teaches the user. I have seen a cell full of sick junkies silent and immobile in separate misery. They knew the pointlessness of complaining or moving. They knew that basically no one can help anyone else. There is no key, no secret someone else has that he can give you.”
― William S. Burroughs, Junky

 

[LoginNotSecure]

I see heroin treatment centres in the States are now offering an “easy” way of getting clean.

It’s basically a long nap. Medically induced sleep until you’re over the withdrawal. Does nothing for the need to self medicate though.

But, as with all things American, it’s a cash grab, purely for the rich and famous.

 

[Bleaney]

Having money to throw at whatever issue or problem you're facing really can solve most of them it seems, or at least make them a lot easier.

Sometimes ridiculously so.

 

[For_All_Seasons]

Just picked up from a connect I haven't used in a while, the bits look different from what we usually get around here. Now and again I'll get a bit that looks a bit 'damp' like these do but this time they were all the same, except the one on the right which appears even more so.

Anyone knows what the significance of that is? They are pretty good bits though.

 

[axe battler]

Just picked up from a connect I haven't used in a while, the bits look different from what we usually get around here. Now and again I'll get a bit that looks a bit 'damp' like these do but this time they were all the same, except the one on the right which appears even more so.

Anyone knows what the significance of that is? They are pretty good bits though.

Strong? Weird? Ive never seen H that damp looking. Younin the uk? Doesnit smell strongly of vinegar? As that is a byproduct of H production IIRC.

 

[blondin]

I see heroin treatment centres in the States are now offering an “easy” way of getting clean.

It’s basically a long nap. Medically induced sleep until you’re over the withdrawal. Does nothing for the need to self medicate though.

But, as with all things American, it’s a cash grab, purely for the rich and famous.

Been available here for years - detox 5 , I think was one of the firms offering it - expensive and you are not asleep just benzoed out with other bits - very poor rate of abstinence, saw a documentary a while ago following 3-4 people - fucking horrible - shitting the bed etc Full blown wd's with added zonkiness

 

[For_All_Seasons]

Strong? Weird? Ive never seen H that damp looking. Younin the uk? Doesnit smell strongly of vinegar? As that is a byproduct of H production IIRC.

Slightly stronger than the other bits I'm getting round here I reckon (Liverpool).
I've had vinegary smelling stuff from the darknet markets but that was usually powder. This is rocky and smells just like the standard street stuff.

Not complaining like, as I said it's just as good if not better than the usual. Probably is just an improperly dried batch but curious if anyone had any specific insights.

 

[Tryptamite]

Is anyone in England finding the prices for higher strength heroin to be reidculous for last few months.

It's more expensive than crack at the minute here.

Is this a European thing or an Irish thing? I've heard good quality can still be obtained in weight in UK, the price of raw here has nearly doubled since january

 

[pharaoh]

“I have learned the cellular stoicism that junk teaches the user. I have seen a cell full of sick junkies silent and immobile in separate misery. They knew the pointlessness of complaining or moving. They knew that basically no one can help anyone else. There is no key, no secret someone else has that he can give you.”
― William S. Burroughs, Junky

There's also his quote about how a person would crawl through a mile long sewage pipe or whatever to get a hit - can't remember the exact quote. After looking at your chat with Bleaney I was reminded of a bit in Trainspotting (the book) in which Tommy get into gear. The Tommy in the film is two characters moulded into one but the point that's made is that some people really seem prone to heroin addiction and I truly believe that. Of course there is the trauma factor (certainly the case for me, started with alcohol at 14, horrible upbringing and area) but it does seem that some people just "take to" opioids. Same as zop bandit said, I've known junkies on the streets, sex workers, in hostels, user-dealers and most of their addiction was rooted in trauma, especially younger users (often passed down through families) and those who went into sex work. So many had been through the care system. And then there are old heads who came from the big towns and cities that were flooded with heroin after Thatcher destroyed industry and left so many young men unemployed - suddenly heroin comes along to fill that void, which I do not believe was a coincidence and in fact mirrors the neoliberal reforms and the globalisation of trade which destroyed these communities, whilst also making some working class people immensely wealthy and all of that money flowing through the banks.

But anyway, Burroughs made some good points but he was a trust fund kid and had he not written some books that were seen as culturally significant, notorious and brilliant (not by me in the latter case), would he really have been able to be that junkie or to keep up that persona? And back to the point about certain people "taking to" it, I really believe this. Tommy in the Trainspotting book splits with his girlfriend like in the film and gets right into his habit and Renton comments on how some people seem to. I've smoked heroin with aristocrats who love it and had trust funds and helped me with my habit for a bit (2grand a month in the bank from mummy plus rent paid etc. Burroughs style even tho Burroughs claimed that he didn't or that it wasn't substantial/enough anyway) as well as the lowest on the socioeconomic ladder but also just people I grew il with who also had hard lives and I remember a close friend going to try it and literally gagging from the smell and saying that he didn't wanna know. Massive coke head and alky tho. We were brought up to hate junkies but once I tried it, I found a new love and I knew it. You do gain some kind of incredible strengths and if you survive heroin addiction and come out the other side, you can be a rock because you've put your body and soul through hell.

Dunno about stoicism as I haven't studied much of it but it does or can certainly give you a certain hardened outlook and strengths that a lot of people don't posses. People who have never lived that way seem very soft and doughy to me, even if they are ripped. Soft and doughy in the heart. And these people probably don't need heroin and would never come into contact with it.

 

[For_All_Seasons]

There's also his quote about how a person would crawl through a mile long sewage pipe or whatever to get a hit - can't remember the exact quote. After looking at your chat with Bleaney I was reminded of a bit in Trainspotting (the book) in which Tommy get into gear. The Tommy in the film is two characters moulded into one but the point that's made is that some people really seem prone to heroin addiction and I truly believe that. Of course there is the trauma factor (certainly the case for me, started with alcohol at 14, horrible upbringing and area) but it does seem that some people just "take to" opioids. Same as zop bandit said, I've known junkies on the streets, sex workers, in hostels, user-dealers and most of their addiction was rooted in trauma, especially younger users (often passed down through families) and those who went into sex work. So many had been through the care system. And then there are old heads who came from the big towns and cities that were flooded with heroin after Thatcher destroyed industry and left so many young men unemployed - suddenly heroin comes along to fill that void, which I do not believe was a coincidence and in fact mirrors the neoliberal reforms and the globalisation of trade which destroyed these communities, whilst also making some working class people immensely wealthy and all of that money flowing through the banks.

But anyway, Burroughs made some good points but he was a trust fund kid and had he not written some books that were seen as culturally significant, notorious and brilliant (not by me in the latter case), would he really have been able to be that junkie or to keep up that persona? And back to the point about certain people "taking to" it, I really believe this. Tommy in the Trainspotting book splits with his girlfriend like in the film and gets right into his habit and Renton comments on how some people seem to. I've smoked heroin with aristocrats who love it and had trust funds and helped me with my habit for a bit (2grand a month in the bank from mummy plus rent paid etc. Burroughs style even tho Burroughs claimed that he didn't or that it wasn't substantial/enough anyway) as well as the lowest on the socioeconomic ladder but also just people I grew il with who also had hard lives and I remember a close friend going to try it and literally gagging from the smell and saying that he didn't wanna know. Massive coke head and alky tho. We were brought up to hate junkies but once I tried it, I found a new love and I knew it. You do gain some kind of incredible strengths and if you survive heroin addiction and come out the other side, you can be a rock because you've put your body and soul through hell.

Dunno about stoicism as I haven't studied much of it but it does or can certainly give you a certain hardened outlook and strengths that a lot of people don't posses. People who have never lived that way seem very soft and doughy to me, even if they are ripped. Soft and doughy in the heart. And these people probably don't need heroin and would never come into contact with it.

Some people are definitely predisposed to certain drugs. Speaking for myself, I was using crack every day for at least 18 months, and then just stopped one day -giving it barely a second thought since Christmas. The opiates, however, are a different story. A 15 year love affair that I don't really want to leave, even though I know I should. Different brain chemistry I guess.

 

[pharaoh]

Some people are definitely predisposed to certain drugs. Speaking for myself, I was using crack every day for at least 18 months, and then just stopped one day -giving it barely a second thought since Christmas. The opiates, however, are a different story. A 15 year love affair that I don't really want to leave, even though I know I should. Different brain chemistry I guess.

Yeah that's what I mean. Even though you know it takes over your life, you are content with that because you are content via the drug. You can live in squalor and it won't matter. I saw on YouTube some report about the xylaxine "tranq" problem in Philly and they showed a woman who lost her leg. People in the comments were saying things like "if I lost my leg, I'd be quitting straight away," whereas if you're a addict and it's your cure all, the first thing you'd do after waking up to find you'd lost your leg would be to score. This is what people don't get. And when you wake up in WDs and look around at the mess with texts coming in like "bangin food. 3 for 20" from several dealers, even if you swore the night before that you were gonna clean up, you're probably gonna make a call or two and meet your man. Everything is OK and certain people are drawn to it and some people will never stop. I think if I didn't have people I care about, I would probably go on it and stay on it or at least have another rodeo because you still get that taste no matter how long you've been clean.

Some people take to coke and crack too and live for it. I was into coke when young and working in construction as it was part of the culture (long after being a yuppie drug) and also at uni even tho everyone else was into MDMA, mainly as it gave me confidence with women and all that on nights out. But heroin is different - makes you feel invincible and shelters you from your demons or at least helps you face them. I could never do rock without gear due to the brutal come down but a speedball is fuckin magic.

 

[For_All_Seasons]

Yeah that's what I mean. Even though you know it takes over your life, you are content with that because you are content via the drug. You can live in squalor and it won't matter. I saw on YouTube some report about the xylaxine "tranq" problem in Philly and they showed a woman who lost her leg. People in the comments were saying things like "if I lost my leg, I'd be quitting straight away," whereas if you're a addict and it's your cute all, the first thing you'd do after waking up to find you'd lost your leg would be to score. This is what people don't get. And when you wake up in WDs and look around at the mess with texts coming in like "bangin food. 3 for 20" from several dealers, even if you swore the night before that you were gonna clean up, you're probably gonna make a call or two and meet your man. Everything is OK and certain people are drawn to it and some people will never stop. I think if I didn't have people I care about, I would probably go on it and stay on it or at least have another rodeo because you still get that taste no matter how long you've been clean.

Some people take to coke and crack too and live for it. I was into coke when young and working in construction as it was part of the culture (long after being a yuppie drug) and also at uni even tho everyone else was into MDMA, mainly as it gave me confidence with women and all that on nights out. But heroin is different - makes you feel invincible and shelters you from your demons or at least helps you face them. I could never do rock without gear due to the brutal come down but a speedball is fuckin magic.

Yeah mate I was banging my light and dark as speedballs for that whole last 18 months. Incredible but definitely not recommended, had a couple of close shaves myself and that street only has one destination.

I was quite pleasantly surprised about now little drama dropping the light was. But as you say, I also know people who live every moment chasing that next rock. Not a pleasant life, certainly glad to have got away with it so easy.

 

[pharaoh]

Yeah mate I was banging my light and dark as speedballs for that whole last 18 months. Incredible but definitely not recommended, had a couple of close shaves myself and that street only has one destination.

I was quite pleasantly surprised about now little drama dropping the light was. But as you say, I also know people who live every moment chasing that next rock. Not a pleasant life, certainly glad to have got away with it so easy.

Good for you mate. I'd been off the gear for ages. Had one bender before a big event that everyone was stressed about and got back into a habit, only after a week or so. Anyway ended up with a dodgy bag - normal tolerance, normal sized shot for me, got from someone I'd been getting off here and there throughout the week. Anyway I got home, shot it and blacked out completely. Woke up being carried down the stairs strapped to a board. They said I was in a coma basically and this wasn't a usual OD. Over ten years of using and I've never gone over. Been close with the blue lips and all but never fully. This shit just had me cut to black and I don't even remember how I shot it or where in my body. Fire brigade even had to come to unscrew the bathroom door as if somehow wedged myself against it. Didn't have trousers on either.

Anyway my guess at the time was fentanyl but I'm thinking xylazine now that it is showing up all over the place. Scary. I would say that I'd never touch it again but if I got a bag of what seemed to be decent gear some time in the future, I may have a smoke if the time was right (or wrong). But that was basically my "enough is enough" point even though I'd stayed away with it for a very long time by that point and my recovery was going well.

Hope you're doing well yourself mate.

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

Just picked up from a connect I haven't used in a while, the bits look different from what we usually get around here. Now and again I'll get a bit that looks a bit 'damp' like these do but this time they were all the same, except the one on the right which appears even more so.

Anyone knows what the significance of that is? They are pretty good bits though.

The fuck is that!!!!?????