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What does the post-roll depression feel like?

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devorzon

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 21, 2010
Messages
74
I'm curious about this. I don't think i've ever experienced this depression; although, maybe i'm already kind of depressed so i'm already used to it. Generally I just feel tired the next day, sometimes with a small headache. Can anyone describe it? Does it make you want to just lie in bed all day? Does it give you crazy "life not worth living" suicidal thoughts? If you watch a funny movie or tv show does it not make you laugh?
 
Nice topic.. I have rolled many times and i have some kind of depression thoughts, like i have lived all, and life is not a big deal, and what i notice the most is a severe depersonalization.. Sometimes i feel like im inside a box or nothing around is real..
 
I like this thread.

Last time I rolled (2 weeks ago), I got the worst crash ever (so far*). Depressed as shit. On top of it, my girlfriend left me 2 days later and my mother is going through a psychotic breakdown. Not the best week.

For a good 4 days after that, life was black and blue. Everything sucked. It was like nothing was worth living for. I had this big void in me filled with sadness and fear. It's hard to explain but it sucked major balls. Scared the living bejesus out of me and yes, suicidal thoughts were a recurring thing.
 
Is this the only time you have these kinds of feelings? Is this depression feeling only come around after rolling? Seems kind of scary if you actually have suicidal, or life not worth living thoughts. Do you sometimes have these thoughts normally without the use of MDMA? Or maybe does the ecstasy amplify these thoughts? What I'm trying to get at is if you're a normal happy, satisfied with life person, will you still get these crazy thoughts?
 
I've not really been depressed afterward. The worst time I've ever had was a few days after I had a bad/emotional day and waaaaaay over-reacted to an incident at work.

The time I got piped however, I felt really weird for days afterward. Just kind of out of it, hungry but nothing sounded good, tired but not sleeping, bored but no energy to do anything. I even looked thru our massive DVD collection, but suddenly hated them all and didn't know what to do with myself, etc.

(Sorry to hear your having a rough time right now Mac. Hang in there man.)
 
I'm going through a very mild depression, so I'm sure that didn't help. But never in my life have I felt so low. I abused the substance a bit, though... so that's probably why my crash was even harder than usual. Plus it was a REALLY tough week.

But no, normally I DON'T have suicidal thoughts. In fact, I never have. I was a happy-go-lucky kid and lived through adolescence like every other teen does... today I'm mildly depressed, but not enough to feel like life is not worth living.

My crash was just really hard. I think if you're a happy person and you get a crash after MDMA, all you have to do is tell yourself that this state of mind is temporary. That your serotonin will replenish itself in time and that this mindframe will become much more positive in a few days or weeks.

5-htp and Piracetam help a lot too...


And thanks, Trinitee. I appreciate that :)
 
I've always been a little more of an optimist, and a generally happy person. I laugh a lot and am one of the "funny guys" in our group.

I've been rolling a lot more than usual in the past few months and can definitely tell you there is a difference after taking drugs each time. I don't really feel these "monumental" crashes everyone talks about (even during the times when i am DEFINITELY abusing the "spacing principle")

Things feel a little off, its harder than usual to concentrate on work, i think about how much more fun rolling is than my job (but doesnt mean im going to stop working). I spend more time on BL forums.... Sometimes i feel really socially awkward the day after, or the day after the day after (lol)

which is odd for me because I would never consider myself socially awkward at all.

One time, it made me feel like hiding in my room all day and i was legit depressed for a half day. I felt like i was gonna freak out. Suicide? No, but if you do feel suicidal, remind yourself its the drugs and itll go away within a week or a few weeks.

In the grand scheme of things, each day gets better (and its usually only a few days, so woop-de-doo) and a few weeks is NOTHING compared to the time you'll have on the earth.

I say, just go outside, enjoy the beach if you're lucky enough to live near one (or some other nature scene), play some video games, workout, do whatever you want and remind yourself that you partied like a rockstar for a night and sometimes it takes a little while to return to "normal" after that.

Also, its noted by several reliable sources that food, shelter, and clothing (as what we seek out as a species) is actually the PC version. The truth is food, shelter, clothing, and altering our state of mind. Drug seeking behavior exists in all animals and when a certain individual or animal feels that it has all the things in place to feel somewhat comfortable, it will start trying to find ways to "get fucked up"

interesting :)
 
Mac98 said:
Plus it was a REALLY tough week.

5-htp and Piracetam help a lot too...
Click to expand...

yeah, i might say that ive also been tapering off of a benzo Rx, have been sick so not working my normal 4x a week gym routine for the past few weeks, and have been partying a little harder than normal as well.

If i was to be more responsible and things were normal, i probably wouldnt feel as lame.

5-htp and L-Theanine w GABA help a ton.

Whats piracetam?
 
I used to experience this sometimes in the form of negative thoughts. Nothing could be positiive. I was always a 'comedown' lol. Negative outlook i guess us the best description i can give.
 
Its been brutal but iv kinda gotten used to it. Its not real, its just in your head. Id rather be depressed as shit then puking up stomach acid (a really bad booze hangover). I just feel sad, iv never had a really bad headache or felt sick like on booze. The only problem iv had physically is body temperature

(I need more blankets, "he needs more blankets" I need less blankets "He needs less blankets" its a line from walk hard: the dewie cox story) but that happens with alota drugs.

Its bad, but it always ends, and ussually the positive outwieghts the negative imo. Also this sever depression can sometimes make u analyze your life which to me has been usefull. But yeah id take mdma hangover over a bad alk one. Iv never come close to calling the hospital after an mdma hangover. Booze, iv thought i was gonna die a few times, never with mdma.
 
But if youv ever had a really bad day then it shouldnt be a bid deal. If youv had like a perfect life lol which i doubt anyone has, then ya it will knock you on your ass.
 
I just try to work through it and ignore it cause within a few weeks, I feel back to normal. I had depression before I was introduced to drugs like MDMA and LSD. The thing is, MDMA always gives me such a nice afterglow, I hardly feel down.
 
Mac98 said:
I like this thread.

Last time I rolled (2 weeks ago), I got the worst crash ever (so far*). Depressed as shit. On top of it, my girlfriend left me 2 days later and my mother is going through a psychotic breakdown. Not the best week.

For a good 4 days after that, life was black and blue. Everything sucked. It was like nothing was worth living for. I had this big void in me filled with sadness and fear. It's hard to explain but it sucked major balls. Scared the living bejesus out of me and yes, suicidal thoughts were a recurring thing.
Click to expand...

this pretty much sums up how post-roll depression feels:\

i just tell myself that this is what i get for rolling, and that itl go away in a few days.

5htp works wonders for midweek blues.
 
You're most likely not going to get depressed after eating ecstasy. Maybe you will if you do it 4 days in a row..
 
When I used to do it, I'd always make sure the people I was doing it with, and myself were together for the come down.. cannibas was our best friend and typically always went out to eat together the day after when our hunger cravings returned. The first time I ever did it was with a girl I like, and she had a boyfriend at the time.. and we connected on a super deep level and after that night that feeling of being loved and connected with someone was torn away from me. I seriously sat and stared at the ceiling in my room for 3 hours -- and sat in the bathtub in the dark for over 2 hours just listening to music and sulking in my head.

I've abused it too much in a short period of time, and I'm done with it.. I still feel like I'm recovering from the effects of it even since it's been 3 months since I've done it last.
 
I abused ecstasy a little bit from February until now... Instead of waiting for 2/3 months between when I would take it, I would take it every other week ): I'm definitely feeling the effects. I wouldn't say I'm outright depressed, but it does take a lot less for me to feel really sad and just completely crap. I've cried almost every day since the last time I took it, and the things I've cried over are the types of things where if my brain was completely healthy, I wouldn't have cried over it. :\

Something that irks me though is that while I want to wait until September to do any, I feel really strange going out to clubs without having done any beforehand and going out doesn't seem as fun anymore :(
 
I would describe it as an existential crisis. Everything seems pointless. You might not feel like killing yourself or w/e, but it might feel there is just no point to putting any emotional investment into anything.

It can also be difficult to concentrate on being productive.
 
The only way I can think of to easily put it into words is the opposite of what a roll feels like, but less intense and spread out over a week. Shitty, in other words.
 
ektamine said:
The only way I can think of to easily put it into words is the opposite of what a roll feels like, but less intense and spread out over a week. Shitty, in other words.
Click to expand...

Haha yea, that pretty much sums it up.
 
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