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Pandora's Box.......Sexual Abuse

I was sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend when I was 13. It only happened once but it strongly effected me. I developed PTSD, although at the time I had no idea. I just thought I was crazy.
I was completely naive and sheltered at that age, raised in a stable home in suburbia. I felt alienated from everyone. I could no longer relate to any of the "he said, she said" drama or the happy-go-lucky disposition of my friends. I became very self destructive and self loathing. Cutting, burning, anorexia, bulimia, and alcohol became my new friends.
I'm 18 now, and I'm glad to say that I was able to work through all of that and move on. Though I do have major depression and am on meds for that.
My current boyfriend has also been sexually abused, namely and most recently by a manager at his old job. He seems to deal with it well but I'm so afraid that it's just the calm before the storm. I know it can take years before it hits some people.
Looking back I can honestly say that I'm grateful for what happened to me. I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't experienced what I did, and I wouldn't be able to give my boyfriend the love and support of a fellow survivor. I know that if I had someone who understood and that I could talk to when I was 13, I probably could have evaded a lot of suffering.
 
" Looking back I can honestly say that I'm grateful for what happened to me. I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't experienced what I did, and I wouldn't be able to give my boyfriend the love and support of a fellow survivor. I know that if I had someone who understood and that I could talk to when I was 13, I probably could have evaded a lot of suffering. "
-joezraptor

(-:exactly:_)

all the shit and suffering that ive endured, and caused others has become paralleled by my acceptance and theirs.


if one can stop and look back, process it all (not easily done&in due time) things do start to make sense. a stair-way begins building finding an individual way through your own personal confrontations - step by step, with care-full thought and self awareness.

after finding these fears and anxieties are no longer there in harms way; wisdom can be gained; insight towards the beauty of life through the worst of it...

this is all too familiar it seems...

birth hurts, a lot more then death - but to endure the pain of ones current existence, is to be rewarded with the light of ones persistent future.


" I know that if I had someone who understood and that I could talk to when I was 13, I probably could have evaded a lot of suffering. "
-joezraptor

this may be true, but, not everyone ever has such realizations, even in black white and gray, everyday; the hope is always there though.


<3
 
When I was sixteen I was dating a fifteen year old girl since we met innwhat you would call a high school for a two years. After first year of dating we started to act out sexually and eventually her mother and father find that out.

Guess what happens next?

They (her parents) pressed charges against me for child abuse as I was sixteen and the limit for legal liability is 15 years and the safe limit for having sex is 16 years. In the court it did not matter in the end that we both loved each other and both wanted it and the age difference between us was only 1 year. I got a sentence for abusing a minor and it was changed in to a foster care for me.

Eventually the higher court dismissed the charges and I could live with my parents again but still I was kind of traumatized as I still see having a sex as an offence sometimes which causes impotence for the moment.
 
That's awful, MrRoot.

The only thing that was abused there was the legal system.
 
MrRoot said:
When I was sixteen I was dating a fifteen year old girl since we met innwhat you would call a high school for a two years. After first year of dating we started to act out sexually and eventually her mother and father find that out.

Guess what happens next?

They (her parents) pressed charges against me for child abuse as I was sixteen and the limit for legal liability is 15 years and the safe limit for having sex is 16 years. In the court it did not matter in the end that we both loved each other and both wanted it and the age difference between us was only 1 year. I got a sentence for abusing a minor and it was changed in to a foster care for me.

Eventually the higher court dismissed the charges and I could live with my parents again but still I was kind of traumatized as I still see having a sex as an offence sometimes which causes impotence for the moment.
Click to expand...

Wow, thats one of the most fucked up things I've heard in a long time... That girls parents were probably some fucking morons who thought their little sweetheart couldn't even know what sex is at that age, before you came and "brutally took away her innocence".
 
joezraptor said:
I was sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend when I was 13. It only happened once but it strongly effected me. I developed PTSD, although at the time I had no idea. I just thought I was crazy.
I was completely naive and sheltered at that age, raised in a stable home in suburbia. I felt alienated from everyone. I could no longer relate to any of the "he said, she said" drama or the happy-go-lucky disposition of my friends. I became very self destructive and self loathing. Cutting, burning, anorexia, bulimia, and alcohol became my new friends.
I'm 18 now, and I'm glad to say that I was able to work through all of that and move on. Though I do have major depression and am on meds for that.
My current boyfriend has also been sexually abused, namely and most recently by a manager at his old job. He seems to deal with it well but I'm so afraid that it's just the calm before the storm. I know it can take years before it hits some people.
Looking back I can honestly say that I'm grateful for what happened to me. I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't experienced what I did, and I wouldn't be able to give my boyfriend the love and support of a fellow survivor. I know that if I had someone who understood and that I could talk to when I was 13, I probably could have evaded a lot of suffering.
Click to expand...

How extensive was the abuse for him? If it was severe, I would assume it is the calm before the storm. That may be an unfair assessment of the situation. However, the relationship is still worth being in, at least it isn't necessarily is not worth being in so I would stay in it until you can tell it's not positive for both of you or at the least one of you.

There's lots of people here who struggle with PTSD, make some friends and talk about what's on your mind and it'll still help. :) I am so sorry to hear you are still depressed, I know many people who feel the same way and I have struggled with it myself as I still do at times.
 
~ maybe this isnt the best time to start up such a discussion
 
Last edited by a moderator:
theartofwar said:
Some evil as I've said cannot be saved, that's my view
Click to expand...

i agree with this too completely. there are some people in this world, who are just pure evil and should not be forgiven or even exist on this earth. i have a huge problem with two kinds of people: those who hurt animals and those who hurt children.

pedophiles...no forgiveness for them. f that.

i was molested by my doctor when i was a young child. i dont remember everything...but some stuff. ill have flashbacks or things will pop out of nowhere in my mind, ill start remembering things that happened in the past...that i guess i blocked out.

ive been raped. ive had numerous men abuse me in every way - sexual, verbal, emotional, physical.

i actually had 2 guys that raped me...call me days after it happened to say "sorry." HA.
 
godlovesugly said:
i agree with this too completely. there are some people in this world, who are just pure evil and should not be forgiven or even exist on this earth. i have a huge problem with two kinds of people: those who hurt animals and those who hurt children.

pedophiles...no forgiveness for them. f that.

i was molested by my doctor when i was a young child. i dont remember everything...but some stuff. ill have flashbacks or things will pop out of nowhere in my mind, ill start remembering things that happened in the past...that i guess i blocked out.

ive been raped. ive had numerous men abuse me in every way - sexual, verbal, emotional, physical.

i actually had 2 guys that raped me...call me days after it happened to say "sorry." HA.
Click to expand...

:( I am so sorry to hear that. That's horrible. I completely agree with you - hurting animals and children is pretty unforgivable.
 
pip wtf ? Sorry im in a shity mood but wtf man where am i meant to start this conversation ? Fucks sake dude. I give up.
 
sorry, you seemed and claimed to of been highly intoxicated, and disturbed by the thought.

and so in that light others may of been as well, presentation can make all the difference, as im sure you know...
 
bro I am wrecked becuse i sold myself for 7 dudes - i had to do i for mone because im an idiot and now im having to move TODAY. I have o respec for my body - i don mean no hae o ou bro, but gettin rawd by 7 srangers is so fucking foul and i dnno if I can handle this on m own. I called everone i felt i could. I even broke down toda and asked my parents for mone- I DONT do this - they dont believe shi he just thnk i wanna ge high, i have fuckin stabs/ shots fro this supid fucking life. This is he second time I have sold my body and I don' know how much more I can do wihou losing it. Now I disowned / kicked to the curb becuse he on " understnad" wh i can hem. I'd ratherdie then tell them im getin fucked for dope debts. This iswhy i m out o here. Again bro no hard feelings please, I feel so disgusting righ now.
 
" Again bro no hard feelings please, I feel so disgusting right now. "

nay-nay~ you dont need to feel either.!
i suppose id never pay for sex ~
seems rather pathetic.
i mean, if i paid someone to have sex with me,
id feel the fool my friend... but your safety is yours now, your mind has it own way, but so do we all.


the longer you fight with that sick sense of love, the longer it is adverted from yourself,


STOP staring at the sign, and just cross the road...
know why the chickens did?!?!?

they didnt acknowledge it as that, nor give it the credit as a dividing factor in their lives mission - be it as it may they have their fun in the grass's;-D


~ all that we see or are seeing - is but a dream - with in a dream ~
- /|*/|*/|*
 
what ? I don't understand, I sluted out to protect myself financially things got too hot bro, tha's wh i am moving. Sorry someimes I get los w he combos of drugs n shi.
 
I just can't believe that I let heroin ge me back to the place where I'm being forced for one reason (at firs wih rape / now for need to live) or another back to a public restroom with strangers. I went o a girls house onigh and jus cried for 3 hours dude, jus fuckin bawled. SHes ver nice and held me but i mean honestly I feel so totally alone and I'm packing doing laundr n gonna be REALL alone soon man. :(
 
theartofwar said:
I just can't believe that I let heroin ge me back to the place where I'm being forced for one reason (at firs wih rape / now for need to live) or another back to a public restroom with strangers. I went o a girls house onigh and jus cried for 3 hours dude, jus fuckin bawled. SHes ver nice and held me but i mean honestly I feel so totally alone and I'm packing doing laundr n gonna be REALL alone soon man. :(
Click to expand...

sounds like its about time to get into a treatment facility. Basically, you have two choices: 1) get help 2) let it keep getting worse

Which is the scarier of the two, man? Its over, john. This run, all this pain you are experiencing can start going away if you go somewhere for help.

It doesn't have to be like this for you any longer.
 
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