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Hopeless when it's time

I had to cut some family out of my life because i wasn't doing what they wanted with my life. Although none were there to support me through my bad times. I hate holidays seeing families all happy together.
Things will get better and you won't feel like this forever. Just please don't do anything you can't take back. Set up boundries
 
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<3

I am glad I was able to calm down a little bit. I was feeling very jittery.

I feel a little bit better. After I got some rest. .

How's your weather there !! I got some sleep I am glad too.

Take care Awesome You !
 
anonymouse77 said:
Thank you for your reply - that made me laugh! It could be photoshopped as I didn't take it so I don't really know. I refer to it as being like one of those glamor shots from the 80's with the Vaseline lens and bouffant hair. It's like a glamor shot of her I love.
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Oh man i remember those glamor shots lol. My older cousin made me go with her
 
I have been suicidal many times in the past, so I get it. The last time was only a couple years ago-- but when I looked into the eyes of my beloved rescued pitbull Dixie Chick, I just couldn't do it. I'm doing much better now.

Keep in mind that suicide is a definitely permanent solution to a probably temporary problem. I'm so glad that I never went through with it any of those dark times. So many experiences I never would have had! So many people I never would have met!

The first time I seriously considered killing myself I was 27. I am now 64 and quite content. Most of those years in between were pretty damn good and never uninteresting-- and they went by incredibly fast.

I'm not afraid of death and I certainly wouldn't want to live forever. But a full human life lasts only a brief moment in the grand scheme of things. No need to make it even shorter-- death comes plenty soon enough.

Take care.
✌ ♥ ☺
 
kiely said:
That is a cool photo !!! We have a hallway like that over here at the humane society shelter. There are so many pic's. One of my co workers asked me if I saw a picture of her dog. And I said where. There seems like there are thousands of them. lol. Really.

I got a t-shirt there too. For free for some reason. It was nice. But I got the long sleeve shirt. I try to get the 3/4 jerseys or long sleeves because they are harder to find.

There are many different cat breeds too. It is cool. I love having pets. That is so cool that you found her and you have each other. They really are aware. And know a lot.

They can't talk. But really they can, if you listen. Our new kitty purrrs too.

I have many pet stories I am sure. But it is really great to have them around too.
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I got an allergy flare up from something. Maybe I need to clean my Britta water filter. I don't know. But I had to use some nasal spray and I couldn't sleep all night and I am doing not so well at this time.

Maybe it's anxiety though. But talk to you soon or when I can sometime. I am glad that you found your kitty. She is perfect. You are real Pro.

Best wishes and for the gifts that are precious. Like Holly. She looks very Regal. Take care. Hey write or post anytime. I will keep in touch with my prayers or positive thoughts and as much as possible. Sorry I have such anxiety today. It could be the nasal spray making me jittery. My dog is doing okay. But she keeps eating too muck. 😁

Thank you for your posts. And for making me smile. See. Life is better with 😺 CATS. And you.

Oh Holly is Awesome. Thnxxx Much.
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Thank you so much for your kindest words. It really means a lot. I am sorry to hear you are not feeling the best right now. Maybe the steroid in the nasal spray did cause some anxiety if it has that? Not sure if it does or not or even if it can do that but it was just a thought. Antihistamines can be helpful and help you sleep a bit also for next time maybe?

That is cool you got a free t-shirt! Also a kitty purring is the best and I did hear it is meant to have healing properties to use humans too but not sure if it's real or not. It's definitely relaxing. Holly purrs a lot when I pat her.

Yes I am glad Holly and I found each other. She was an adult cat I adopted but it turns out she has the sweetest nature and even my cold mother says she is the nicest cat she has met! She only seen her a handful of times but for my mother to say that is huge. I really shouldn't put such emphasis on her words probably. But apparently tortoiseshells are notorious for their personality. Some call them naughty torties or claim they have "tortitude". My girl has a very loving and cute personality. A bit bossy and demanding when she wants to get under the bed covers or wants her next meal but otherwise very sweet. Also another interesting thing is most torties will be female (male torties are rare and have issues and can't breed, apparently) and also they are a coat pattern and not a breed.

Anyway that's enough cat facts lol. I hope you are feeling calmer and slept well. How long have you had your new cat for now?
 
Jennn said:
I had to cut some family out of my life because i wasn't doing what they wanted with my life. Although none were there to support me through my bad times. I hate holidays seeing families all happy together.
Things will get better and you won't feel like this forever. Just please don't do anything you can't take back. Set up boundries
Click to expand...
Thank you for your kind words and sorry to hear you had to cut some family out of your life also. Holidays are the hardest for sure. I hate xmas and usually spend it alone. My family know this and live nearby and used to deny/lie about meeting up for meals but I know they did.
 
jasperkent said:
I have been suicidal many times in the past, so I get it. The last time was only a couple years ago-- but when I looked into the eyes of my beloved rescued pitbull Dixie Chick, I just couldn't do it. I'm doing much better now.

Keep in mind that suicide is a definitely permanent solution to a probably temporary problem. I'm so glad that I never went through with it any of those dark times. So many experiences I never would have had! So many people I never would have met!

The first time I seriously considered killing myself I was 27. I am now 64 and quite content. Most of those years in between were pretty damn good and never uninteresting-- and they went by incredibly fast.

I'm not afraid of death and I certainly wouldn't want to live forever. But a full human life lasts only a brief moment in the grand scheme of things. No need to make it even shorter-- death comes plenty soon enough.

Take care.
✌ ♥ ☺
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Thank you for your reply and sharing that. I am glad you stuck around and are now content. I am mid 40's and have been suicidal my whole life. So much so my family/mother throws it in my face as how I have been suicidal since I was a teenager. Normal people might go oh I wonder why she is suicidal but they just twist everything to being my fault. Sorry I am going off track about family stuff. I wish in hindsight I had cut ties with them but it's like a trauma bond or stockholm syndrome they call it and I believe it. I have no confidence to do life on my own.

You are right though that life only lasts a moment. I appreciate you saying you are not afraid of death and wouldn't want to live forever. I definitely feel that. Sounds like you have a balanced view. I don't get people who want to live forever, etc. Even people who do plastic surgery and have work done I don't get. But I won't go into that in case others like it. I think I just see it as a waste as I feel like you are going to be dead one day anyway so who cares lol.

I am glad you have your rescue pitbull Dixie Chick also. She sounds very cute. I also do look at my cat and feel like I can't leave her. I want to look after her myself and want to be there for her. She was a rescue also as an adult so I don't want to put her through that again. She deserves better.
 
anonymouse77 said:
I feel it's time to check out. I just want to get my will organised and make sure it is used instead of a home will kit I did years ago and is with my mother. I have a feeling she will try to push that will as it favours her grandkids rather than my current wishes.

Also I can't really afford to get a new will done until some money I have matures next April. Last quote I got was about $400 for a will to be professionally done. I don't even have that much so I wonder if it's worth it. I'd rather just do drugs with my money and die that way.

Thank you for reading.
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Talk to someone bro. We are all here for you. This isn't the way. No matter how bad you feel right now there is always another day where things can be better.

Have you considered trying to get away from the toxic mother a bit or keep her at arms length and just enjoying life with your kitty?
 
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elgoucho9 said:
Talk to someone bro. We are all here for you. This isn't the way. No matter how bad you feel right now there is always another day where things can be better.

Have you considered trying to get away from the toxic mother a bit or keep her at arms length and just enjoying life with your kitty?
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Thank you for your reply and good advice. I just feel like I want something formal from her like I tried my best with you for a final time yet you make it clear you don't want anything to do with me. Rejection from my mother to her only daughter. Make it official.
 
anonymouse77 said:
Thank you for your reply and good advice. I just feel like I want something formal from her like I tried my best with you for a final time yet you make it clear you don't want anything to do with me. Rejection from my mother to her only daughter. Make it official.
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I have ups and downs with my own mother. Although she is not a bad person and alot of this is my own doing through years of drug abuse and lying about it.

I would never recommend anyone seek any external validation from anyone else. As it caused me years of torment with an ex. You are always better to do what's right for yourself first and foremost.
 
It's hard, my mom rejected me my whole life then when dad died she wanted a closer relationship, probably just lonely.
She would never take responsibility for the past and when she died I had guilt that I did something wrong for cutting her out for years.
It's definitely not easy when the person who should love you the most don't
My inbox is always open
 
anonymouse77 said:
Thank you for your reply and good advice. I just feel like I want something formal from her like I tried my best with you for a final time yet you make it clear you don't want anything to do with me. Rejection from my mother to her only daughter. Make it official.
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honestly this just keeps the game going - If you want something from her then she keeps the power and on goes the game that you are desparate for a break from

you don't need that in order to start to heal - don't limit yourself in that way - you're worth more than that - you decide, not anyone else
 
elgoucho9 said:
I have ups and downs with my own mother. Although she is not a bad person and alot of this is my own doing through years of drug abuse and lying about it.

I would never recommend anyone seek any external validation from anyone else. As it caused me years of torment with an ex. You are always better to do what's right for yourself first and foremost.
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Thank you for your reply and sorry to hear you have ups and down with your mother also. I can understand that drug use would cause issues. With my case I did drink a lot but gave up nearly a year ago now when I had a "breakdown" or whatever and I never get congratulated or have that acknowledged by my mother. I did just phone her and asked her about things and she needs rotator cuff surgery (nothing urgent just wear and tear) and I asked her about her teeth because of my own dental issues and when I asked if her teeth died or hurt she snapped back about how hers wasn't cause by drugs (implying my issues are). Keep in mind I've never been on street drugs - just prescribed opioids I was reliant on for a bit and the teeth thing is likely due to nicotine lozenges bought from the local supermarket. I quit them a week ago and they hurt less already (I quit before but went back on them). I said with her saying about drug use for me it's like implying drinking coffee is being a drug user as they are technically all drugs. I don't think she believes me that I'm not on drugs. Yes I delve a bit into nootropics and phenibut, etc, but nothing hugely illegal or addicting. I don't even tell her about that as she would just be disgusted and it would give her more reasons to have nothing to do with me.

The other thing I related to what you said is not seeking external validation from anyone else. I feel I am learning about this exact thing as I bought a book which caught my eye the other week called, "The Neuroscience of Self-Love" by Alexis Fernandez-Preiksa which I started reading and seems very helpful. I know when I am being just bullied and disrespected that I feel like crap and it's when I am likely to self-harm or seek substances/alcohol (by that I mean even just valium or Lyrica, etc) to zone out and find peace. I give them all this power to allow them to make me feel like that when I shouldn't. I need to realise they're nasty narcisisstic bullies and not to take it personally. So thank you and I just wanted to mention that book in case anyone else could find it helpful.
 
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