I do feel a lot of guilt because if I'm honest I played a part in enough of these deaths to have a heavy heart. i always think why me. I should be the one thats dead. I was here first I was the first opiate addict I had ever met. I was at the epicenter of the
Opioid epidemic in America. I was already physically addicted in 1998 , before Oxycontin really hit the street but here I am the survivor.
My best friend since kindergarten, we went to prom with our girlfriends together. After getting out of boot camp for getting caught with 14 ounces of cocaine, got in a bad accident and lost his calf muscle and he had a drop foot foot the for the rest of his life. He was on perc 10's and I told him if he told the doctors he was still in pain he could get this oxycontin that everyone is goiing crazy for. After inheriting a million dollars for his accident, he wound up dying, of an overdose, broke, in the room he grew up in.
I introduced my girlfriend to this girl at the clinic. She went behind my back and bought methadone that day. I later found out and begged her to wait till I got off work so I could properly dose her with an oral syringe because she was only addicted to vicodrn at the time. When I arrived she was trashed. She said " I only took an ency, wency, tinny sip, which means she could have consumed 40mgs or more from a 200mg bottle of methadone, with little to no tolerance at the time.
I baby sat her for hours as she stumbled around in a daze. She started to come out of it around 10pm. It came time for me to go to sleep because I had get up at 6am. told her not to take her night dose of Klonopin because she could possibly die from the combo. I awoke to a gurgling sound at 4am and immediately jumped out of bed. I shook her but she didn't respond. She was cold and even in the pitch black I could tell she was blue. I grabbed the phone and called emergency services. I was instructed to scoop the vomit out of her throat so I began doing so, then she began to make this strange noise, which i Later found out was the death rattle.
I then saw the flashing lights of emergency service as it lit up the pitch black room. I ran to open the door, as her sister was awoken by the commotion. She began screaming in anger and confusion. The paramedics got my girlfriend outside and in the ambulance, when her sister started yelling at me to " get the fuck out of here. I don't ever want to see you again" I then took the walk of shame through the rain in the dark of the pre dawn. I broke down in tears and walked with a heavy heart. I later found out she died at the hospital
This has really fucked up my sex life because I don't want to get close to people anymore. I was celebrate for a while and now my sex life consists of one night stands and Colombian hookers. I have the worst sex stories. I've been vomited on during sex. A good friend invited me over for sex but she got so fucked up on methadone, alcohol and Xanax that she passed out in the middle of sex and I had to stop. All I'm trying to say is this has really fucked me up and it's selfish to even think this way because I'm still alive and not dead.
These are only a fraction of the stories. I could go on and on but the real take away from all of them is my part and the guilt I now carry.