- Joined
- Dec 8, 2022
- Messages
- 824
Thank you so much for your honesty and for sharing that with us. That takes courageIndeed I do have other things going on in my life. I still have the overhanging grief of losing my own mother to suicide when I was only 12, and that was just over 31 years ago. Recently in 2018 I was exposed to animal cruelty involving the abuse of and cruelty to pigs. I feel that the 2018 incident destroyed whatever sanity I had left, or at least the vast majority of it. I have always relied upon music to keep me sane enough to not want to die.
I hope this answers the burning questions you may have. I can't stress this enough, this problem has severely affected my sanity. Vaccine-induced is my simplest guess, but it could have literally been any number of things. I do have a history of sudden distortion and tinnitus in both ears, and this happened well before the vaccines came out. It also happened in both ears, each ear at different times. However, a few days after the Pfizer booster I got a real sharp and sudden "ping" in my ear, as though something suddenly backed up. The "ping" lasted a couple of seconds, but whatever damage occurred soon after that didn't become obvious to me. In hindsight I should have hit it with brutal doses of steroids as soon as I noticed it, but I thought it would go away on its own. Sadly, it didn't, and here I am still with the problem. Perhaps the steroids may have done nothing and I'd still have the problem anyway in spite of prompt treatment (this has sadly been the case with a lot of people, and it was the case with my right ear which still has a mid-range frequency resonance in it since the December 2020 episode where I took steroids for more than 2 weeks).
I think the cruelty to pigs and being exposed to their torture and their suffering being deliberately inflicted upon them is what has affected me by far the most, but the recent hearing issues certainly topped it off. In 2018 I had never felt so hopeless and depressed. I am surprised I even made it this far, and I am being brutally honest with you.
I am really sorry to hear about your mother and I can't even begin to imagine the effect that has had on your entire life.
I understand why you have the suicidal feelings though. I have been there myself so I know what it's like.
I'm so sorry you had to witness the animal cruelty thing that you did too. It really can have such a horrendous impact on our mental health, seeing animals suffer.
I also know the precise "pings" of which you speak, I get them often as well.
I really, truly hope you try to get some help with your suicidal ideation. You are obviously intelligent and insightful, which means you have the power and strength to get through this. Please feel free to PM this account and I will reply to you directly if you need to talk to someone who understands some of what you are going through. You are not alone