I am feeling so hopeless. I want to get clean so bad. Opiates have taken so much from me, I never should of been in this postion to begin with. It started because I was prescribed a heavy dosage of oxy after a surgery in 2020, my doctors always promised they would never cut me off cold turkey and when I was ready we would taper… until my doctor just decided one day to drop me as a patient after I failed a drug test for weed! Which is legal in my state… anyhow she would not even write me a prescription until I saw a new doctor and I was thrown into heavy withdrawl. Then I met this guy who was supposed to bring me pills to help my sickness and the pain I was still in from surgery and he brings heroin. I smoke that shit and I start crying because I could not believe how much better I felt.
Flash forward over two years, I have been self medicating with heroin for most of this time but about 4 months ago fentanyl took over in Oregon and I’m smoking on average maybe 15-20 blues a day or a half gram to gram of fentanyl powder a day. I feel so hopeless because I actually tried to get clean a month or so ago with my partner with suboxone and he took it first and I watched within an hour him go from the worst withdrawals I’ve ever seen, we did some research and it was perciperated withdrawl because apparently suboxone is basically useless for this stuff, I talked to people who waited a week and still were thrown into precipitated withdrawal. I am not very stable mentally right now and neither is my partner and had I not made sure to had pills still and help him smoke only to avoid the hell he was expieriencing either of us could of easily killed ourself. I also felt a deep sorrow and grief after this because I feel like there is nothing to help me, I feel like information on this is being suppressed because when I try to search for help I cannot find anything.
I want to know how to get off fentanyl and get my life back when I’m mentally unstable and very fragile. I want to get clean but I don’t even know where to start, I had a paramedic tell me that this is just how it’s gonna be and I’m just gonna feel awful but it’s the only way. That cannot be true, I want to be tapered down… I want help… I never wanted this.
I want to know if methadone is successful for this? Or would I be better off using klonopin after a short taper? I am prescribed 90 1mg klonopin a month or 3mg a day and I never thought I could say this but because I was so high on opiates I have gotten off them completely in the last few months. Like 5 years ago I used Xanax to get off a heavy oxy dosage . I am not worried about being dependent on the klonopin I actually really should of not stopped taking it but I’m gonna pick up my prescription tomorrow which I need so bad and I want to start taking it as prescribed 3 times a day again. The reason I never did a benzo taper before is because I’ve been on these daily for 5 years so like they do not make me feel much different from normal but seeing now as I’ve been off them for a few months I think I could use this as an opportunity to get off fentanyl without methadone.
I just want to live my life happily again. I try to tell myself this doesn’t affect me but the truth is I am not living to my fullest when all I worry about is getting money to make it through the day just to be sick and do the same thing again.
Flash forward over two years, I have been self medicating with heroin for most of this time but about 4 months ago fentanyl took over in Oregon and I’m smoking on average maybe 15-20 blues a day or a half gram to gram of fentanyl powder a day. I feel so hopeless because I actually tried to get clean a month or so ago with my partner with suboxone and he took it first and I watched within an hour him go from the worst withdrawals I’ve ever seen, we did some research and it was perciperated withdrawl because apparently suboxone is basically useless for this stuff, I talked to people who waited a week and still were thrown into precipitated withdrawal. I am not very stable mentally right now and neither is my partner and had I not made sure to had pills still and help him smoke only to avoid the hell he was expieriencing either of us could of easily killed ourself. I also felt a deep sorrow and grief after this because I feel like there is nothing to help me, I feel like information on this is being suppressed because when I try to search for help I cannot find anything.
I want to know how to get off fentanyl and get my life back when I’m mentally unstable and very fragile. I want to get clean but I don’t even know where to start, I had a paramedic tell me that this is just how it’s gonna be and I’m just gonna feel awful but it’s the only way. That cannot be true, I want to be tapered down… I want help… I never wanted this.
I want to know if methadone is successful for this? Or would I be better off using klonopin after a short taper? I am prescribed 90 1mg klonopin a month or 3mg a day and I never thought I could say this but because I was so high on opiates I have gotten off them completely in the last few months. Like 5 years ago I used Xanax to get off a heavy oxy dosage . I am not worried about being dependent on the klonopin I actually really should of not stopped taking it but I’m gonna pick up my prescription tomorrow which I need so bad and I want to start taking it as prescribed 3 times a day again. The reason I never did a benzo taper before is because I’ve been on these daily for 5 years so like they do not make me feel much different from normal but seeing now as I’ve been off them for a few months I think I could use this as an opportunity to get off fentanyl without methadone.
I just want to live my life happily again. I try to tell myself this doesn’t affect me but the truth is I am not living to my fullest when all I worry about is getting money to make it through the day just to be sick and do the same thing again.