Heroin makes me happy

[DeathIndustrial88]

I can sort of relate to that. At first when I used heroin I'd love listening to music, but then as it killed off my feelings and the euphoria went due to tolerance, I kind of lost interest in listening to music a bit.
Then when I'd be in withdrawal, music would be incredible!
Now I've been off it a while, and stabilised on methadone I can enjoy it again. You'll get back into it, I'm sure! Maybe you're music taste has gotten a lot better now you're off the shit. Check out the music threads for inspiration.

I've been on buprenorphine now for 6 years.
Bupe didn't really have the same level of music-euphoria that heroin or full agonists did. It had some though, but of course with it being so mild, it fades quickly & is really hard to get back.

Honestly, music has been one of my life-long drugs. I listen to all kinds of genres from black metal to grindcore & goregrind to power electronics, death industrial, dark ambient, harsh noise & even synthpop & wave music, etc...etc...I just found that when I was on full agonists, that I was able to get into and enjoy those more exotic genres better. Hell a lot of my favorite artists in those genres were opioid/heroin users, so I think there's something about some of those genres & heroin that go well together. I could be feeling totally blissful, happy, but listening to some deranged noise industrial stuff & I'd still really really enjoy it.

Tho these last few years on bupe, I've found that I mostly stick to one or two genres now a days. That is when I'm able to give myself dopamine rushes with music anyway. And then I just tend to listen to old stuff that I use to enjoy. The only effect I get from bupe now a days is that it makes me feel tired. lol

My heroin/full agonist use always came in the form of having some for a few days/weeks & then having to withdrawal for a week or two or even three. Went through withdrawal once or twice a month, every month, for 10 years. During those periods of withdrawal, I would often use DXM, meth or alcohol, which of course would also sorta reset my tolerance before I was able to get opioids again. So that's probably why I also never really lost the magic with full agonists like I have with bupe, since I've taken bupe every single day without fail now for 6 years.

Life was just better on full agonists in general. I'd give anything (except going to the clinic everyday lol) to be on methadone instead of subs.
Its possible getting older & having heard every form of underground music there is, could be impacting why I don't enjoy it as much as I use to too.
But even on full agonists I could listen to shit on repeat & never get bored with it. lol

I actually make my own music as well & have since I was about 12 (I'm 35 now, so I dunno how many years that means I've been at it lol). So I'm always looking for inspiration!

Cheers!

 

[Hexenstahl]

Then when I'd be in withdrawal, music would be incredible!

And incredibly emotional too.
This always makes me cry when I'm in wd:

 

[axe battler]

Good track @Hexenstahl, I'll have to look them up!

 

[nznity]

At this point of my life, morphine maintains me sane. Without it, I feel depressed as fuck. I need drugs to be stable now cause I'm pretty ill.
If you're young and dabbling with drugs, please careful with doing excess amounts of any drug. Especially cocaine (in any of its forms), heroin and meth. Those drugs wear you off pretty fast and fuck you up on the long run. Weed, mdma, mushrooms is the trifecta of drugs that don't have a serious impact like the ones I previously mentioned.
Stay hydrated, do exercise and NOTHING IN EXCESS.
That's the best advice I can give u
Cheers,
Nico xoxo

 

[Hexenstahl]

The problem with long-term use of opioids is that it actually induces depression in people who previously didn't even have it because it dramatically lowers the testosterone level, especially heroin, morphine and methadone. I don't know of any long-term user who hasn't become a Nazgul aka empty shell. ULDN kind of counters that but in my case it has made my addiction even harder to kick because it's like a perfect reset button.

 

[DeathIndustrial88]

The problem with long-term use of opioids is that it actually induces depression in people who previously didn't even have it because it dramatically lowers the testosterone level, especially heroin, morphine and methadone. I don't know of any long-term user who hasn't become a Nazgul aka empty shell. ULDN kind of counters that but in my case it has made my addiction even harder to kick because it's like a perfect reset button.

Strangely, I feel more depressed now after having been on bupe.
All though I still don't get as suicidal as I did before I was on it. So in a way it sort of keeps me "stable", but I still feel lethargic & have all the other symptoms of my depression back.
I had my testosterone checked about 4 years into using bupe everyday to make sure it wasn't causing my depression or tiredness & my levels came back "normal".

In some way, I think my testosterone might be higher than normal people's anyway (which is why I've been balding for years, as the byproduct of testosterone is what kills your hair). So in a way it balances me out if I'm on opioids. Plus bupe has a lower level of instances where it lowers testosterone anyway.

You're not wrong tho!
IMO the longer acting opioids are much more guilty of causing this depression issue than the shorter acting ones. Cause at least the shorter acting ones you can feel. lol
I mean who wouldn't be depressed being on a potent as fuck opioid (like buprenorphine or methadone) and having all the side effects of using a strong opioid (constipation, tiredness, etc..) but absolutely no positive/euphoric effects whatsoever. It's depressing even writing about it. lol

Also with the shorter acting ones, your testosterone will return to normal pretty quickly with just even a small amount of abstinence (or so I've read & one would think)

 

[Hexenstahl]

Strangely, I feel more depressed now after having been on bupe.
All though I still don't get as suicidal as I did before I was on it. So in a way it sort of keeps me "stable", but I still feel lethargic & have all the other symptoms of my depression back.
I had my testosterone checked about 4 years into using bupe everyday to make sure it wasn't causing my depression or tiredness & my levels came back "normal".

In some way, I think my testosterone might be higher than normal people's anyway (which is why I've been balding for years, as the byproduct of testosterone is what kills your hair). So in a way it balances me out if I'm on opioids. Plus bupe has a lower level of instances where it lowers testosterone anyway.

You're not wrong tho!
IMO the longer acting opioids are much more guilty of causing this depression issue than the shorter acting ones. Cause at least the shorter acting ones you can feel. lol
I mean who wouldn't be depressed being on a potent as fuck opioid (like buprenorphine or methadone) and having all the side effects of using a strong opioid (constipation, tiredness, etc..) but absolutely no positive/euphoric effects whatsoever. It's depressing even writing about it. lol

Also with the shorter acting ones, your testosterone will return to normal pretty quickly with just even a small amount of abstinence (or so I've read & one would think)

I didn't mean to say that it's permanent or that it's solely due to out of balance testo levels. If it's just depression it could have other reasons, maybe purely psychological ones, but if you struggle with typical issues that come with a lack of testosterone, like problems with affect regulation, heightened stress vulnerability, paling of the skin, no sexual drive, etc. then it's very likely that the causes are neurochemical in nature. This was the case with me for example and I realized that healthy levels of testosterone are just as important for women as with men. Since I take ULDN however, most of those symptoms are gone as it stimulates the production of sexual hormones. Before I discovered it I was practically forced to use speed a few times a month just to feel alive every once in a while, remember how it is to be horny, get shit done, read books, etc.
The only thing I still struggle with now is a bit of lethargy here and there, but it's manageable.

Also, for people who were already depressed or even suicidal before they were on opioids, being addicted to opioids and using them long-term is definitely the better choice, because as you say it stabilizes them.

EDIT:
ULDN is the easy part btw. It's when I want to reset my µ-opioid receptors by taking a full dose, that I realize how incredibly addicted I am to opioids and how hard it is just to abstain from this substance for a few days. I do it once every month because after three weeks of daily use the euphoria starts to wane. I start to taper down, then jump off, take a full 50mg Naltrexone pill and pump myself full with benzos for the following four days in order to not feel the craving of opioids (and also to be able to sleep). Then after 96h or so I can finally start using tiny dosages like in the beginning and it (almost) feels like the first time again. Rinse and repeat. This time however I'm going to do it differently, because time passes by slow af when you're on downers, so I decided to use speed for the first two days and then high dose Valium for the remaining two days. It will be at the end of this month. I love and I hate it when this time comes. I love it because I know I can start to feel euphoric again and basically hack my neurobiology. I hate it because those four days feel absolutely awful. Life without opioids feels horrible! The last time I managed to be sober for a "long" period was two years ago when I somehow miraculously managed to stay clean for 3 months.

Addendum:
never ever take Naltrexone when your tolerance is high as you will go into precipitated withdrawal. Also, never take it without having some drugs that you can take to completely numb you, because that stuff will remain glued to your receptors for the next 72 to 96h!!! This means no matter how much opioids you take, you'll feel nothing!!! Also, it will interfere with this whole reset process going on. I experienced this myself. Let it do its work for at least 72h. And congratulations if you can manage to go through with it, because the honeymoon phase that you experienced as an opioid newbie waits for you at the end of the tunnel

 

[Nas47]

Strangely, I feel more depressed now after having been on bupe.
All though I still don't get as suicidal as I did before I was on it. So in a way it sort of keeps me "stable", but I still feel lethargic & have all the other symptoms of my depression back.
I had my testosterone checked about 4 years into using bupe everyday to make sure it wasn't causing my depression or tiredness & my levels came back "normal".

In some way, I think my testosterone might be higher than normal people's anyway (which is why I've been balding for years, as the byproduct of testosterone is what kills your hair). So in a way it balances me out if I'm on opioids. Plus bupe has a lower level of instances where it lowers testosterone anyway.

You're not wrong tho!
IMO the longer acting opioids are much more guilty of causing this depression issue than the shorter acting ones. Cause at least the shorter acting ones you can feel. lol
I mean who wouldn't be depressed being on a potent as fuck opioid (like buprenorphine or methadone) and having all the side effects of using a strong opioid (constipation, tiredness, etc..) but absolutely no positive/euphoric effects whatsoever. It's depressing even writing about it. lol

Also with the shorter acting ones, your testosterone will return to normal pretty quickly with just even a small amount of abstinence (or so I've read & one would think)

Hi broda Do not think,that been on short actin' drug u feel better.I don't think so.....U are right in some limits only,if u want to use untill u die....in other way-short actin'...long actin'......same shit.each had pros&cons.....but dependence&eventually depression,self hatred&destructive patterns are very common till u cross one limmit.....or had enough junkie time in ur life.I was on morphine programs-two times...stuff,that u can prepare ideally for i.v. just for minutes.....well those were misserablevtimes man......worst even like H street junkey....I doubt,that,if u on that shit-legally prescribed would feel better.on the contrary-u spiralling down in void very quickly....especially u i.v. the capsules.
.
I could be wrong in case,if u choose this life&don't wanna change it at all.....but i had been rarely seen happy people in such programs.Peace brother

 

[DeathIndustrial88]

Hi broda Do not think,that been on short actin' drug u feel better.I don't think so.....U are right in some limits only,if u want to use untill u die....in other way-short actin'...long actin'......same shit.each had pros&cons.....but dependence&eventually depression,self hatred&destructive patterns are very common till u cross one limmit.....or had enough junkie time in ur life.I was on morphine programs-two times...stuff,that u can prepare ideally for i.v. just for minutes.....well those were misserablevtimes man......worst even like H street junkey....I doubt,that,if u on that shit-legally prescribed would feel better.on the contrary-u spiralling down in void very quickly....especially u i.v. the capsules.
.
I could be wrong in case,if u choose this life&don't wanna change it at all.....but i had been rarely seen happy people in such programs.Peace brother

Thanks for the concern friend.

I have 16 years of opioid use behind me. And about 25 years of drug use altogether. So I have plenty of junkie experience.
I don't have access to the kinds of opioids I use to, so I don't think there's any worry about me spiraling out of control there. lol
If anything, the crushing intense boredom, lethargy & anehdonia from not getting to experience anything anymore is what will probably cause me to spiral out of control one day & do a drug that I wouldn't even want to normally do. It already has happened in the recent past.

If I were granted the ability to be on morphine maintenance or another full agonist opioid, I don't think I would be I.V.-ing it either. I've never IV'ed an opioid, even in those 16 years of use. Not even heroin. I've always been squeamish with needles & never found it worth it to poke around in my veins for a faster hit.
I'm sure it can get pretty ugly IV-ing a full agonist for years on end. If I were in that situation, I would have personally done tolerance breaks or something.

I've had major depression since I was a child though. So I'm damned if I do & damned if I don't. lol At least on opioids, I get to have days where I can enjoy my life & tolerate existing. Where as without them, I'm still an empty depressed shell of a person & have been most of my life.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Why am I so obsessed with heroin?

YES.

 

[yubacity]

Im back on the brown while in UK decided to get back on it because i was here on my own for a few months and was on a mad coke run every day couple of grams no sleep a mental headfuck. On the gear I'm stable tell the truth i feel good but not happy if that makes sense but its easier then being on coke

 

[yubacity]

Thanks for the concern friend.

I have 16 years of opioid use behind me. And about 25 years of drug use altogether. So I have plenty of junkie experience.
I don't have access to the kinds of opioids I use to, so I don't think there's any worry about me spiraling out of control there. lol
If anything, the crushing intense boredom, lethargy & anehdonia from not getting to experience anything anymore is what will probably cause me to spiral out of control one day & do a drug that I wouldn't even want to normally do. It already has happened in the recent past.

If I were granted the ability to be on morphine maintenance or another full agonist opioid, I don't think I would be I.V.-ing it either. I've never IV'ed an opioid, even in those 16 years of use. Not even heroin. I've always been squeamish with needles & never found it worth it to poke around in my veins for a faster hit.
I'm sure it can get pretty ugly IV-ing a full agonist for years on end. If I were in that situation, I would have personally done tolerance breaks or something.

I've had major depression since I was a child though. So I'm damned if I do & damned if I don't. lol At least on opioids, I get to have days where I can enjoy my life & tolerate existing. Where as without them, I'm still an empty depressed shell of a person & have been most of my life.

Its weird how we so similar in our drug use 20 years nearly on heroin and 31 years of hard drug use crank coke heroin pregabalin . When my wife found out i on heroin i promised her i would never iv and kept that promise for about 17 years only iv it every couple of months but after i iv it smoking don quite hit the spot but i would never iv it other then once every month or 2 . Dont ever iv it because it on another level; and then the other ways don't seem to hit the spot

 

[Pritartrol]

Do you think it's possible to try H just once and then never again? I've done almost everything else but I tend to dance around the "big 3" as I call them. Meth, H, and Crack. Yet my curiosity demands satisfaction. Sometimes I'll spend hours reading about drug experiences with these harder substances to be turned off by them, but at the same time I know that the truth cannot be found in words, it can only be felt as an experience. There-in lies the problem.

 

[yubacity]

Do you think it's possible to try H just once and then never again? I've done almost everything else but I tend to dance around the "big 3" as I call them. Meth, H, and Crack. Yet my curiosity demands satisfaction. Sometimes I'll spend hours reading about drug experiences with these harder substances to be turned off by them, but at the same time I know that the truth cannot be found in words, it can only be felt as an experience. There-in lies the problem.

IT all depends what your drug habits if you get easily in to a habit then its risky but is it worth risking it because a physical addiction is the worse i have had coke crank or meth as they call it now while very addictive an meth so hard to stay away fro m once addicted.Are not physical addiction are a nightmare in their own but a physical addiction which causes you to fall apart in agony and mental hell when wds is the worse

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Im back on the brown while in UK decided to get back on it because i was here on my own for a few months and was on a mad coke run every day couple of grams no sleep a mental headfuck. On the gear I'm stable tell the truth i feel good but not happy if that makes sense but its easier then being on coke

Is fent as common in uk as American or its all real heroin?

 

[yubacity]

Is fent as common in uk as American or its all real heroin?

No its not we get real heroin when I'm back in the states i go on subs I'm not fucking about with fent what i hear on here its nothing like heroin

 

[LucidSDreamr]

No its not we get real heroin when I'm back in the states i go on subs I'm not fucking about with fent what i hear on here its nothing like heroin

It’s like heroin if you do it while clean but it quickly becomes very dull compared to heroin

 

[yubacity]

It’s like heroin if you do it while clean but it quickly becomes very dull compared to heroin

Do you get the euphoria that nod you get on heroin or is it just like a heavy pod dose where you nod but its not got the euphoria herion has do you know what i mean

 

[Nas47]

Thanks for the concern friend.

I have 16 years of opioid use behind me. And about 25 years of drug use altogether. So I have plenty of junkie experience.
I don't have access to the kinds of opioids I use to, so I don't think there's any worry about me spiraling out of control there. lol
If anything, the crushing intense boredom, lethargy & anehdonia from not getting to experience anything anymore is what will probably cause me to spiral out of control one day & do a drug that I wouldn't even want to normally do. It already has happened in the recent past.

If I were granted the ability to be on morphine maintenance or another full agonist opioid, I don't think I would be I.V.-ing it either. I've never IV'ed an opioid, even in those 16 years of use. Not even heroin. I've always been squeamish with needles & never found it worth it to poke around in my veins for a faster hit.
I'm sure it can get pretty ugly IV-ing a full agonist for years on end. If I were in that situation, I would have personally done tolerance breaks or something.

I've had major depression since I was a child though. So I'm damned if I do & damned if I don't. lol At least on opioids, I get to have days where I can enjoy my life & tolerate existing. Where as without them, I'm still an empty depressed shell of a person & have been most of my life.

never iv opi?and usin so many years...thats strange really

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

yea thats fro sure. If you change for other people then when those other people aren't around anymore your kinda fucked. I should be a very interpersonal change. I really like oxy and find it helps ne with my job and keeps me calm and relaxed and if thats what I have to do to keep my career in check and I enjoy gettin high in icy and goigbn ti work then who is anyone else to judge me salon as I am not hurting anyone

You can be fine using whatever, so long as you do not overly romanticise it in your mind and inflate it into this magical perfect cure for ALL of life's problems, or this one-and-only supreme pleasure to which NOTHING else compares. That's what I did for years with heroin and that's precisely why I got addicted.

PS still use heroin. No longer addicted.