I have been reading through some posts on here, and have decided it might be a good idea to chronicle my journey/struggles getting off PST.
Some Background: I don’t remember really being sober. Since I was a teen I was always taking some form of drug, but opiates have been my go to. I spent years in doctors offices, pain clinics, etc., chasing my drug of choice, oxycodone.
I somehow got off of them when I got pregnant with my son, went back on, then off again, with no severe withdrawal.
Then after having my daughter (she’ll be 7 in Feb) my spine collapsed. I worked through the pain, but by October 2016, I was back on meds, in Dec 2016 I had a spinal fusion, and that was it. Downward spiral.
I was on 15 mg oxycodone from mid 2017, until March 2022. I thoroughly abused them, finishing 120 pills within 2 weeks, then supplementing poppy seed tea the last 2 weeks. It was better early on, but got worse. In March I was finally drug-tested, never went back to the doctor, and started using poppy seed tea full time.
I kept telling myself that I would taper down, or get help with withdrawal and stop. But I hadn’t. I have been using 10 lbs of poppy seeds a week for these months. Wasting a lot of money, hating myself every time I made the brew.
Well, I’m finally done with this shit. I look at my kids and wonderful husband, who have no idea what I have become. I can’t stand what I am, a liar, and an addict who abuses herself and any medication she can find. I’m fucking done with it.
So I have been off the tea, cold turkey, for about 42 hours now. My last several weeks brews were weak, and I think I honestly Started some withdrawal over a week ago. I have been congested, anxious, lethargic, sad, lazy, had some loose bowels, but the water bowels started yesterday. I have had trouble sleeping the past 4 nights, but no RLS yet.
I’m probably deluding myself thinking I’ll escape the rough patch that’s probably heading my way. I’m feeling almost all the symptoms of WD I’ve had in the past when I tried to stop the brew. Except the RLS, and severe stomach cramping. I have taken Imodium, only because pissing water is painful and inconvenient.
I can’t really remember when the RLS set in and the inability to stop moving because of the ants all over feeling. I feel like it had to have been within 36 hours because I never made it past a few days of WD before giving into the beast.
I’m just rambling at this point. I just need to get it off my chest, because im literally alone in this. No one knows what im going through, or what I had become. I was a master at hiding my issue. Right now my family thinks I have a severe sinus infection (which i probably do) and a stomach bug. I want to use this as a pseudo journal to have an outlet for what I experience and progress. And if anyone reads this and has advice, I would welcome it.
I just want my life back. I want my kids to have a mother that is really present. I want my husband to have his wife back. I want to be better than I have been these past several years. And I never want to go back. I have never, in the 25 years of constantly abusing myself, hated who I am so much.
I have 2 lbs of seeds, unknown quality. If I get really bad and can’t function as a mother, I will have to use them and find a doctor for help quick. Pray it doesn’t come to that. Or just pray for me in general. Strength, love, healing, peace. Anything to help me through this.
Some Background: I don’t remember really being sober. Since I was a teen I was always taking some form of drug, but opiates have been my go to. I spent years in doctors offices, pain clinics, etc., chasing my drug of choice, oxycodone.
I somehow got off of them when I got pregnant with my son, went back on, then off again, with no severe withdrawal.
Then after having my daughter (she’ll be 7 in Feb) my spine collapsed. I worked through the pain, but by October 2016, I was back on meds, in Dec 2016 I had a spinal fusion, and that was it. Downward spiral.
I was on 15 mg oxycodone from mid 2017, until March 2022. I thoroughly abused them, finishing 120 pills within 2 weeks, then supplementing poppy seed tea the last 2 weeks. It was better early on, but got worse. In March I was finally drug-tested, never went back to the doctor, and started using poppy seed tea full time.
I kept telling myself that I would taper down, or get help with withdrawal and stop. But I hadn’t. I have been using 10 lbs of poppy seeds a week for these months. Wasting a lot of money, hating myself every time I made the brew.
Well, I’m finally done with this shit. I look at my kids and wonderful husband, who have no idea what I have become. I can’t stand what I am, a liar, and an addict who abuses herself and any medication she can find. I’m fucking done with it.
So I have been off the tea, cold turkey, for about 42 hours now. My last several weeks brews were weak, and I think I honestly Started some withdrawal over a week ago. I have been congested, anxious, lethargic, sad, lazy, had some loose bowels, but the water bowels started yesterday. I have had trouble sleeping the past 4 nights, but no RLS yet.
I’m probably deluding myself thinking I’ll escape the rough patch that’s probably heading my way. I’m feeling almost all the symptoms of WD I’ve had in the past when I tried to stop the brew. Except the RLS, and severe stomach cramping. I have taken Imodium, only because pissing water is painful and inconvenient.
I can’t really remember when the RLS set in and the inability to stop moving because of the ants all over feeling. I feel like it had to have been within 36 hours because I never made it past a few days of WD before giving into the beast.
I’m just rambling at this point. I just need to get it off my chest, because im literally alone in this. No one knows what im going through, or what I had become. I was a master at hiding my issue. Right now my family thinks I have a severe sinus infection (which i probably do) and a stomach bug. I want to use this as a pseudo journal to have an outlet for what I experience and progress. And if anyone reads this and has advice, I would welcome it.
I just want my life back. I want my kids to have a mother that is really present. I want my husband to have his wife back. I want to be better than I have been these past several years. And I never want to go back. I have never, in the 25 years of constantly abusing myself, hated who I am so much.
I have 2 lbs of seeds, unknown quality. If I get really bad and can’t function as a mother, I will have to use them and find a doctor for help quick. Pray it doesn’t come to that. Or just pray for me in general. Strength, love, healing, peace. Anything to help me through this.