I'm actually pretty impressed thst dosing around 50mg caused such a profound experience but everyone is quite different when it comes to dosing drugs.
I believe there were pressed green tablets of these made by famous Dutch lab that were 20mg each and I'd usually take 3 which was a deep trip but I've never experienced a breakthrough experience on a substituted tryptamine. Only vaping DMT or DPT (which I feel is actually MUCH more spiritual in nature than even DMT) or more so with holing from dissociatives.
My reasoning for purposefully attempting contact with such entities or forces was for several reasons....some were requirements for attaining specific grades in certain occult orders. Some were for training and practicing visualization and pathworking. Some were through simply trying to meditate and randomly seeing and experiencing extremely disturbing and negative images and beings.
Some were an attempt to understand the nature and importance of real world actual evil.
Certainly, this is a dangerous path that not everyone survives or even makes it through with their sanity...which is where the inner skeptic cones into play.
As Mr Crowley once stated :
Aleister Crowley,
Magick in Theory and Practice
For me balance is being able to understand the world from multiple viewpoints and specifically attempting to understand the things in life that seem so inherently un-understandable like why evil exists and why it's so vitally neccessary for everything else to work ans most importantly to never stray to far towards the fringes of any belief system.
Remember we would have no word or understanding of the daylight until we experienced the first nightfall or shadow.
All things that have an opposite are defined by its opposite and depends upon it for mutual survival.
Couldn't reply till now, been in a move to an island, so it was quite busy..
I normally don't get so strong effects from tryptamines, I'm very sensitive to lysergamides so I normally don't take them (never tried a high dose of lsd, I kinda did with hbwr which I consider much more spiritual and entheogenic). I consider myself a hard-head for tryptamines but perhaps I'm not compared to other people, I don't usually have strong visuals but sometimes something changes in me, I think I'm easily self-suggestable so to speak.
Maybe what I saw was not 100% that, so other person would have interpreted in a different way, not sure, I'm pretty sure about the feelings, so I think that communicates more than the visuals itself, most times.
I understand what you say about the dualistic principles of the world, I mostly consider the world as some kind of theater on which dualistic principles are the 75% of what's going on but is quite likely that, at the end of it, there's some higher principle that eliminates that dualistic "fight". The thing is that I don't agree with indian mystics (advaita vedanta and so on, even with buddhism) that we should AIM for escaping dualism, finding oneness with the non-dualistic force that soak evertything.
I mean, I know that's for sure good for a lot of reasons, but I consider that it's actually some deep ego trick to avoid the real nature of being human, which is so deeply engrained in dualistic principles. Is probably good to remember and experience, from time to time, that you can participate and you are that non-dualistic nature AS WELL AS being part of the dualistic world, but not like.. avoiding fully living our entire nature, which in a way I think those "yogis" want, just for the same (IMO) weak reason: to not suffer.
I don't think the central aim of being human should be to find the way to not suffering anymore. Surely is great to find that but, to focus all your spiritual work for that? come on... maybe is because I don't get it. I would "buy" whatever else.
About your experiences with entities and the occult:
I wasn't sure if taking psychedelics from time to time was or wasn't playing with the occult, right now I have less doubts, I think it has a big part of it and it's something that, actually, I'm not very proud of. It's not that I regret it or consider it to have been in error either, I still see a lot of positive and constructive things, that I feel a kinship with, with psychedelics. What is the problem? Well, the first time I had a breakthrough with dmt I came to a place that I didn't feel "safe", rather it felt like a place where I was NOT invited and where I had absolutely no control, rather I felt that incredible forces were surrounding me and that I was a complete sucker under their control.
the truth is that the experience was incredible (I consumed maybe too much because in a momentary madness I took a spoon and poured in the dab a good amount, possibly more than 60mg when I had already vaporized another 50 before in the first toke)... I left there not believing what had happened, it seemed so beautiful and surprising as impossible. Still I felt at some point that those "beings" wanted something from me and I refused, at one point they gave me a "hyperspace kick" and took me out of hyperspace for a few seconds, giving me a communication: your life sucks and you are doing it very wrong. It honestly seemed like an attack to me, a kind of revenge for not playing their game. Then I came back and the trip was mind-blowing.
The problem was not during the trip, but the following weeks and months where during dreams, usually in periods of stress or a few days after taking some psychedelic or empathogen, I suffered (and still suffer) psychic attacks of entities, sometimes together with sleep paralysis, but not always.
These attacks have been of various types, feeling that a dark, deadly energy is getting into my heart, feeling that I am being electrified (with a very real pain) and getting up shaking and with twitching muscles, feeling that a vortex similar to dmt but dark tries to swallow me, feeling that there are entities freezing me in my sleep and noticing that my astral body moves but not my body....
Anyway, this kind of experiences have convinced me that I should be very careful with psychedelics in high doses and that they have a lot to do with the occult.
While I have always felt an intellectual and somewhat spiritual curiosity towards the occult, today I find it quite worrying, given who are the major players in this field, the elites, and also given that these same elites tend to take their rituals and their "magick" too far in a way that I find completely repulsive. I understand that "from the inside" it is clearer the nature of this evil, but I would say that this evil can play with you or with me, so that you could end up being a pawn of such beings (the entities or the elites).
Probably those elites (some of them very into the O.T.O. afaik) are actually pawns of the dark entities, and not the other way around. Imagine you or me, the amount of real "control" we can have over something like that... (I understand that you will consider that more than not learning about it, but ok).
For things like that I prefer to be away from that world