Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[zagor11]

Hi all.I switched from oxy to suboxone early last year and due to pain and depression I again switched back to oxy cold turkey off 18 mg but this time I never got high. I am on 300 mg and believe it is worsening my depression. I wanted to go on short time on suboxone and wean off but I am not getting withdrawals. I went 36 hours with only some depression and next time went 20 hours with basically no withdrawals. I feel totally stuck. I don'tn know what happened in my brain to block the high and now to block proper withdrawals but it scares me.

 

[dopiejay]

Oh man can I relate to that shit, it's me against xanax. It one hell of a withdrawal, isn't it? Especially coming off 10 bars a day. I have never had a drug literally drive me into some sort of psychosis before apart from seroquel. Yeah like I get diaz man but I don't have enough to taper every month so that's why I'm just tapering with xan and building up a transition supply. Good to see someone else struggling with benzos I mean it's not good haha but it's like everyone with opiates and then me with a very heavy benzo habit.

I've had some larger milestones these past couple months. Things do get better but for me it is going to be absolutely measured in seasons and years. If it has been nearly a year and I still feel this messed up, but don't get me wrong I am happy and grateful to be alive because I should have died with my dad by my side that day...

I don't know how long you have been using benzos but this is year 6 and it is the year I started encountering really serious problems with them and disrupting my life so if you are not already fucked and have had addiction issues in the past, stop while you're ahead to save yourself the trouble man.

Our country doesn't do fuck all about this man. Like who wants to die in withdrawal for fucks sake it's actually a fucking war.

I've been on benzos for almost 4 years. At first it was lots of Ativan and clonazepam, then switched to loads of diazepam, then loads of diazepam and alprazolam, and now just slowly coming down from diazepam but it feels that down to 5-10mg a day I've hit a wall. The booze helps take the edge off but Jesus Christ am I ever going to get over this taper? Thought I was doing good then realized I can't go a day without having benzos or alcohol in my system and realized this may be a lot harder than I thought.

 

[dopiejay]

Hi all.I switched from oxy to suboxone early last year and due to pain and depression I again switched back to oxy cold turkey off 18 mg but this time I never got high. I am on 300 mg and believe it is worsening my depression. I wanted to go on short time on suboxone and wean off but I am not getting withdrawals. I went 36 hours with only some depression and next time went 20 hours with basically no withdrawals. I feel totally stuck. I don'tn know what happened in my brain to block the high and now to block proper withdrawals but it scares me.

It's cross tolerance from the buprenorphine that you didn't know you were getting since it didn't get you high. Suboxone may relieve withdrawal and may not cause a high feeling, but it still has a very powerful opioid (buprenorphine) along with the naloxone which keeps you from actually feeling it.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I've been on benzos for almost 4 years. At first it was lots of Ativan and clonazepam, then switched to loads of diazepam, then loads of diazepam and alprazolam, and now just slowly coming down from diazepam but it feels that down to 5-10mg a day I've hit a wall. The booze helps take the edge off but Jesus Christ am I ever going to get over this taper? Thought I was doing good then realized I can't go a day without having benzos or alcohol in my system and realized this may be a lot harder than I thought.

The way you word things like this last sentence is funny sometimes, funny guy.

I started on xanax after having panic attack after panic attack for a year full blown fight or flight response never been the same it friend my brain. It started after 2 years of untreated chronic back pain and within the same month I was doing H and xanax all day every day when the panic started well a year of sheer terror and panic and the nice people at the ER gave me my first xan and sent me on my way. I had one followup which was a taper off the xan. These people seem to get paid too much for what they do... you think? I mean, those responsible for mental health and stuff they could have tried real treatments too and like you have to practically attempt suicide. It's so stupid. They won't even diagnose you if you have smoked weed in the past 6 months for fucking fucks sake well then you never will? I know who I am.

Started with a xanax script in the ER and them telling me to stop taking antipsychotics. Then they don't refill so I stock up on etizolam and any other short, medium, and long acting pill I can find and raw alphaz. It becomes a bad habit. Really I just needed like 5mg of valium haha like they cut me off and this is the one thing that actually pisses me off why would a doctor cut me off something that can kill me and then I resort to really addictive drugs like etizolam and just fuck my tolerance. Sorta seems like they should be doing their job a little better with all that education but they seem brainwashed or controlled or both.

That being said I take responsibility for my own death if I run out of this shit during my taper. I should have known better but my first relationship was already falling apart and all this chronic pain that was fucking everything you know how it goes it becomes impossible to handle and then the dope is a be all cure all for the first couple of years.

 

[zagor11]

@dopijay So what do you think the best thing would be. There's no euphoria to mask depression. I cannot stay on it because it surely worsens my pre-existing depression and anxiety. I cannot taper oxycodone because I get no withdrawals until 3 days but that's why in meantime depression is unbearable.

What would you do I mean what would be the best thing to do in this situation?

BTW I have been 10 months on oxycodone and my current dose is 300 mg a day

 

[Painful One]

Sorry to hear so many are having a rough time right now.

This chronic pain thing and the resulting depression and anxiety that comes along with it is a real bitch.

Everyone's body is different so what works for one may not work for another. I have learned that you have to keep trying different things and work with the dosage on the medications to find the right dosage that works for you and your level of pain.
There are injuries to consider and how those injuries interact with the medications.

I rarely feel my MS Contin. It just keeps me able to function and think straight. Makes me feel semi-normal.
I have run into a problem where the dosage that worked for ten years is no longer working so I am struggling to figure out the correct dosage and how often I need to dose.

Ugh! It sucks! I should be knocked out cold but no. I'm wide awake. I am having a lot of pain and my sleep schedule is like- drop from exhaustion for four hours and then awake for four hours, drop again from exhaustion for 2-3 hours here and there.
I even upped my dose and took an extra clonazepam and I am not asleep and I am desperate for sleep.

Hang in there friends.
Keep trying.
Sending lots of love to you all!

 

[Painful One]

mtop2036- Would plugging work when your wisdom teeth are healing?

I was going to suggest that too.
It would work while your wisdom teeth are healing as a different route of administration.
Good luck with the wisdom teeth. Luckily your mouth heals really quickly so it won't be long before you are feeling better from that.

 

[Painful One]

hello everyone.. my name is jamie. ive been using heroin for the past 9 years and i finally feel its the right time in my life to quit (also due to PTI). i have subutex and some xanax bars. can you guys please help me determine how many mgs a day of subutex i should be taking and how often? based on experience. its been a little over 15 hours since i used last.. trying to wait at least 18 hours... scared of precipitated withdrawal. thanks so much. i really appreciate it. i use a brick (50 bags) a day.. sometimes more.​

Thinking of you Jamie.
I think D.J's advice is correct. That is what I was thinking as well but I don't have any experience in that area.
That is the thought that came into my mind when I read of your situation. My gut reaction is rarely wrong so it is worth mentioning.

You can do this. You have made a good decision. I hope you are doing alright, the withdrawal from that must be terrible.
My heart goes out to you. This is a temporary situation. You will get feeling much better as soon as you get the correct dosage of either the subutex or methadone. I'm praying for you.

 

[Painful One]

Good to hear from you all.

I love you guys!

 

[ShroomySatori]

Hey, you were two minutes late! (it says 4 22)

I've been confused, especially yesterday. I usually am exhausted for the day into even today normally cause I work out the most intensively that day. I am getting fitter though and feel energetic today it's nice. A lot of the time, I wake up feeling bad.

I have a reasonable amount of xanax, like I don't have to worry about it today or tomorrow. and I better use it wisely, not that same problem of more pills = more use. Of course my first couple of doses included extras but I am taking them at the right times again straightaway for okay stability unless I am distracted and forget for a bit. And I was exhausted and I would benefitted for sure from overworking myself. I slept well, and I'm not in too much pain today and ever since I woke up on Saturday morning I've been pushing myself physically and not eating enough.

I still have crying spells all the time, about everything, positive and negative, it is like being able to feel real emotion again after being unable to for so long that I hardly remember what it's like. I am not overly concerned about this girl I really like (I don't think, she is still on my mind a lot I think that's okay to feel... I kind of like her a bit?), because all I need to do is sort my stuff out anyway and there will be a girl right there if I can just be cute regardless. They are actually lucky to get with me I am realizing this as messed up as I am. One of them will stick around and it could very well be this girl that is why I have been worked up. I know her well and I'm continuing to. I know myself well and have to keep in mind I'm an anxiety-ridden paranoid benzo living stoner. I know how to be cute and well you know I must be doing something right for any cute woman to approach me at all. But it's more complicated than that, which is why I feel like I'm 16 or somethin a lot of men feel that way when the testosterone is in system reboot. Really it is so complicated, that I am just letting it be and if it has been a while (like a day or 2) I'll check up on her.

I'm not worried about that and I am all the time normally. I can get paranoid, all these stupid things and I just end up self sabotaging myself. but I'm choosing to trust her because it feels right, I wasn't expecting this at all and am having really sweet times, so really since she is definitely a little more stable aw. I was just thinking of some things about her. I need to keep myself busy! I'm going to read today and this is definitely my recharge day for the week. I don't really care what's going on I need to chill. Like my body. I'm taking like 25% extra xanax than normal, getting stoned, sleeping, probably just watching tv. I'll clean up. My chronic pain and I've heard this before is if you have an injury like that you actually have less pain if you can stay active (I know it's the hardest thing, and it hurts more initially a lot of the time).

Since, like this can fuck up every part of your life this is what I'm saying. I am sort of describing post-acute withdrawal although I've always been that way with women. This time I've just matured. I know I could date her, if it doesn't work out then it will with someone else so long as I take myself seriously. It's not all about that but that part of my life is really important and I haven't even been able to communicate for like a whole entire year almost. I could in acute withdrawal but then it's like I got stupid until now.

 

[dopiejay]

@dopijay So what do you think the best thing would be. There's no euphoria to mask depression. I cannot stay on it because it surely worsens my pre-existing depression and anxiety. I cannot taper oxycodone because I get no withdrawals until 3 days but that's why in meantime depression is unbearable.

What would you do I mean what would be the best thing to do in this situation?

BTW I have been 10 months on oxycodone and my current dose is 300 mg a day

Honestly if it was me I'd go to the hospital and try and get on methadone. I got a buddy who was on 300mg+ oxycodone a day and that's what it took to get him off. When you start fucking with high tolerances AND blocked receptors u never really know how much of something is in you at any given time. That's my best advice

 

[zagor11]

I was hoping this sub would eventually go away that's stuck to my receptors but IDK, I am on clonazepam and death rate from methadone is pretty high though and I wish this depression had stabilized so I could wean off slowly but surely I really hate adding another drug with bad rating to my body. Why do you say hospital why not family doctor?

 

[Painful One]

Hey ShroomySatori.

Haha! You are so cute! You do like this girl. So adorable. That is alright, in fact that is great!
Listen this is not a life or death situation with the girl. Like you said, if things work out that is great and if not then there will be another one. Enjoy yourself! That is what romance is for, enjoyment and companionship. She is lucky to get with you.
You got it going on! *wink

Don't stress out and just let things roll. Naturally. You got to trust her! You don't want to be too obsessive with women. They don't like it. Plus, you don't want her being like a watchdog over what you are doing all day. You need your time to take care of your health and I'm sure there are some things that you really don't want to explain or have her see. At least right now. You need your privacy to some degree as does everyone. We all need our alone time and time to get things done. Keep a healthy distance but not too distant. Just relax. Breathe. Take things as they come and deal with one thing at a time. Don't think too far ahead and for God's sake, don't keep going into the past. We are not going in that direction. Try and stay in the moment.

Good advise on the exercising and wearing yourself out. I have had more energy since I have been using that different route of administration and I have been much more active. I have had to be as my mom is very elderly and I have to pick up the slack. She is doing a great job and is a spunky lady but she needs more help around here. I have to do all the cooking, make sure she takes her medications, do all the housework and help her when she gets confused with bills and shopping. Sometimes it is like the blind leading the blind but I am trying to teach her to laugh about it and not have a break down over every little thing. Together we are able to keep our household going and all is well. I have to count that as exercise right now because it is all I can do and it is exercise.

As soon as I got off here, reporting I could not sleep- I was out cold. Lol!
So the sleep helped. I think I am just stressing because I have to go to the dentist today.
I broke a tooth off by clenching my teeth together when I was in too much pain.
I really don't want to go. UGH!
I gotta keep this smile beautiful though. I will force myself through the anxiety.

 

[Painful One]

I was hoping this sub would eventually go away that's stuck to my receptors but IDK, I am on clonazepam and death rate from methadone is pretty high though and I wish this depression had stabilized so I could wean off slowly but surely I really hate adding another drug with bad rating to my body. Why do you say hospital why not family doctor?

I think DJ (and myself) are concerned over how high of a dosage of medication you are taking. That is why he wisely suggested the hospital. You are in real danger of overdosing yourself and not even being aware of that because you can't feel it.

You need to be monitored constantly until the doctors can get you stabilized. This depression sounds major also and that is a big concern.

I don't think that regular family general doctors are able to deal with this type of a situation and I don't think they can write prescriptions for methadone. Your situation is a bit beyond their scope of care.

No worries though my friend. The medical professionals can get you feeling better. They may want to try you on an anti depressant or some other things along with the pain medication and see how you feel. Getting the medication and dosage right is a situation that can be dangerous and you need to be monitored and let them help you. Just be totally honest with them so you can get the correct care.

Let us know how you are doing. We will be very concerned for you.

 

[Painful One]

Hello to everyone!!!


Shroomy, I hope you are doing well today!! Everything ok?

Squeaky, I hope you have your new rx now and you are pain free once again.

Painful One, I hope you are doing well, you really are the best!!!

Uncle J, I agree with Painful One, try to hold steady for awhile, no need to rush things, especially at this stressful time of year.

DJ, thinking of you, how are you doing my friend, haven't seen you around in a few days, hope the depression is gone, how is your taper going?.

CJ, great job on your taper, I think of you often, you are an amazing person, I hope you know that. You can do this and you know we are all here cheering you on!

Mtop, keep up the great job on your taper, you're amazing!! Much love.


I wish you all a pain free and happy day.

Love you all, here if you need me,
your friend,
Ash.

Good to hear from you dear friend!
We are here for YOU if you need us!

How are YOU doing?
Don't be afraid to "say too much".
You are safe here.

I appreciate your concern for me and all of us here but I worry about YOU!

I love you too!

 

[ShroomySatori]

Hey painful one first and foremost thank you for the compliment. I am feeling confident that way these days. I can pretty much like, light up a yoga room with inner radiance at times. You are right, I very much like her and am just a little lovestruck. If nothing happens further then something really special already happened and that is how the wind blows sometimes. I have a good feeling about her, and you made me realize how much she likes me in return. She really does, I think a lot more than I realize. I think she's a little confused too, so I'm just focussing on my own shit today. If I don't hear from her in a couple of days I mean she needs attention regardless how busy she is. It's cute isn't it haha. I do really like her. She finds it adorable but like she's the prettiest little thing. I could go on but there's really no need to but also our personalities are well a little eccentric haha but sort of compliment each other. My hopes are not up like it's just chill but also very serious. Like casually serious from the first date we are not messing around she wants to date me and I her we are making sure. It's how I'd want to meet a girl just totally random and a cute first date and yeah I gotta make sure I'm healthy too there isn't a rush.
Anyways thanks for reminding me that she really likes me too (she's been sick, and I have to keep the momentum going somehow if she isn't or this will fade away). I think I know what I'm doing which is just honestly and working on myself and having to work on communication and some other things but really there's nothing to do be lay back and cuddle and talk and stuff lol. I'm not anxious in those situations it's just like she's probably running the same things through her mind if I am. We think alike but are different. I don' want to say too much more haha I just really like her. Might be sad if we stopped hanging out but that's the wind blows and it's just why do they always have to find me under stressful circumstances. haha. almost like a test of sorts, well it's revealing for sure.

 

[Painful One]

Heheh! You are welcome sweetheart.
And you know that I am not exactly "average" on the looks scale so if I am telling you that you got it going on-
Baby, you GOT IT GOING ON!!

Be confident! You are doing just fine!

I think I'm going to go have a hit of weed myself. I'm about to puke over stress from the dentist appointment today. Lol!

 

[Painful One]

By the way, that is an AWESOME sign that you are having random crying spells.
Doesn't it feel good to be able to cry again?
It is such a flood of relief!

The dam is breaking!
That is a wonderful thing!!

Be well.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Thank you and cute for reminding me and i know you are picky too like that and good looking. Someone can't be all that hot without having some sort of energy or vibe about them too I feel. So yeah, ditto lol. I got stronger lately overall feel okay I look very fit I noticed. Finally, I've been doing a lot of these intense classes and eating well. The depression left me so skinny. A lot of it is fatigue now I am getting, just woke up from a nap all confused and disoriented. I had made french press from before and can ice that but want a bong toke myself, indigestion I guess. General irritability. try not to be stressed about the appointment i dont think they will hurt you just prepare to get ready and stuff for the day in advance that helps me like packing my bag etc..

I am beginning to notice what you mean why'd it take so long to lol... you are also attractive aha you seem to have figured that out by now. Took me a little while and I don't really get more attractive than this. My skin has cleared up from crying too much before it was all cracked and red. Now I just cry a little bit. And my complexion and skin tone yoga makes me skin real nice it's super healthy for it actually cause the pores are cleansed if you shower soon after. I want to do a martial art I have to decide which one would be best to practice with my pain issue or if I could but for now I'll continue getting more flexible and balanced and stronger. It is so intense but I need that and after all this year I don't even really look the same... look great. Didn't realize that would change anything I do it for my back pain not cause I was looking strung out but yeah it does a bit haha I think it heightens inner radiance too.

I think I just burnt out today. That is okay right? I have a lot to do, and I tried this morning and at least I was happy and up and about but then after cooking lunch I crashed, passed out on the couch and now it is almost sunset (early sunsets here). I just know that I am pushing important things off until tomorrow, but I have my weed, xans, nothing to do and I am physically completely exhausted from the weekend so I think I just need to crash today. Xanax was involved in the nap, but it was going to happen anyway and for all I know I could have skipped a dose. I'm seriously so tired cause I was up allll night Saturday night (at least I can still do that haha) and then Sunday had a labour shift which is you know I always say that's super intense must have mentioned it. But everything was dreamy and I felt good. Teacher was the same way it was chill! I dunno just like having friends I guess, there was a bunch of girls I talked to for the hell of it or they will talk to me. I need to start going more but I've been get tons of extra exercise in than I was doing before I still need to take it easy. But in order to have a chance at a life, at this age I just need to be in really good shape. It will combat the fatigue and chronic pain and depression if I'm careful. I'm at the point sort of where the workouts are taking a lot out of me like a lot. But I was like that before new the start of the year and I'm getting better at them faster this time. Soon I'll be able to walk out of them and be a fit lil yogi again.

Just got real baked around 420 and yeah not expecting much out of the rest of the day. Sipping my coffee, things will pick up a lot when I take my xan in 10 - 15min. I'm at the end of the taper dose from before so feel pretty out of it, sucks. Got righteous stoned though and then those will kick in pretty quick I think and yeah just keep up the stability and confidence that's sort of my goal these days and the positivity I just want to keep it up no matter what because I've been feeling like my old self.

 

[zagor11]

Where I live even a doctor can prescribe methadone. (they prescribe suboxone) He prescribed me 300 mg oxy and the sob isn't even concerned. But like I said would it be in my best interest to go to methadone or try and taper oxy once again? If I go to er they will send me to a addicts' clinic they got downtown or worse, to psyche ward to I can cold turkey off.. The depression is my main problem otherwise I would wean off. I am on 2 antidepressants and have been on more but no use. Oxy is blocking AD effects. I am scared of using methadone because I am on klonopin.