I'm trying, but at the same time this is a really bad time of year for me due to my PTSD, which is usually the reason I start using again since dope does make me numb to the flashbacks. But after awhile it's like I've been in autopilot the whole time. I don't remember months at a time from earlier this year, and it breaks my heart because my nephew grows so much everyday. I feel like I opened my eyes and he went from being 7 months old to a year old. So I quit in may, relapsed till July, and now here I am again, relapsing. Boyfriend is already suspicious because he knows the behavior change, and all the little signs of my relapses. He's being patient with me though I don't deserve it. I honestly feel like they'd be better off without me, which throws me deeper into relapse. I wanna get help, but being a mom in my state, they'll take your child as soon as you try to get in a program, and I can't let that happen. I'm struggling, but I'll make it through again.