Hope you are feeling better, aihfl! For me, getting sick, like not WD sick, always has me craving relief in substance abuse and misuse. Good on you for lazing around and riding it out. The movie was tolerable! Toward the evening, in lieu of a drawn out bedtime routine I actually got em both in the car and drove around til they fell asleep, about 45 minutes it took haha. My kids stay up way too late... I'm talking 10 pm, and they are 5 and 3. I crave adult time, and I got it. Just a few hours to binge watch a show on Netflix. Seven Seconds. About 4 episodes in, I'm into it.
KraziKat's Quit II: This time it's for real!
- Thread starter KraziKat
- Start date
Hope you are feeling better, aihfl! For me, getting sick, like not WD sick, always has me craving relief in substance abuse and misuse. Good on you for lazing around and riding it out. The movie was tolerable! Toward the evening, in lieu of a drawn out bedtime routine I actually got em both in the car and drove around til they fell asleep, about 45 minutes it took haha. My kids stay up way too late... I'm talking 10 pm, and they are 5 and 3. I crave adult time, and I got it. Just a few hours to binge watch a show on Netflix. Seven Seconds. About 4 episodes in, I'm into it.
I'm in NJ, and yesterday we spent several hours at the park. It was great to be outside. It was cold, but when the sun shone through the clouds it felt exhilirating.
And here's where I'm at on this Monday:
Slept on and off, as per usual, but the good news is that I only took .25 mg xanax, and a small-ish amount of alcohol at night. I need to be sure to not become so dependent on the xans. But I am waking up throughout the night as per usual, and I am able to fall back asleep.
So today marks I think day 12 of my sub use and taper. Day 3 at .5, and I am waking up feeling achy and craving. Does this mean I am not "stable" on the subs? Whatever that even means? The little piece of film is so damn small... is it even doing anything? I caved, again, and took 5 grams of capsuled gas station kratom I had stashed away. Must be cautious with it. My whole point of using subs is to not use kratom... that whole changing the way we live and stuff, right?
I'd like to just wake up feeling good, but I'm certainly not there yet. Still craving. I have my biggest test yet coming up, as this Saturday I leave for a work trip to SoCal for 5 nights. This would always be a spot for me to make sure I was good and stocked up on my DOC.
THC/CBD products are an immense help to me when I force myself to take them. It will be good to know I can restock while there.
Slept on and off, as per usual, but the good news is that I only took .25 mg xanax, and a small-ish amount of alcohol at night. I need to be sure to not become so dependent on the xans. But I am waking up throughout the night as per usual, and I am able to fall back asleep.
So today marks I think day 12 of my sub use and taper. Day 3 at .5, and I am waking up feeling achy and craving. Does this mean I am not "stable" on the subs? Whatever that even means? The little piece of film is so damn small... is it even doing anything? I caved, again, and took 5 grams of capsuled gas station kratom I had stashed away. Must be cautious with it. My whole point of using subs is to not use kratom... that whole changing the way we live and stuff, right?
I'd like to just wake up feeling good, but I'm certainly not there yet. Still craving. I have my biggest test yet coming up, as this Saturday I leave for a work trip to SoCal for 5 nights. This would always be a spot for me to make sure I was good and stocked up on my DOC.
THC/CBD products are an immense help to me when I force myself to take them. It will be good to know I can restock while there.
The bad thoughts are crawling into my head. I miss the pills, but I am reminding myself that all they do is take from me. I am making progress. It will be two weeks tomorrow since finishing off my relapse-induced last stash.
No more bullshit getting into my head about relapsed being part of recovery, and a learning tool et al. I have done that and rationalized that way too many times!
No more bullshit getting into my head about relapsed being part of recovery, and a learning tool et al. I have done that and rationalized that way too many times!
I am learning to fight, but I am realizing this is going to be long, hard battle fought on multiple fronts. Maybe using a war analogy will be helpful. While I am making progress in the opiate battle, I've taken a couple steps backward alcohol-wise. I'm suddenly finding myself in a real fog. I drank too much last night. I'm tired and feeling shitty.
Due the hangover, cravings very strong atm.
Another .5 sub dose today. But oh I want this drug to provide the relief those blue devils gave me... but it just doesn't. Relief is just a text and a fistful of cash away... but I will resist, at least just for today.
Last night and early this AM, I drank up the last of my liquor. Tonight I'll try and not buy another bottle on the way home
Due the hangover, cravings very strong atm.
Another .5 sub dose today. But oh I want this drug to provide the relief those blue devils gave me... but it just doesn't. Relief is just a text and a fistful of cash away... but I will resist, at least just for today.
Last night and early this AM, I drank up the last of my liquor. Tonight I'll try and not buy another bottle on the way home
I'll try not to get drunk tonight. But big snowstorm is a coming.
If I wake up not hungover, I'll try and make tomorrow my first "skip day" and attempt to start wrapping up my sub taper. Thursday will mark two weeks since first putting sub in mouth this go round. Looking back, day one I took 4 mg, then 2, 2, 1,1,1,1,1,.5,.5,.5,.5
If I wake up not hungover, I'll try and make tomorrow my first "skip day" and attempt to start wrapping up my sub taper. Thursday will mark two weeks since first putting sub in mouth this go round. Looking back, day one I took 4 mg, then 2, 2, 1,1,1,1,1,.5,.5,.5,.5
aihfl
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Krazi, how are you guys holding up? I saw on the news that many people are still without power from the first storm and this second one is only going to delay it further. I was fortunate that I never lost power during Hurricane Irma but the power company won't send trucks out until tropical storm force winds are done. My ex was without power for about five days I think (she even made it onto the news when she and several of her neighbors called the CBS station to complain) and I was supposed to go and help her pick up a genny but the day I was supposed to do that she got her power restored. For a long time storms=serious drinking to me. When I would go to BJ's to stock up on emergency supplies, a case or two of beer was always part of the provisions. Based on my experience, you don't want to tangle with alcohol. It is the one addiction I just can't seem to shake. And the withdrawals make opiate withdrawals seem like a sunny day at the beach. I'm going on about two months but whether or not it sticks still remains to be seen.
Hi aihfl, thanks for checking in. I'm doing okay right now. They canceled my kids' day care and my job is letting us work from home. Your ex in Westchester? I hear there are lots folks there still without power. So far, it's not much of a storm, but it is predicted to pick up and get bad... just now starting to stick. I love a snow day... but.. like you, for me storms ALWAYS mean drinking and drugs.
Like a robot, on my way home, knowing we could be be getting snowed in, I picked up several beers and a sneaky pint of vodka. This was last night as I knew I wasn't going to work. Both the wife and I are home with the kids. But so far, I have been so good. I did not drink a drop last night! And have abstained so far today.
Good on you, ai, for two months! And I feel you about not knowing whether it will stick. Not making any promises, but I feel as good and SOBER today as I've felt in awhile. I decided today I would attempt my first "skip day" of my sub taper. I was a little achy this am, and was on the fence about sub, but I kept busy. Took some L-Tyrosine and a very small dose of kratom and I've been okay since.
I have a big ol pork shoulder in the oven. I'm in fairly good spirits. Very much in my head. But taking things moment by moment.
Like a robot, on my way home, knowing we could be be getting snowed in, I picked up several beers and a sneaky pint of vodka. This was last night as I knew I wasn't going to work. Both the wife and I are home with the kids. But so far, I have been so good. I did not drink a drop last night! And have abstained so far today.
Good on you, ai, for two months! And I feel you about not knowing whether it will stick. Not making any promises, but I feel as good and SOBER today as I've felt in awhile. I decided today I would attempt my first "skip day" of my sub taper. I was a little achy this am, and was on the fence about sub, but I kept busy. Took some L-Tyrosine and a very small dose of kratom and I've been okay since.
I have a big ol pork shoulder in the oven. I'm in fairly good spirits. Very much in my head. But taking things moment by moment.
Tombs
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Hey Kat, I just wanted to shoot you a quick thank you.
After reading your thread, I tried Kratom yesterday for the first time on the ass end of some perc withdrawals. I went in skeptical as hell. Got 3oz of Red Bali from a headshop I go to in the burbs for $20 because I had points saved up and I got a discount. Holy fuck did it help. I'm not high or anything, I just feel normal. All my WD symptoms are gone except for the hot/cold swings. This is great because I haven't eaten in like a week and my appetite is coming back.
Good luck.
Low n' slow on that pork shoulder, I hope. %)
After reading your thread, I tried Kratom yesterday for the first time on the ass end of some perc withdrawals. I went in skeptical as hell. Got 3oz of Red Bali from a headshop I go to in the burbs for $20 because I had points saved up and I got a discount. Holy fuck did it help. I'm not high or anything, I just feel normal. All my WD symptoms are gone except for the hot/cold swings. This is great because I haven't eaten in like a week and my appetite is coming back.
Good luck.
Low n' slow on that pork shoulder, I hope. %)
Hey Tombs! That is great to hear. Kratom really is the miracle plant it's touted to be, I am a believer in it, yet of course it is addictive in its own right. However, in the spirit of harm reduction, I can't sing its praises enough. Generally speaking, those in the kratom community are down on headshop or gas station kratom, but in a pinch, as you were in, those products are great as well. Also, when buying online through a reputable vendor, it is truly a dirt cheap substance compared to anything else opiod-wise.
Glad it helped, and glad I helped!! Good luck to you as well, Tombs.
aihfl
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Krazi, my ex and I are in Florida. When she was without power for 5 or so days that was right after Hurricane Irma. We had to sell our house in the NE (what was supposed to be our retirement home) as part of the divorce.
Two months in, I feel pretty good but some (or maybe even most) of it could have to do with my psychiatrist doubling my dose of Celexa. I will say the biggest relief is being able to fall and stay asleep although I guzzled way too much Diet Coke when I was out playing trivia with some friends from AA and I feel pretty wired. I quit caffeine for the most part (except when I'm eating out and Diet Coke is the only calorie free option available) so I'm not used to it anymore. Usually I'm turning into a pumpkin around 11pm.
I looked up Refuge Recovery meetings in Northern New Jersey and there isn't much, but depending on whether or not you're on the eastern or western side of the state, there are a bunch in the city (of course) and in eastern PA. I wish we had more than one meeting locally. I can't get to the ones in Cocoa Beach (literally on the beach) more than about once a month since it's a two hour round trip.
Two months in, I feel pretty good but some (or maybe even most) of it could have to do with my psychiatrist doubling my dose of Celexa. I will say the biggest relief is being able to fall and stay asleep although I guzzled way too much Diet Coke when I was out playing trivia with some friends from AA and I feel pretty wired. I quit caffeine for the most part (except when I'm eating out and Diet Coke is the only calorie free option available) so I'm not used to it anymore. Usually I'm turning into a pumpkin around 11pm.
I looked up Refuge Recovery meetings in Northern New Jersey and there isn't much, but depending on whether or not you're on the eastern or western side of the state, there are a bunch in the city (of course) and in eastern PA. I wish we had more than one meeting locally. I can't get to the ones in Cocoa Beach (literally on the beach) more than about once a month since it's a two hour round trip.
Hello everyone. I almost relapsed today, in an all-too-familiar way. But I did not. I leave for a business trip to SoCal tomorrow for 5 days. The thought of doing it without my DOC really makes me anxious. But I'm kidding myself... I need this quit to stick. Rec MJ I am looking forward to. In fact, while I was craving, I put a dropper in my mouth of my CBD/THC tincture, and it had just enough psychoactivity to let me assess the situation and stand down.
I was also feeling that WD achiness, or was that in my head? I wanted today to be a skip day for my sub taper. The end should be now, no? Yesterday I took .5, today so far nothing, but I am thinking about it.
It was been now 15 days on low dose subs, and 16 days since my DOC. And I haven't drank 2 out of the last 3 days. I went to sleep last night without any benzos too. I was a little stoned, and swallowed 5 valerian root caps. Stinky stuff, but it may actually work? in at east keeping me asleep or able to fall back to sleep.
I was also feeling that WD achiness, or was that in my head? I wanted today to be a skip day for my sub taper. The end should be now, no? Yesterday I took .5, today so far nothing, but I am thinking about it.
It was been now 15 days on low dose subs, and 16 days since my DOC. And I haven't drank 2 out of the last 3 days. I went to sleep last night without any benzos too. I was a little stoned, and swallowed 5 valerian root caps. Stinky stuff, but it may actually work? in at east keeping me asleep or able to fall back to sleep.
Maybe I'm not ready to start skipping days. Took my .5 dose of sub. I was feeling all agitated and stuff. I wish I could just sit on a couch or in a bed for days and ride things out, but not with my life.
Hoping my busy business trip and a change of scenery will be helpful... Will fly from NJ to SoCal tomorrow night WITHOUT my DOC.
Hoping my busy business trip and a change of scenery will be helpful... Will fly from NJ to SoCal tomorrow night WITHOUT my DOC.
Sounds like you are doing great! I'm so happy for you.
Are you noticing the alcohol makes sleep disruptions worse? I did. Still kinda do. If I have any alcohol, I will still usually wake up earlier than if I don't...and sleep pretty shitty from 3-4am on. Sans alcohol, my sleep is pretty much back to normal. I wonder what it is about alcohol that does that? It certainly makes the FALLING asleep quicker.
Are you noticing the alcohol makes sleep disruptions worse? I did. Still kinda do. If I have any alcohol, I will still usually wake up earlier than if I don't...and sleep pretty shitty from 3-4am on. Sans alcohol, my sleep is pretty much back to normal. I wonder what it is about alcohol that does that? It certainly makes the FALLING asleep quicker.
Hi Mel! Thank you; I am doing pretty great all things considered; today I am not a slave to oxy though my receptors are still craving something... I guess the subs are doing their job, and sometimes kratom, though it is a slippery slope. I don't want a long drawn out sub detox nor a kratom addiction. I have approx 8 mg sub total left.
How long were you on subs, Mel? So glad to hear your sleep is back to normal. You have come so far!
And YES, about the alcohol, without question it disturbs my sleep... and when I am at my worst, I drink to pass out, wake up at 2AM and drink to go back to sleep. No more of that!! A long toke on an Indica strain is all I need... just need to remind myself of that when the cravings strike for booze.
determinedmom53
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How are you doing KK? Hanging in there?
aihfl
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The explanation I've been given is that during deep sleep when Delta waves should predominate, Delta and Alpha (waves produced during wakefulness) waves show up simultaneously on an EEG, therefore, deep sleep is disrupted and the brain never truly enters deep sleep. Another thing I've heard is that after a nightcap, there is a buildup of adenosine, the neurotransmitter that makes us sleepy, that clears out in relatively short order as the alcohol clears your system. Then there are other factors too such as having to get up to go pee and sleep apnea and snoring (because of over-relaxation of oral-nasal muscles).
Two months in, I am grateful my sleep patterns have returned to normal and instead of marathon Netflix sessions in front of the TV all night, I'm usually turning into a pumpkin by 10:30-11 and usually end up watching The Daily Show on the DVR.
I'm away from on a business trip, teetering and craving, but I have not broken. Managed to skip a sub day, but needed a dose this AM. I am CA. I have stocked up on CBD/THC edibles. These products, if I remember to take them, really help with my cravings...
ladyhlove
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MJ is helping me so much in my recovery. Wish I weren't getting a "random" drug test in early May. I only have like a week left of smoking before I have to stop. Really bummed about it, actually. It's helping my need to get off work and get high on dope...now I just get high on weed. Call it a replacement, whatever, it fucking helps and the 10+ years I smoked (quit while on opiates, because who has money for weed when they're buying heroin all the time?) my life did not fall apart in even the slightest. Alcohol used to be my escape drug (before dope) but I'm finding days after I drink more than one or two to be absolutely miserable and seem to stall my recovery progress. So, taking the booze very lightly these days. I recommend the same. Hangover depression is real and, like you, hangovers were a big drive for me to get drugs. I can see myself waking up one morning so hungover that I dont care that I'm relapsing because I need relief that badly. I'm too fresh on this recovery thing to let that happen. You're doing well! Enjoy cali! I love the west coast!