ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
Benzos are way worse, but when I'm taking opiates, I don't need benzos anywhere near as much. I can get by on like 2mg kpin a day, maybe 4 if it's a bad day.
I agree. My panic attacks were horrific before I got on benzos, I honestly think I would just flat out die without them. I constantly felt like I was having a heart attack and about a year into that I mean you can only show up at the ER room claiming you are dying so many times before you get the xanax and eventually kpin or valium since I was in a perpetual state of panic. I can only imagine how bad it would be and I honest to God think I would end my life. I keep a huge supply on hand in different locations, I'm crazy about it. I've been on them for so many years now. The worst thing is hitting opiate wd and then I'm not thinking straight and take like 50mg xanax to knock myself out for some hours. It's so stupid, if that is how I am going to face withdrawal, then fuck it, I may as well be shooting dope instead of sniffing it.
But yeah... normally 2 - 4 mg klonopin I think would be WAY harder for me to get off. My panic attacks are the reason I went back to opiates after I got through acute withdrawal months in last autumn. My panic disorder is extreme, like it honestly could not be any worse. My panic disorder is also way worse than my chronic pain, which is, well, excruciating. But two years into having untreated chronic pain I started getting the attacks. All the time. Every day, several times and I was never calm. They put me on seroquel (like a gram a fucking day) and it made everything worse and that's when I decided you know that doctors are not really to be trusted.
I can only chill on those benzos when I'm chilling on that heroin that's the thing. I'd way rather be a heroin addict because I don't really notice any side effects. A little constipation but I have supplements for that (inulin works amazingly well), and sex drive issues but since I've been doing yoga for hours each day and gained a lot of weight, I don't have that problem at all anymore like I used to. I'm a horny H user which seems kinda weird... for years I had lost my drive, it's totally the exercise and the testosterone boost from it. If anyone is having that problem I'd recommend yoga for sure... I mean I'd recommend it anyway, yin yoga is my religion pretty much.
I completely agree with you by the way but I don't know if I can stay on like 2mg klonopin a day for life? I really should try to be doing a very, very slow taper with those... but I need my fix to accomplish anything. I can't teach myself to barely get up for a glass of water without opiates. I know my original depression, anxiety, and especially BPD (fear of abandonment is a core symptom, so I fear when the drug leaves me... it's weird, but I was kicked out of my house at a young age for being a pothead and rejected by my family for that reason and I think that's where some of it comes from... I mean fuck I was like a top student I didn't get it at the time) makes things a lot worse for me when I cut back on anything.
Thanks for reminding me of that. If I'm going to be hitting wd for say 3 days and I know I'm getting my fix then, that is the time that I abuse benzos. Or, when I was in PAWS from oxy last year after going from 150mg+ and heroin to 30mg abruptly, months later, the panic attacks were so bad that I started doing that. And right away I knew. I can't deal with this. So I got some H and went back to my regular benzo dose that I'm scripted (not that it really matters that I'm scripted or not... never trust a doctor is an axiom of my life now).
I guess I sound like a bit of a pussy but I mean I've made things tough on myself. There was childhood sexual abuse as well. That I have vague memories of, I hide it from myself but I know damn well what happened. That's why I had girl problems growing up and now I'm a more confident man because I've accepted what happened. I probably sound weak, but opiates are everything to me. I just mean that they enable me to live the life I'd like to live. I have the potential to work, the potential to have a happy girlfriend or sex life, the potential to well... maybe save a little cash lol. The potential to get a career going down the road, after easing my way back in (I am getting this part time job tomorrow like I'm going in arms raised fuck, unemployment is shit). I just think a lot of things fucked with me and if I have to take heroin and oxy to feel normal, so be it.
Benzos freak the hell out of me. I take valerian now a lot of the time instead, and chamomile tea. But I still need that 2mg kpin a day or I'll freak. And I'd rather be in physical agony than freaking out like that.
I agree. My panic attacks were horrific before I got on benzos, I honestly think I would just flat out die without them. I constantly felt like I was having a heart attack and about a year into that I mean you can only show up at the ER room claiming you are dying so many times before you get the xanax and eventually kpin or valium since I was in a perpetual state of panic. I can only imagine how bad it would be and I honest to God think I would end my life. I keep a huge supply on hand in different locations, I'm crazy about it. I've been on them for so many years now. The worst thing is hitting opiate wd and then I'm not thinking straight and take like 50mg xanax to knock myself out for some hours. It's so stupid, if that is how I am going to face withdrawal, then fuck it, I may as well be shooting dope instead of sniffing it.
But yeah... normally 2 - 4 mg klonopin I think would be WAY harder for me to get off. My panic attacks are the reason I went back to opiates after I got through acute withdrawal months in last autumn. My panic disorder is extreme, like it honestly could not be any worse. My panic disorder is also way worse than my chronic pain, which is, well, excruciating. But two years into having untreated chronic pain I started getting the attacks. All the time. Every day, several times and I was never calm. They put me on seroquel (like a gram a fucking day) and it made everything worse and that's when I decided you know that doctors are not really to be trusted.
I can only chill on those benzos when I'm chilling on that heroin that's the thing. I'd way rather be a heroin addict because I don't really notice any side effects. A little constipation but I have supplements for that (inulin works amazingly well), and sex drive issues but since I've been doing yoga for hours each day and gained a lot of weight, I don't have that problem at all anymore like I used to. I'm a horny H user which seems kinda weird... for years I had lost my drive, it's totally the exercise and the testosterone boost from it. If anyone is having that problem I'd recommend yoga for sure... I mean I'd recommend it anyway, yin yoga is my religion pretty much.
I completely agree with you by the way but I don't know if I can stay on like 2mg klonopin a day for life? I really should try to be doing a very, very slow taper with those... but I need my fix to accomplish anything. I can't teach myself to barely get up for a glass of water without opiates. I know my original depression, anxiety, and especially BPD (fear of abandonment is a core symptom, so I fear when the drug leaves me... it's weird, but I was kicked out of my house at a young age for being a pothead and rejected by my family for that reason and I think that's where some of it comes from... I mean fuck I was like a top student I didn't get it at the time) makes things a lot worse for me when I cut back on anything.
Thanks for reminding me of that. If I'm going to be hitting wd for say 3 days and I know I'm getting my fix then, that is the time that I abuse benzos. Or, when I was in PAWS from oxy last year after going from 150mg+ and heroin to 30mg abruptly, months later, the panic attacks were so bad that I started doing that. And right away I knew. I can't deal with this. So I got some H and went back to my regular benzo dose that I'm scripted (not that it really matters that I'm scripted or not... never trust a doctor is an axiom of my life now).
I guess I sound like a bit of a pussy but I mean I've made things tough on myself. There was childhood sexual abuse as well. That I have vague memories of, I hide it from myself but I know damn well what happened. That's why I had girl problems growing up and now I'm a more confident man because I've accepted what happened. I probably sound weak, but opiates are everything to me. I just mean that they enable me to live the life I'd like to live. I have the potential to work, the potential to have a happy girlfriend or sex life, the potential to well... maybe save a little cash lol. The potential to get a career going down the road, after easing my way back in (I am getting this part time job tomorrow like I'm going in arms raised fuck, unemployment is shit). I just think a lot of things fucked with me and if I have to take heroin and oxy to feel normal, so be it.
Benzos freak the hell out of me. I take valerian now a lot of the time instead, and chamomile tea. But I still need that 2mg kpin a day or I'll freak. And I'd rather be in physical agony than freaking out like that.
Last edited: