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I'm alive despite rumors to the contrary ;)

cj said:
I can't edit posts on mobile for whatever reason but I have to say that the amount of delusion the benzos caused cannot be properly downplayed. I've been lost for months but I didn't even realize it.

Thank you all for caring I really don't know what I would do without the support and advice I have received here. I'm going to take it slow from here. This one is really stinging right now.


Take care of yourselves
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I'm glad to hear you left the benzo fog.

How are you feeling? <3
 
Hey CJ, I hope all is well and you're feeling better. It saddens me to read of your struggles.

Remember that your strong and keep your head up hun <3
 
I made it home from the hospital today. I am still feeling very strange. The doctor gave me 2 days of taper outpatient because my insurance sucks. (Blue cross blue shield of Alabama is a scam) So I have 1mg Ativan for Saturday and sunday morning. I also started remeron becuause I was hearing voices in the hospital. I am going to type a blog at some point about the experience because it deserves more detail then I can give it today. Mainly I want to say that I am on my way to recovery.
 
Remeron is likely unnecessary and might indeed be inadequate. You need a proper benzodiazepine taper.
 
Moreaux said:
How are you feeling cj?
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Scared, anxious, desperate, its hard to know how I feel from one moment to the next. I have a bad feeling I haven't been properly tapered and am suffering brain damage. This is the first time I have ever heard voices before and its so fucking unsettling. I know I am kinda old for my first psychotic break but I cant get the possibility out of my head. My mind is my most valuable asset and I feel I may have wrecked it. I have 1 more mg of Ativan for in the morning then its going to be game time I guess.

Thanks for checking up and caring. I am not in a position to get a better taper or more benzos so any advice outside of those two is welcome.
 
cj said:
Scared, anxious, desperate, its hard to know how I feel from one moment to the next. I have a bad feeling I haven't been properly tapered and am suffering brain damage. This is the first time I have ever heard voices before and its so fucking unsettling. I know I am kinda old for my first psychotic break but I cant get the possibility out of my head. My mind is my most valuable asset and I feel I may have wrecked it. I have 1 more mg of Ativan for in the morning then its going to be game time I guess.

Thanks for checking up and caring. I am not in a position to get a better taper or more benzos so any advice outside of those two is welcome.
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I've never heard voices, or had any stereotypical schizophrenic symptoms, ever. I'm sorry to hear you're suffering through this.

You are likely going to be improperly tapered, but your brain will likely recover in time.
 
When I was going through benzo withdrawal I heard voices briefly every now and then. Usually I would just hear someone call my name, or feel that someone touched my shoulder. It was unnerving since I lived alone. If you can't get more benzos for a taper see if the doctors would give you Flumazenil. It's used for rapid benzo detox, and it supposedly helps minimize the damage done during this time. I have no idea how well it works or how pleseant it is. The only other advice I have is rehab, which I've though you would benefit from and if you're going to go through benzo withdrawal it may be even better that you check on some where.
 
The reason I cant do inpatient rehab is that I want to stay on methadone. I am on 150mg and all the places around here wanted me to jump from that and give me suboxone which every BLer worth there salt knows is insanity. So I am going to do outpatient instead starting Wednesday. I asked about Flumazenil too 3 doctors none had any idea what it was. I just took my last Ativan an hour ago so I am going to enjoy the sanity eat a little then get ready for hell. Any idea how long I can expect acute symptoms? I was addicted for 3 months?

I know I am tough I just hope my family can hold there nerve while I ride it out. Keep sending me good vibes I am going to need them.
 
cj said:
The reason I cant do inpatient rehab is that I want to stay on methadone.
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You should consider getting off methadone too. Why not take this opportunity to get clean? They can taper you comfortably. Keep calling around, eventually somewhere will be able to taper you off methadone.

Flumazenil is a bad idea.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
You should consider getting off methadone too. Why not take this opportunity to get clean? They can taper you comfortably. Keep calling around, eventually somewhere will be able to taper you off methadone.

Flumazenil is a bad idea.
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Im just not ready to get off methadone. I plan to be on methadone for a long time. Plus I have my hands plenty full right now with the benzos.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
You should consider getting off methadone too. Why not take this opportunity to get clean? They can taper you comfortably. Keep calling around, eventually somewhere will be able to taper you off methadone.

Flumazenil is a bad idea.
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Why is it a bad idea - just curious as I don't know that much about it but it is used in rapid detoxes. To my knowledge I have not had it, unless it was administered to me on one of my OD visits to the ER, which I don't remember. It seems like a valid option if someone can't get anymore benzos but is addicted as it seems to stop some of the neurological damage that can occur with cold turkey cessation. However, there I late not a lot of experience stories regarding it which makes me wonder why.


cj said:
Im just not ready to get off methadone. I plan to be on methadone for a long time. Plus I have my hands plenty full right now with the benzos.
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I'm still concerned for you, and I am concerned about your situation. Unfortunately nothing you are taking is really pleseant to get off of...however, if you were only on benzos for three months it shouldn't last too long - certainly not like the horror stories you read where it takes years to recover.
 
The hell is starting. 15 hours since last benzo dose. I'm going to hold on with all I have but the fear is setting in again
 
CJ,

I've read your whole thread. First, I'm so sorry because it seems you have so much on your plate now. Family problems, grandmother dying, feeling unmotivated and empty.

I see this as a perfectly timed circumstance for you to concentrate on YOUR well being. Co-dependence often causes us to push our own well being to the side. Please know you have been through worse things and these terrible WDs are only temporary! They feel horrible and your body and mind scream 'you can't do it', but many people, including me, haver done it! YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!!!!! Believe in your future, your health, your sanity!

Everyone here wishes you the best, we wish we were there to help. Please check in, let us know you're ok.

Deepest respect.
 
Moreaux said:
Why is it a bad idea - just curious as I don't know that much about it but it is used in rapid detoxes. To my knowledge I have not had it, unless it was administered to me on one of my OD visits to the ER, which I don't remember. It seems like a valid option if someone can't get anymore benzos but is addicted as it seems to stop some of the neurological damage that can occur with cold turkey cessation. However, there I late not a lot of experience stories regarding it which makes me wonder why.





I'm still concerned for you, and I am concerned about your situation. Unfortunately nothing you are taking is really pleseant to get off of...however, if you were only on benzos for three months it shouldn't last too long - certainly not like the horror stories you read where it takes years to recover.
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It's an injectible benzodiazepine antagonist. If you use too much, you'll have a seizure. If you use it while on benzodiazepines, you'll have a seizure.

It's only suitable as an antidote, and in animal/human studies.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
It's an injectible benzodiazepine antagonist. If you use too much, you'll have a seizure. If you use it while on benzodiazepines, you'll have a seizure.

It's only suitable as an antidote, and in animal/human studies.
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I've seen some interesting studies that show it can aid in the detox process, however, none of this was done outside of a hospital setting.
 
Moreaux said:
I've seen some interesting studies that show it can aid in the detox process, however, none of this was done outside of a hospital setting.
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Exactly, which is why it would be dangerous to use on ones own. It's a fairly potent drug as well, steep dose/effects curve.

Wishing the best to you CJ
 
I feel like I am dying. I am going to double my seroquel dose in the hope of getting rid of the phychotic symptoms but I am afraid there isn't much I can do besides that.
 
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