crOOk
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2004
- Messages
- 4,047
I second that. Dissociatives can potentiate and prolong the effects of stimulants significantly for me. You are also bound to do stupid stuff like running over streets stuffed with cars or spilling 30L fishing tanks and the like lol.
I went to my old place today to take care of the mess. That apartment is full of furniture and cartons leaning against the walls and standing in the way with little space left to move. The mattress I laid out on the floor to sleep on actually soaked up roughly 20L. Looks like the water damage won't cost me thousands of euros after all. The place still like a fucking tornado went ballistic in there. I also found several empty syringes, placing my dose somewhere in the 200mg range. Judging by the state of my arms I tried to IV more than the initial 50mg dose, but ended up IM'ing them judging by the pain inside my muscles. it I'm still slightly impaired 25 hours later (100mg IM had me alive and kicking after 10h or so, see report).
I remember it got so bad I didn't know who I was anymore and all the things I saw were someone else's things. I've been to that place many times and it has never been pretty. I have no idea why I still have such an insatiable desire for dissociatives. I've shot any substance I could get to dissolve in water or propylene glyycol after getting my hands on them and while I should really not have survived some episodes or events, I can usually produce the desired effects relatively reliably, but the class of drug that makes me feel the worst I've ever felt in my life on more than half the 'occasions' I use them has me on my knees begging for more (to be fair no drug ever really seems to make me feel how I want to feel when deciding to take them, not in the way I seem to remember to have felt on it before).
EDIT: Godd I keep skipping words when typing up these posts, having to go through them more than twice until I've spotted such mistakes eventhough its been over 40 hours since I shot those 200mg. I can't remember it ever having been this bad even after the most brutal sessions. Must be a problem associated with this substance in particular if you ask me.
I decided I would not use dissociatives anymore several times within these 2 weeks since my last break of several months ended and probably a hundred times in the decade before that, but as little as a day or two after I made those decisions I see myself receiving 3 letters and shooting those little devils every free moment I get, cancelling all appointments and declining all offers to socialize, even on days I've got really important shit to do (except for the three days per week I care for my daughter on). It's been 12 years since I discovered ketamine and pcp and while both substances and their analogues allowed me to have some beautiful and absolutely mind blowing experiences, there are few things for me that are harder to understand than said unsatiable desire.
Why could it be attractive to lose control over all motor skills and completely lose any sense of identity, all dominated by complete and utter bewilderment and alienation for the nightmare one is moving through? How in fuck's name could that be possible?! I've pondered this question a lot and will surely never find a single ultimate answer to it.
All I can say to those who think they've found the magic cure for all their problems during the honeymoon phase of their use is to be aware of how dark a road you could find yourself walking down, a road devoid of any goals or sense of purpose, chasing after that mystical experience you once cherished so much. I'm still grateful these substances exist since they pulled me out of depressed states more than once, being bipolar and unable to use monoaminergic reuptake inhibitors for that purpose, but more times than not they plain opened the gates to hell and made death of accidental self injury a very acute and real theat.
I went to my old place today to take care of the mess. That apartment is full of furniture and cartons leaning against the walls and standing in the way with little space left to move. The mattress I laid out on the floor to sleep on actually soaked up roughly 20L. Looks like the water damage won't cost me thousands of euros after all. The place still like a fucking tornado went ballistic in there. I also found several empty syringes, placing my dose somewhere in the 200mg range. Judging by the state of my arms I tried to IV more than the initial 50mg dose, but ended up IM'ing them judging by the pain inside my muscles. it I'm still slightly impaired 25 hours later (100mg IM had me alive and kicking after 10h or so, see report).
I remember it got so bad I didn't know who I was anymore and all the things I saw were someone else's things. I've been to that place many times and it has never been pretty. I have no idea why I still have such an insatiable desire for dissociatives. I've shot any substance I could get to dissolve in water or propylene glyycol after getting my hands on them and while I should really not have survived some episodes or events, I can usually produce the desired effects relatively reliably, but the class of drug that makes me feel the worst I've ever felt in my life on more than half the 'occasions' I use them has me on my knees begging for more (to be fair no drug ever really seems to make me feel how I want to feel when deciding to take them, not in the way I seem to remember to have felt on it before).
EDIT: Godd I keep skipping words when typing up these posts, having to go through them more than twice until I've spotted such mistakes eventhough its been over 40 hours since I shot those 200mg. I can't remember it ever having been this bad even after the most brutal sessions. Must be a problem associated with this substance in particular if you ask me.
I decided I would not use dissociatives anymore several times within these 2 weeks since my last break of several months ended and probably a hundred times in the decade before that, but as little as a day or two after I made those decisions I see myself receiving 3 letters and shooting those little devils every free moment I get, cancelling all appointments and declining all offers to socialize, even on days I've got really important shit to do (except for the three days per week I care for my daughter on). It's been 12 years since I discovered ketamine and pcp and while both substances and their analogues allowed me to have some beautiful and absolutely mind blowing experiences, there are few things for me that are harder to understand than said unsatiable desire.
Why could it be attractive to lose control over all motor skills and completely lose any sense of identity, all dominated by complete and utter bewilderment and alienation for the nightmare one is moving through? How in fuck's name could that be possible?! I've pondered this question a lot and will surely never find a single ultimate answer to it.
All I can say to those who think they've found the magic cure for all their problems during the honeymoon phase of their use is to be aware of how dark a road you could find yourself walking down, a road devoid of any goals or sense of purpose, chasing after that mystical experience you once cherished so much. I'm still grateful these substances exist since they pulled me out of depressed states more than once, being bipolar and unable to use monoaminergic reuptake inhibitors for that purpose, but more times than not they plain opened the gates to hell and made death of accidental self injury a very acute and real theat.
Thank you for those words, it really means something to me. It is that day. I know customs has systematically been keeping letters sent through certain channels to keep them until this day. I have however dialed dozens of phone numbers until I found one not supposed to be called by "customers" (lol) in order to distance myself from the one last letter of mine they still have in their possession (it contained a 2-phenylethylamine which are now all banned preemptively along with cannabinoids). I can't say I am entirely unhappy about the ban eventhough I agree it's a step in the wrong direction. Possession of small amounts is still unproblematic, but sale will be pursued vigorously I suppose.
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