I'm having this problem except I'm the guy. My wife started out acting like she was interested in sex and would talk about it fairly frequently. But it seemed like every time we went out and flirted, we would get home and she would immediately go to sleep. I would shake her and she would be out and I would be left awake and frustrated. It finally got to the point I gave up. What fun is it if your partner has no interest in sex? I'm the type of person that likes to make people happy and I always make sure my girl is taken care of. But if they have no interest I just feel like I'm making someone do something they don't want to do. So I stopped trying but I let her know it was a problem often yet nothing changed. Occasionally she would start something but it just felt like she was doing something to shut me up. I wasn't being attacked, but something subtle like rubbing on my leg for a min and then running her finger under the elastic of my boxers. That's great except it was every 3-6 months.
I guess I just have never encountered a girl that doesn't like sex and I'm working from a fairly good sample size. So it was always something we both enjoyed, we both initiated, and both worked at.
I married her I guess at a bad time as I was sick and on drugs that probably clouded my judgement and dulled my sex drive though it was plenty healthy.
Eventually I developed a bit of animosity. I wasn't happy a lot because I was frustrated a lot. I even told her things would be really different if we had a more normal relationship and that I wouldn't feel unwanted but even the prospect of a better relationship didn't change anything.
Not much changed so I eventually told her we aren't having sex really you might as well stop your birth control so don't have to deal with side effects. For some screwed up reason we talked about having a kid like that would make something better. It finally took about 2 years and she got pregnant. Not because either of us has a problem, but because we never had sex. Maybe once a month if we were 'trying' and went many months at a time without trying. And if I didn't say anything I think she could have easily gone the rest of her life without sex and not be upset.
Sex is a big part but also any touching, snuggling, holding hands, she doesn't really seemed to like. She told me in the beginning she didn't like people touching her, then clarified that she liked me touching her. But I don't think that's the case. And I don't think she likes to touch people either.
She says never had to do anything in past relationships. That the guy always made advancements and initiated and that of the 4 guys she was with and dated 3 years at a minimum, they had sex once a week on average, and one relationship it was 3-4x a week. It seems like you would have to be a narcissist to never care that a girl never shows interest and if you get a girl to have sex with them never showing interest you don't care about then and only care about yourself. That or just a straight pimp which I think is about the same thing but with mind games. That's just not me and never will be. I will completely attack a girl, if she is showing interest and acts like she wants it. I have zero problem being the aggressor if they show interest in me.
Things have finally gotten a little better. But still far from anything I've known as normal. And I do have my issues. I have health problems and chronic pain. I'm on ridiculous amounts of opiates which I feel are messing with my head and my ability to be happy. I know I'm not always fun to be around these days. But it would be better if we had a normal sex life. She also doesn't seem very caring and loving. She doesn't ask how my Dr visits go very often or just rub on me very often. And she will know I'm having bad back pain or something and won't even rub on it unless I ask and just watches me squirm around in discomfort if I don't.
She has said she has never turned me down and to just make her do stuff. But I don't think it's a submissive gesture. It's a lazy one so she doesn't have to do anything and I will be satisfied. Except if I wanted something that had little interest in me I would just jerk off as my hand doesn't care either.
All that said, I do love my wife and still have faith something can be figured out and I would love to grow old with her. But I also just want to fuck my wife even just once a week and her actually act interested. And I know I don't help things when I'm in pain and sometimes snap or don't always feel like doing everything. But I'm really at a loss at this point. Things are slowly getting better but slowly and I still get frustrated. And if I stop talking about something it almost immediately stops. I said I liked to spoon and hold hands and brought it up a few times. It happened for about 2 weeks and as soon as I stopped mentioning it she stopped and stopped showing interest so I eventually stopped also and it was over. She keeps saying to give it time but she has been saying that for months. Really years because we met 10 years ago but I'm told I'm supposed to put that time behind me and focus on the present. It doesn't help that I just quit opiates and I'm literally hard and horny all day long. Almost to the point of being painful. She has been being open to sex for a couple days in a row which is great. But still frustrating during this time when I would be ravaging her 3-4 times a day if she showed interest and I still feel like she is just doing it for me and not because it's something she wants which is still disappointing.
At this point there is so much drama built up and we both assume what the other is going to act like that we get into arguments that just end up as pointing fingers at each other. Also, my self confidence is so shot now I am just as likely to give up than saying screw it and make a move anyways.
Really wish I knew what to do. Never had this issue and I feel like I've lost what are supposed to be the best years of life for Sex and exploration.
Sorry this got so long. Probably should start a New thread and I might. But this sounded familiar. What I would do for a horny wife! And I guess it's my fault for letting it get so far and thinking it would change. I guess I made my bed and I need to lay in it and just need to forget about being happy. If we didn't have a 17 month daughter then I might have called it quits. But she is more important than my evolutionary and hormonal desire for sex.
If anyone has any thoughts from a different perspective? Or something I should try or get over? I guess according to her I can just treat her like a piece of meat and take care of myself whether she is interested or not. But I've done that with girls and I have no respect for them as I can't do that to someone I care about. I also don't think she was ever abused or anything. Just has no sex drive or desire for it at all really.
Again, sorry this got so long and sorry if I'm hijacking your thread. Just really need to figure something out. I know she loves me but she just doesn't show it like every other girl I've dated or just a consistent fuck buddy. So based on my entire life I feel like a big part is missing. Any thoughts would be great but I'm not even sure professional help can help at this point. We tried seeing a counselor once and she ignored our complaints and started talking about my health and doing chores and shit. She was worthless.
Thanks.
