Fucking fuuuuuuck. A few months ago I quit a 2-year long H habit of 1-2g's a day (vaporized) at home with a rapid subutex taper. Good on me, right? Got to straightening out my life. The entire time I was on dope I was also saving up money (yeah, paradoxical, right? Let's just say I'm really good at poker).
I use my savings to buy a nice Audi A3. Fast as fuck, perfect everything, got a great deal ($6500 for an Audi A3 with 90k miles on it) and was living the high life (without the high part, as far as H goes). But like the dumbfuck I am, I got liability only, because in my 16 years of driving I've never gotten into a single at-fault accident.
Three months later, guess what? I rear end someone because I was looking at my phone and not the road. Stupid. My Audi crumpled like a can and the best I could get out of it was sell it to junkers for $1k.
My roommate wanted to sell her car badly and it was perfect timing, so I offered to buy it from her. The deal went through literally today. On my way back from making the purchase (before I've bought insurance, of course), some douchebag decides he's going to veer from the left turn lane into the straight lane right into where I am with his big Sequoia SUV. My options were: a, let him slam into me, my car will likely flip, and I'll get very injured or b, veer to the right as hard as possible to avoid the collision. I slammed into the curb going 30+ miles an hour and it completely wrecked my front axle.
My dad has cancer and kidney failure requiring dialysis, my parents are getting old and I'm at that age where I'm supposed to be able to help them, but now I'm broke as fuck because even if the insurance company of the at-fault party plays ball and doesn't try anything shady, the best I can expect is they pay me the value of the car and ship it off (so they can repair it and resell it, losing nothing and actually making money off of it).
I understand crashing the Audi was my fault. But why did this need to happen? On my drive back from having bought the new car??? C'mon man. I always tell myself I'm lucky to be where I am, things could be worse, etc. But I've never been in a worse place than I am now.
I have almost no money, I have to pay the IRS next month (I'm self employed), and on top of that I have to pay for a car rental which MAYBE I'll be able to recoup from dickwad driver's insurance company (and if not you can bet I'll take them to small claims). I went from the blissful surge of cracking an H addiction and driving a beautiful, fast luxury sports car, to being broke, carless and in the deepest pit I've ever been in my entire life.
What the fuck, Cosmos? Why are you doing this to me? I'm a kind person to everyone, I never fuck anyone over, I keep my word on all my deals, I go out of my way to help my friends and strangers, and yet I get this.
I can't help my parents like most respectable 31 year old people do, I can't even help myself. And I'm not some stupid fuck either. I don't deserve to be in this place
Edit: I always try to tell myself when things like this happen that "it could be worse - you could be stuck in Syria somewhere, or Somalia, or be a paraplegic, etc. But it's not working right now. I have the fear that as bad as things are, they are likely to get worse really soon with the luck I seem to be having lately.