Yeah I hated that back then, everyone wanting you to make promises you know you're never going to keep
It's hard at college age to see consequences. Like for me--I went to school and was home during the summers and worked during the summers to have spending money. Which once I really started drugs usually went to drugs. But see, that was ok then. I didn't have bills, I didn't have a child to support, I had a roof over my head and all I really had to do was go to school which was pretty easy for me and left me tons of free time to kill by getting high
A lot of college kids do the same. But they do it recreationally--when it's there it's there. If it's not it's not. Then they grow up and move on.
Some though, get the obsession. Fall in love with opiates. For us it's different. It becomes the focus. It's not "if it's there" but "what can I do to find some"--be it other people's medicine cabinets, buying pills, copping dope...at 19 I learned where to go in North Philly for the good dope and never really looked back
You sound like one who has been "bit" by the opiate bug. And quite honestly you sound like me years ago. We aren't like other college kids who can sample and put it down. That's why I've responded to you even though I know once you have that feeling nothing anyone says makes a difference. I had people 10-15-20 years older than me in rehab try and talk sense into me. I was by far the youngest back then--it wasn't like today with young people's rehab and such. I couldn't see far enough down the road to see me ending up like them.
It's very hard to want to stop at your age simply because you won't experience the "losing everything" that drives most people to quit. And while I don't wish it on you, years from now you'll probably look back and have that eureka moment and know what i am trying to say
It progresses fast though. I went from sniffing at 19 to waking up in an ambulance from an OD at 21. (Back when philly had fentanyl cut h in the 90s).
Oxy, heroin, any opiate will take you down. Heroin just tends to do it faster.
But once you start that dance with opiates you fall in love. It will become your best (only) friend, your lover, your family, your hobby, your job, your life. You'll get up thinking of it (how to get some where to get money who to call...), you'll think of it all day. When you're high you'll think how to get the next.
I know the allure, and I know it never ends up good. But...if you can...for as long as you can do your damnedest to not use back to back days. Using heroin is much better when you are not physically dependent. The longer you don't use back to back days, the longer you'll stave off physical dependency. That's about the best you can shoot for now...