I know this is a Book of a Post - but I think it makes some pretty decent points about the different topics that people have been discussing lately in the MXE thread.
I will agree with the Discussion going on now about the different Downsides to long term, or shorter term binge use of MXE. It definitely has it's issues that it can cause - I completely agree with the Bi-Polar statement for the most part. I don't think that MXE actually CAUSES Bi-Polar Disorder - But I do believe that people who naturally already HAVE Bi-Polar Disorder, once they try it - can tend to be drawn into this drug more than your "Normal" Person / Drug User. I'm Bi-Polar myself - and I definitely notice MXE adding to my Manic Episodes, making them last longer, making sleep harder and breeding Insomnia even more. For me tho - this isn't necessarily a bad thing......I tend to be on the WAY more depressive end of things, where I feel like shit about myself and lay in bed for 2 weeks without getting up or barely eating food because I feel so Discouraged about Life, My Future, the TERRIBLE State of the World We ALL Live in.
Thinking about and dwelling on those things isn't healthy behavior. Letting the Depressive side of Manic Depression get the best of you fucking sucks, and is goddamn MISERABLE. To me as a person who's suffered their Entire Life from DEEP bouts with Depression and then finding out in my early 20's that I was Bi-Polar and that it ran in my family.............I've tried at least 10-15 Different Varieties of Medications for Depression and for Bi-Polar, as well as some Meds for Schizophrenia - as sometimes I can get so bad that I start to Hallucinate and have very Delusional Thoughts.
I've spent the last 10+ YEARS of my Life, trying to find some form of Balance - some form of Lifestyle, or Drug, or Supplement, or Vitamin - I AM and WAS SO WILLING to try ANYTHING that would Stop the Pain and Suffering of the Depression, and to stop the Mood Swings, Delusions, and Mania of Bi-Polar. NOT ONE CURRENTLY MADE Anti-Depressant or Bi-Polar Medication is even CLOSE TO ACTUALLY EFFECTIVELY TREATING THE DISEASE in my Opinion - and in my personal life, at least for me, this has been proven. I've tried multiple SSRI's, I've tried multiple SNRI's, I've tried Lithium, I've tried Depakote, I've tried Seroquel - I've been prescribed Benzodiazepines Daily since I was 20, Xanex, Valium, Ativan, Klonopin.............I've been thru the Pill Mill that are, Psychiatrists and Big Pharma - they've got something to supposedly fix everything, but the Side Effects you have to endure to fix the Original Problem end up being even worse. This brings me to why I use MXE - Still after 5 years.
In my Personal Opinion - There is NO BETTER Medication on the Current USA Approved Medications List for Treating Depression, Bi-Polar, and Schizophrenia than Ketamine, Methoxetamine, or Dextromethorphan ( DXM ). DXM has also helped me out of MANY a deep depressive episode long before MXE was first Synthesized, and long before I had regular access to Ketamine. Dissociatives are an AMAZING tool to help those who are Mentally Ill - but the Physical Research, and Scientific Proof of this is JUST NOW starting to be recognized. These Compounds have been shrugged off and looked past for FAR too long. They could Genuinely be the Ticket to help stop the Suffering that is living EVERY DAY of your Life with a Debilitating Mental Disorder - or Multiple Disorders, and Research into these Compounds is finally starting to prove that they have Practical Applications in some people's Daily Lives. To me - Methoxetamine is the Anti-Depressant that I've needed all along, but that was never synthesized or deeply researched because of an Outdated Mindset. Does it cause me issues sometimes - Yes it does. Are they WORSE than what I was dealing with BEFORE I started taking MXE 5 Years Ago - NO. If I could go back and never try MXE, would I? NO. The Difference between a Poison and a Medicine sometimes can be needle thin, and depend on each individual person. A Medication that Cures one Person - can very easily Kill someone else. To me, This is where MXE stands right now. I view it more as something that should be Treated like a Genuine Medicine - not just some party drug. I don't NEED to take 100mgs a day to get ALL of the AMAZING Anti-Depressant, Mood Stabilizing, Go out and Live your Life to the Fullest Joyful Effects that MXE has to offer. Even after 5 years of ABUSE - 5-10mgs of MXE is enough to keep me living an Active Life, Enjoying My Life, Spending Time with my Family, Friends and Loved One's, taking part in all of the Varieties of Art that MAKE My Life WORTH living - and even the tiniest little few mgs of MXE changes ME from a grumpy, lay in bed all day, overly emotional, paranoid, lifetime of depression asshole - Into the Man that I WANT to Be and that I'm PROUD to be.
Sure - I've paid my dues in learning the downsides of Daily MXE use / abuse over the Years I've spent with Methoxetamine in my Life.........But I wouldn't change a thing. This Drug has HELPED my Life, helped me discover who I TRULY am, taken me on Journeys thru the Human Imagination and Mind that you can't even PUT a Price on. Yes, I have had a few crazy days where I was borderline losing my mind from doing too much - but I learned from those experiences and adjusted my Usage accordingly. We as a COLLECTIVE on this Site are teaching each other, and helping each other understand what this drug should be used for, and what it shouldn't be used for - who should be using it, and who may want to pass on this one because they have preexisting conditions that we've found don't vibe all that well with this Compound. Big Pharma isn't interested in Finding a Cure for things like Depression and Bi-Polar Disorder, let alone heavier Mental Disorders like Schizophrenia.........Why would they want to " Cure " something that is one of their HUGEST Money Makers, and that you can manipulatively convince almost anyone that they could possibly have the Disorder. EVERYONE gets Depressed in Life - that doesn't mean all people HAVE Depression.
I just REALLY feel like there is a pretty large chunk of people, especially in the USA who suffer from these debilitating mental disorders - and who don't have QUALITY treatment options to help their Disorders, and on top of that - telling people in your life that you have these disorders can be a very Taboo subject, and I've had friends stop associating with me just because I told them I was Bi-Polar and had dealt with Depression most of my life - It's a part of who of I am and always will be, but that doesn't mean I can't live a normal life just like anyone else. I've had people tell me they were scared of me after I told them I was Bi-Polar. People, even people in this Thread, or on Bluelight in general may not TRULY Understand the full extent of how hard it is to live life in our judgmental society when you have to deal with a Mental Disorder on a daily basis. I find your average person seems to be so under informed or misinformed about these disorders - their general reaction tends to be fear of what they don't understand.
I'm making these statements because they all go into why I personally use MXE, and will continue to use MXE until an equally effective, or better Drug for the issues that make my life extremely difficult to live is Synthesized - because as it stands right now, the medications available for treatment of the mental disorders I mentioned are a straight up JOKE. I've learned to deal with the downsides of MXE - I now know what they are and remain aware of them at all times - I try and use the amount of MXE that I need to feel like a Normal Person and accomplish what needs to be accomplished in my life, without being overly or obviously intoxicated or just " Weird " to the outside world as some people put it. When I compare MXE, to some of the SSRI's I've taken for 60-90 days trying to help my mental stability - to me - there isn't really much difference when it comes to risk versus reward. When I first started taking Lexapro - about 40-45 days into my treatment, I had a really weird day, I didn't feel like myself at all, I was having terrible anxiety, couldn't get it to go away - I tried to commit suicide that day and ended up in the hospital on Psychiatric Hold for 72 hours. That was a Legal Drug, made by Big Pharma, Legally Prescribed to me with the Intent of HELPING ME. Trusting that Doctor and just Blindly taking what he gave me without learning about what the Drug was doing to my Brain, My Body, My Mind etc..........Lexapro almost caused me to Kill Myself. I've been using MXE for 5 years and I haven't tried to, considered, or even had suicidal thoughts about killing myself - and that's the first time in my Entire LIFE I've gone 5 years without trying to Take My Life. I have DEEP Mental Issues, and MXE is all that helps..........From an outside Perspective, which Compound is a Medicine - and which Compound is a Poison? Just because something is LEGAL doesn't make it immediately helpful or GOOD - Just as much as something being Illegal, or in a Legal Grey Area doesn't always make something BAD. I may be Dead today if I kept letting myself be a Guinea Pig for Psychiatrist and Pharmaceutical Companies to try their latest concoction on. Instead, I took the matter into my own hands, did my own research using my knowledge of my own body and mind to try and find a better solution for my Problems - and to me, I did. MXE may not be the perfect fix for my issues - but it's a HELL of a lot better than the life I was living before.
The Reality of Methoxetamine is this - KNOW YOURSELF, know how addictive of a personality you have, know what kinds of drugs you're the most prone to abuse, take the time to take a step back and ask yourself if the Benefits of the Drug your using outweigh the Negatives, take the time to Educate yourself as much as possible about your Drugs of Choice and all of the possible Dangers, Benefits, and everything in Between - So many people just come on here and say........." MXE is Causing me this Problem ", when there have been 50 other posts of Intelligent Bluelight Users who are saying the EXACT same thing as you, and possibly even 2,3, maybe even 4 or 5 years ago - If you choose to dive head first into a still really new compound, and you make the conscious decision to not Educate Yourself about the possible Consequences, whether Physical or Mental of your Decisions..........At some point THE USER needs to take some RESPONSIBILITY for not using all of the Variety of resources that their are on BL and other similar websites about these new and novel Compounds that we're all kind of learning about and getting to Understand Together. Somewhere along the line - People need to accept that THEY made the choice to Use the Drug, and they have no one to blame but themselves. If you know that when you take MXE - all of these negative things start happening in your life, and you still choose to use it - then an Addiction, or at least a Mental or Mild Physical dependence has been formed. YOU, as the User - have to keep track of these things. YOU need to realize that you are personally accountable for the consequences that you're facing. A drug that may Save My Life - May Kill You..........That's the reality of Life. If you're unwilling to accept that as a Drug User - You should quit using them while you're still alive.
MXE didn't MAKE YOU do this or that - It just brought out a part of YOUR Personality, that was there ALL ALONG, that maybe you just never realized was a part of you. I really don't like when people blame drugs for their personal issues. To me, especially in the case of Psychedelics or Dissociatives which tend to have a more " Search for Enlightenment " or " Getting to really know Yourself " vibe - they put you in touch with every aspect of your personality, and I feel like they make you a Complete Person while you're on them. When I'm on Psychedelics or Dissociatives - I feel like I'm a better Human Being, I care more about the things that I SHOULD care about, I think about those around me always instead of just myself and my needs. When I'm on MXE especially, or really any Psychedelic Compound - I feel like the REAL version of Myself, the Best version of Myself. That's why when it comes to MXE - People just need to realize and come to the conclusion for themselves, by being in touch with who they are and how different drugs effect them - So they can make an Educated Decision about whether or not MXE is right for Me. It's DEFINITELY NOT A DRUG FOR EVERYONE. It takes a pretty unique individual to be able to handle the effects of an M-Hole - and it takes a certain kind of Brain / Mind to enjoy / receive the Beneficial Side of MXE. You have to Know Yourself well enough to decide whether this Drug is for You.
If you don't know yourself that well - then maybe you shouldn't try MXE right now. Maybe you should wait until you're a little more in tune with who you are and what you're about, as well as knowing more about your Genetics, as well as Mental Health History. If you don't know these things, you are taking a pretty big jump into the deep end of the pool so to speak. I consider MXE to be a Compound for the more Experienced Psychonaut - Up there with DMT and LSD in the Lessons it can Teach You or help you help Yourself with, It's not for your once a year LSD eater, or your go out to the Club and do some MDMA User - MXE is for those who are suffering from Treatment Resistant Depression, Bi-Polar Disorder, Schizophrenia, and it can also be helpful in small doses with Social Anxiety, as well as Pain Management for those who don't want to use Opiates / Opioids, or who can't use other Stronger Pain Medications. This Compound works well in even 5-15mg daily doses for all of the above disorders that I mentioned - as I personally have been diagnosed with all of them unfortunately, but it does make me a decent resource for what this drug is really all about. If you just want to Party on it and have fun - Don't EVER use it for more than a 1-3 Day MAXIMUM period at a time, and then take a 1-2 week break after a Weekend Bender. This will help you keep your Tolerance down so you keep your ability to Access the Magic that MXE has to Offer, while not doing TOO MUCH to where you're creating an Addictive Cycle.
Last Statement - To those posters who have said things like " When I don't have MXE, I'm super depressed and just wait until I have more to go back to living my Life". How do you know that you didn't have Severe Depression before you ever tried MXE, you've actually secretly been suffering from Depression for your entire Life - but you never even REALIZED it, because you didn't know what it felt like to NOT be Depressed?? Now that you're Depression has finally been lifted, and you've had a taste of what living a Normal, Depression Free Life is Like - who's to say that's not the reason that you feel down when you don't have MXE? If you've had a history of Depression, or Manic Depressive Behavior - this could very well be the case. The 1st time I took MXE reminded me of the 1st time I took DXM, only it was WAY Cleaner - It made me feel like MYSELF. It made me feel like the Man I TRULY am, not the half of a human I feel like when I'm Depressed, or dealing with an Episode. The 1st time I took MXE - It reminded me of what it TRULY MEANS to be ALIVE! MXE can be an AMAZING TOOL, but just like a Scalpel in the Hands of a Skilled Surgeon - versus a Scalpel in Hands of a Butcher..............The Person Using the Tool, matters JUST AS MUCH as the Tool itself. If you don't know yourself, and aren't 100% honest with yourself about your Personality, and Tendency for Addiction - You should just leave this Compound ALONE so you don't RUIN IT for the rest of us who Genuinely NEED it because we've ran out of other options. The facts remain tho, to Me, as of this Date and Time - there just is not a better Anti-Depressant / Mood Stabilizing Drug available, not from a Doctor, not from a Psychiatrist, not from a Drug Dealer. If you don't suffer from any of these issues - you should probably just leave this Drug alone, because there's a Good Chance in my Opinion that if MXE is helping these kinds of Issues in People who already had them - there's a good chance that if you DON'T have any of these issues, it could very well cause them in a Mentally Healthy Individual. Think Before You use this Drug even ONCE. To the right person - It is VERY Addictive, and hard to put down.
I've gotten to where I don't NEED to use it Daily - But I do feel the NEED to be in Possession of at least 500mgs of MXE at all times in my Stash. I may not use it all for a whole week or sometimes 2 even - but just KNOWING that it's there for me when I start to feel down, or start to feel an episode coming on - Just KNOWING that I now have the Tool in my Possession to fix the Problems that I've dealt with my whole life when they decide to show up - That Knowing in itself gives me power over my Issues. I don't even always need to physically take MXE - but the Peace of Mind that it gives me having enough on hand to fix a bad Manic / Depressive Cycle..............That's an Amazing thing to Me - and something that NO DOCTOR has EVER been able to give me. Safe Travels to my Psychonauts - and I Wish Better Mental Health and Happier Days Ahead to all of my Fellow Already Mentally Fucked in the Head MXE / Dissociative Users. Stay Well my Friends and fellow Researchers. I wish you all the best - Mr. Meowfish
