Love, listen to me. Please.
I know how you feel. Not long ago, I was more suicidal than I had EVER been. It was ....different, this time. Everything looked different to me. I saw everything differently. My mind was very dark.
And you know, I'm not gonna lie....it still is, somewhat. I'm still in some of the mess that lead me to feel that way. But, I'm trying.
What stopped me was this: I felt that, if I was SERIOUS about not wanting to go on, KNOWING the incredible PAIN I would cause a small handful of people should I kill myself/die by not caring about my life, I decided that the only right thing to do was to gove it ONE MORE GOOD TRY. A year. I'd give it a year, and try my ASS off like never before first.
And not just for those I'd hurt by willfully dying. Also for ME. Because really, rarely does anyone wanna die for the sake of dying itself. They simply don't wanna live in their present, overwhelming circumstances. But, if things were better, then living would be desired.
I KNOW you have it in you to muster up ALL of your strength ....let it outta those reserves you HAVE even if you think you don't. You DO. FIGHT. FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE MY FRIEND. IT'S WORTH IT.
Please PM me if you need to talk. I get it.
I've done a lot of mental/emotional work...that's the foundation. I have tried my best to be present for myself. To think, to figure out where this and that comes from. Why I do x, y, z....why a, b, c happens to me.
There are many hands here, outstretched to you, ready and willing and happy to care about your life FOR you, in the hopes that you'll see the reasons why reflected back at you.
There is always hope. I know how cliche that sounds. But it's still there. Or you wouldn't have reached out. You wouldn't be scared.
Please, Sweet Soul....stay here with us. I know it's so hard. It's hard for me, too.
But there's a fucking WARRIOR inside of you, just aching to explode out, and FIGHT for your life...YOUR life! Your beautiful, precious life!
I know. I know your life is precious even if you don't. Will you please think about trusting me?
I realize I have no power or control over you, and that you'll do whatever YOU decide to. All I can do is HOPE that you do like me, just make a promise to yourself, that you'll try your ASS off for a year.... that you'll look inside of yourself for the "why", the "what", the "how". That you'll use what you learn inside of yourself, about yourself, to find new ways to think and do things. Your brain, over time, has been rewired to think in this pessimostic way ...you can rewire it AGAIN tp think POSITIVELY & STRONG.
"So long as there is breath in me, that long will I persist. For now I know one of the greatest principles of success - if I persist long enough, I will win."
Please persist.
GET HELP TO STAY SAFE. You don't get to come back from death.
Peace, Strength, Calm, and LOVE to you my friend :-*
Edit:
" I have an education that I was blessed with that landed me jobs to earn considerably large amounts of money,plus I have a side venture going."
You say you screw everything up, but that's quite an accomplishment. I wish I were earning a lot, and even more, I wish I had my own side thing going!!! I'd LOVE to hear your story, how you did it, how you built that up...here or in PM. I'm not patronizing you to be clear; I'm literally trying RIGHT NOW to get into a side venture and could use a little more courage, I think!
Anyway, would love to chat and hear your story.
Peace.
