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April Getting/Staying Sober and/or Clean vs Not Fooling Around.

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Taper is going ok today. I am still on track but really feel bored and want to pop a pill. I have about 5 and 1/2 hours until my next dose. It's Friday night and I want to feel good not bored. But, I am determined to stay with my plan, just for today. Tomorrow, well, I can re-consider then, but I will not use extra today.
 
POkemana,
that's impressive. nice work.

almost used today but got myself out of the house and seem of have dodged it. that makes 3 weeks clean today. glad for that, of course. but worried about making it through the weekend.
 
wanting said:
Verri: How are you doing? I think of you every day.
Click to expand...

I am doing okay... working on getting better... My bf goes back to rehab on the 27th so. I'm making a point to myself to be really serous about this again....
I mean I am serious but I've become weak in the past two weeks.. BUT now that I have a new job, things should be looking up and getting better. My cat had her second litter today! 4 kittens :) So that's one more thing off my chest. I was worried that the kittens wouldn't be ready to go by the time our lease is up. We are moving out at the end of June, and I have nowhere to go, and no rent money for May... ugh yeah I don't need to do the life story thing again lol I've mentioned a few times that im stressing about moving and finding somewhere for my cats to go... and getting them fixed. *sigh*
I guess I just needed the stress relief..... such bullshit, addiction making excuses to use again. I should be finding healthy ways to release stress. I think by May I really will have cleaned up my act. I'm really working on it.

Aside from all that rubbish, I'm glad to have found a new job, even though it's only part time minimum wage. :D
My boss is super chill and the job is way too easy. It's just at a laundromat lol.

Anywhooooo I hope all you lovely people have a great weekend. I'm sure I'll be posting tomorrow anyway so yeah.

Peace BL :)
 
fuck, i'm am craving *so bad* right now. i feel like i've already done it (caved), it's so real. been building up for days, and now the full weight of it is on me.

...well, there's an NA meeting in like an hour. i can make it till then. that's the current goal. t-minus 72 minutes.
 
I made it through Friday night without going off my taper plan.. a miracle, if you ask me. So far today I am on track. I attended a meetup with some great people this morning and that helped distract me. I have the rest of Saturday free and no pills for about 9 hours ( just took my scheduled dose a little bit ago). Maybe I will fall asleep, take a nap, to pass the time. I really need to walk but don't feel motivated to do so. I just really want to stay tapering... this is frustrating as hell, but so much better than cold turkey, from what I recall of that nightmarish week. ( My brain tries to block that experience out.)
 
Still have 5 and a half months clean off bupe

Still sick (cold I presume)

Very depressed. I hate myself.
 
3 weeks and one day clean from phenethylamines and tryptamines. And before that relapse I had 5 months. Also taking a break from weed so that I can pass a drug test for the carpenters' union entry. I've been craving MDMA and MDA and meth a lot lately, even went so far as to look on the dark net for good deals on the stuff. I just had a feeling that I'll get back into it someday, but then I had a talk with my dad about it and he helped me realize that my life would be much better, simply put, if I don't use those drugs ever again... For so many reasons I lost track of them all. A loving relationship with a beautiful girl is what I'd much rather have than a bag of MDMA, and beautiful girls don't want to be with a broke psychotic unstable depressed rolling druggie, so I better stay clean. I got a pretty girl's number today and she said we can go on a dog play date soon (she pet my dog that's how i met her lol) so things are looking up for me :)
 
simco said:
fuck, i'm am craving *so bad* right now. i feel like i've already done it (caved), it's so real. been building up for days, and now the full weight of it is on me.

...well, there's an NA meeting in like an hour. i can make it till then. that's the current goal. t-minus 72 minutes.
Click to expand...

I remember going to 2-3 meetings a day my first two months. I wasn't working so I was able to just do it. It works.

Been so busy that I haven't been able to hit up as many meetings as usual and I can really tell the difference. Things will settle in a week or two so I will be able to get back on my routine.

Going to the gym (again, I am probably exercising too much again but oh well) and then to visit my GF who is in treatment for a relapse. She is doing great though! Huge difference. The place she went too is more focused on the mental health aspect then the substance abuse stuff which is what she needed.
 
Made it thru another weekend clean ;)
I think in getting a little better with the cravings
I must admit that I started smoking bud more often but I'm cool with that
I know that cravings come in waves so I'm gonna enjoy it for now till they come back in force
Overall I'm doin pretty well I'm still having a issue with a crazy appetite I've gained 20 pounds in the past 2 and a half months
I gotta start hitting the gym more often my friend paid for my membership at ufc gym so I will start going this week
Have a great week everyone!
I figured I'd add to this post then make a new one
So I have a dilemma I really can't take another day at this job
There are many reasons why I hate this job and even tho I've stuck it out for two months I can't do it no longer
This job is making me hate life but at the same time I'm gonna disappoint a bunch of people that will probably think I'm a quitter but at least I tried
I can't take not having a life cuz of this job
I can't take the routine of waking up work then home to sleep
If I was making a ton of money then fine I'd look at it like a sacrifice to save up money
But I Make shit pay and my life currently revolves around this
I know the right thing to do is to find a different job first before I quit but I don't have any time to myself to do that
I'm quitting no matter what I made the decision I just hope I'm doing the right thing and that God will provide
 
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I don't know if anyone took the time to read my rambling post explaining my situation but day 15 here.

15 days off kratom and probably 25 or so days since I last smoked pot. (you'll have to refer to my long post earlier in the thread to fully understand my situation and the leach I am.

Been open with my parents about it (perhaps too open) and now they are concerned and want me to go to some kind of a daily meeting (though they didn't say it has to be a 12 step) and they don't want any substances in the house. Feeling like the piece of shit I am/was just for the fact that I haven't gotten rid of the little bit of weed and kratom I have and probably won't even if that means lying but whatever it takes to get along peacefully I will do even if that means lying. I don't want to be kicked out.

15 days and been away from home for most of those days. Very sleep deprived even after taking a nap..been living in my car for 2 weeks and although the road trip was successful I lost my main source of income and I'm feeling like the leach I am. My friend just hit me up saying "happy holidaze bruh"... somebody please shoot me
 
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Got a week off opiates/benzos/drink again yeah. First signs of some cravings today but nothing serious.

If you are seriously trying to get clean some sort of meeting might be useful for you, don't discount it from the get go. Why are you keeping smoke/kratom around if you are trying to stop using them? Anything yu keep around will end up getting used I can pretty much garuntee that.
 
Hey guys,
Checking in to wish everyone a safe 24.

I'm on Day 2. A really good time for me to be broke, cause I gotta get back on track on the quitting game.
hopefully im not gonna get much wds again. that relapse lasted longer than i thought >.<
I already had trouble sleeping last night...
 
totach: It will be the best decision you've ever made, next to getting sober of course.

Cat: Fantastic! The first week is the toughest. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Verri: Much love
 
Welcome to anyone new to posting on this thread :DCATINHAT: Congrats on a week. I have been watching Intervention, again, today. I was able to catch the newest episode, as I was at a house with On Demand. Addiction is such a bitch, and it doesn't even matter which is our "drug of choice". I couldn't even believe the episode I watched was a 30 year old and alcohol was just kickin his ass. I used to think alcohol doesn't get us until we are around 45 years old, or older, I was so wrong. My taper is going ok, considering the tremendous amount of will power I am using to control my intake of oxy's. I am about a pill or at the most, 2 behind where I want to be. However, considering I have about 40 left, that rocks!! Usually, by this time of the month, in terms of being about to get my next refill appt with my doctor, I would be lucky to have 12 left... just enough stave off physical w/d's. I have to stay right in today, as I noticed if I get ahead of myself, I then stumble. I could go through the ones I have left in 3 days or less.
 
Thanks for the posotive vibes and not telling me i did something wrong its very encouraging to be told i did the right thing
So i had a really good day today i started by going to the city and hitting the gym
Then i went to my dads business and said hi to some people by the way me and my dad havent spoken in almost two years but i made sure he wasnt there before i went
Then i went to a meeting the first one i bin to in over a year i think
The meeting was a really good one im so glad i went
And now i just got home after chilling with some friends
Overall i had a really good day which im grateful for orelse i probably woulda bin thinking to myself what a idiot i am for quitting
But i know i did the right thing.and today was proof
I will enjoy this week and start seriously looking for a job next week
If i dont find one then i can work for my friend as a locksmith and make good money but i dont really wanna do that but i will if i dont find a job quick
Im sorry i dont post evreyday but i read this thread probably ten times a day to see your updates and im so happy evreyone seems to be doing so well keep up the good work evreyone ;)
 
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