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The Suicide Support Thread

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i've come to realize i'm not really much of a suicidal person but when i'm in withdrawal like i am right now i am i wonder how much of my mental anguish is directly related to my drug abuse
 
The world doesn't fall asleep when you close you're eyes, does it? -memento.

I think tonight it wil for w me ,em.
 
shit i'm so lucky my dad gets his xanax tomorrow and him being the generous man he is at least to me anyway is letting me borrow a few just to get over the withdrawals
 
synthetix said:
Well, I've had a lot of memories, good but mostly bad but tonight there's some sort of electricity in the air for me. I'm not sure what it is. I'm so depressed, miserable and lonely deep down. Maybe tonight ill close my eyes and the world will fall asleep with me too.
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I've been having that feeling a lot lately. I still feel like that but I'm determined to keep trying. Since my last attempt I have gained a little more courage to push forward. Still depressed though. A few nights ago I really didn't expect to wake up. I was on an easily lethal combo of hydrocodone, valium, and lots of alcohol consumed quickly. Liver hurt in the morning, got up to pee. I was pretty disappointed actually. I had this plan to sleep outside but the weather is a little too warm for that to work now unfortunately. waiting for one of those arctic cold fronts... I might have passed up all my chances :(
 
SE, suicide isn't a good way to go out. There are people who care for you and love you, and would be devastated if you left them. While I'm selfish and selfless myself, I wish nobody to inflict the pain of suicide on anyone else. I've felt it twice and oh I think it will never leave me.

You need to get more active! Step outside! Make decisions outside of your front door, not inside. Put your shoes on and go for a walk. Anything. Be creative and go dancing, learn a new sport or take up a hobby like airplane building (this all sounds lame, but it's actually really rewarding!)
 
Pagey said:
Please hang on with us glitter <3 I know it seems pointless sometimes but it's the little moments that are really worth hanging on for. What's got you feeling like this?
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everything lately, realy. i mean fuck it, i went through at least a 1/5th of vodka yestertday then did an issue of chiva. it must of been some real weak shit. its pretty sad when you hope for a od.
 
3 days after my 22nd bday and over a year clean and yet I want to end it all. life has been filled with so many empty promises and fickle people, but I know one thing is for sure: death will be a relief to me. at least if I were to end it now I will die clean. I don't know if I really wanna go through with it, but still, the thoughts and fantasies are there.
I feel empty inside, even though I've only been feeling this way for a couple days it feels like an eternity. reminds me of the feeling after heavy mdma abuse. its sunny and warmer outside yet all I wanna do is stay inside, or jump off the bridge into the cold Mississippi. oddly using and OD'ing isn't the route I want to go though I'm sure it'll be more peaceful. I'm part of the no matter what club, but I didn't promise I would live until death by natural causes. I feel I've done my job here in TDS, I've served whom I needed to in NA, and experienced all there is aside from marriage and having a child. there is nothing of myself left to give.
how poetic my lows can be sometimes. bipolar? maybe. who knows. my life of excitement in the dope scene has come to a close and now life seems so bland. the eternal sleep seems so inviting, maybe it'll be like an endless nod, at least I can hope for that. tomorrow will be better hopefully. I gotta chair a meeting tonight so I know ill make it to at least 1030 tonight. I don't Want sympathy, I don't want any consoling, I just needed to get that out before it drives me more mad than it already has. I can't cry, I can't smile, complete apathy mixed with depression. maybe its time to start this forth step...
 
^ The 4th step is the one I've always heard as the "gigantic weight that was lifted off." Of course with that means that it's going to be daunting and require a lot work. But throw yourself in head-first, and after that, it's about building the new Sero from the bottom-up. You've got a close NA family down there. Accept their help in this, and once you get past Step 4 and move on, I'm sure you'll feel tons better.

It's also just the middle-of-winter blues. I have it too right now. I'm going out tonight to see a good friend's band play, and will be seeing other people I haven't seen in a long time tonight, but I just don't feel all that excited to go. Then again, I could be going off to start any lifelong fantasy tonight and I don't think I'd be that excited. I'm just kinda empty right now, and I think this cold and dark part of the year explains a lot of it. But ya, dude if you were over here, you'd come out with me and my people tonight and have a great time. I'm sure a lot of other BLers would invite you out tonight on whatever it is that they are getting up to. You've got a lot of people, maybe not just a lot of them in the same geographical location (outside of your NA group I mean).

Happy late birthday. Spoil yourself with a good meal. I know you follow a strict diet, but go out tonight and devour a pizza or a plate of wings. I am killing some yogurt right now :D.
 
thanks RL. yeah I wish I lived closer to other bluelighters so I could spend time with for some fun. if I had the money I'd hit the strip club with some recovering addicts. sucks being poor in recovery lol.
 
how much heroin to overdose?

Hi, so for a few months now i've been considering suicide. After talking with my ex girlfriend of five years tonight and seeing how utterly worthless I was to her, I've decided to go through with it. I have thought about it, and I know I'm not going to find another like her.

But anyway, that's not the point of this thread. I think OD'ing on heroin would be an amazing way to go. I've only smoked it once, and was wondering how much someone with no tolerance would need to inject in order to guarantee death. Also is injecting the best method to OD? I would assume so.

I live in the UK and H might have different purities elsewhere so I put this thread here. Sorry if this thread seems a little weird, but i've made my descion.
 
You can't guarantee death any more than you can guarantee not ending up with severe brain damage.

This too shall pass, make some hot chocolate or cammomile tea, stop torturing yourself, get some sleep and post again in the morning. The Dark Side & SLR are really supportive forums, you're not alone in feeling like this, 1000's who pass through BL do and come out the other side and have a lot of experience and knowledge to share. You are really not alone at all <3
 
You have not made your decision or you wouldn't be alive now. You need to talk to somebody who will listen. You don't need advice on how much scag will kill you cos it's hardly a difficult question to answer. Please listen to b&w. Plenty peeps will listen to your issues and can help. Truly. Us EADD folk can try but you may also find the forums b&w mentioned to be of more help in your specific situation. Main point being to talk to people not take action any time soon. You've a lifetime to die. No need to rush it <3
 
We will not help you commit suicide. I will not suggest an amount of heroin for you to take. In the end it's your choice on whether you kill yourself or not, but I hope and pray that you don't. Times like these shall pass and I know that sounds cliche but its true... I've been suicidal before and if anyone said that to me I would be like shut the fuck up. That's not true.... blah blah blah. I guess because I was in that phase that life has gone to complete hell and there's no point in trying anymore. Luckily I never did go through with it but there are ome days I still think about it.

Then I think about how sad my loved ones would be.... and then I think about the life I could have in the future. A life I would never be able to experience if I kill myself. Other than that I say why do it? If I want to kill myself I mine as well drop out of school, quit my job and travel the world.... maybe even go to the beach. I could be homeless and enjoying life... it still would be better than just killing myself. Why kill yourself over life pressures that you can just say fuck you to and then leave.... and go do what makes you happy.

I just hope you change your mind!! Pm me if you want someone to talk to <3
 
I hope you feel better today Serotonin. You do so much good on this forum and from our conversations you seem like such a wonderful guy in general, it would be punishing the world for you to leave.
 
Smokin one for you Serotonin, in solidarity. No hugs, no hairpats, just understanding.
 
when the love of my life ditched me at my weakest and lowest point i stood on train tracks and waited none were coming so i walked back down the tracks home i was so drunk i didnt hear anythung till this loud horn i turned around and it was mb 40 feet behind me i dived out of way and it bailed passed glad i didnt follow thru glad i did she was a selfish cunt not worth it.
my grandad was a train driver all his life in the 80's a six year old girl wandered out of her family home where a wake was going on and climbed under the railings onto the tracks my grandad only saw her but was too late to completely stop he applied full brakes in sheer horror the gitl froze but was too close when he stopped she went under the front of train when he jumped out of the cab he found her alive with just a nasty cut and bruise on her head she was taken to hospital but discharged after 1 day.
he went home and puked his ring nearly had a breakdown.
it was in the cork newspaper about this event and her miricle escape im sure it haunted him till the day he died.
there was other incidents where someone lay on tracks and all he saw was what he thought was a black bag when he ran over them going 80mph.
shitty thing to do no regard for him or the victims family plus gory as fuck euuuuu cancel that one makes me nauseous
 
thanks guys and gals. I'm doing better today. spent a lot of time with a good friend of mine in NA. went to a recovering addicts house last night and hung out with a group of us and hopped in the hot tub for a couple hours. I love my friends and all my TDS family.
 
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