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Zen Thoughts/Life's Rules (merged)

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LOL!!!!!! Nice one.
31(b)... It's always good to have friends who have a habit of (see 31a). You'll spend a lot less money on cigarettes.
;)
 
"never do card tricks for the people you play poker with"
if at first you dont succeed, so much for skydiving
 
32. Take comfort in the fact that no matter how big of a jagoff you think that you are, there is always someone out there who can top even your self-centered exploits.
33. Don't let your girlfriend shave your ass while drunk. No matter how "hot" she says you'll look.
 
35. If you can't grow it, don't smoke it.
36. P.L.U.R.
37. What goes around comes around.
38. Back to acid, back to speed, back to smokin that bad ass weed.
39. If someone ever says that they love you, never say " no, you don't "
40. Always tell your loved ones you love them before hanging up the phone, you never know what might happen next.
41. Don't stress over the small things in life.
42. You can't turn a hoe into a housewife.
43. Once a player, always a player. ( in most cases )
44. Never say something about someone, that you wouldn't say to their face.
45. Tis' better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
46. Always treat people, as you would have them treat you.
 
I always loved that 70's bumper sticker you'd find on old conversion vans: "No ass no gas no grass - Nobody rides for free!"
 
wow, reminders of the past!

47. "Sometimes everybody cries. Everybody hurts.... sometimes.

So hold on."
 
48. "lifes like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get."
49. Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.
50. "be excellent to each other" (bill and ted).
 
This thread was a great way to start my Friday morning, thanks guys!

51. The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.

52. Your handshake is your word (something I've always believed very strongly!).

53. Nothing is more important than this day.
 
Zen-type thoughts for the day

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.. Do not
walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not
walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me
the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken
fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going
to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time
to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't
getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing
a couple of car payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile
in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him
how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it! .

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything..

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot
of that comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in
half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a
dark side, and it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
your lips are moving..

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it.

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped
on our ass...Then things get worse.

26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.

27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to
take it too seriously.

29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting
other people to make a big deal about your birthday...
around age 11.

30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
 
Well, im glad they were enjoyed. Feel free to add some more!


31. A ship in the harbour is safe, but thats not what ships are for

32. Society is no comfort to one not sociable

33. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get

34. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten

35. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before

36. Anybody can quit smoking. It takes a real man to fight lung cancer

37. If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie

38. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity

39. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.

40. Lifes short and hard: like a body-building elf
 
41. Never marry for sex. Marrying for sex is like buying a 747 for the peanuts.
 
42. "trust can either kill you, or set you free..."
43. "life without a friend is death without a witness..."
44. "respect is not commanded through fear, it is earned through compassion..."
45. "work like you don't need the money, love like you can't get hurt, dance like nobody is watching..."
46. "life ends, but love never dies..."
47. "the worst prison would be a closed heart."
48. "i'm forever caught between childhood's innocence, and adulthood's disillusionment."
49. "wait until you find the real thing...don't settle for something fake."
50. "what you keep to yourself, you lose. what you give away, you'll keep forever."
51. "here i was born, and here i die. do not take me for i am pure, and that belongs to me."
52. "i'd rather live one moment in pure joy than live a lifetime of nothing special..."
53. "is it better to live in shallow happiness, or with pain and understanding and pain?...the only way to live fully is with pain and understanding; with truth."
54. "an eternity held us together, but the world kept us apart."
 
55. you can beat an egg, but you cant beat-a-root.

56. woman. cant live with em' cant kill em'. (sorry ladies).
 
57. "don't have one for the road, because the road is already layed out..."
58. "never offer to donate someone else's blood..."
59. "the finer things in life are always taxed..."
60. "the stronger the man, the greater the need for deodorant..."
 
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