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You know, son; A Mothers Advice

@MsDiz said:

Believe it or not, the human boy who grew into a CD, was brought up by a pacifist mother (she taught me to fight with bigger words, didn't work out did it ;)). I also started Kindergarten when I was 4, and I have a feeling even if I were the same age as the other kids I would have still been the runt. Needless to say, physical violence and bullying were part and parcel in my childhood years. Fortunately a stepfather came along who enrolled me in martial arts, and I learned a type of self respect that I still rely on to keep from being taken advantage of. I hope your son has his own way of establishing that. Even now, I am vulnerable. My last plug played at being my best friend for awhile, now he owes me $2800 that I will never see again.
I am very aware of my sons need to be fit to respond to bullies. He’s nearly 12 and he’s the most popular child in his year and he always has been popular during his primary school years. He just has that type of personality, bullies don’t bother him, he softens them actually. I am just worried about when he becomes an adult, we all know the reality of being an adult. However, I have thought about this extensively and I talk to him and prepare him every day.

My son doesn’t need to learn to fight to garner respect from people.

I’m also not a pacifist at all. I’m actually a pretty staunch republican. I’m very proudly Irish. I want to see an All Ireland before I die and I will fight for it with my Irish brothers and sisters.

I’m a stern boss at work, I don’t tolerate idiots, you are shown something once and you’d better listen and learn because I won’t be showing you again. I have the best team in the entire lab and it’s because I expect the best and push for it.

So... I’m not a push over, far from it. My son witnesses everyday how I work and deal with people. Will that sink in? Most likely, but he’s still gonna have his good nature.
 
I am very aware of my sons need to be fit to respond to bullies. He’s nearly 12 and he’s the most popular child in his year and he always has been popular during his primary school years. He just has that type of personality, bullies don’t bother him, he softens them actually. I am just worried about when he becomes an adult, we all know the reality of being an adult. However, I have thought about this extensively and I talk to him and prepare him every day.

My son doesn’t need to learn to fight to garner respect from people.

I’m also not a pacifist at all. I’m actually a pretty staunch republican. I’m very proudly Irish. I want to see an All Ireland before I die and I will fight for it with my Irish brothers and sisters.

I’m a stern boss at work, I don’t tolerate idiots, you are shown something once and you’d better listen and learn because I won’t be showing you again. I have the best team in the entire lab and it’s because I expect the best and push for it.

So... I’m not a push over, far from it. My son witnesses everyday how I work and deal with people. Will that sink in? Most likely, but he’s still gonna have his good nature.
Thank you for not putting words in my mouth, I was careful not to impugn your parenting, to finger you a pacifist, or say your son needs to learn to fight. I am glad you have it all well at hand, as it sounds like you do. I soften bullies too. I might even soften you somehow.
 
Thank you for not putting words in my mouth, I was careful not to impugn your parenting, to finger you a pacifist, or say your son needs to learn to fight. I am glad you have it all well at hand, as it sounds like you do. I soften bullies too. I might even soften you somehow.
Hahahahaha.... doubtful, very doubtful.
 
Honestly, I believe violence breeds violence. It’s funny actually, my son and I were talking about this in the car. He asked why a few kids (who live near us and play with him and his friends) punch and kick and fight a lot. I explained it’s because their mother beats them, which is true. I told him what I said above, violence breeds violence. I told him to be patient with them because it’s not easy for them to be treated so harshly.

I have never once hit my son, all his discipline has been naughty step when he was younger then one was no bedtime story, then it moved on to access to toys and now of course it’s his phone/Xbox. He’s by no means a perfect child, he’s currently lost his Xbox and is reading tonight. He won’t do it again though.

My son has one of the sweetest personalities, he’s so sensitive and takes into account others feelings a lot. He’s gonna be the good guy when he grows up. I worry about that a lot, how people will take advantage of his good nature. I am preparing him though, we talk daily about morals and how people treat other people. Most of all though, I tell him to just be himself because like I’ve said before, he is something special, his views on things, his caring nature. He’s probably a lot more of his father than he is me tbh.

+1
You sound like a wonderful mother, MsDiz. Your son is lucky to have you.

I was never really violent, but I was told like a dogma that if somebody wants to hurt me, and attacks me, hurt them worse.
But if I ever started a fight, she'd slap me silly.
I was also very shy, very quiet. I put alot of peoples needs before my own for a long time, because I didn't know how to be
assertive.

I am very aware of my sons need to be fit to respond to bullies. He’s nearly 12 and he’s the most popular child in his year and he always has been popular during his primary school years. He just has that type of personality, bullies don’t bother him, he softens them actually. I am just worried about when he becomes an adult, we all know the reality of being an adult. However, I have thought about this extensively and I talk to him and prepare him every day.

It's funny, I had the same effect on bullies. Even though I hated them, they wanted to be my buddy.

My son doesn’t need to learn to fight to garner respect from people.

No, and neither should he ever. But I don't think I know a single guy who hasn't been called up to fight by braindead-spastics.
And it that case, being a good person doesn't help you, if that spastic has mind his mind up.
It's fucking awful. Violence is horrific, on both ends. Inflicting it, can at first be as traumatizing as receiving it.

And yes, your behaviour sinks in. And you sound like a fantastic role-model. :)

So keep up the good work, we need more boys that talks instead of fight.
 
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