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Opioids Why don't I care that I'm killing myself, ruining my life and hurting my family?

Elvis'LittleHelper

Elvis'LittleHelper

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 18, 2015
Messages
39
Over a couple of years I've had a huge addiction to codeine by taking nurofenplus. It got to the point where I was taking 64 tablets a day. Obviously with such large amounts of ibuprofen I developed an ulcer which turned into a bleeding ulcer. On the 9th Dec the ulcer burst and perforated my stomach. I had to get an emergency operation and was in intensive care for 5 days. My family, who had help me lots of times during previous withdrawals, were extremely worried but were optimistic at the fact this may be my turning point and may give me the motivation to stay away from N+.

A couple weeks later I had really bad cravings and could not stop thinking about it and glorifying my past use. The thought of taking pills made me feel nervous and excited and every time I told myself 'NO!' I felt sad and disappointed less than a month since my operation I gave in and relapsed. Fast forward to now and I'm using everyday and taking 32 tablets, sometimes more. I don't get high anymore. I occasionally get a sore stomach but it feels fine I take omeprazole which helps and don't take any pills on an empty stomach

my family have found out and are at their wits end as I can never stay clean more than 2/3 weeks.

I guess i love taking codeine too much to stop. My family and I don't understand why I'm willing to risk my health. I have no life and because I work with my family's business so at the point where I could lose my job.

They have worked out the fact that I don't want to stop. I want to want to stop but can't imagine life without it. I'm only 20 years old but been abusing opiates since I was 15. I had a seizure from tramadol addiction when j was 16

also quickly ill summarise my family life.
'My dad was an alcoholic and growing up I saw him climb out windows, beg, vomit, lie, steal etc. My mum threw him out when I was 14, his mum and dad became aggressive and horrible to my mum who then had a breakdown. My dad died when I just turned 16 and my mum became a completely different person. Also I moved out into my grandparents as my mum and I didn't get on.they asked me to leave exactly a year ago due to my addiction and now I'm back home with my mum now sleeping in the livingroom.

Please help me.
 
Hey Elvis'littlehelper,

First, I want to say sorry for the crap you have gone through man. I know life can be hard and kick your ass at times, but it can get better.

So, let's talk pills. The amount your are taking is crazy and could have permanent consequences on your body. You obviously know this already so you don't need a lecture from some random guy on the Internet.

I am not a doctor, but if I had to guess you were going through PAWS(Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome) after you had quit the first time. A lot of people think that once they are through withdrawal they are good to go, yet PAWS can effect a person for months and sometimes years. It can make staying off opiates soo hard.

You wonder why staying off is so hard, but you have formed a nasty habit and it can be hard to break. One of the hardest things to do in life. Keep trying brother and don't give up.

I hear buprenorphine works really well for people. It can stop cravings and makes abusing narcotics very hard. It is a dangerous drug in its' own right; with abuse potential and can be habit forming. It can also cause some bad withdrawal when people get off it.

I hope you get straight. At 20 years old you have a long time to go, and being addicted to narcotics your whole life will not be a good thing. You are on a dangerous path my friend; I think you know this, and are trying. You just have to keep your head up, and do your best. Find a support system that works for you and stick with it. A lot of us love opiates and have been where you are so you are not alone in this.

Check in and let people know how you are doing. We do care and want good things for our fellow bluelighters.

Sry for any typos. I am on my phone lol.

I hope things get better!
 
If you continue to use those pills for harm reduction , can't you do a cold water extraction on codeine pills? I hope you have stopped again dude, the life of opiate addiction is not a good one at all, it gets worse and worse until you are in prison or dead. Trust me bro, if you can stop again get all the support you can, you're going to need it, opiate addiction has been the center and most hardest thing to fight in my 33 years on this earth, I still can't manage it. But I found doing all the programs you can and surrounding yourself with sober support is going to be your weapon against it. Don't give up and throw your life in the trash like I did.

I won't go on and on about that I'm sure you've heard the whole spiel about it many times. But if you continue to use those pills , look into Cold Water Extraction, there's threads here that tell you how to do it step by step so you can separate the aspirin or ibuprofen from the codeine and not put such strain on y
our liver and stomach.

Be safe man, and I hope you could put this lifestyle behind you, because it can get shrewd and brutal. Good luck man.
 
why cant you just use kratom, cwe or poppy seed tea? we are a whole forum full of drug addicts here and yet somehow the vast majority of us find ways to get high without giving ourselves ulcers. why cant you do the same?
 
Im not sure PST is really great advice. Some, not me though, may argue kratom as well. But yes to CWE.
 
Ok you might be addicted to opiods but that doesn't seem to be the main problem here.
The problem is that you didn't bother to research the most basic stuff about the drugs you're taking. What's done is done but please, now that you're here, use the search engine (or a quick google search) and learn to do a cold water extraction.

Also I don't know how many milligrams of codeine are in those pills, but codeine has a ceiling dose, there's no need to take grams of the stuff, you're just wasting it and hurting yourself from all the other crap. Same with tramadol, over 400mg is seizure territory.
 
Thanks for all your suggestions. I've tried CWE many times and whatever I've used to filter never had a clear solution, not even slightly!

Ive soaked kitchen roll, coffee filters, t shirts, shirts and it's never worked!

I've bought Kratom and it came as a powder so found it hard to digest.

Never thought about poppy seed tea - I'd ask you guys about it, but I may as well use the search engine about it.

If I went back to my docs, who's sent an urgent referral to a mental health therapist, and I asked for something for cravings would Bupe be what's most likely offered? I really have no idea. I don't want to take codeine but the cravings are too strong so would try anything.

Thanks guys
 
Search for CWE too my friend. Lots of good info and if I remember there is discussion on ibuprofen vs paracetamol when performing the extraction.

PST is next to impossible to know the dose or even the drugs you are taking. Ive seen my best friend, no stranger to opioids and a large, healthy male, nearly stumble then nearly pass out, have no idea what words were either going in his ear nor coming out his mouth, and swallow his chewing tobacco from it. And people have died from it as well.

I imagine bupe would be high on the list of things offered but even codeine may be a choice. Codeine on its own with a strict taper schedule could work and while I do not know the climate of such things in Scotland, is at least feasible.
 
Traumas are unfortunately a trigger for so many of us with drug issues.

The number one priority for you is to consume less ibuprofen. Cwe for ibuprofen is different than for paracetamol i believe?
If that isnt the case, you need to find something else quick. Swapping a dependancy iwnt exactly wise, however in your case, i would real quick.
Given your age and apparent research experiences, perhaps try dxm?

Whatever you do, it needs to be consuming less or no nurofen plus and an alternative escape reality solution is probably quickest.

However, i strongly urge you to consider counseling, physiologists and other mental health care services to start working through this.
Good luck
 
Brilliant advice guys. I believe ibuprofen is harder to filter out than paracetamol so if I was to CWE I'd just buy cheap co-codamol as I'm paying a fortune for N+

Dxm is something I've never tried so guess I could look into that!
Of course swapping drugs isn't good but it's better than killing my self with ibuprofen.

My problem is, is that I can't stay clean - and for all I hate feeling this way, I guess I'm not ready to quit, even after killing myself. Thanks a lot guys.
 
Been looking online and don't think DXM is very available in the U.K. Also many pharmacies know me and it may be suspicious if one day I'm buying codeine and then a few weeks later I'm buying over the counter cough syrup.
 
One time i bought 50 bottle of dxm what do they care. Its not pseudoephrine where possibly going to cause damage pollution fires and possibly introduce meth to the population
 
* Though i dont see what point it will do youll probrably end up depressed drinking a bottle to feel something even if it is dizzy and confused to distract yourself from cripplying depression
 
DXM helped a little bit for me when I got off opium. The withdrawals etc sucked like voluntary going through a quadruple flu but if you are a bit committed that can be survived with someone keeping an eye out for a little while. As others said the PAWS that comes later can be horrible and takes quite a bit longer. For me opium was a problem because I was going through tough shit too, but after I got at least just some stability of living, the main problem was fulfilment. It is hard to feel fulfilment out of ordinary things, but that is actually your goal I would argue.

So you need a plan, something that is interesting and worth coming out of bed for. Then you have a better chance of surviving a couple of months while you teach your body and mind to get satisfied by normal things again. Sorry to say but I think without working hard on that part, it's a bit hopeless. But the good part is that it's really not hopeless if you follow such a plan.

Unfortunately not everybody finds it as easy to pick up new interests. By the way when going through PAWS you should exercize regularly even though it's shitty - it is a very good way to make your willpower stronger again and you can get a 'runners high' now and then. I think it can depend quite a bit on the support you can get from others to help keeping you floating when you have particularly bad days or moments, and how good of a plan you have and how good you see it through.

When you're still in a 'pit' like that, getting 'satisfaction' from narcotics etc IMO you are numb and it is hard to really care about anything. In my experience the outlook is so skewed that you cannot really weigh the value of things like getting fulfilment out of normal interests, or imagine how things were before or especially how they may be better.

You should focus on a plan like that, but as long as you're still using, absolutely get an extraction sorted - use guidance from the forum to figure out what you're doing wrong by going over it step by step. Switching to co-codamol and doing a proper CWE seems like the way to go, for now...

Poppy seed will likely get you hooked so much harder IMO...
 
that's a pretty dark place you've ended up in man.

when i was 23 i OD'd (heroin) and ended up in a coma for around a week
i spent something like four months in hospital, two of those in bed paralyzed and delusional from aspirated pneumonia, had to learn how to walk again and nearly destroyed my family and friends in the process.
as soon as i got out of hospital i went straight back to the life i was leading before i ended up hospitalized; same town, same routine, same friends etc etc same everything

i relapsed sooo quickly. regardless of those four months of pure, distilled nightmare - i just didnt care.
and it wasn't until my family sent me from London to live with my grandmother in france that i started to seriously consider my situation.

a change of place really gave me that fresh perspective that i needed to make an actual change in my life - and i know not everyone can just hop over to another country but what i'm getting at is you can't break this shitty cycle if you're just trapped in the same places, situations and people that you were in when you started your addiction.
and i'm not saying i'm sober now - staying clean is hard af, i'm high right now - i use, but i'm not physically addicted, and, more importantly, i'm not a danger to myself
i've got demons to deal with but i'm working my way towards recovery and hopefuly one day will be strong enough to get off and stay off, but theres no way i would have been able to even get this far if i didn't leave the place that started my addiction.

tl;dr change of scenery will probs save your life
 
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